Reversals

Time to leave Alice Springs. Everyone has their reasons.

They are all on the train.

Arthur has paid for a ticket with money he got from the gig. He leans back in his comfy red overnighter. But it isn't that comfy. What's that under his leg?

He sticks his hand in his pocket. Not the one with the milk that has turned into cheese, and the scraper. The other one. It's a hole. He pokes further down into the hole with his finger. He reaches a gap in the hem of his shorts where the stitching has ripped. There is something in there. It's the zircon. He winkles it out. It's asleep. He drops it into a waste bin, behind an empty seat.

Behind him sit Vello and David.

Vello is not talking to Arthur, because of the vowels. He is determined not to say one word to him until he explains. O after U. How frustrating that even with his great intellectual capacity he can't work out why for himself.

David is thinking about getting home and seeing his mother. Mrs Hume has been sending him anxious texts. Her car has been squeaking whenever she reverses. She has taken it to the garage a number of times and they still haven't fixed it. It is getting embarrassing now. David wonders what he can do. Perhaps it's the brakes, or the rotors. Or a mouse. David knows nothing about cars.

Ageless is in a bit of a pickle. He is one seat in front of Arthur, on the floor in a basket. It was the only way to get on. It is the basket of his arch enemy Mr Spin-ooza, who invited him into the basket. It is always irritating when your arch enemy does you a favour.

Ageless is thinking about Kobo. No doubt she will want to know what he thought about the Arabian Nights. What will she say when he has to admit that he lost it, and has come home with The Great Philosophers instead? Travelling in the picnic basket of one of them. Mr Spin-ooza. The biggest determinist of the lot.

And where is Gaius? He is sitting on his own a few seats behind the others, his middle sized claws balanced on each of his knees, making copious notes for a planned dissertation which will include annotated comments on everything that he has observed in the last week.

Was it really only a week? It seems longer.

I Red U Green O Blue

The concert is over. Nearly everyone has gone. Gaius remains sitting on the grass in the moonlight, humming snatches of song.

Hmm hmm hmm.....it's all over you, electric blue.... hmm hmm hmm....  on my KNEES.... hmmm hmm hmm ... just a vision of you, electric blue......

A good song, thinks Gaius. They don't write them like that any more.

Then there was Arthur. Whatever was that nonsense he'd performed? Ridiculous. Vowels having colours. And U before O. Whatever next? And no proper tune.

He wonders where Arthur is now.

Arthur is in a pub with Iva and the rest of the band. They are trying to talk him into coming on tour.

Arthur is saying No.

Iva is saying Just tell us why.

Arthur is saying Because I have to go surfing and furthermore...

And Iva is interrupting and saying You know you could become  a cult figure

But Arthur is continuing And I have been promised a meeting with Farky the dog.

And Iva is surprised into saying Farky! I think I've met him.

Which is very unlikely, Arthur thinks.

Then David and Vello walk into the pub.

Well done Arthur, says David. I did like your song.

So did I, agrees Vello. Interesting subject, synesthesia. Though I would not have said A was black. And I'm wondering why you put U before O.

Well, if you don't know....says Arthur.

Vello is miffed. He doesn't know.

Meanwhile Emma and Irma, festooned with Glo-sticks, are walking back to their hotel with mum and dad.

That concert was MEGA! says Irma. 'Specially ARTHUR.

I LOVE Arthur, says Emma. He's RAD!

Rad? says Mum. I haven't heard that word in ages. But he is rather cute.

The girls dance ahead chanting Arthur! Arthur ! We Love You! A Black E White I Red U Green O Blue!

Why U before O? wonders Dad.

But even mum doesn't know the answer.

Wild For Arthur Rimbaud

Rumours are rife at the Masters. Who is the surprise guest performing with Icehouse tonight? Some think it's Bob Dylan. Someone guesses Jim Morrison, never mind that he's dead. There is talk of a philosopher. Wittgenstein possibly, or Kant.

Arthur is unaware of the speculation. But he thinks he'll do a good show. He polishes one of his poems into song. A poem that everyone liked once. Voyelles.

.............

It is evening. A crowd has gathered on the grass in front of the stage.Children are already dancing. There is an ATMOSPHERE here.

Icehouse comes on. They play Crazy and Great Southern Land. The crowd loves these songs.

GREAT SOUTHERN LAND..... la, la-la, laah!

Now Iva introduces his special guest, Arthur Rimbaud.

People look at one another in puzzlement. Who is Arthur Rimbaud?

Arthur comes onto the stage, in his dirty shorts and with bare scabby knees. He sits down at the piano and starts to play. Voyelles.

That is, in English, VOWELS.

Plang plang!!!

Arthur can't play but it doesn't matter. He's deconstructing sounds with his poem. He half speaks, half sings:

A Black! E White! I Red! U Green! O Blue!!! VOWELS.

Pling! Plangggg!  ( that's the piano )

A
One day I'll say where you come from
Black hairy jacket of brilliant flies
buzzing around a stink  

E
white steam and tents
shards of glaciers, white kings, and milkweed

I
purples, spat blood,
angry beautiful lips

U
viridian seas, fields spread with animals,
furrows on agonised faces

O
bellowing trumpet of strange
silences crossed by [ Worlds and by Angels ]
the Omega, violet ray of [His] Eyes.

Planggg! Pling! ( the piano again )

Arthur stops.

A spotlight shines obliquely into his strange pale blue eyes. It captures the flop of his hair on a giant screen that everyone can see.

Iva strikes up Electric Blue.

The crowd goes wild for Arthur Rimbaud

Arthur Sets Himself A Challenge

What are you doing at the Alice Springs Masters Games? asks Iva. You're too young to be competing.

It's a long story, says Arthur. Too long.

Iva nods sagely. His story is also too long.

Arthur wants to ask about YouTube, but doesn't want to seem foolish.

He says nothing and waits.

It's so cool you're here, says Iva.

Why is it cool that he's here? asks Ageless.

Good, Ageless has asked. Maybe now he'll find out.

He's been inspirational to us songwriters since .... I don't know..... the sixties... says Iva. Yeah, James Morrison, Patti Smith, Bob Dylan........

Arthur wonders who they are.

Who are they? asks Ageless, on cue.

Famous songwriters, says Iva, like me. Here. Grab hold of this cable for me while I stick this plug into this socket.

Arthur grabs hold of the cable. Iva sticks the plug into a socket.

You'd make a good roadie, says Iva. But hey, Arthur, can you sing?

I can play the piano, says Arthur. I learned from a barman in London.

How about doing a guest spot with us tonight? asks Iva. That would be brilliant.

Alright, says Arthur.

Ha ha! Our friends'll get a surprise, says Ageless.

Who are your friends? asks Iva. Lobsters, or poets?

No, says Arthur. Philosophers mainly.

