Ins And Outs Of Evolution

The tourist is staring at Rusty, instead of the seals.

Is he an otter? asks Rusty.

Might be, says Terence. They wear long black coats.

He's looking at me, says Rusty.

Go up to him, says Terence.

And say what? asks Rusty.

Greetings, says Terence. And if he says oraya, you'll know.

Know what? asks Rusty.

That he's an otter, says Terence. And if you still don't believe it, ask him a question. And he'll say kawai.

No way, says Rusty. Let's go and look at the polar bears.

Okay, says Terence. 

But to see the polar bears you must follow an arrow.

The arrow points left.

Left is where the tourist in the long black coat is standing.

Come on! says Terence.

They boldly brush past the tourist.

Where are those two going? asks Mathilde.

Polar bears, says Bertille.

Go with them, says Mathilde. Dad and I will join you in a minute. I do love watching these seals.

Bertille follows the arrow, and the black-coated tourist, who now has an interest in polar bears.

Terence, Rusty and Bertille stand together, regarding the bears.

They've got ears, says Terence.

It was the seals that didn't, says Bertille. Earless seals, remember?

The black-coated tourist slides up to Terence.

Do you like seals? asks the black-coated tourist. 

No, says Terence. Only penguins.

But the seals were interesting, yes? asks the black-coated tourist. Did you know that they are thought to have evolved from otters?

Did you read the information board? asks Bertille.

Kawai, says the tourist. I mean no, I didn't.

If you had, you would have learned that seals evolved from bears, says Bertille. At least that's what they think nowadays.

Bears would think that, scoffs the black-coated tourist. 

Not the bears, the paleontologists, says Bertille. 

Big word, says the black-coated tourist. You are all clever children. Would you like me to buy you ice creams?

No thank you, says Bertille.

Yuck! says Terence.

I would! says Rusty. I've never had one.

The black-coated tourist's eyes gleam. This is the cherub he wants! Gold all over, but for one or two scratches.

Come little cherub, says the black-coated tourist. And choose your flavour.

Before Bertille can warn Rusty not to go off with a stranger, Rusty has gone off, with the stranger.

Tourist-Otter

We're going to the Polar pavilion, says Bertille. Want to come with us?

Okay, says Terence. 

I'll catch up later, says Gaius. I want to speak to an official.

Wouldn't they admit the elysia? asks Mathilde.

No, says Gaius. It's understandable. But I'm certain they will have an interest.

Where did you leave it? asks Rusty.

In the ticket box, says Terence. The ticket lady took it.

Did it understand what was happening? asks Bertille.

Terence explained what was happening, says Gaius.

Not about the tickets, says Terence.

Come ON! says Bertille I want to see polar bears and penguins.

Will there be otters? asks Terence.

I don't think so, says Jean-Claude.  They have their own otter trail.

They could be anywhere, says Mathilde. Keep your eyes open, everyone.

What do otters look like? asks Rusty

Like anything, says Terence. 

Gaius has left to look for an official to talk to, so he's not there to explain that Terence is mistaken.

Not all otters are shape shifters.

Most of them remain otters and do nothing wrong.

But Terence has sewn seeds of suspicion.

They are now in the polar pavilion, in front of the polar seal tank.

The polar seals lark about in the very cold water.

Fleowooshflah!

The tourists watch them though the glass windows .

Most of the tourists are in pairs, or family groups, but one or two could be otters.

There's one! whispers Terence loudly.

A tourist-otter turns and fixes Terence with an unfriendly stare.

O I Was Lovely!

It's looking at my lizards, says Rusty.

Yes, it is, says Bertille. It's got its face right up to the side of the container.

That means it thinks my shorts are the coolest, says Rusty.

Yours are closer, says Terence. 

Yours are faded, says Rusty.

I could fix that if you like, says Bertille. I could do outlines round the geckoes.

No time! says Mathilde. We're almost there.

Almost there, says Terence to the elysia. Have you started your body yet?

The elysia performs an upside down turn. 

No, says Terence. You haven't.

Maybe it's confused, says Bertille. Maybe it doesn't know what it's meant to look like.

You could draw it a picture, says Terence. 

Okay, says Bertille. Has anyone got any paper?

No need, says Gaius. I have a rough sketch in my notebook.

He opens his notebook at the page on which he roughly sketched the elysia, before its decapitaion.

Of course this is only in pencil, says Gaius. The body was green, with red spots.

He holds it up to the side of the container.

The elysia remembers. 

