Le Bon David and Belle et Bonne walk back to East Terrace, to meet The VeloDrone and Marie in the Garden of Unearthly Delights. The VeloDrone and Marie are still standing in the queue.
The VeloDrone: I should have bought tickets for a show. If I had, we'd be in there by now.
Marie: I know. But you said you'd had enough interaction.
The VeloDrone: I have, temporarily.
Marie: You said you just wanted to ride on the Ferris wheel.
The VeloDrone: I do want to ride on it. There is nothing interactive about a Ferris wheel. You get in. It goes up. It goes down. Then you get off.
Marie: I know: But this is an awfully long queue. Oh look! here come David and Belle et Bonne! Hi! Hi! Over here!
Belle et Bonne: Oh dear! Are you still in the queue? Can we stand here with you?
Marie: Of course. The people behind us won't mind.
The people behind: Go for it! Hey! Aren't you the guys who do Candide? That show was cool!
Marie: See! Everyone is so chilled out here. How was your show?
Le Bon David: Amazing! I don't know how he did any of those tricks!
The VeloDrone: What did he do?
Le Bon David: He played Russian Roulette with six staple guns. One of them was loaded with staples. Belle here had to choose which five to fire into his neck after he'd jumbled them up.
Marie: How frightening!
Belle et Bonne: No, it was fun.
Marie: But you could have killed him!
Belle et Bonne: Could I? No, no, he could read my mind. He knew what I would take with me to a desert island, too.
Marie: What? A hairbrush?
Belle et Bonne: Marie! How did you know?
Marie: I know you. It was that or a toothbrush.
Belle et Bonne: Well!
The VeloDrone: Look, we're going in! Hurrah! Now who's coming on the Ferris wheel with me?
Showing posts with label Garden of Unearthly Delights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Garden of Unearthly Delights. Show all posts
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Candide on Wheels
It is early evening. The philosophers are cycling to the Garden of Unearthly Delights, on bicycles which they have hired from the Adelaide City Council. Belle et Bonne asks The VeloDrone about his idea.
Belle et Bonne: What is your idea, papa? Do tell us.
The VeloDrone: I suppose I should have told you before. We are going to perform in the Garden, scenes from Candide. I shall play Candide.
Le Bon David: What a grand idea. I shall play Dr Pangloss.
Belle et Bonne: And I shall play Cunegonde.
Marie: Then I shall play the old woman, with one buttock.
They arrive at the Garden of Unearthly Delights. Dismounting, they wheel their bicycles to a bare patch of grass. The VeloDrone, due to his pulpy hair and red sticky face, attracts some funny looks.
The VeloDrone: Roll up! Roll up! In two minutes time we shall give a performance of scenes from Candide! See the handsome young Candide kicked out by Baron Thunder-ten-Tronckh, because of his passion for the Baron's daughter, the lovely Cunegonde!! See him kidnapped by the Bulgars and given four thousand lashes. Hear what happened to Dr Pangloss and the lovely Cunegonde! Learn how the old woman lost her buttock!
A large crowd gathers. The play begins:
Candide ( getting on his bicycle) : Scene one. Oh ! I have been driven from the mansion of my natural father the Baron with kicks to the backside.
Dr Pangloss: There is no effect without cause! You were seen behind a screen with Cungonde!
Candide: Farewell! ( he cycles away, stopping behind the Frilly Knickers stall )
He returns.
Candide: Scene two. Oh! I have been given four thousand lashes by the Bulgars for desertion after being kidnapped! It hurts! But who is this old beggar?
Dr Pangloss: Do you not recognise your old tutor Dr Pangloss?
Candide: What happened to you? Your nose has rotted away, your mouth is all askew and your teeth are black.
Dr Pangloss: I caught a venereal disease from the maid Paquette. But I must tell you what has happened to Cunegonde!
Candide: Oh, tell me! What?
Dr Pangloss: She has been disembowelled and ravished by the Bulgars. She is dead!
Candide: No!
Dr Pangloss: Don't worry. She will nevertheless be in scene three!