Woah! says Iva. I'm into philosophy. Who?

The VeloDrone, says Arthur, aka Voltaire. And Le Bon David. That's David Hume.

I know them, says Iva. They edit that online cycling magazine Velosophy. I always read that. Except it hasn't come out for a while..

You left out Mr Spin-ooza, says Ageless. And Pliny the Elder.

And them, says Arthur.

Gee! says Iva. I bet you get to hear some interesting conversations. I'd like to meet them!

You will tonight, says Ageless. Won't he, Arthur?

Arthur doesn't reply. He is miles away. Thinking about his guest spot with Icehouse. What will he play? It's a long time since he played the piano.

Are You Hiding Somewhere Behind Those Eyes?

A good poem, Arthur, says Spinoza, as poems go. But it is very easy to set out a series of unrelated ideas as though they mean something important.

No it isn't, says Arthur. It's hard.

Not as hard as mathematical theorems, says Spinoza.

Just as hard, says Arthur. Possibly even harder.

Now you are just being silly, says Spinoza.

No, no, says The Velodrone. You two agree fundamentally. You both seek full knowledge of the essential nature of things, one through philosophical analysis and the other through poetry.......

But Arthur isn't listening. He is bored. He stands up.

I'm going to look for Ageless, says Arthur.

I didn't know he'd left, says Gaius, looking around.

But he has.

Arthur follows the lobstery trail that Ageless has made through the red dust. He walks for ages and ages.

Eventually he comes upon Ageless sitting in front of a stage which is under construction.

Ageless is talking to a man. The man has spiky grey hair and is holding a cable.

Hello Ageless, says Arthur, looking at the man.

Hello, says Ageless.

Hello! says the man. Hey,  haven't I seen you before? Yeah.... but it can't be. You look exactly like Arthur Rimbaud!

Arthur is surprised. Not that he looks like Arthur Rimbaud, but that this man should think so.

I am Arthur Rimbaud, says Arthur. How did you know? Did Ageless tell you?

No, says the man. I've seen you on loads of  video clips posted on YouTube. That face. That hair. Those eyes. Electric blue.

The man starts to hum a familiar sounding song.

Electric Blue! says Ageless. An oldie but a goodie!

Arthur thinks he may have seen the man before as well.

And you...? says Arthur.

Iva Davies, says Iva. This is mental! And awesome. Wait till I tell the boys.....

As Simple As a Musical Phrase

Arthur stands up.

Cough! Cough!

That's not Arthur.

Excuse me, says Baruch Spinoza. Can't stop coughing. It's all this red dust.

And the nuts, says Gaius, sympathetically. Have some water. Wasn't there some in your picnic basket?

It smells of bad fish, says Spinoza. Is there any milk?

No one has any milk.

Arthur feels deep down in the pockets of his shorts. Bandages, scraper.....a bottle!

He opens the bottle.

This used to be milk, he says, tipping the bottle. Now it looks more like cheese. D'you want it?

No, thank you, says Spinoza. Say your poem.

Guerre, says Arthur.

Better give it to us in English, says The VeloDrone. Or Baruch and Gaius won't get it.

War, says Arthur. It's not easy to translate into English.

That seemed quite easy, says David.

No, the rest, says Arthur. But I'll try.

WAR ( recites Arthur)
As a child certain skies defined my perspective: their characters showed in my face.
The Phenomena were roused.
Now, the eternal inflection of moments and the infinity of mathematics
Drives me through this world where I meet civil honours,
Respected by strange children and huge affections.
I dream of a War of right against might, of unlooked-for logic.
It's as simple as a musical phrase.

Arthur sits down.

Very good, says The VeloDrone. What is the musical phrase?

Umm..... says Arthur.

A simple one indeed, says The VeloDrone. Umm.

That wasn't it, says Arthur. I told you it was hard to translate.

Well, I'm very impressed, says David.  The eternal inflection of moments. The infinity of mathematics. Unlooked-for logic. All that.

Anyone would think you'd read Russell, says Gaius. But tell me, who are these strange children? Are they Baby Pierre and his friends?

Arthur says he doesn't think so, since he wrote it before meeting them.

He wonders what Spinoza makes of it.

Cough ! Cough!

Is Spinoza about to say something?

Getting Round To Arthur's Poem About Maths

Spinoza spins round.

Stop it at once, you lobster! he cries. Stop scratching my lens!

Ageless stops, and climbs down off the lens grinder.

Sorry, couldn't help myself, he says. It's my nature.

Spinoza is furious.

You did that on purpose, you monster! he cries.

Just proving you right, Mr Spin-ooza, says Ageless. Thought you'd be pleased.

Gaius tries a helpful diversion.

You say it's all about maths? he says to Spinoza.

What? Humph! Yes, says Spinoza.

But what if maths is not based on  logic? says Gaius, who is now up to Bertrand Russell in The Great Philosophers. You have no basis for your argument but intuition.

Spinoza calms down, and begins to think about this.

He takes a packet of mixed nuts out of his picnic basket and hands them around.

I wrote a poem about maths once, says Arthur, biting into a nut.

A poem, says Spinoza.

Yes, says Arthur. It was also about intuition.

Spinoza begins to cough. Cough! Cough!

A Brazil nut, he says apologetically. I didn't know you were a poet.

Arthur Rimbaud, says Arthur.

A man comes up wheeling a bicycle.

My bicycle! says The VeloDrone. Thanks for bringing it back. Did you go in the road race?

Yes, says the man. It was slow. No drugs. Everyone far too friendly. Give me archery any day. How did you go?

Oh, you know, says The VeloDrone. So-so. Here's your bow back.

Going to the Closing Ceremony? asks the man.

Don't know, says The VeloDrone. Who's on?

Icehouse, says the man. You've heard of  Icehouse?

A cool new band? asks Le Bon David.

The man laughs and walks off.

Give us your poem, Arthur, says Gaius. The one about maths.

Alright, says Arthur. Since you asked for it. It's called WAR.

That gets everyone's attention.

And That's How Free Will Works

What is the dreadful buzzing sound?

Everyone turns to look at Ageless.

Has he switched the motor on?

No. It's Ageless buzzing.

What's that noise you're making, lobster? asks Spinoza. For a minute there I thought you'd turned my lens grinder on.

Bzzzzz! says Ageless rudely. No, I'm teaching you a lesson on free will.

What is it? asks Spinoza.

It's doing what you like, says Ageless Lobster.

I meant, what's the lesson? asks Spinoza. And free will isn't doing what you like.

The lesson is this, says Ageless. Point One: You were determined to eat me. Point Two: You forgot. Point Three: Consequently I am still here. So far, so deterministic. But now, Point Four: I capriciously decide to climb up on your lens grinder and make a buzzing sound. Point Five:  Now I randomly decide to scratch your precious lens here with my claw. Point Six: Oh wait, no, I've changed my mind, I won't do it. And that's how Free Will works, see?

