Stage 2: Cesenatico to Bologne - Funny Cheese

Another hot day. 

Romain Bardet is hoping to retain the yellow.

Sweezus is hoping, as usual, to win the polkadot jersey.

I have an idea, says Nicolo. But you may not like it.

Yeah what? asks Sweezus.

Mark Cavendish rolls by.

Those frogs, says Nicolo. They can be harnessed to work in our favour.

Mark Cavendish pedals off.

Frogs? Working in Team Condor's favour?

This is how rumours start.

Vello and David ride by.

Catch up, Gaius, calls Vello over his shoulder.

I'm trying, says Gaius.

We'll soon be at the feeding station, says David.

Good, says Gaius. I could use some sustenance.

He fiddles with his sock. A limp cabbage leaf flutters to the ground, and is picked up by an eager spectator.

Belle is at the feeding station with Terence and Sweetpea.

 

( Yes, Sweetpea has been found. He was admiring his lovely Cathedral from the outside)

Can I give out the musettes? asks Terence.

Not really, says Belle.  You're too low. So is Sweetpea.

What if we.....?

But it's too late for that now. Vello reaches out and grabs his musette from Belle's hand.

What's in it? A delicious piadina stuffed with cheese.

David  and Gaius have the same.

What kind of cheese is this? asks Gaius.

Squacquerone, says David. 

Ha ha, laughs Gaius.

But it's not funny. The cheese is squacquarone. 

Tadej Pogacar speeds by.

There are three frogs, behind me, says Tadej. 

Fear not, says Vello. They are only here to give pause to Baby Pierre.

Enjoy your squacquarone, says Tadej, shooting off.

He's got a good nose, says David.

He has. And to top it off, he will end the day in the yellow jersey.

But what is happening up front?

After going twice up San Luca, (and twice down) Kevin Vauquelin has won the stage by 36 seconds.

Another Frenchman.

And second is Jonas Abrahamson, a Norwegian, in his polkadot jersey.

Stage 1: Florence to Rimini - Hotness

 It's quite a hot day.

The teams ride through Florence, past the famous buildings.

Not racing until they get to the countryside.

There goes Team Philosphe.

Vello is giving Gaius a lecture. 

What is he saying? We can't tell.

There goes Team Condor, with their new rider, Nicolo.

They seem to be deep in discussion.

There goes Team Astana.  Cavendish looks okay. Or does he?

Boom! they reach the countryside and a breakaway forms. 

We knew that would happen.

The peloton sticks together.

It gets hotter and hotter.

Cavendish is feeling sweaty, and worse. He drops off the back of the peloton. Several team members stick with him.

Road, trees, trees, road, more trees, and seven categorised climbs....

Why do they do it?

Why do we do it? asks David.

For the drama, says Vello. But I had not expected the drama to happen so soon.

It's no drama, says Gaius. I'll use a cold compress this evening. And cabbage leaves if I can find them.

Tch! says Vello. You and your cabbage leaves.

Frog alert! says David. Behind us!

Vello and Gaius look behind them.

Team Pobblebonk is zooming between the myriad wheels of the peloton.

Watch out in front! cries David. 

Riders are wobbling.

Including Team Condor. 

That was a good call, says Nicolo.

What was? asks Sweezus.

Watch out in front, says Nicolo.

Yeah I guess so, says Sweezus. David did us a favour.

Those frogs are a wild card, says Nicolo.

They were supposed to give Baby Pierre more responsibility, says Arthur.

But it looks like they've gone their own way, says Sweezus.

Perhaps we can make use of them, says Nicolo.

Yeah, says Sweezus. But right now I'd kill for an ice pack.

Frank Van der Brock rockets past with an ice pack shoved down the back of his jumper.

Romain Bardet follows close behind him, with the same.

Fuck, says Sweezus. What we need is ....

What they need is Belle, with three ice packs. Where is she?

She is still back in Florence, with Terence.

Not Sweetpea?

No, Sweetpea is lost.

And so Romain Bardet and Frank Van der Brock come first and second.

Not just for that reason.

Pious Like A Pie

Florence.

Sweezus and Arthur wait outside the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore, with Terence.

They are waiting for Nicolo.

Nicolo appears. dressed in black. He has a pointy beard and a knowing expression.

Nicolo? asks Sweezus. 

They have not met before.

Si, says Nicolo. You are Sweezus, I know. And you are Arthur. And who is the infant?

Terence, says Terence. I'm meeting my cousin.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Sorry. We just have to take him inside.

No problem, says Nicolo. It is always good to seem pious.

Like a pie? asks Terence.

No, not like a pie, says Nicolo. Let us go in.

They enter the cathedral.

Terence runs up to the Madonna and child.

Terence! says the Madonna. I recognised you at once by your gecko shorts. How is your mother?

Terence tries to remember.

