Three Flies

Dear Blogger Person,

We are THREE FLIES. We have reason to believe we are the THREE FLIES referred to yesterday in your blog as SANDFLIES!!! We believe this because the THREE OF US happened to be walking towards the sea at GRANGE on Australia Day afternoon just to the immediate SOUTH of three half-eaten APPLES!! and we commented to one another at the time that SOMEONE (no doubt YOURSELF) appeared to be staring at us rather RUDELY!!

We wish to point out that we are not SANDFLIES. We are not nor have we ever been members of the family CERATOPOGONIDAE. We are perfectly ordinary FLIES who were harmlessly and inoffensively enjoying the beach on Australia Day along with MANY OTHERS, whom we note you have ALSO described in a somewhat SNOBBISH and ELITIST manner, such as the YOUNG DRINKING AND CRICKETING HUMANS, the FAT DOGS and the hapless SKUAS.

We demand that you write a RETRACTION, acknowledging that we are neither HORSEFLIES, which some people mistakenly call SANDFLIES, nor are we SANDFLEAS or BITING MIDGES, whose BITES leave large red itchy BUMPS that may turn into a RASH!!

WOULD that we WERE!!

Yours plainly, and without PREJUDICE,

THREE FLIES