And it isn't changing your mind, says Spinoza patiently. But I like the way you divided your argument into points. Quite mathematical.

Thank you, says Ageless, disarmed by the compliment.

I suppose, Baruch, says David Hume, that you would say god and nature constitute an all-embracing necessary and deterministic system, and one must accept one's place in it.

Exactly, says Spinoza.

I don't see why you need god though, says David Hume. If god and nature are the same why can't you just have nature?

It's simple mathematics, says Spinoza. Without god there would be nothing for nature to be the same as.

Everyone is silent, pondering that.

Scraaaatch!. The silence is broken by a scratching sound........

Philosophical Determinism

Arthur finds himself faced with a moral dilemma. Should he whisk Ageless away, and save him from the lobster cutlery, or let him learn Spinoza's lesson of determinism?

He hesitates. No one else is acting. Why should he?

Meanwhile Gaius is looking hard at the lobster cutlery.

That's very unusual lobster cutlery, he says.

Lobster cutlery? says Baruch Spinoza. Whatever do you mean? This is my lens grinding equipment. I bring it with me everywhere I go.

You're a lens grinder? says The Velodrone. How fascinating. Let me see.

Certainly. This is the coarse grinding positioner, and this is the fine grinding positioner, says Baruch, proudly displaying his equipment. This is the rotating platter and down here is the spindle motor.

Ingenious, says David. And we thought it was lobster cutlery. That is droll. What do you think, Ageless?

Very droll, says Ageless. Is this how you teach the lesson of determinism, Mister Philosopher?

He snaps a claw aggressively at Baruch.

To be honest, I had forgotten all about it, says Baruch.

Ageless is disgusted.

Lens grinding is a noble occupation, says The VeloDrone. We all need lenses for our telescopes and things.

Noble, yes, says Baruch, but the fine glass gets into the lungs and makes you cough.

Just thinking of it makes him cough.

Cough! Cough!

That'll be the curse, says Arthur. Making you cough.

Yes, says Baruch. I'm not sorry I wrote my theorems and propositions about god and nature, but I have paid a heavy price.

Did you ever consider using a false name? asks The VeloDrone.

For god, or nature? asks Baruch.

Ageless! says Arthur, suddenly.

Yes, that would have been a wonderful false name, agrees The VeloDrone.

But Arthur is not participating in the word game.

He is watching Ageless climb up the side of the spindle motor to the rotating platter of the grinder. Now he reaches precariously for the coarse grinding positioner. Now begins a dreadful buzzing sound.....

The Curse Of The Curse

The archery event is over. Baruch is the clear winner with multiple bullseyes.

What a whiz you are at archery! says David. Well done, Baruch!

Thank you, David, says Baruch. I practice a lot. Would you all care to join me for a late picnic lunch?

Very kind, says David. We'll be delighted.

David! says The VeloDrone. Have you forgotten what he's having for lunch?

Don't worry, says Baruch. Your friend has nothing to fear.

They find a seat in the shade and sit down.

What made you take up archery, Baruch? asks The VeloDrone, biting into a bagel.

The curse, says Baruch.

Good heavens, says Gaius, nibbling a celery stick. What curse is that?

Ageless pokes his head out of the basket, and waves a claw at Arthur.

Arthur lifts him out.

It stinks of smoked salmon in there, says Ageless. Do I smell?

Dear me, has it gone off? says Baruch. I tell you, this curse is a.....curse.

Tell us about it, says David, spooning bean salad onto a cardboard plate.

It happened when I was just twenty three, says Baruch. I had published my philosophical musings, explaining why god and nature are one. I had mathematical theorems derived from my propositions, as beautiful as any geometry. But the Talmud Torah Congregation of Amsterdam didn't like it. They said it was wicked and wrong. They issued a cherem, or curse.

How does it go? asks Gaius, chewing a limp piece of rocket.

It's quite comprehensive, says Baruch. It goes like this:

Cursed be he ( that's me) by day and by night,
When he lies down, and when he gets up,
When he goes out, and when he comes in.

Superb!says The VeloDrone. It covers everything.

Everything except sport, says Baruch.

The VeloDrone and Le Bon David exchange glances. They can both see holes in this exception. Surely one must get up and go out to play sport either by day or by night?

But surely...says Gaius, who has just had the very same thought. Then he stops.

Ageless is whispering to Arthur.

Arthur gets up.

Baruch is eying Ageless. And he has taken something out of his basket.

It looks like .....lobster cutlery!

God And Nature Are One And The Same

Baruch, Arthur, Gaius, Vello and David head out to sign up for the archery. Past Blatherskite Park and the Showgrounds, turn right down Illparpa Road to the Shooting Complex.

They stand in line to register.

It's forty five dollars per event, says Ross.

 I presume bow and arrows are included, says The Velodrone, counting out his money.

No, says Ross. You have to bring your own.

We planned to enter the cycling, says David . As you see, three of us have bicycles.

Perhaps someone will do you a swap, says Ross, who likes to be helpful.

He turns on the loudspeaker and asks if anyone would like to swap.

A few interested people wander up.

Yeah, I'll swap, says one. That bike for my bow and arrows, for the afternoon.

Now Vello has a bow and several arrows.

You and Gaius can share mine, he says to David.

Good man, says David.

Baruch has brought his own.

Now everyone has registered but Arthur.

Have you got any ID? says Ross.

No, says Arthur.

Sorry mate, you look too young, says Ross. This is the Masters. You must be over thirty five.

That's never going to happen, says Arthur.

You can look after my picnic basket, Arthur, says Baruch. But don't let Ageless out.

Aren't you being rather mean? says David. Ageless Lobster is a friend of ours, you know.

He is no friend of mine, says Baruch. I consider him an addition to my lunch.

Muffled sounds rise from the depths of Baruch's picnic basket.

You see, says Baruch, an object can be conceived under various attributes. Friend; lunch. But never both at once.

I thought you said you wanted to teach him a lesson, says David.

And this is it, says Baruch Spinoza. God and nature are one and the same.

A modern view, observes The VeloDrone. How will he learn it if you eat him for lunch?

 I get it, says Arthur.

Good lad! says Baruch Spinoza. Tell you what. Let's have our own contest. Arthur and me against you three. Whoever wins gets to do what they like with the lobster.

Hee hee! says The VeloDrone. Done! You've forgotten that Arthur can't shoot.

What Games To Play?

Gaius, Vello and David are standing in the road discussing alternative events to cycling.

They have pretty much decided to register for Lawn Bowls when who should come up behind them but Arthur, accompanied by a man with black crinkly hair, old fashioned clothing and a long expression.

Arthur! cries Gaius. You're here! I thought you were getting on the train.

I was, says Arthur, but something happened to prevent me.