O I was lovely! I could enfold my own body! 

It feels something tingle, in the neck region. 

Here we are! says Jean-Claude, pulling up in the Oceanopolis car park, at Port de Plaisance.

Everyone gets out.

They join the queue to buy tickets.

It's 22.50 euro for adults and 13.50 for children.

Jean-Claude pays for his family, and Rusty. 

They go in.

Gaius pays for himself and Terence. 

What's in the container? asks the ticket seller. 

The living head of an elysia, says Gaius. 

Desolé, says the ticket seller. You can't take an unauthorised sea creature into Oceanopolis.

That is a pity, says Gaius. But I don't want to stand on anyone's toes. I shall leave it with you, and return for it when I find someone with the proper authority.

D'accord, says the ticket seller. Et bonne chance avec ça.

She takes the container, places it on a low shelf behind her, and continues selling tickets.

The elysia is happy. It now has a mental picture of its lateral parapodia. And an idea of the colour.

Lizards Were Rainbows

Is that a question? asks Terence.

Did it ask you a question? asks Bertille.

It said foo, says Terence.

I didn't hear it, says Bertille.

It's under water, says Terence. Its mouth made a word that looked like foo.

It's probably eating, says Bertille.

No, says Terence. It was eating before. Foo looked different.

Foo doesn't mean anything, says Bertille. And anyway, weren't you explaining his life?

I am, says Terence. But I thought I'd start off with a question.

How do my lizards look? asks Rusty.

Great! says Bertille. They've all got legs. Now for the faces. Do you want them to have different expressions?

No, says Rusty. Terence's geckoes all look the same.

Smiling, says Terence.

I don't want them smiling, says Rusty.

Don't worry, says Bertille. They'll all look the same, but they won't be smiling.

Terence turns back to the elysia.

Right, says Terence. Do you know how you got here?

The elysia makes a foo-mouth.

You got here because your body came off, says Terence. And do you know how that happened?

Foo-mouth.

Gaius had you in his hand, says Terence. That's him, looking out of the window.

Gaius continues to look out of the window.

Then he had to save Rusty, says Terence. And he forgot about you. And your body got smeared on Rusty, but your head was okay. And that was a good thing.

Foo-mouth.

Because you can grow a new body, says Terence. Can you feel it happening?

No, the elysia cannot feel it happening. And it does have a question.

Are we there yet? asks Terence.

Nearly there, says Jean-Claude. How's it going in the back there?

Rusty's got the coolest shorts ever, says Bertille.

Except for mine, says Terence.

The elysia can see the shorts through the sides of the container.

It thinks Rusty's shorts are the coolest. 

Because the lizards were rainbows. And now they have legs.

The word FOO

These might be a bit big, says Bertille. But there's a drawstring.

Rusty looks at the shorts she has brought him.

They are patterned with rainbows.

Rusty looks at Terence.

Terence looks at the shorts.

The rainbows could be lizards, says Terence. If they had legs.

And faces, says Rusty. 

But they don't, says Terence.

They're old shorts, says Bertille. I don't mind if the rainbows are turned into lizards.

There's no time for that, says Jean-Paul. It's rainbow shorts or nothing.

I'll bring my black marking pen, says Bertille. I'll turn the rainbows to lizards while we're going along.

Have you got two marking pens? asks Terence.

No, says Bertille. And anyway you're in charge of the elysia.

Yes, says Terence. I'm going to explain his life to him.

Keep it simple, says Gaius.

Rusty tries on the shorts. 

Bertille tightens the drawstring. 

He dances about. They do not fall down.

Mathilde appears, with a back pack.

Picnic lunch, says Mathilde. I heard that the café food was pretty ordinary.

Everyone gets in the car.

Jean-Claude and Mathilde in the front, Bertille, Gaius, Terence and Rusty in the back.

Not enough seat belts, says Bertille. 

I'll sit on your lap, says Rusty. That way you can work on my lizards.

That's okay, says Mathilde. Rusty doesn't need a seat belt.

That means I don't, says Terence,

You do, says Gaius. Because of the elysia.

Yay! says Terence. Can I start talking to him now?

Go ahead, says Gaius.

Jean-Claude turns on the car radio.

Thump thump thump.

Bertille starts drawing lizard legs on the rainbows

Gaius looks through the window at the Breton scenery. (Cliffs, rocks, fishing boats, sea).

Terence lowers his head as close as he can to the surface of the water, in which the elysia is bobbing, opening and closing its mouth.

Good work, says Terence. Keep eating. Any questions?

