Pliny's Cheese Dream

Pliny the Elder has eaten a piece of Callington Vintage cheese, just before bedtime.

He falls asleep quickly, and immediately begins to dream.

In his dream he is visited by Zoroaster. Zoroaster is wearing a white turban, has long flowing locks, and his head is surrounded by a sea of stars. He leads a yellow camel. The camel is the colour of cheese.

Gaius Plinius Secundus! says Zoroaster.

Yes, says Pliny.

I wish to challenge your presentation of me in your Natural Histories.

On what grounds? asks Pliny.

On the grounds that it is wrong, for I know it to be wrong, and that furthermore it is ridiculous,
says, Zoroaster, reasonably.

Exactly what parts of my presentation are we talking about? asks Pliny.

I'm sure you know, replies Zoroaster. The claim that I lived for twenty years in the wilderness living only on cheese. You are the first person known to have made that claim. Since you made it, many people have taken it to be true.

I'm sure I read it somewhere, says Pliny, uncomfortably.

No, you made it up, says Zoroaster, and now I am going to tell you why it is ridiculous. No one can live only on cheese. One needs a proper balanced diet in order to remain in good health.

Tell me about it, says Pliny. However I seem to have got it right about the stars coming out of your head and the yellow camel.

Sorry, no, says Zoroaster. You have dreamed that up as well.