I Should Report You

Morning. Birds sing. 

Arthur wakes up in a Tea Cup.

Right. He remembers. He's going surfing. But what was the beach Gaius mentioned?

He climbs out of the Tea Cup.

Hey you! calls a guard.

Me? says Arthur.

Yes you, says the guard, coming up. Were you in that Tea Cup all night?

Looks like it, says Arthur. I don't know how I got there.

It happens, says the guard. 

I know, says Arthur. But how?

Maybe you'd had too much to drink, says the guard. And you thought the Tea Cup looked comfy.

I was planning to go on the Skydiver, says Arthur.

You wouldn't want to fall asleep on the Skydiver, says the guard.

No, I wouldn't, says Arthur. Can I go now?

On the Skydiver? asks the guard. No way. It's morning. We're closed.

Can I leave?  says Arthur. I'm supposed to be going surfing.

Half your luck, says the guard. Which beach?

Can't remember, says Arthur. But there are dead fish there, and poisonous froth on the water.

Yeah, that beach was on the news, says the guard. But you can't surf there, they closed it.

That explains it, says Arthur.

Explains what? asks the guard.

Why Gaius asked me, says Arthur.

Does he like to play tricks? asks the guard.

No, says Arthur. But if something's not allowed he relies on me to do it.

Was it him that suggested you sleep in a Tea Cup? asks the guard.

Is that not allowed? asks Arthur.

Of course it's not allowed, says the guard. If it was, homeless people would do it.

I don't think they would, says Arthur.

Bit stiff are you? asks the guard. And geez, you've got cuts on your legs. 

Arthur had forgotten. 

Surfing in poisonous froth with those cuts, says the guard. You'd have to be crazy.

Maybe I'm crazy, says Arthur. Can I go now?

I should report you, says the guard. What's your name?

Paul Verlaine, says Arthur.

The guard writes it down.

Then crosses it out.

No, I'm not going to report you. You can leave by that gate over there.

Arthur leaves. 

As soon as he is out on the street his phone rings.

It's Gaius. 

Arthur, where are you?

North Terrace, says Arthur. Opposite the Botanical Gardens.

What luck, says Gaius. Wait at the bus stop. Have you got everything you need?

Anyone who didn't live a charmed life would admit that they hadn't.