What Becomes

 Bertille comes down into the cellar.

What did you have for dinner? asks Terence.

Cotriade, says Bertille.

Did your mother make it? asks Saint Arnoc.

No, dad bought it, says Bertille. 

What is it? asks Terence.

Fish soup, says Bertille. 

What colour? asks Terence.

Orange, says Bertille.

Huh! says Terence. Guess what? I got nothing.

Too bad, says Bertille. Is that because the saints ran out of red food dye?

No, says Terence. They put it back on the wrong shelf. Then they found it. AFTER DINNER!

When it came in handy, says Gaius. 

He indicates the red-neck-ringed Roo-kai.

For my parrot passport photo, says Roo-kai. What do you think?

You look like someone tried to kill you, says Betrille.

That's what I said, says Terence.

Compare him to his photo, says Gaius.

He shows Bertille the photo.

Great, says Bertille. Now he can't wash.

It doesn't wash off easily, says Saint Arnoc. And we'll give Gaius the bottle, for touch-ups.

Good idea, says Saint Ténénan.

I don't suppose you have a printer? asks Gaius.

Upstairs in the cottage, says Saint Arnoc.

May I use it? asks Gaius. I want to play around with this passport. Photoshopping and whatnot.

I'll help you, says Bertille. 

Can I come? asks Terence.

And me, says Roo-kai. It's my passport.

Sure, says Bertille.

They go up the stone steps.

Mathilde is wondering what to do with the leftover cotriade.

Would anyone like some?

I would, had I not just eaten, says Gaius. Where is the printer?

There, says Mathilde. Next to the computer.

I trust it will do the job, says Gaius.

What's the job? asks Mathilde.

To produce a convincing parrot passport for Roo-kai here, says Gaius.

The oystercatcher? says Mathilde. Why not just go for an oystercatcher passport?

Only pet birds can travel with a passport, says Gaius. Parrots, parakeets, budgerigars and macaws.

Or fake ones, says Terence.

Have you done this before? asks Mathilde.

Many times, says Gaius.

Are you sure about the cotriade? asks Mathilde. Otherwise it's going down the toilet.

Gross! says Bertille.

How To Look Like A Parrot

Can I be in the photo? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. A passport photo should be of one person, or in this case, one parrot.

Can I take it? asks Terence.

Yes, says Gaius. Here is my phone. You press this circle, when you're ready.

I'm ready, says Terence. Are you ready, Roo-kai?

Roo-kai-Catcher, says the oystercatcher.

A fine name, says Gaius.

Too long, says Terence.

You can call me Roo-kai, says the oystercatcher.

Try and look like a parrot, says Terence.

What if I turn a bit sideways, says Roo-kai.

It must be face on, says Gaius.

Surely not for a parrot, says Saint Arnoc. Or any bird for that matter.

Good point, says Gaius. The beak is an identifying feature, which, face-on, would appear foreshortened.

Isn't that the idea? asks Roo-kai.

Hum, says Gaius. Ideally, both you and your passport photo should look the same. 

Like a parrot, says Terence.

Do you saints have any colourful feathers? asks Gaius.

The saints exchange glances.

No, says Saint Arnoc, but we could make Roo-kai's feathers more colourful.

Saint Ténénan has already gone into the pantry.

He comes out with a little red bottle.

Hey! says Terence. You said you didn't have any!

That was me, says Saint Arnoc. Where was it?

On the wrong shelf, says Saint Ténénan.

Saint Arnoc produces a paint brush.

Hold still, Roo-kai!

He dips the tip of the paintbrush into the red bottle and draws it out carefully.

He paints a feathery red ring round the neck of Roo-kai.

Woo! says Terence. Now you look like someone's tried to kill you!

Do I? asks Roo-kai. 

He is pleased.

Terence presses the circle. Click!

It's a good one. Roo-kai looks like the photo. 

And it looks like him.

 

The Bridge Is Long

 Not on me, says Arthur. Why do you need one?

Terence has obtained a new parrot, says Gaius. And we're still in Brest. Where are you?

At your place, says Arthur. Keeping an eye on things.

Very good, says Gaius. Go through my drawers.

Uh? says Arthur.

For an old parrot passport, says Gaius. 

Okay, says Arthur. He opens some drawers.

Pebbles, feathers, socks, underpants, tinea cream.

No parrot passport.

Try the pantry, says Gaius.

Arthur tries the pantry,

Eventually, in a yellow folder, he finds two parrot passports.

