The Goby Fish

I sometimes think, I said to Pliny the Elder, that you know the things you say are funny.

What things? asked Pliny, chewing on his breakfast toast and jam.

The claims you make for remedies and cures for example. "If you have some bread stuck in your throat pieces from the same loaf should be placed inside both ears."

Yes, I knew that one was funny, said Pliny. But not everyone did.

What about your story of the Goby Fish? I asked. Did you seriously believe a tiny fish could hold back a warship?

It is well recorded, said Pliny. A Goby Fish held back Anthony's ship at the battle of Actium. He had to change ships. This delay gave Octavian's fleet the chance to make their attack.

Couldn't that have just been an excuse? I said, sceptically

Nonsense, said Pliny. Romans do not make excuses. In my own time a Goby held back the Emperor Gaius's ship on his voyage back to Antium. His was the only ship in the fleet that stopped. His men dived under the water and soon discovered the cause. A Goby Fish was attached to the rudder, preventing his 400 rowers from moving forward.

I know all this, I said. I just read it this morning. And Emperor Gaius was furious, especially when he realised the fish didn't have the same power when it was brought on board. But my question is, Pliny, when you wrote it down, did you really believe it?

That is for me to know, said Pliny, and you to wonder.

I thought we were friends, I said. You can tell me.

Alright, said Pliny. I.....och....cough cough...choke.....aagh......

He appeared to be choking on his piece of toast. I ran to fetch the loaf from whence it came.