Hello Arthur! says Le Bon David. How nice to see you. I trust that what went wrong was not too serious.

Not for me, says Arthur.

For Ageless then? says Gaius. Tell us all about it.

Arthur shrugs.

Ageless was kicked off the train because he didn't have a ticket, says Arthur. So he got into a basket that was sitting on the platform. It was a deep basket. He got in but he couldn't get out.

Why did he want to get out? asks Vello.

Because the basket turned out to be a picnic basket, says Arthur. It was full of cheese and salads and smoked salmon, crusty bread and bottled water.

It was MY picnic basket, says the crinkly haired man, not waiting to be introduced. And it wasn't going on the train. And nor was I. We had just got off.

So where is Ageless now? asks Gaius.

Still in the basket, says the crinkly haired man. I'm teaching him a lesson about determinism.

Arthur, pray introduce us to your interesting friend, says David.

This is Baruch, says Arthur. Baruch Spinoza. He's here for the Masters Games. He's entering the archery competition.

Archery! says The VeloDrone. We hadn't considered that. That sounds like fun.

Fun! says Baruch. What has fun got to do with games?

Arthur looks admiringly at Baruch, who has already come up with many clever aphorisms.

Being Adequate

It's the next morning.

Dr Yates, having got up very early, is driving north to examine the newly discovered skeleton of a Giant Wombat.

Ageless is on his way to the station, with Arthur, Baby Pierre, Lavender and Ouvert, to find a way of getting on the train without paying.

Gaius is on his way to sign up for the cycling event in the Masters Games.

He is walking along the footpath wheeling his hired bicycle.

But who is this wobbling towards him on the road? Two men on bicycles, who look familiar.

Vello! David! cries Gaius. What are you two doing here?

Gaius! says Le Bon David. We thought we might see you.

We're here for the cycling, says The VeloDrone. But with the trouble that's blown up lately, we're pulling out.

Trouble? What trouble? asks Gaius, who has not recently been listening to any news.

Lance Armstrong! says Le Bon David. He's  been caught doping. And lots of others have confessed to it as well.

Dear me, says Gaius, remembering his lucky escape last year with the mints.

It's a complete debacle! says The VeloDrone. Everyone is under suspicion. We need to be circumspect from now on. We are not entirely free of guilt ourselves.

Oh, surely not, says Gaius. I don't think infiltrating the other teams with a talking dog is classed as cheating.

Maybe and maybe not, says The VeloDrone, but we're seriously thinking of entering the Lawn Bowls instead.

What a pity young Arthur has gone home, says Gaius. He's very good at bowls.

Young Arthur? says Le Bon David. Isn't he only seventeen?

He is, but he would qualify, says Gaius. He was born in eighteen fifty four.

I say! says Le Bon David. He would have been an excellent addition to our team. Vello isn't very good at bowls.

I am perfectly adequate at bowls, says The VeloDrone.

Ha ha , says Gaius. That reminds me of something that Spinoza said.

What? says The VeloDrone. Are you reading philosophy now?

I am, says Gaius. I'm reading The Great Philosophers. And you are in it, David, you may be pleased to know.

Not unless Vello is in it too, says Le Bon David, modestly. But I assume he is.

No, he isn't, says Gaius. But I'm sure that is only because Vello is such a polymath he doesn't fit in any category.

The VeloDrone is pleased with this line of reasoning, which he finds entirely adequate.

The Masters Games

Gaius gets out of the Jeep. He believes fully in the powers of the zircon to protect him. He starts to take a pee.

Arthur gets out of the Jeep.

Arthur, get back in! says Gaius. I haven't finished.

Afraid of snakes? says Arthur, starting to pee.

They pee and pee, because they drank a lot of water.

There are no snakes in sight or anywhere.

They get back in the Jeep.

You see? says Arthur. There were no snakes.

Gaius thinks he knows the reason why.

Right, let's go, says Dr Yates, revving up the engine. The Jeep roars off down the Plenty Highway.

Is everyone going home when we get to Alice Springs? asks Dr Yates.

I suppose so, says Gaius. What about you, Ageless?

I am, says Ageless. What about you Arthur?

Yes, says Arthur. I'm catching up with Sweezus. He's going to take me surfing.

The reason I'm asking, says Dr Yates, is the The Masters Games are on this week in Alice. I thought you might be staying. There's Archery, BMX, Lawn Bowls, Swimming, Shooting, Hockey, Cycling.......

Cycling? says Gaius. I might stay for that. I already have a bicycle. I wonder if anyone I know is going in it?

........


Let us leave him wondering.

Tomorrow morning he will find out the happy truth.

The VeloDrone and Le Bon David have arrived in Alice Springs to take part in The Masters Games.

The Limits of Philosophy

Baby Pierre is thinking about his essential being.

Has he answered Ageless's question too quickly?

Perhaps he would be just the same if he were cut in half.

Perhaps that is the special thing about him.

Is it good or bad to be the same when you get cut in half? asks Baby Pierre.

Let's see what Spinoza has to say, says Gaius.

He skims through the chapter on Spinoza.

He doesn't say, says Gaius.

Arthur and Dr Yates are not surprised.

Lavender and Ouvert are not sure why it matters.

Baby Pierre is disappointed. He would have liked to know.

Come now, Baby Pierre, says Gaius, kindly. What is it that you always say you are?

An atheist and a free thinker, says Baby Pierre. Although Frog said it didn't make sense to be both.

Well, there you are, says Gaius. I think we have had enough of this Spinoza. Is there anything to eat?

No, says Dr Yates. I was in too much of a hurry. Have you brought anything to eat Arthur?

No, says Arthur, feeling in his pockets.

I have plenty of water, says Dr Yates. You can help yourself to that.

Gaius drinks some water. So does Arthur.

Soon Gaius has to ask for a toilet stop.

Arthur needs one too.

Dr Yates stops the Jeep.

The zircon stiffens, if a zircon can be said to stiffen.

Snakes!

Don't both of you get out! says the zircon. I fear my powers are limited.

Dissent About The Essence of Things

It is the dead of night and Bahloo the Moon shines balefully on the Plenty Highway. Inside the Jeep The Great Philosophers are causing some dissent.

Gaius is reading the chapter on Spinoza. Spinoza thinks that truth is what is adequate. By this he means in accordance with the mind of god.

I don't like this Spinoza, says Gaius. He needs to specify which god.

He needs to specify what he means by adequate, says Arthur.

Baby Pierre is sitting next to Gaius, reading the same pages on Spinoza, but not quite keeping up..

Gaius turns the page.

Now here, says Gaius, we have Spinoza's ideas on the essence of things. This may be illuminating.

He reads:

Consider animals. Unlike stones, they avoid injury, protect themselves and try to heal themselves when afflicted. For this reason we attribute to animals an independence we rarely accord to insentient things......