The elysia bobs faster. It does have a few questions.

Its mouth seems to form the word FOO.

Dancing About Like Anything

Come on, says Bertille. Let's go!

I might come with you, says Gaius. Is there room in the car?

I'll ask dad, says Bertille.

She runs up the stone steps.

A minute passes.

Yes! she calls down. There's room in the car.

Off we go then, says Gaius. Where did I put the elysia?

Here, says Saint Ténénan. Are you taking it with you?

Indeed, says Gaius. There are bound to be people at Oceanopolis who will be interested in its progress.

And what is its progress? asks Saint Arnoc. He peers into the container.

Dear me, it looks anxious!

Anxious? says Gaius.

It's scared of the otter, says Terence.

Nonsense, says Gaius. It's probably confused by what's happening. Imagine if you suddenly became just a head. 

I'd dance about like anything! says Terence.

What with? asks Gaius. All you could do is eat and hope for the best.

Let me tell it, says Terence.

You can hold the container when we get in the car, says Gaius. 

Do I have to come? asks Rusty.

Don't you want to? asks Gaius.

I do, says Rusty, but it won't be like the museum. I'll be a normal kid, like Terence.

I'm not a normal kid, says Terence. 

But you wear shorts, says Rusty. I've got a bare bottom.

You can wear my shorts, says Terence.

Then you'll have a bare bottom, says Rusty.

Neither one of you needs to have a bare bottom, says Saint Arnoc. I'll rustle up something.

Do we have anything that small? asks Saint Ténénan.

What's holding everyone up? asks Bertille, coming half way down the steps.

Shorts for Rusty, says Gaius.  He's reluctant to come with a bare bottom.

That's fair, says Bertille, It was okay on Napoleon's barge, when he was a cherub.

Yes! says Rusty. On a sea horse.

I'll find him some of mine, says Bertille. What's your favourite colour, Rusty?

I don't care, says Rusty. But I'd like one's like Terence, with lizards.

These are geckoes, says Terence.

I'll see what I've got, says Bertille. Come on up.

Enjoy yourselves, says Saint Arnoc.

Ditto, says Saint Ténénan. 

Gaius, Terence and Rusty go up the stone steps. 

A few drops of water slop out of the plastic container in which the elysia is dancing about like anything....

Just One Otter

This potato soup tastes different, says Gaius.

It's the usual recipe, says Saint Ténénan. Water and potato.

And a pinch of salt, says Saint Arnoc. Perhaps we overdid it.

It's not a salt taste, says Gaius. More like disinfectant.

Surely not, says Saint Arnoc. 

Can I try it? asks Terence.

Should I add some food colour? asks Saint Arnoc.

No thanks, says Terence. I'll stick my finger in Gaius's.

You will not, says Gaius. 

Terence sticks his finger in anyway. Licks it. Offers his finger to Rusty.

I'm not licking that, says Rusty.

Go on, says Terence. Then guess what happened.

Rusty licks Terence's finger.

He guesses what happened.

What happened? asks Saint Arnoc.

We washed the coverlet in the washing up bowl, says Terence. And we used the stuff from the bottle.

Eau Ecarlate! says Saint Arnoc. Were the soup plates still in it?

Yes, says Terence. It was quicker.

And you didn't rinse the soup plates, says Saint Ténénan.

Rinse? says Terence.

That explains that, says Gaius. Not a bad, taste, really.

Bertille comes down the steps.

We're going to the Oceanopolis. Can Terence and Rusty come with us?

Yes! say the adults.

Yay! cries Terence. What's the Oceanopolis?

Lots of aquariums, says Bertille. They have tropical fish, and sharks, and earless seals, and even an otter trail.

Otters! says Terence. Otters are scary.

That was just one otter, says Gaius. They are not all like that.

Like what? asks Rusty.

A shape shifter, says Gaius. We met one once. Where were we...? Edinburgh. It swallowed a coin.

And vomited, says Terence. And if you asked it a question, it said KAWAI.

This is not the type of behaviour most people expect from an otter, but Gaius nods sagely, as if to say, oh yes, these things happened.

The Impermanent Bear

Gaius comes up the stone steps, from the cellar.

He is carrying a plastic container.

I'm just popping down to the beach to collect some sea water, says Gaius. 

He hurries off, towards the cliff steps.

Be careful! calls Jean-Claude. The tide's in!

I'm aware of that! says Gaius, disappearing.

Saint Arnoc has also come up from the cellar.