Stiff, says Terence.

Aren't we all? sighs the Madonna. 

I came to say hello to Sweetpea, says Terence.

Buon giorno, Terence, says his cousin.

Guess what! says Terence. The Tour de France is starting here, and I've got a frog team and I'm the manager.

Woop! Lucky you, says Sweetpea. 

Why are you giving me the finger? asks Terence.

I give everyone the finger, says Sweetpea. It's my job. Who are those guys?

Hush, Sweetpea, that's Sweezus, whispers the Madonna.

Buon giorno, Madonna, says Sweezus. We just got here. Nice day.

Will you be racing? asks the Madonna.

Yep, says Sweezus. And this is Nicolo, our new guy.

Ha! No need to introduce Machiavelli, says the Madonna. 

Shit, says Sweezus, turning to Nicolo. 

Machiavelli?

Nicolo shrugs. Yes, so what? 

Can Sweetpea come and watch my frog team? asks Terence.

Sweetpea looks hopeful.

Belle would look after him, says Sweezus. 

The Madonna is torn. She has never been parted from Sweetpea.

On the other hand, it would be liberating.

Okay, says the Madonna.

Yay! Joyfully Sweetpea jumps down.

That's The Beauty Of Me

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Not yet, says Belle. We're in Singapore airport. Next we fly on to Zurich.

Then are we there? asks Terence.

Not quite, says Belle, but from there it's a short hop to Florence.

Can we look at my frog team? asks Terence.

Sure we can, says Belle. Let's ask Sweezus to open the box.

Sweezus stops eating his sushi and opens the box.

The frog team are lying flat on their backs, not moving. 

Baby Pierre has been observing.

Are we there yet? asks Baby Pierre.

No, says Terence. We haven't even got to the Zoo.

Zu-rich, says Belle. What's up with the frog team?

They're meditating, says Baby Pierre. Okay guys, you can stop now.

The frog team open their eyes.

You frogs must be hungry, says Belle. Is there anything we can get you?

Spiders, says Spider-bonk. Or flies.

How about seaweed? asks Belle.

That will do, says Baby Pierre. At least it's nutritious.

I'll find them some flies, says Terence. At the window!

He runs to a window nearby.

Sure enough, there are flies at the window, trying to get out of the airport.

But they're quick movers. Terence can't catch them. 

So the frog team has to eat seaweed that was once wrapped around rice and raw tuna.

And then they are closed in the box again with their captain.

Because it's time to board the flight for Zurich.

It is dark in the box.

The air smells of tuna.

This is unbearable, says Baby Pierre. Try to slow down your breathing.

Why should we? ask the frog team. We can't smell anything. You should have had some.

I don't need to eat, says Baby Pierre That's the beauty of me.

The captain doesn't need to eat! Yet his team does!

The frog team worry about this, all the way to Zurich.

And again, on the short hop to Florence.

Unrestrained

Next morning, Team Condor and Team Philosophe meet at the airport.

Gaius is limping.

Injury, Gaius? asks Vello.

Nothing a long flight won't fix, says Gaius.

Baby Pierre's team crashed into his ankle, says Terence.

Starting early, says David.

Ha ha! laughs Gaius.

But his ankle does hurt.

Where is Baby Pierre? asks Vello. Is he traveling with us?

Kind of, says Sweezus. He's in this substantial box with his team.

What about their bicycles? asks David.

In the box, says Sweezus.

Rattling about unrestrained? asks Vello.

He reckons they can practice tight moves when they're in it, says Sweezus.

I said they could, says Terence. I'm the manager.

Terence and Baby Pierre came to an agreement, says Gaius. One is the captain and one is the manager.

I wish we could afford such luxuries, says Vello.

I thought Belle was coming? says Arthur.

She's here somewhere, says Vello. She went off to buy snacks.

Great, says Arthur. I missed out on breakfast.

Me too, says Sweezus.

Unwise, says David. 

Belle returns with a paper bag full of muffins.

Chocolate, blueberry, cranberry, lemon and caramel, says Belle. Two of each

Arthur takes a chocolate and a blueberry. Sweezus takes a caramel and a lemon.

Time to begin the first leg of the journey. A short Virgin flight to Melbourne.

They get on.

The short flight to Melbourne is soon over.

They get off. 

Now for the long Qantas flight to Singapore.

Soon everyone is settled, including the frog team and their captain, in the substantial box in an overhead locker.

Peace at last, says Spider-bonk. What just happened? 

Probably turbulence, says Baby Pierre. 

We didn't like it, says Insect-bonk.

Take a lesson from me, says Baby Pierre. I'm a free thinker.

What's that? asks Worm-bonk.

Someone who thinks for himself, says Baby Pierre. 

How is that a lesson for us? asks Spider-bonk.

I'm about to tell you, says Baby Pierre.

