Escape Of The Fingers

The audience files in, and sits down.

Hedley and his mother are in the first row.

I wish I was in it, like last year, says Hedley.

Never mind, says Hedley's mother. You're probably too big now.

The stage darkens, And Vello comes on.

He stands still, for several moments, then wiggles his fingers.

Welcome to this year's show, says Vello. These are my fingers.

He wiggles them again.

Remember these fingers, says Vello. 

What for? calls someone in the second row.

You are all about to find out, says Vello.

He goes off. And immediately returns.

He wiggles his fingers.

What's this? Two fingers on one hand are joined together. The other hand has .. only four fingers!

Is this a magic show? calls someone in the fourth row.

Shut up. It's AI CANDIDE! hisses the person next to the person in the fourth row.

It's an AI actor! shouts someone.

Correct, says Vello. Or....is it?

He whips off his gloves.

What? Gloves that look like weird fingers?

So you see, ladies and gentlemen and children, it is not easy to spot AI effects. And so we are offering a small prize at the end of the performance for the most successful spotter.

You should be good at this, Hedley, whispers Hedley's mother.

What's the prize? calls Hedley.

HEDLEY! says his mother.

The prize for best spotter is a personal poem composed on the spot by one of our cast members, the multi-talented Arthur Rimbaud! says Vello.

A ripple of interest flows through the audience.

Backstage, Sweezus whispers something to Arthur.

Arthur shakes his head.

Or, continues Vello, a small prop of your choice, as a memento.

They had fake diamonds last year! says someone.

I suggest you keep your eyes peeled, says Vello. And ENJOY!

He exits the stage. 

Time for Scene One.

The Escape From Cadiz on Horseback.

Candide and Cunégonde are sitting on a couch.

Don Issachar comes in with a dagger.

You Galilean bitch! shouts Don Issachar. 

Candide stands, draws his sword, and Don Issachar falls to the floor, dead as a doornail.

Holy Virgin! cries Cunégonde! What now? If the police come we are done for!

Let us consult the the old woman, says Candide.

The old woman enters, flickering a little.

The audience stares at her fingers.

Perhaps she' s got those fake gloves on.

But what about her face?

Doesn't it look rather young?