Is Gaius back yet? asks Saint Arnoc.

He's only just gone, says Jean-Claude.

Alors! says Saint Arnoc. This little fellow needs some sea water.

He holds out his hand, to show them the head of the elysia.

The head is wandering about on his hand.

Looking for algae, says Saint Arnoc. Gaius tells me it's a sap-sucker.

It's just a head, says Jean-Claude.

Dad! says Bertille. Don't you know anything? It'll grow a new body, when it gets the right food.

Amazing! says Jean-Claude. What a natural wonder!

Rusty kicks at a stone.

Ding! Some gold paint flakes away from his toe.

What's wrong with Rusty? asks Saint Arnoc. 

He's not valuable, says Terence.

Everyone is valuable, says Saint Arnoc. 

The museum man didn't want him, says Bertille.

He is somewhat damaged, says Saint Arnoc. Scratches and so on. They probably have replacement cherubs, in a store room.

Rusty looks glum.

That means you're FREE! says Terence. It's good! No one wanted me either. 

Gaius has returned with the sea water. His clothes are wet.

That is not correct, Terence, says Gaius. They await your return in Barcelona. 

No they don't, says Terence. 

You were replaced by a toy bear. It was never supposed to be permanent, says Gaius. 

Ha ha! laughs Rusty. A toy bear. That's funny!

Shut up, says Terence.

Okay, says Rusty.

Where is the head of the elysia? asks Gaius. 

Right here, says Saint Arnoc. 

Drop it in, says Gaius. This sea water is cloudy with algae. We should soon see results.

That reminds me, says Saint Arnoc. Lunch is ready. Where are the soup plates?

The soup plates! Terence looks at Rusty. They're still in the washing up bowl.

Fate Intervenes As Green Jelly

Drat! says Gaius. In helping Rusty out of the hole, I have damaged the elysia.

And me, says Rusty.

What's wrong with you? asks Gaius.

I'm all smeared, says Rusty.

Let's see! says Terence. Yuck, green jelly! 

Most unfortunate, says Gaius. But it appears that I still have the head. This may serve to resolve a dilemma.

Will it grow a new body? asks Terence.

It may, says Gaius. I had not wished to harm the elysia, but fate has intervened.

You squished it, says Bertille.

I don't deny that, says Gaius. But I didn't squish it on purpose. Furthermore, I squished it helping Rusty get out of a hole. 

Lucky you didn't squish the head end, says Bertille.

Indeed, says Gaius. 

He inspects the elysia, much diminished, writhing in the palm of his hand.

Let us hurry up the steps, says Gaius. I need a to find a container.

I'm not coming, says Rusty. I might be forced back to the museum.

And blamed for stealing the ship, says Terence. And put in prison.

I find it's always best to face the consequences of one's actions, says Gaius. 

They all climb up the steps.

At the top, Jean-Claude is waiting, with the museum official.

Gaius, says Jean-Claude, This is Blaise Dupont, from the maritime museum.

Pleased to meet you, says Gaius, but I must dash inside. I have the decapitated head of an elysia to deal with.

Can a head be decapitated? asks Blaise. Surely only a body can lose its head.

This is no time for pedantry, says Gaius. 

He hurries away to the cottage and down the stone stairs.

Rusty's got the body, says Terence. All down his arm. It's like a green jelly.

Blaise looks at Rusty.

Yes it's me. says Rusty. But I'm not going back there.

I'm only here for the ship, says Blaise. Let's see the jelly. Oh yes, a typical sacoglossan. 

That was impressive, says Jean-Claude. It looks like a green smear to me.

An interest of mine, says Blaise. You'll often find me at the Oceanopolis. Have you by any chance paid a visit? 

Not yet, says Jean-Claude.

The children would enjoy it, says Blaise. They have a huge collection of sea creatures, including earless seals, penguins and several shark species.

I'll keep it in mind, says Jean-Claude.

Right then, I'll be going, says Blaise. Now I have verified that the model ship is the correct one, I'll send our guys round to pick it up.

Do you lose many model ships? asks Jean-Claude.

All the time, says Blaise. Ha ha, no, just kidding. And thank you for fixing the holes. You did a great job. 

Not a problem, says Jean-Claude. Glad to be useful.

Blaise turns to go.

See, says Terence. He didn't even want you.

I know, says Rusty.

That's weird, says Bertille. But look on the bright side. You can't be that valuable.

That's the bright side? thinks Rusty

An Unnecessary Hole

Bertille comes down the steps to the beach.