Unlike stones! says Baby Pierre.

Ha ha! says Lavender.

Why are you laughing, Lavender? says Baby Pierre hotly.

Because I'm not a stone, says Lavender.

You should be on our side, Lavender, says Ouvert. You're more a stone than an animal.

It's doesn't have to be an either or, says Dr Yates. Consider fossils.

Baby Pierre is not consoled by this. He looks at Ageless.

Put it this way, says Ageless. Would you still be Baby Pierre if you were cut in half?

No, says Baby Pierre.

Then you are an indivisible entity, says Ageless. In essence, that's what counts.

So are you still Ageless when you come out of your carapace? asks Baby Pierre.

That's a different thing entirely, says Ageless.

The philosophical argument continues, but the zircon in Arthur's hand keeps out of it.

He's busy protecting everyone from snakes.

What is Truth? What is Justice?

They're supposed to be waiting at the gate, says Dr Yates crossly.

You must be in a hurry, says Arthur. Wouldn't tomorrow do?

Giant Diprotodon skeletons wait for no man, says Dr Yates.

Surely they do, says Arthur.

Perhaps they've left me a note, says Dr Yates.

He gets out of the Jeep and goes over to the fence to read the note pinned to it by the lobster claw.

Tch! says Dr Yates. They were here, but they had to go back to pick up some book they've left behind.

The Thousand and One Arabian Nights, says Arthur, remembering the book.

They'll be waiting at the Caravan Park Office, says Dr Yates. Come on.

He drives up to the office.

Gaius, Ageless, Baby Pierre, Ouvert and Lavender are on the verandah, waiting. Gaius is perusing a book.

Got it? says Dr Yates. Get in!

They all clamber in to Dr Yates's Jeep.

We haven't got it, says Lavender.

No, we haven't got it, says Baby Pierre. Ageless is really mad!

Arthur and Dr Yates turn round to look at Ageless.

He does look furious.

We've got a different book, says Baby Pierre. Somebody swapped it. They thought it was part of the Travellers' Swapping Library.

What have you got instead? asks Arthur.

The Great Philosophers, says Gaius. It's very interesting. What is truth? What is justice?

Exactly! says Ageless. It was my book. No one had the right to swap it for The Great Philosophers.

Speaking of which, says Dr Yates. Did you bring my carapace?

Your carapace? says Ageless.

I paid for it, says Dr Yates. Where is it?

We thought you had it, says Baby Pierre. It must be in the office.

Drat! says Dr Yates. I'm not going back again. But strictly speaking you owe me thirty dollars, Ageless.

Ageless shrugs.

They are passing through the gate.

The rush of air rustles the paper notes attached to the fence by the lobster claw.

Take the claw, says Arthur.

It wouldn't seem right somehow, says Dr Yates.

Assumptions

Damn! says Bahloo the Moon, up in the heavens. There goes three more snakes.

It doesn't matter, he can send more snakes. He sends them to remind men of the time they didn't do what he asked.

And what was that?

Even he can't remember.

...

It's nearly midnight. Dr Yates has noticed Arthur's bleeding knees.

Did you come off your bike? asks Dr Yates.

No, says Arthur. Do you believe it's possible to see the future?

Why? asks Dr Yates. Do you think you can?

I see things, says Arthur. I foresee an amputation.

Nonsense, says Dr Yates briskly. It was your hallucination.

You said it wasn't a hallucination, says Arthur gloomily.

.......

It's midnight. Dr Yates is talking about the Giant Wombat skeleton find.

If it can be dated, says Dr Yates, we may have evidence that humans played a part in its extinction

Arthur yawns.

........

It's ten past twelve. The zircon joins the conversation

Are we there yet? asks the zircon.

Nearly there, says Dr Yates.

I'm thinking of starting a protection racket, says the zircon.

Hear that? says Arthur. His vocabulary is astonishing. Only this morning all he could say was uh, uh, and now he's saying words like metaphorical and protection racket.

Remarkable, agrees Dr Yates.

Not that remarkable, says the zircon. I was under the earth a long time. I had a lot to think about.

But you had no language, says Dr Yates. How did you think without it?

I have no idea, says the zircon.

........

It's quarter past. They pull up at the gate.

The empty lobster claw still dangles from the fence, holding Mathilde's torn off note.

Or is it not Mathilde's note? One shouldn't make assumptions

The Birth of Reason and The Power of Words

Hiss! Hiss! Hiss!

Everything sounds like snakes when you are expecting snakes.

Even the slamming of a car door and a human voice exclaiming 'Arthur!'

It was the door of Dr Yates's Jeep and the voice of Dr Yates.

What are you doing here, Arthur? says Dr Yates. You're going the wrong way.

Arthur looks hard at the zircon. The zircon stares back.

Another proof  your powers are ineffectual, says Arthur.

Navigation? That wasn't in my brief, says the zircon.

Do you want a lift? says Dr Yates. I'm in a hurry. I have to head up north. They've found a fossilised skeleton of a giant wombat. A most exciting find! There may be evidence of human interaction.

No thanks, says Arthur. I'm in the middle of hallucinating. I'm fighting Malingees.

That's no hallucination, says Dr Yates. I can see them too. As a rule it's better to avoid them.

See, Arthur! says the zircon. They're real.

YE-HE! says the first Malingee, the simple one.

But not real in the sense of physically existing, says the scientific Malingee. We are evil spirits! We conjure you to go away! BWAAH!

Get in, Arthur, says Dr Yates. We'll put the bicycle in the back.

Alright, says Arthur. Where are the others?

Back at the Gemtree Caravan Park with Ageless, says Dr Yates. We'll pick them up and then go on to Alice Springs.

Arthur gets in.

I see you've still got the zircon, says Dr Yates. Gaius was very knowledgeable about it. Any evidence of its protective powers?

No, says Arthur. But it's already learned to reason, and its vocabulary is growing by the hour.

The zircon glows with secret pride, in Arthur's hand.

They drive off down the road into the darkness.

The Malingees see something shining on the road just where the Jeep had stopped.

They  move forward silently. No need to rattle their knees now the humans have gone.

Shit! says the first Malingee.

YE-HE! says the second one.

Their smouldering red eyes look up at Bahloo the moon, and down again at what is on the road.

Three deadly snakes.

Squashed dead.

Bahloo The Moon and His Deadly Snakes

The Malingees whip out their stone knives, and wave them at Arthur.

Go now! says the first Malingee, before we do you damage.

With stone knives? says Arthur. They won't be sharp.

Sharp enough! says the second Malingee, lunging forward.

Stop! says the zircon. In the name of .....me!

BWAHAHA! laugh the Malingees.

I have powers, says the zircon.

No, you don't, says Arthur.

Well, does he or doesn't he? asks the second Malingee.

It's irrelevant, says Arthur. I'm hallucinating. So you're not going to touch me.