Found them! says Arthur. One for Mouldy, and one for Jinjing.

Excellent! says Gaius. Take photos and send them to me.

Sure, says Arthur. 

He takes the photos, sends them to Gaius, and goes back to bed to recapture his waterspout dream.

Here we are! says Gaius. Two parrot passports to choose from.

Let me see, says the oystercatcher.

At the top of each parrot passport is a photo.

Mouldy appears as a pebble with parrot feathers.

Jinjing looks like a child's toy.

They don't look like me, says the oystercatcher. And they don't look like parrots.

They were GOOD parrots! says Terence. 

What happened to them? asks the oystercatcher.

I don't know, says Terence. 

As I recall, says Gaius, Mouldy was last seen riding a bicycle across a bridge to Hong Kong. It was many years ago.

He must BE there! cries Terence.

Indeed he must, says Gaius. The bridge is long, but not that long.

It seems to me you need a photo of the oystercatcher, says Saint Arnoc. Then you can photoshop it on to one of these passports.

Is that allowed? asks Saint Ténénan?

I don't know, is it? asks Saint Arnoc.

Let me think, says Gaius. Where did we get these passports in the first place....? Ah yes! It's here at the bottom. Signed by Isidore, director at the Jardin des Plantes, Paris. 

Is that helpful? asks Saint Arnoc.

He'll back me up, says Gaius. He's an old friend of mine.

But now the oystercatcher has thought of a problem.

What about the name on the passport? Shouldn't it be mine?

The name can be easily altered, says Saint Arnoc. What is yours?

Catcher, says the oystercatcher. 

That's a bad name, says Terence.

I think it's a cool name, says Catcher.

Not for a parrot, says Terence. 

You think Mouldy's a good name for a parrot? asks Catcher.

No, says Terence. I think Roo-kai is a good name.

Doesn't roo-kai mean Roger? asks Gaius, gently.

Not if you pronounce it that way, says Saint Arnoc. 

A Low Mystic Sun

The oystercatcher has returned with three sea slugs, one being a head, newly severed.

He has placed them on the saucer, and waited.

Gaius has come up the stone steps.

Aha, says Gaius. I see you have brought three replacements.

Yes, says the oystercatcher. Sorry about the first three.

Not at all, says Gaius. I was just saying, we don't really need them. Terence and I will shortly be leaving. 

And? says the oystercatcher.

And so you may as well eat them, says Gaius.

Eat them! says the oystercatcher. I wasn't asking that question.

What then? says Gaius. But of course! What am I thinking? Yes, you, as Terence's parrot, will come with us. That is, if you're willing.

I'm willing, says the oystercatcher. 

Come down to the cellar, says Gaius. There will be things to discuss.

Gaius and the oystercatcher go down to the cellar.

Is all well? asks Saint Ténénan.

All is well, says Gaius. And you have gained three sea slugs. We've left them outside, on your saucer.

He didn't eat them? asks Saint Arnoc.

No, says Gaius. No doubt, he had his own reasons.

Would he like some potato soup? asks Saint Arnoc.

No thanks, says the oystercatcher.

Yay! says Terence. You're coming! You get your own passport.

Which may be a problem, says Gaius. 

My other parrots had one, says Terence.

So they did, says Gaius. A parrot passport. From an obscure printer in Paris. What a bother.

No need to bother, says Saint Arnoc. Do you have a copy of previous parrot passports?

No, says Gaius, but Arthur might. I'll call him.

He calls Arthur, forgetting the time zones.

Arthur? it's Gaius. Do you happen to have a parrot passport?

Arthur had been dreaming of waterspouts, surf and currents, and a low mystic sun.

It is some moments before he comprehends the question.

Or Even Scotland

Guess what! says Terence. The sea slugs are all interacting.

In what way? asks Gaius.

I don't know, says Terence. What IS interacting?

Mixing together, says Saint Arnoc. Like soup ingredients.

Not yours, says Gaius. It's only potato.

And water, says Saint Ténénan.

Good point, says Gaius. And imagine, if one added some butter and black pepper.....

It would not be potato soup, in that case, says Saint Arnoc.

It would be, but not as we know it, says Saint Ténénan.

I had no intention of criticising your soup, says Gaius. I was merely trying to explain interaction.

The sea slugs aren't in the soup, says Terence. They've gone to Japan.

Did the oystercatcher tell you that? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence. He's gone to get three replacements.

I can guess what really happened, says Gaius. However, it doesn't matter.