Are those the remains of the oystercatcher? asks Bertille.

Yes, says Terence. 

Why is Rusty kicking them? asks Bertille.

Ask him, says Terence. 

To see if they're joined together, says Rusty.

They're not now, says Bertille. Shall we dig a hole for them? That would be nicer than kicking him to pieces.

Yes, says Terence. Let's dig a bone hole.

They start digging.

Dad said to tell you someone will be coming from the museum to pick up the ship, says Bertille.

Do they know I'm here? asks Rusty.

No, dad didn't tell them, says Bertille. 

They might know anyway, says Terence.

I'll hide in this hole, says Rusty. When are they coming?

Today, says Bertille.

What about the bones? says Terence. I wouldn't hide in a hole with dead bones.

Me either, says Bertille. 

I would, says Rusty.

They keep digging.

The tide's coming in, says Bertille. We should just drop the bones in and go.

Gaius comes up behind them.

Time to go up the steps, says Gaius. What's this hole?

A bone hole, says Terence. 

That is unnecessary, says Gaius. 

He is carrying something in the palm of his hand.

Look, an elysia, says Gaius. The oystercatcher was most helpful. And he's promised to find a few more.

Bertille! Come up now! 

Jean-Claude is standing at the top of the steps with a museum official.

Oops! says Bertille. Hide, Rusty!

Rusty jumps into the hole.

The bones crack beneath him.

A puddle forms at the bottom.

The sides of the hole become fluid.

His feet sink deep into wet sand.

Get me out! cries Rusty.

Gaius lifts him out, forgetting what's in the palm of his hand.

Kicking The Bones

The coverlet is soaking in the bowl with the soup plates.

An oystercatcher feather and a few strings of potato cling to the sides.

The Eau Ecarlate is disinfecting everything.

We don't have to watch it, says Terence. Let's go down to the beach and see if he's disappeared yet.

Yes, let's, says Rusty. Or if he's just bones.

They leave the bowl in the garden, and head for the steps.

From the top of the steps they can see Gaius, stooping.

Maybe he's found a lizzia, says Terence.

Elysia, says Rusty.

That's what I said, says Terence. 

It sounded different, says Rusty. 

Don't get too smart, says Terence. Cherubs are smarter than parrots but not smarter than me.

We should have a competition, says Rusty.

That proves it, says Terence. Why would I want a competition?

They are now at the bottom of the steps, and not far from Gaius.

Gaius is talking to one of the oystercatcher mourners, near to some bones.

Yes, I know him, says Gaius. 

Tell me about him, says the oystercatcher. What does he do now?

He's a free lancer, says Gaius. He joined us on Kangaroo Island when we were looking for endangered dunnarts. And he found one. I may have a photo.

Gaius produces his phone. Scrolls back through the months.

Yes, here is Saint Roley, with a dunnart. A female. 

He looks......ineffable, says the oystercatcher.

I think you're reading too much into his blank expression, says Gaius. 

Did he save the dunnart? asks the oystercatcher.

I believe not, says Gaius. That is not to say that she isn't alive at this moment. But Saint Roley did mention a snake. A copperhead. 

Oh, says the oystercatcher. And where is Saint Roley now?

Could be anywhere, says Gaius. He had no reason to stay on Kangaroo Island after his and Porntip's only egg was destroyed.

Hello! says Terence. 

Ah, says Gaius. Here is Terence again. He can tell you more about Saint Roley.

He was my parrot, says Terence. Then he wasn't. Then he came back and he was. But now he isn't.

That doesn't sound normal, says the oystercatcher.

Does LIZZIA sound normal? asks Terence. 

Have you seen one? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence. And I wasn't asking you.

Yes, says the oystercatcher. It's the name of a genus of sea slugs.

Elysia, says Gaius. You are quite right. A member of the plakobranchidae family.

Similar to the nudibranch, says the oystercatcher. But unrelated.

Bravo, says Gaius. Have you seen one?

I may have, says the oystercatcher. Come with me.

Gaius and the oystercatcher move up the beach a short distance.

Terence looks at Rusty, in triumph.

But Rusty has forgotten the lizzia and is kicking the bones.

A Long String Of Ex-Dried Potato

In the cellar, Saint Arnoc gives Terence a bowl.

Run up the steps and fill it with water, says Saint Arnoc.

Then what? asks Terence.

Bring it back down, says Saint Arnoc.

That's asking for trouble, says Terence.

So it is, says Saint Arnoc. Stay up there, I'll send Rusty up with the plates.

