Scatological Determinings

Katherine arrives in Ward 5 at 10 am. Gaius and Ray are dressed and ready to go home.

But they must wait for a final okay from the doctor.

Where is the doctor?

No one knows.

Katherine sits down in an armchair and opens her handbag.

You have a parking ticket, Ray, says Katherine. It's in here somewhere.

A parking ticket! says Ray. How can that be?  I've been in hospital!

You only get one hour on Gilles Street, says Katherine.

I shall complain, says Ray. I have a good case.

You do indeed, says Gaius. Why don't you call Victor?

No, don't call Victor, says Katherine.

The doctor comes in.

Going home are we? says the doctor. That's good. Take it easy. Got your pills? No? Well then, you'd better wait for the pharmacist.

For goodness sake, says Katherine.

Yes, says the doctor. It's a bugger. But you'll get out eventually. Everyone does, one way or another. Ha ha.

........

At last Gaius and Ray have been discharged, and have left the hospital with Katherine.

Here they are now, at the Ute.

What's that in the back there? says Ray.

Dog shit, says Katherine. Can you believe it?

No, says Ray. How long has it been there?

At least 24 hours by the look of it, says Gaius. See how it's half dried.

Is it Porky's? says Ray. Because if it is, Katherine, I think you should  have removed it.

I didn't remove it, says Katherine, because it is evidence.

What of? says Ray. Apart from the obvious.

Porky's dear little body is missing, says Katherine. This is all that remains.

And you say I have a parking ticket? says Ray.

He looks at Gaius.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? says Ray

Gaius isn't thinking what Ray's thinking. He is thinking along different lines. Lines of comparative faecal analysis.

What are you thinking, Ray? asks Katherine.

That the person who wrote out the ticket may have removed the body, says Ray.

And what are you thinking, Gaius? says Katherine.

I am as convinced as I can be without further testing, says Gaius, that these faeces are of human origin.

What a repulsive scenario, says  Katherine. Let us leave it at that. Now, may I drive you both home?

My home is in Blaxland, says Ray.

I need to find Arthur at once, says Gaius.

Well, drop me off at David's office, says Katherine. I've a luncheon appointment. You two can sort yourselves out.