See! says the zircon. You won't touch him. That's my power.

The first Malingee looks confused at this, but the second Malingee is something of a scientist.

Let's find out! says the second Malingee.

His knees rattle harder. Rattle rattle! His eyes smoulder and glow red. PFFFF! He thrusts his stone knife at Arthur, who kicks it aside. Thrust! Kick! Thrust!

Arthur receives a scrape on his left knee. It begins to bleed.

There! says the scientific Malingee.

 I have a bandage somewhere, says Arthur, sitting down.

The Malingee is surprised to have drawn blood. Usually people run away before that happens.

It's a stand-off. No one knows what to do next.

The zircon decides to start a sensible debate.

Let me put it to you, says the zircon to the Malingees, that my powers prevented something worse from happening.

Rubbish, say Arthur. It was your boasting that provoked them.

No, it was your taunting that provoked them, says the zircon.

Blood was drawn, says the second Malingee. So we won in any case.

I already had scabs, says Arthur. It was an easy win.

Are you Malingees the only evil spirits around these parts? asks the zircon.

YE-HE-HE! says the first Malingee. NO! Look up in the sky and see.

See what? says the zircon.

Bahloo, the moon up there, says the Malingee. He keeps three deadly snakes.

Hardly a local then, scoffed the zircon.

But listen! HISS!! HISS!! HISS!!

What's that hissing sound?

Red Eyes Smouldering Like Coals

What good is the recipe if you don't have the ingredients? says Arthur. How about a hallucination instead?

I don't produce hallucinations, says zircon. I help you fight them.

Alright, says Arthur. I can produce my own hallucinations. I used to do it all the time. Just watch me.

I'm in a cardboard box, says the zircon. .

You can stay there, says Arthur. But stop rattling.

I'm not rattling, says the zircon.

You are, says Arthur. I can hear you.

It must be evil spirits, says the zircon. I can fight them. Just get me out.

Arthur gets off the bicycle. He takes the cardboard box out of his pocket, and picks up the zircon with a pincer action.

I won't bite YOU, says the zircon. Uhh! What's that?

What's what? says Arthur.

Over there! says the zircon. Where the rattling's coming from. Red eyes glowing in the dark like coals. Maybe it's snakes! Hey! Don't go any nearer!

Why not? says Arthur. You'll protect me.

He goes towards the glowing red coals.

BWAA! says a raspy voice, followed by another, equally raspy. BWAA!

Hello! says Arthur. I'm hallucinating.

BWAA!

Two tall dark figures emerge from the shadows, their knees rattling horribly. They are brandishing stone knives. Their eyes are smouldering.

May I introduce you to my zircon, says Arthur boldly. It intends to fight you.

No that's wrong, says the zircon. I don't do actual fighting. That's only metaphorical. I protect by being.

BWAAHAHA! BWAAHAHA!

Can the the dark shadowy figures be laughing?

Are you laughing? says Arthur.

YE-HE-HE! says one. Protect by being! Metaphorical!  What a piece of bullshit! Do youse know who we are?

No, says Arthur. Who?

We are Malingees, says the first Malingee. We are evil spirits and we live round here. We keep to ourselves normally. We have these rattling knees and smouldering eyes for a reason.

What's the reason? asked Arthur.

To scare youse off, says the first Malingee.

It doesn't always work, says the second Malingee. And then we stab youse with stone knives!

I like it, says Arthur. Very good. I might get something useful out of that.

Not Strictly A Philosopher

We shouldn't have let Arthur go off like that, says mum. He hasn't any water.

Never mind, says Gaius. He's had two mugs of tea.

And lots of damper, says Emma. Did you see how much he ate?

That'll weigh him down, says mum. Perhaps we should go after him.

We'll give him half an hour, says Dr Yates. Then we'll drive up behind him, and see if he wants a lift.

They all settled back to enjoy the next half hour.

Dad turns to Gaius.

And where did you and Arthur meet, if you don't mind me asking? says dad.

The Tour de France, says Gaius. We were in the same team. Team Philosophe.

Oh, says dad. Is Arthur a philosopher? I thought he was a poet.

We have an open sort of team, says Gaius. I myself am not strictly a philosopher, but a natural historian.

And a good hands-on one too, says Dr Yates. He found two Medium-sized Claws up at the diggings.

Indeed, says Gaius modestly, they were only Middle-sized. When I had hoped ......

Lavender isn't listening to any of this. She's worried about Arthur, riding a bicycle in the dark, with nothing but a zircon in his pocket.

As well she might be.

..........

Arthur is riding along in the gathering dark. He is not sure whether he has turned the right way at the turn-off.

What does it matter? thinks Arthur. I'll either get where I'm going , or arrive somewhere else.

How little he knows the outback.

Rattle, rattle.

It's the zircon.

Do you..uh..uh..know.... where we're going? it asks.

No, says Arthur. Do you?

Urrrah! says the zircon. I SAID something!! Urrrah! Now I'm cooking! Do you want my opinion? Are you melancholy? Aspiring to wisdom through science? Hungry? I know how to make damper!

A Love Of Science And Desire For Truth

So here is everyone. Eating damper and drinking billy tea. It is getting dark.

Gaius is still listing the little-known virtues of zircon.

The zircon, says Gaius, will help to focus energy resources, uncover lies and deception, cultivate a love of science and desire for truth......and most wonderful of all, can be relied upon to rescue its owner from possession by evil spirits.

Wow! says Emma. That is awesome. You're so lucky, Arthur.

I gave it to him, says Lavender.

I know, says Emma. You're so cool, Lavender. You could have kept it. But you gave it to him.

Now he'll be protected, says Lavender.

We'll see, says Arthur. It's either it or me.

Where are you all off to next? asks mum, hoping that they are all off to somewhere next, and fairly soonish.

Back to the Gemtree Caravan Park, says Gaius. We have to pick up Ageless and the boys. Then Dr Yates will drive us back to Alice Springs. Will you be coming with us,  Arthur?

No, says Arthur, I'll go back on the bike.

Are you sure? says Dr Yates. It's a long way, and it's getting dark.

It's not that far, says Arthur.

If the zircon had been paying attention, it would have intervened right here.

But the zircon is daydreaming. Thinking of all the things it has learned so far today. Of the many powers it possesses, and the recipe for damper. A good day's work, it thinks.

 ( It doesn't know the recipe for damper. It thinks all you need is flour, butter, sugar and sultanas, but it has no inkling of the need for water, or alternatively, milk).

I'll set off now, says Arthur. See you there.

He walks out of the tent, the zircon rattling in his pocket.

Strange boy, says Gaius. Always sloping off.

Hallucinations

Arthur weighs up the pros and cons of taking possession of the zircon.

Hallucinations are responsible for his most successful poems.

He loves hallucinations.

And Gaius claims the zircon will combat them.