Then what? asks Terence.

You will wash them, says Saint Arnoc. The task will be difficult. They're encrusted with potato.

Scrape them first, says Saint Ténénan. Make use of the spoons.

Okay, says Terence. He runs up the stone steps with the bowl.

Rusty follows with the dirty soup plates and spoons.

Terence fills the bowl from a tap in the garden.

Rusty drops the plates and spoons in.

Now, watch what happens, says Terence. 

Nothing happens.

What's supposed to happen? asks Rusty.

They get clean, says Terence.

Weren't we meant to scrape them? asks Rusty,

Too late, says Terence. But it doesn't matter. It might just take longer.

They sit down, either side of the bowl.

Let me scrape one, says Rusty.

Okay, says Terence.

Rusty grabs hold of a spoon. Runs it round the rim of a soup plate. 

A long string of ex-dried potato floats free.

That proves it would've been faster, says Rusty.

Look at it, says Terence. It's trying to tell us something.

What? asks Rusty.

It's a letter, says Terence. 

P, says Rusty. P for potato. No, look, it's broken up. Now it's a C. 

C for coverlet, says Saint Arnoc, looming up behind them. When you've finished the dishes, wash this coverlet. And use disinfectant.

He places a bottle of Eau Ecarlate on the grass.

Then he goes back downstairs to join Saint Ténénan for a nap.

This is going to take FOREVER! says Terence.

It doesn't have to, says Rusty. Let's wash everything together.

You're smart, says Terence. If you weren't already a cherub, you could be a parrot.

What does that mean? asks Rusty.

Cherubs are smarter than parrots, says Terence.

Thanks, says Rusty, pleased to have been complimented twice.

Hero Or Fool

He won't be needing that coverlet, says one of the oystercatchers.

Very well, says Saint Arnoc. How about the cardboard?

Nor the cardboard, says the oystercatcher. He will decompose here on the sand. Insects and bacteria are already working their magic.

Magic? says Terence. What magic?

A disappearing trick, says the oystercatcher. We all do it. How many living birds do you see?

I don't know, says Terence.

Lots, says Bertille.

And how many dead ones? asks the oystercatcher.

Nature takes care of her own, says Saint Arnoc. Now to recover the coverlet.

He steps forward and unrolls the dead body.

Leave us, says the oystercatcher. I and my friends wish to say our farewells.

Farewells, says Terence.

Not to you, says the oystercatcher.

I shall stay here on the shore, says Gaius. But I shan't interfere with the proceedings. I shall be looking for the elusive elysia.

Come with me, boys, says Saint Arnoc. The dishes need doing, and this coverlet could do with a wash.

Terence and Rusty plod up the steps behind Saint Arnoc and Saint Ténénan.

Bumhole! Why can't the saints do their own chores?

Bertille goes up too, to tell Jean-Claude to forget about drying the cardboard.

Gaius bends over. Has he seen a sea slug? Or is he pretending?

He is not far from the oystercatchers' farewell.

If he remains unobtrusive, he may hear what they say to their dead comrade. This may be a world first. If only he had a notebook and pencil. Then he remembers his phone.

There are four oystercatchers surrounding the dead one.

First one speaks in an avian tone: Hero or fool?

Second one: Both, as we all are.

Third one: What does it matter?

Fourth one: In the end, little.

All: Farewell old comrade!

They disperse, stopping now and then to poke for a mollusc.

Fascinating, says Gaius. Moving and succinct. I have witnessed the best of bird brotherhood. I do hope my phone worked.

He tries for a replay.

Hope Was A Rope

Early morning, in the cellar. 

Saint Ténénan has made potato soup.

Can we go now? asks Terence.

As soon as we've finished our breakfast, says Saint Arnoc.

Have you thought about the ceremony? asks Gaius.

Not yet, says Terence. 

Think about it while we finish our soup, says Gaius. Some kind words about how he broke his neck in your service.

Bertille comes down the stone steps.

Dad's finished draining the ship, and now it's drying in the back garden, says Bertille. Then he's going to mend the second hole. Then he's taking it back to the museum.

Rusty looks worried.

Don't worry, he's not taking you, says Bertille. 

Phew! says Rusty. I'm never going back there.

Where's the dead bird? asks Bertille.

In the corner, says Saint Arnoc. Under a coverlet.

Bertille goes to the corner and lifts up the coverlet.

Aww. Sad.

We're having a ceremony, says Terence. I'm saying the kind words, when they're ready.