Wasn't he supposed to be guarding them? asks Saint Arnoc.

He was, says Gaius. But we must remember, he's the one who caught them.

Very nice! says Hideo. If I take a few toes, I'm a villain. 

An entirely different situation, says Gaius. 

Maybe they HAVE gone to Japan, says Saint Ténénan. Aren't two of them from there?

No, says Gaius. Only one of them. The other two are locals. Or they may be from the Channel Islands. Or even Scotland. But no further.

Is my parrot in trouble? asks Terence.

Not at all, says Gaius. We must be leaving soon, and we can't take the sea slugs.

But my parrot's gone to get more! cries Terence.

He can eat them, says Gaius.

Replace The Missing

No red soup, says Terence. 

Is that the reason you came outside? asks the oystercatcher.

No, says Terence. Gaius asked me.

To do what? asks the oystercatcher.

Check on something, says Terence. But I can't.

What is it? asks the oystercatcher.

The sea slugs, says Terence. I have to find out if they're interacting.

They are now, says the oystercatcher.

Where? asks Terence. They're not on the saucer.

Just go back and tell him they are, says the oystercatcher.

But where are they? asks Terence.

I can't tell you, says the oystercatcher.

You have to tell me if you want to be my parrot, says Terence.

All right, says the oystercatcher. They went to Japan.

How did they get there? asks Terence.

They won't be there yet, says the oystercatcher. But they're on their way.

Together, says Terence.

Yes, says the oystercatcher. I was just about to go down to the shore and find three replacements.

One would have to be a head, says Terence. 

Easy, says the oystercatcher.

But it has to be the right one, says Terence.

Yes, an atroviridis, says the oystercatcher. I'm not stupid.

Okay, says Terence. I'll go back and tell Gaius.

Just tell him they're interacting, says the oystercatcher. 

Roo-kai! says Terence.

That's ryouki, says the oystercatcher.

You learned it! says Terence. That will be useful if you go to Japan.

I'm not planning to go to Japan, says the oystercatcher.

Or if someone from Japan wants to say something to you, says Terence. Like, hello, are you a parrot?

Unlikely, says the oystercatcher. 

That's the right answer! says Terence. I've got a parrot that can answer Japanese questions. 

Lucky you, says the oystercatcher. Well, I'm off to replace the missing.

Remember, says Terence. One head, two bodies. 

Wrong, says the oystercatcher. Three heads, two bodies.

I meant that, says Terence.

He runs back down the steps to the cellar, to tell Gaius the good parts of what's happened

The Meaning Of Roger

Saint Arnoc places the soup plates on the table.

Saint Ténénan ladles potato soup into each one.

This smells delicious, says Gaius. 

It always does, says Saint Arnoc. 

Are you sure you won't try it, Hideo? asks Saint Ténénan.

I'm an otter, says Hideo.

In the shape of a man, says Saint Arnoc.

That doesn't alter my appetite, says Hideo. I eat fish and crustaceans.

And toes, says Rusty.

Did I eat them? asks Hideo.

To be fair, says Gaius. Hideo didn't eat them.

Thank you, says Hideo.

Shrimps, mussels? asks Saint Arnoc.

Sea slugs! says Terence.

Never, says Hideo. 

Can I have red soup again? asks Terence.

Saint Arnoc goes into the pantry.

Comes out empty-handed. 

No.

Shin jin! says Terence.

Meaning? asks Hideo.

I don't believe it! says Terence.

Chigau, says Hideo. That's not right. It's shinjirarenai.

I said the first bit, says Terence.

Shin, says Hideo, but jin was chigau.

How interesting, says Saint Ténénan. Japanese seems quite easy.

I try to make it easy, says Hideo. But Terence is slow.

I bet you do eat sea slugs, says Terence.

He is easily distracted, says Gaius. Terence, since you're not having the soup, why don't you go back into the garden and check on the slugs. I'd be interested to know if they're interacting.

Okay! says Terence. 

He runs up the stone steps shouting Roo-kai!

It's not roo-kai, says Hideo. It's ryouki.

Ryouki, says Saint Arnoc. I shall try to remember. And what does it mean?

Roger, says Hideo.

Of limited use then, says Gaius.

Roger as in Got it! says Hideo.

Ah, says Gaius. I see. Or should I say, Ryouki!

Terence stops at the tree.

The oystercatcher is standing next to the pebble.

The saucer sits on the pebble.

But the saucer, which earlier held three sea slugs, is empty.