How to Silence a Room

Every time I walk past the pantry now I imagine a toad nailed to the door jamb, I said crossly to Pliny the Elder. How cruel you Romans were. Did you ever do it?

Of course not, replied Pliny. We had slaves to do such tasks. Toads are poisonous to the touch. And you may be interested to know that they have many other uses in addition to the repulsion of pests. For example it is well known that the presence of a toad will silence a room. A particular bone from the left side of a toad will reduce the fury of dogs, while the equivalent bone from the right side will instantly cool boiling liquid.

How very useful, I said. However there are no toads in Australia, except for the imported cane toad, which lives up north.

What a shame, said Pliny.

No it isn't, I said. The cane toad is a huge pest. It eats native animals and bees, as well as carrion and household rubbish. And it's marching southwards. We wish we'd never imported them now.

Why don't you kill them ? asked Pliny.

They're very hard to get rid of I believe. They don't have many predators because they're so poisonous. But apparently meat ants are quite successful at eating young toadlets. It seems that cane toad poison works by attacking the heart, something ants don't have.

But don't humans kill them? pursued Pliny. Surely they could be poisoned or hit on the head with a stick.

I think they are, I said doubtfully. I do know that the humane way to kill a cane toad is to put it in the fridge in a plastic bag for half an hour and then transfer it to the freezer.

Jumping Jupiter! said Pliny. I hope you never catch one!