The Ending Is Not For You To Know

That night, at the theatre:

Is this it? says Vello. This tiny tent? No wonder it's sold out.

Best I could do, says David. Now, who's playing who?

I'm Doctor Pangloss, says Vello. Belle is Cunegonde, Sweezus is Candide. Arthur is Carambo, and you can be everyone else.

And me, says Terence.

Oh, hello Terence, says David. Why are you wearing a towel with a face?

I'm the Bright Red Object, says Terence.

I don't remember a Bright Red Object, says David.

Of course you do, says Vello. The sheep! Terence is playing it. We've extended the part.

David looks doubtful.

......

Outside the tent, there is a buzz in the queue:

Person 1: I love this play. I came last year.

Person 2: Me too. They changed the ending.

Person: 3: No, they didn't. They changed the plot, to give it a feminist feel. Cunegonde stayed pretty.

Person 1: Oh yeah. Candide was the one that turned ugly. And then there was the red sleeve.

Person 2: The talking red sleeve! To be honest, I never got that.

Person 3: It was meant to be Doctor Pangloss.

Person 2: No kidding! Oh hey! We're going in!

......

The performance (one of the highlights):

Candide: Is that my sheep?

Bright Red Object: I'm red! And I'm full of jewels.

(He shakes himself. Two sprigs of pennyroyal drop out).

Candide: I'm happier to see you than when I had a hundred sheep.

Carambo: But you can't take him with you.

Bright Red Object: That's all right. I'm going to the Academy of Science. There's a prize.

Doctor Pangloss: This red sheep seems to know a great deal about the future. How is that possible?

Bright Red Object: You told me. Now you have to tell me the ending.

Doctor Pangloss: The ending is not for you to know.

Bright Red Object: Then I'll make up an ending. I know why I'm red and I win the prize.

Candide: Why are you red?

Doctor Pangloss: He doesn't know. The essay hasn't been written.

Carambo: What's in it?

Audience: What's in it?

Doctor Pangloss: Are you sure you all want to know?

All (including the audience) : Yes! We want to know!

Doctor Pangloss: The prize is won by a Northern scholar who demonstrates by the formula A plus B minus C over Z that the sheep is necessarily red and ought to die of the scab!

Audience: Ha Ha!

Bright Red Object (ripping the towel off): Scab! Wah!

........

After the show:

Person 1. Wow! That was great. I totally got it.

Person 2: It spoke to me too. 'The ending is not for you to know'.

Person 3: And so he tried to make up an ending.

Person 1: But he got it wrong.

Person 2: Because it hadn't been written.

Person 3: Then it turned out it had.

Person 1: Just like real life.

Person 2: Yeah. I know.