On His Own Head

The VeloDrone sticks the four boxes of blackberries under his hat. This has the effect of enabling him to see, but also of raising the hat. The four friends walk to the bus stop, to catch the bus back to the city. The bus arrives. Le Bon David, Marie and Belle et Bonne get on. The VeloDrone sets one foot on the step.

Bus Driver: Excuse me sir, you'll need to remove your hat before boarding the bus.

The VeloDrone: Nonsense! There is no law against wearing a hat on the bus.

Bus Driver: True. But you will not be able to get on the bus because your hat is too high.

The VeloDrone: I don't believe it. I shall get on and see.

Bus Driver: Then be it on your own head.

The VeloDrone: Ha! Very funny!

He steps up gingerly. His hat hits the roof of the bus, the tasselled point bends and is crushed. A trickle of deep red liquid rolls past his nose and into his mouth.

Bus Driver: Blood rule! Blood rule! Get off the bus.

The VeloDrone: That isn't blood, you ignoramus, it's blackberry juice. (He licks his lips.)

Bus Driver: Assistance! Assistance! We have an emergency!

Belle et Bonne gets up and comes to the front of the bus.

Belle et Bonne: What's the trouble, papa?

Bus Driver: Is this gentleman with you?

Belle et Bonne: Yes he is. What's the matter!

Bus driver: He's bleeding.

Belle et Bonne: Oh dear. Are you bleeding papa?

The VeloDrone: No, of course not! It's these cursed blackberries.

Belle et Bonne: It's only blackberry juice, driver. I'll help him to wipe it off.

Bus Driver: Alright then, miss, but he'll have to sit up here in the disabled section where I can keep an eye on him.

The VeloDrone: I refuse to sit here! There are no proper seats.

Belle et Bonne: It's alright, papa. Look, you pull the seats down like this. I'll sit next to you. And I'll find you a hankie.

The VeloDrone: (glaring at the bus driver): Thank you, my dear. And perhaps you could straighten my hat.