Wait, says Insect-bonk. Maybe we don't need to listen.

I'm your captain, says Baby Pierre Of course you need to listen.

Okay, says Worm-bonk. We'll listen.

But Baby Pierre has now realised the flaw in his lesson.

In-House Collisions

Sweezus and Arthur are cycling towards the city.

Good to be back? asks Sweezus.

 Albeit briefly, says Arthur.

We fly out tomorrow, says Sweezus.

I know, says Arthur. What's happening with the new guy?

Nicolo? says Sweezus. Yeah. The cool thing is, he lives in Florence.

So we don't have to pay to fly him over, says Arthur.

No, we don't, says Sweezus. And the boss has to shell out for Gaius.

And Terence, says Arthur. And his frog team.

Not the frog team, says Sweezus. That's Baby Pierre's problem.

Baby Pierre doesn't have money, says Arthur.

But he always gets there, says Sweezus. 

As if to demonstrate this, the frog team zooms by, followed by Baby Pierre, their captain.

In and out of the traffic, doubling back, u-turning and slickly resuming their journey.

Those frogs look too big for their bikes, says Sweezus.

Arthur agrees that they do look top-heavy.

Gaius has returned to his house with Terence and the Kroombit tinker.

He opens the front door.

Ring ring. It's his mobile.

Gaius, says Vello. Are you home yet?

Yes, says Gaius, I've just got here. Looking forward to doing some washing, and re-reading my notes. And then I must check on my garden.

We fly out tomorrow says Vello. Make sure your bicycle is flat-packed.

Certainly, says Gaius. Tomorrow? What time?

Ten past nine, says Vello. I assume you've been keeping fit?

As always, says Gaius.

Zoom! Thump-thump-thump! He is hit from behind by three tiny bicycles.

Attention, men! cries a fourth rider. No collisions inside the house!

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. My ankle!

He hops about, clutching his ankle.

What's happened? asks Vello. 

Nothing, says Gaius. See you at the airport tomorrow.

Yay! cries Terence, running up the passage from the kitchen where he has been showing the Kroombit tinker Baby Pierre's spot on the window sill, next to a pot plant.

My frog team is here!

MY frog team, says Baby Pierre.

Wobble Wobble Zip

The plane lands in Adelaide.

Are we here? asks Terence.

Yes, says Nerida. 

Arthur lifts the substantial box down from the overhead locker.

Everyone shuffles towards the front of the plane.

I wonder if anyone'll be waiting to meet us, says Katherine.

My dad will, says Nerida.

Sure enough, her dad is waiting.

Welcome home, says her dad. How was it?

Good, says Nerida. We found a few Kroombit tinkers. We even got interviews. 

Well done, says dad.

Indeed, says Gaius. Nerida was most helpful. I promoted her to senior assistant when Arthur went missing.

He went missing? says dad. But I can see him.

He came back, says Nerida.

He ate Freddy! says Terence.

Freddy being? asks dad.

Long story, says Nerida. I'll tell you on the way home.

Nerida and her dad head for the exit.

Hey, guys! says Sweezus, appearing suddenly.

Hey, says Arthur. Did you bring my bike?

Yeah, says Sweezus. We can ride back to my place together.

Arthur hands Gaius the substantial box.

What's that? asks Sweezus.

Terence's frog team, says Arthur.

Cool, says Sweezus. Baby Pierre's here to meet them. 

Where is he? asks Gaius. 

There he is! cries Terence.

Baby Pierre zooms though domestic arrivals on his tiny bicycle with green o-rings for wheels.

Skreech! He skids to a halt.

Where are they? asks Baby Pierre.

Gaius opens the box.

The frog team and the Kroombit tinker are dazzled.

Urr! Where are we?

Here! says Terence. And your  captain came to meet you.

The frog team straightens up. Their captain! Where is he?

Baby Pierre looks into the box.

Get out you guys, and follow me.

The pobblebonks leap out. The Kroombit tinker lingers.

I'll let them get acquainted, says the Kroombit tinker.

Baby Pierre has remounted his bike, and is leading the pobblebonks towards the air bridge to the car park.

Err.... says Gaius. Should we allow this?

He's brought their new bikes, says Sweezus. They're in the car park.

Then what? asks Terence.

He'll be checking out how good they are, says Sweezus.

What if they aren't any good? asks Terence.

They'll be good, says the Krombit tinker. I made them air-pedal all the way from Brisbane.

I meant the bikes, says Terence.

Baby Pierre is showing the pobblebonks their new bikes.

Get on, says Baby Pierre.

They're smaller than we expected, says Spider-bonk.

You're bigger than I expected, says Baby Pierre.

Nevertheless they get on and push off. 

Wobble wobble.

They soon find their balance.

They zip down the car ramp.

Super! All the air-pedalling they did on the incoming journey has paid off!