A lesser poet might choose not to take the zircon.

But not Arthur.

He decides to take the zircon.

He pockets the cardboard box.

Lavender is pleased.

Gaius is still going on about the wondrous properties of zircon.

It is well known, says Gaius, that a zircon will lose its shine before a thunderstorm.

Well, I didn't know that, says mum. I wonder if we'll get a thunderstorm tonight?

The zircon hopes not. It doesn't want to lose its shine.

Suddenly it hears a rumbling sound.

Oh no! Could that be thunder?

But it's only Arthur's tummy. He is hungry.

He hasn't eaten anything since last Friday, when he left his snacks behind.

He catches mum's eye.

Did you say before that we were having damper? asks Arthur.

Oh yes, the damper, says mum. Flour and water, right?

Mum! says Irma. It's more than that.

I hope so, says dad. I like mine with sultanas.

A little butter and sugar would be nice, says Dr Yates.

Did you know, says Gaius, leaning in to Arthur confidentially, that zircon improves the appetite?

Arthur thinks the zircon has precious little to do with it.

The zircon, on the other hand, begins to feel alarmed.

Appetite, snake bites, bleeds, hallucinations, thunderstorms and goodness knows what else?

Perhaps it has bitten off more than it can chew.

Taking Charge of Arthur

Paul and Mathilde Verlaine drive off, Mathilde at the wheel.

Mum invites everyone else back to the tent for tea and damper.

They sit outside the tent in the late afternoon shade, Dr Yates, Gaius, Arthur, mum, dad, Irma, Emma and Lavender.

Did you enjoy your fossicking, Lavender? asks Dr Yates.

Most of it, says Lavender. Thanks for paying for my bucket..

That's quite alright, says Dr Yates.

I fell into the bucket, says Lavender. That wasn't very nice.

I'm sure it wasn't, agreed Dr Yates.

But I'm glad I found a zircon, says Lavender. I'm giving it to Arthur to look after.

This is the first Arthur has heard of it.

Why? asks Arthur. Is it because it was really me that found it?

No, says Lavender. Because you're the only one it doesn't bite.

It hasn't bitten you, says Arthur.

It bit the Blu Tack me, says Lavender looking ruefully back over her shoulder into the tent, where the Blu Tack Lavender was stuck between Two Little Girls and the tent pole.

Gaius says it'll stop you getting snake bites, adds Lavender.

I don't get snake bites, says Arthur.

And stop you bleeding, says Lavender.

That sounds very useful, says mum, encouragingly. Doesn't it, Arthur?

I have bandages for that, says Arthur. When I can find them.

Don't be too cavalier, young Arthur, says Gaius. A zircon helps fight melancholy and hallucinations. It helps uncover lies and deceptions, and improves the mental faculties, including memory.

Arthur looks thoughtful.

And where is the zircon, during this conversation? It's sitting in its cardboard box, right next to Lavender.

It is not deaf.

Until today uh, uh has been its native language.

No wonder its first instinct when uncovered was to bite.

But the zircon has been listening to Gaius, and understood nearly everything.  It knows now what it has to do.

Take charge of Arthur.

Let's Be Two Little Girls

It's all rather awkward.

Arthur looks down at his bleeding knees. He feels in his pocket and pulls out a bandage. A piece of crumpled paper flutters to the ground.

Emma picks it up.

It's a poem, she says, smoothing it out.

Give it here, says mum quickly.

Not yet, I'm reading it, says Emma.

Mum hopes the poem is nice.

Let's be two children: let's be two little girls ( reads Emma )
In love with nothing
Amazed by all life brings
Pale with fear beneath the leaves' chaste curls
Not knowing they've been forgiven everything.

Is that about us? asks Irma.

What? says Paul Verlaine. About you? Certainly not! It's about Arthur and me.

Well it's very nice, says mum. Did you write it, Monsieur Verlaine? May I have it?

Yes, says Arthur. Have it.

I gave it to you, Arthur, says Paul.

Exactly, says Arthur. It's mine to give away.

Mum goes back to the tent with the poem. She comes back. She picks up the ruined Blu Tack impression of Lavender.

Waste not want not, she says. I'll Blu Tack the poem to the tent pole.

Lavender is not sure about this. It wasn't THAT ruined. Now it'll be totally flattened by mum's thumb.

Mathilde is not happy either.

Come, Paul, says Mathilde. Let's go. I shall drive.

Paul looks deflated.

Goodbye, says Arthur.

Goodbye, says Paul Verlaine. Wait, have you still got my scraper?

I'll keep it, says Arthur. Alright?

The Meaning Of A Good Deed

Lavender has been thinking about her zircon.

Maybe it's hard of hearing, she says.

Hard of hearing? says Gaius. What makes you think that?

Well, says Lavender. It bites, right? But it's meant to stop bites. It's got the wrong idea somehow.

She goes up to the zircon, which Dr Yates has dropped back in the box.

Can you hear me? she says.

The zircon is silent.

It's deaf, says Lavender.

That doesn't prove anything, says Irma. Why did it bite Dr Yates, and dad, but not Arthur?

Do you want me to ask it? says Lavender.

No point, if it's deaf, says Irma.

Dr Yates and dad are comparing the size of their fingers.

Yours is smaller, says dad.

That's the Stingose, says mum.  When Dr Yates got bitten, I was ready.

Gaius picks up the zircon, gingerly.

He turns it over, and holds it up to the light.

Beautiful! says Gaius. The Persians called it zargun, which means golden stone.

Let me see, says Dr Yates. They make dental implants with these nowadays, I believe. They're extremely hard. I  would love to know why it doesn't bite you, by the way.

Perhaps it has learned not to bite, says Gaius. Now that would be....ouch!

Ha! says Dr Yates. It bit you, you see.

Not very badly, says Gaius.

Mum is about to offer medication to Gaius, when Arthur and Paul pull up in the Jeep.

Arthur gets out,. His knees are bleeding. Paul gets out too.

Arthur, says mum. I knew it. You don't know how to drive. Still, I suppose you thought you were doing a good deed.

She glances meaningfully at the children.

Yes, says Arthur, glancing meaningfully at Paul.

No! says Paul, eyeing Mathilde.

The Magical Properties of Zircon

Emma is right. It isn't Paul Verlaine's Jeep.

The Jeep pulls up, and out steps Dr Yates, followed by Gaius and Mathilde.

Good day! says Dr Yates. We're looking for Arthur. Is he about?

And Paul, says Mathilde. I thought he might have come here.

Not forgetting Lavender, says Gaius. Oh, there you are, Lavender.

Gaius! cries Lavender. I found a zircon. It bites!

That seems unlikely, says Gaius.

No, look, here it is, says Lavender, opening the box.

That's a very fine zircon, says Dr Yates, picking it up. Ouch!