Can I come? asks Bertille. 

Sure, says Terence.

Breakfast finished, Gaius, Rusty, Bertille, Terence and the saints head down to the beach, with the dead oystercatcher wrapped in the coverlet.

Gaius places it on the sand. Its orange feet are just visible at one end of the coverlet. Black feathers are visible at the other end. (It's a short coverlet).

Several oystercatchers have also gathered.

Now Terence will say a few words, says Gaius. 

A poem, says Terence. Dear kind parrot, who brought us a hope.....

The oystercatchers look at one another.

You might want to rethink that first line, says one. He isn't a parrot.

He is now, says Terence. And not every bird gets to be one.

Yes, shut up, says Rusty. This is our ceremony. We'll say what we like.

No need for rudeness, says Gaius. They have a valid point, but let's not spoil the moment.

Terence feels he should start again, with an amendment.

Dear kind new parrot, who brought us a rope.

You said hope, says Rusty. Not rope.

What rhymes with hope? says Terence.

Rope, says Rusty. I get it. That was the second line.

Yes, says Terence.

Ridiculous, says an oystercatcher, under its breath. 

Hope was a rope, says Terence. Until your neck broke. 

Broke doesn't rhyme with hope and rope, says Rusty. 

I know that, says Terence. It rhymes with ......

Spoke, says Bertille.

Thanks, says Terence. Until your neck broke.....

And no one spoke, says Rusty. Because it was sad, and also bad, that Terence's carrot, becoming a parrot, could no longer happen.

That's a good rhyme, says Terence. Parrot and carrot.

That's debatable, says Gaius. And happen is simply left hanging. However, I think we can say that the ceremony is over. What are we doing with the body?

Dad's drying out the cardboard, says Bertille. It could float away like a Viking.

But not on fire, says Saint Arnoc. That would draw too much attention.

The oystercatchers look at one another.

Perhaps we might be of assistance?

So Far And Plop

I see them! shouts Gaius.

Jean-Claude cuts the motor.

Where?

Over there, says Gaius. A mast, two curly heads sticking out of the water, an oystercatcher that seems to have met with an accident, and a floating piece of cardboard.

Yes, that must be them, says Jean-Claude. 

Jean-Claude starts the motor again, and the dinghy moves forward. Chug-chug.

Terence! calls Gaius. Stay calm. I shall lift you into the dinghy. 

Me first! says Rusty.

But aren't you the captain? says Gaius. 

No, says Rusty. Terence is the captain. We played cannot but be.

Dear me, says Gaius. It's a long time since I heard of anyone playing cannot but be.

What is it? asks Jean-Claude.

Never mind. Time is of the essence, says Gaius. I'll lift the cherub on board. Then I'll rescue Terence.

He lifts Rusty out of the water. 

Thanks, says Rusty.

Sit here, says Jean-Claude. 

Gaius lifts Terence out of the water.

What a weight! says Gaius. I'm surprised the ship floated at all.

Terence sits next to Rusty, in the middle of the dinghy.

Now for the ship, says Jean-Claude.

Only the mast is showing, says Gaius. 

There's a rope around it, says Rusty. See the end there?

Gaius peers over the side of the dinghy.

Is it tied firmly? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence. That old bird taught us how to do it.

Gaius looks at the old oystercatcher, floating redundant.

Its neck is broken, says Gaius. What happened?

It tried to pull us, says Rusty. 

With both ends of the rope, says Terence. It only got that far and PLOP!

A noble sacrifice, says Gaius. I wonder where the other end is? If we had both ends we'd be able to tow it.

He pokes at the floating dead bird.

The other end of the rope appears, breaking the surface.

Wonderful, says Gaius.

He grabs both ends. Ties one to a cleat. Then ties the other one to a cleat on the other side of the dinghy.

Done, says Gaius. Let's go.

What about my parrot? asks Terence. We can't leave him. I promised him a reward.

For goodness sake, says Gaius. He's beyond rewarding.

I know, says Terence. That's why I have to choose for him. He wants to be a parrot.

He didn't say that, says Rusty.

I'm sure he didn't, says Gaius. But if you insist, we'll bring him along and give him a proper send-off in the morning.

Yay! says Terence.

Gaius drags the old oystercatcher onto the dingy.

And his cardboard, says Terence.

More time is wasted in trying to lift the cardboard out of the water.

At last the rescue party is ready to return to the shore.

Three Times Round And Duck

Terence falls backwards, onto the deck.

Crack! A few planks split.