Belle et Bonne is just getting ready for her scene, when two burly security guards appear, and, apprehending the four philosophers, lock them inside a wooden box.
Belle et Bonne: What is your idea, papa? Do tell us.
The VeloDrone: I suppose I should have told you before. We are going to perform in the Garden, scenes from Candide. I shall play Candide.
Le Bon David: What a grand idea. I shall play Dr Pangloss.
Belle et Bonne: And I shall play Cunegonde.
Marie: Then I shall play the old woman, with one buttock.
They arrive at the Garden of Unearthly Delights. Dismounting, they wheel their bicycles to a bare patch of grass. The VeloDrone, due to his pulpy hair and red sticky face, attracts some funny looks.
The VeloDrone: Roll up! Roll up! In two minutes time we shall give a performance of scenes from Candide! See the handsome young Candide kicked out by Baron Thunder-ten-Tronckh, because of his passion for the Baron's daughter, the lovely Cunegonde!! See him kidnapped by the Bulgars and given four thousand lashes. Hear what happened to Dr Pangloss and the lovely Cunegonde! Learn how the old woman lost her buttock!
A large crowd gathers. The play begins:
Candide ( getting on his bicycle) : Scene one. Oh ! I have been driven from the mansion of my natural father the Baron with kicks to the backside.
Dr Pangloss: There is no effect without cause! You were seen behind a screen with Cungonde!
Candide: Farewell! ( he cycles away, stopping behind the Frilly Knickers stall )
He returns.
Candide: Scene two. Oh! I have been given four thousand lashes by the Bulgars for desertion after being kidnapped! It hurts! But who is this old beggar?
Dr Pangloss: Do you not recognise your old tutor Dr Pangloss?
Candide: What happened to you? Your nose has rotted away, your mouth is all askew and your teeth are black.
Dr Pangloss: I caught a venereal disease from the maid Paquette. But I must tell you what has happened to Cunegonde!
Candide: Oh, tell me! What?
Dr Pangloss: She has been disembowelled and ravished by the Bulgars. She is dead!
Candide: No!
Dr Pangloss: Don't worry. She will nevertheless be in scene three!
Belle et Bonne is just getting ready for her scene, when two burly security guards appear, and, apprehending the four philosophers, lock them inside a wooden box.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Nothing is Really Difficult
The VeloDrone, Marie and Belle et Bonne are in the Garden of Unearthly Delights, lounging in deckchairs in front of a large wooden box.
Marie: What an intriguing box.
Belle et Bonne: "Niets Is Echt Moeilijk". What does that mean?
The VeloDrone: It means Nothing is Really Difficult. It's Dutch.
Belle et Bonne: Clever papa!
Marie: Where's David got to? It's way past lunch time.
The VeloDrone: He went to a concert in the Elder Hall. Oh, here he is now!
Le Bon David: Here I am!
The VEloDrone: How was the concert?
Le Bon David: Awful! I don't like these modern nineteenth century composers. Always galloping. Have you ever heard Schumann's Davidsbundlertanze?
Marie: David's Group Dances! That sounds like something you'd enjoy.
Le Bn David: Well it wasn't. It was eighteen short character pieces on the piano, all of a jumble. They went by the names of Lively, Heartfelt, Humorous, Impatient, Simple, Very Quick, Not Fast and Fresh Laid.
The VeloDrone: That's only nine.
Le Bon David: He went through them twice.
Belle et Bonne: Could you tell which was which?
Le Bon David: No, that was the thing. Whenever I thought I'd worked out where we were up to, the next piece would prove I was wrong. I tried cheating by following an old lady's finger but she was bamboozled as well. She got to the end of the program a long time before the pianist did.
Belle et Bon: Poor Uncle David! Never mind. Let's go and get some lunch. And tonight we're all going to the Bakehouse to see @Shakespeare.com.
Le Bon David (groaning) : Shakespeare!
The VeloDrone: Dot com, David. Dot com.
Marie: What an intriguing box.
Belle et Bonne: "Niets Is Echt Moeilijk". What does that mean?