Did it bite you? says mum. Have some Stingose.

I meant it was unlikely that it should bite, says Gaius. But I see I was wrong in this case. How remarkable. Particularly as......

Mum sees Mathilde looking anxious.

Is your husband Monsieur Verlaine? asks mum. He was here. But he's gone off for a bit.

By himself? asks Mathilde.

No, says Irma, Arthur was driving the Jeep.

It is just as I feared, says Mathilde.

Come over here, dear, and tell me about it, says mum.

They go over there. Mathilde opens her heart to mum.

That Arthur! says Mathilde. He ruined my marriage.

He seems so nice, says mum. He let the children win at bowls. And he's lovely with Lavender.

Phoo! says Mathilde. He is dirty, and amoral. He once left turds under the pillow of our friend.

Arthur? says mum.

She is glad the children are out of earshot.

They are in fact listening to Gaius, who is explaining why zircons can normally be expected not to bite.

For indeed, says Gaius, zircons are used as talismans against snake bites, and the bites of wild animals. They will also stop bleeding, unless it is caused by a stone.

Everyone looks at Lavender.

But she knows she isn't responsible.

I Hope He Doesn't Get In That Car

Where's Arthur going? asks Lavender.

To see his friend, says mum. I hope he doesn't get in that car.

Why? asks Lavender.

Never mind, says mum.

They all look in the direction of Paul Verlaine's car.

Arthur walks up to the driver's side.

The door opens. Arthur gets in.

Mum doesn't like this at all.

Reg, says mum, will you go over there and see what's happening? I'm worried about Arthur. And I'm worried about  Monsieur Verlaine. He was in a very strange mood. When I left him he was sitting in the driver's seat. But now Arthur's got in on that side.

What? says dad. You think Arthur's sitting on top of him?

Geez! says mum. I hope not.

The car starts up, and drives off in a cloud of red dust. It looks like Arthur is driving.

Oh no, says mum. Go after them Reg.

I can't, says Reg. My finger is throbbing like mad.

I'll go and get you some Stingose, says mum..

She runs over to the tent. It's just one thing after another, thinks mum.

Lavender and the twins are goggling at the size of dad's finger.

Dad! says Emma. It's huge!

And all PURPLE, says Irma. Poor dad.

Lavender thinks for a bit.

I don't think we should polish my zircon, says Lavender.

Just what I was going to say, says dad.

I might let Arthur look after it, says Lavender. I'll ask him when he comes back.

If he comes back, says Irma.

He has to come back, says Lavender.

For you, says Emma.

And the bike, says Lavender.

Look! he's coming back already! cries Emma. Wait, no.....it might not be them.....

The Zircon That Bites

Dad opens the box.

Bad news, says dad.

He lifts out the Blu-Tack impression of Lavender, and places it gently on the table, next to Lavender.

Lavender turns slowly until she is face to face with the Blu Tack impression of herself.

It's RUINED, says Lavender.

Never mind, says mum, it's only Blu Tack. We can make it again.

I don't want it made out of Blu Tack again, says Lavender. I want it made out of something that lasts. And where is that zircon?

Dad lifts out the zircon.

Ouch! says dad. It bit me!

Nonsense, Reg, says mum.

Look, says Reg.

He shows her the bite marks.

Wow! says Lavender. I love my zircon! It bites. Look Arthur. It bites.

Arthur looks at Reg's finger. Then he picks up the zircon.

Irma and Emma are impressed. Arthur is brave.

The zircon does nothing to Arthur.

You live a charmed life, Arthur, says mum.

Arthur thinks about that. Is it true?

Do you think so? he says.

More charmed than your friend, says mum. He's very drunk.

That's normal, said Arthur.  Did he say anything about me?

He's writing a poem about you, says mum. About how it rains in his heart.

Oh that one, says Arthur.

And he asked me to ask you to .....begins mum.

But Arthur has already walked off in the direction of Paul Verlaine's car.

A Scuffling

Now, Monsieur Verlaine, says mum, I must go back to the others, but I want you to promise me something.

Paul doesn't say anything.

I want you to promise you won't drive back to the caravan park in that state, says mum. If you need to get back today, you must let one of us drive you.

Get Arthur, says Paul.

Well, says mum doubtfully, I didn't mean Arthur. I don't think Arthur can drive.

She goes back to join the others. They are all peering at something.

What have you found? asks mum.

Mum! says Irma. Arthur found a zircon! It was in Lavender's bucket!

Let me see, says her mum.

The zircon is small and brownish-orange. Some of the brownish-orangeness is dirt, and some is the zircon.

We must get it polished, says dad. It looks like a good one. No cracks.

It's mine, says Lavender. My zircon.

You're so lucky, says Irma. What will you do with it, Lavender?

Put it in my box, says Lavender. When I get it.

Oh yes, the BOX, says mum. I'll go and find you a box.

She goes to the tent and comes back with a small cardboard box.

She puts the zircon in the box and then picks up the Blu Tack impression of Lavender.

Do you want this in the box too? asks mum.

Yes please, says Lavender.

Mum puts it in, and then places the lid on the box.

Now both Lavender's treasures are in the same box.

She is happy with that.

But she is not happy for long.

A scuffling breaks out inside the box.

Oh! cries Lavender. Open it! Oh, hurry! It may be too late!

It Rains in My Heart

The sweet fennel and anise scent of absinthe curls its way out of the window.

Monsieur Verlaine, says mum, sniffing the air. Would you like a mug of tea?

As you see, madam, says Paul Verlaine, glowering, I already have something to drink.

Absinthe, says mum. I used to drink that, as a girl. It was green.

It's still green, says Paul Verlaine.

But surely, says mum, you don't drink it out of a flask? I remember all sorts of paraphernalia, special absinthe glasses and intricately fashioned metal spoons for adding the sugar.

Not when camping, says Paul.

So what about some nice billy tea then? says mum.

No thank you, says Paul. I'm quite busy.

What are you up to? says mum. Sitting here in your Jeep all alone. Writing a novel?

I was composing a poem, says Paul. And I shall continue to do so when you leave.

A poem? says mum. About what?

Arthur, said Paul, blackly.

Arthur? Are you and he friends then? asks mum.

We were inseparable, groans Paul. We fought with knives rolled in towels. When one of us bled we repaired to the pub. It was wonderful. But one day I brought home a fish. Arthur laughed at me. I whacked him about the head with it, and stormed off to Brussels.

Now I'm sure that's not all of the story, says mum. But I see you're not over him yet. Why don't you show me the poem.

Paul shows her the poem, which he has called It Rains in My Heart:

It rains in my heart
As it rains on the town
What languor so dark
That soaks to my heart?

Paul, says mum. I'm pretty sure I read that in school. Couldn't you write something new?

Paul's bloodshot eyes stare in horror at mum. Is he dreaming or has she turned green?