The VeloDrone: It means Nothing is Really Difficult. It's Dutch.
Belle et Bonne: Clever papa!
Marie: Where's David got to? It's way past lunch time.
The VeloDrone: He went to a concert in the Elder Hall. Oh, here he is now!
Le Bon David: Here I am!
The VEloDrone: How was the concert?
Le Bon David: Awful! I don't like these modern nineteenth century composers. Always galloping. Have you ever heard Schumann's Davidsbundlertanze?
Marie: David's Group Dances! That sounds like something you'd enjoy.
Le Bn David: Well it wasn't. It was eighteen short character pieces on the piano, all of a jumble. They went by the names of Lively, Heartfelt, Humorous, Impatient, Simple, Very Quick, Not Fast and Fresh Laid.
The VeloDrone: That's only nine.
Le Bon David: He went through them twice.
Belle et Bonne: Could you tell which was which?
Le Bon David: No, that was the thing. Whenever I thought I'd worked out where we were up to, the next piece would prove I was wrong. I tried cheating by following an old lady's finger but she was bamboozled as well. She got to the end of the program a long time before the pianist did.
Belle et Bon: Poor Uncle David! Never mind. Let's go and get some lunch. And tonight we're all going to the Bakehouse to see @Shakespeare.com.
Le Bon David (groaning) : Shakespeare!
The VeloDrone: Dot com, David. Dot com.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Wheels of Enlightenment
Le Bon David and The VeloDrone are pleased with the way their act is shaping up. The only problem is their allotted tent is very small. They approach the Manager of The Garden Of Unearthly Delights.
Le Bon David: It's fine for the stand-up. But there's no way it's going to accommodate our bicycle tricks.
The VeloDrone: Yes, we need a bigger tent.
The Manager: Sorry boys. But you were lucky to get any tent at all. And we didn't know about the bicycle tricks, we thought you were stand-up philosophers. What sort of bicycle tricks do you do?
Le Bon David: Oh you know, the usual ones, Slides, Wheelies, Bunnyhops, Endos, Trackstands, Curb-hops.........with a philosophical twist.
The Manager: Well, I can only suggest that you go outside the tent and start busking in the East End.
The VeloDrone: Us, busking! Do you know who we are?
The Manager: Yes, yes, David Hume and Voltaire, it says here. Enlightenment philosophers. Nothing about bicycles. See?
The VeloDrone: We are the editors of the online magazine Velosophy.
The Manager: Oh? You guys can write then? Would you like to earn a bit of extra money?
The VeloDrone: No.
Le Bon David: Yes. Since we seem to be losing our free tent.
The VeloDrone: Alright then, yes. What do we have to do?
The Manager: Just write a few Fringe reviews for us. Here's a few free tickets to a bunch of shows.
Le Bon David and The VeloDrone: ( in unison) Thanks!
Le Bon David: It's fine for the stand-up. But there's no way it's going to accommodate our bicycle tricks.
The VeloDrone: Yes, we need a bigger tent.
The Manager: Sorry boys. But you were lucky to get any tent at all. And we didn't know about the bicycle tricks, we thought you were stand-up philosophers. What sort of bicycle tricks do you do?
Le Bon David: Oh you know, the usual ones, Slides, Wheelies, Bunnyhops, Endos, Trackstands, Curb-hops.........with a philosophical twist.
The Manager: Well, I can only suggest that you go outside the tent and start busking in the East End.
The VeloDrone: Us, busking! Do you know who we are?
The Manager: Yes, yes, David Hume and Voltaire, it says here. Enlightenment philosophers. Nothing about bicycles. See?
The VeloDrone: We are the editors of the online magazine Velosophy.
The Manager: Oh? You guys can write then? Would you like to earn a bit of extra money?
The VeloDrone: No.
Le Bon David: Yes. Since we seem to be losing our free tent.
The VeloDrone: Alright then, yes. What do we have to do?
The Manager: Just write a few Fringe reviews for us. Here's a few free tickets to a bunch of shows.
Le Bon David and The VeloDrone: ( in unison) Thanks!
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