And Terence loses some fragments of back.

But it doesn't matter.

We're saved, cries Terence.

It's the start of the rescue, says the old oystercatcher. 

Same thing, says Terence.

We still might sink, says Rusty.

It wouldn't matter, says Terence. He's brought us a rope.

I have, says the old oystercatcher. And it's up to you boys to tie it.

Rusty can do it, says Terence.

What makes you think I can do it? asks Rusty.

How did you get the ship from the museum to the ocean? asks Terence.

I got a lift, says Rusty.

Oh, says Terence. 

Did you think I dragged it all that way on a rope? asks Rusty.

No, says Terence. But what now?

I'll direct you, says the old oystercatcher. First, decide where to attach it. I suggest the main mast. 

So do I, says Terence. And I'm the captain.

Good one, says Rusty.

Now, one of you holds one end, says the old oystercatcher. The other one holds the rope in the middle. Then the one with the end walks around the mast and the other one doesn't. Then the one with the end ducks under the rope and keeps walking round the mast. Do this three times. Then comes the hard part.

You'd make a good parrot, says Terence. 

I hope that's not my reward, says the old oystercatcher. To be promoted to parrot.

Your choice, says Terence. Keep talking.

Right, says the old oystercatcher. The one with the long end holds the rope taut and horizontal, the one with the end loops it over and under the long end, pulls it tight, then repeats the same action.

Okay, says Terence. Let's do it.

He takes one end and runs round the mast.

Stop! That's enough! cries Rusty. 

He ducks under the rope. Now for the hard part.

The deck is already under water. 

Forget the hard part, says the old oystercatcher. Give me both ends. I'll have to wing it.

He takes both ends in his beak, and starts flying.

Plop. He drops into the sea.

This was an accident waiting to happen.

We're done for, says Rusty. 

He would have been a good parrot, says Terence.

You don't get it, says Rusty. We're doomed.

I've been doomed before, says Terence. Once I rode a bicycle into Lake Geneva. I always get rescued.

Who saves you? asks Rusty.

Whoever's there, says Terence.

No one's here, says Rusty.

But he is wrong.

The sound of an outboard motor buzzes over the waves.

Six Isn't Half

Yes! There is a leak in the side!

Not the one Jean-Claude fixed. 

Another one.

Wah! cries Terence. We're going to sink to the bottom.

Not yet, says Rusty. But we will in ten minutes.

Do you have a plan? asks the old oystercatcher.

Fly back to shore and get help, says Terence.

How will you do that? asks the old oystercatcher.

Not me, you, says Terence.

Give me one good reason, says the old oystercatcher.

A reward, says Terence.

What might that be? asks the old oystercatcher.

You can choose, says Terence.

I'll do it, says the old oystercatcher. Try not to move much.

He flies off.

What did that mean? asks Terence. Try not to move much.

Keep still, says Rusty. If we move we'll sink faster.

Terence stiffens. So does Rusty. 

Now what? asks Terence. Have we really only got ten minutes?

That was a guess, says Rusty. 

Nine minutes, says Terence.

Another guess? asks Rusty.

Cannot but be, says Terence. Science.

Only if ten minutes was right, says Rusty.

Eight, says Terence. Seven.

Shut up! says Rusty. Time doesn't go that fast.

Sometimes it does, says Terence. 

The water is up to their knees.

Six, says Terence. That's half. Say your prayers, Rusty.

Prayers? says Rusty. I'm a cherub. And six isn't half.

Five, says Terence. Hey! why don't we look for a bucket?

It's a model ship, says Rusty. It doesn't have a bucket.

Four, says Terence. Too bad. I'm moving. I'm going to look for a bucket.

Three, says Rusty.

Terence has moved. He has looked through the hatch, and down into the cabin. There seem to be cupboards inside.

Tiny cupboards, which couldn't hold a thimble.

Two, says Rusty.

We're dead! cries Terence. Let's swim for it!

I'm not down to one yet! says Rusty.

You are now! says Terence, climbing onto the ship's railing. 

Flap flap! 

Soft wings brush the top of his head.

He looks up.

It's the old oystercatcher, with a rope looped several times round his neck. 

Don't jump! shouts Rusty.

Terence wobbles, on the railing.

Or Not Two Beetles

Terence has gone off the idea of playing cannot but be.

The old oystercatcher is too good.

But Rusty wants to continue.

Two beetles! says Rusty.

That's not a question, says Terence.

But you can make it a question, says the old oystercatcher.

Okay, says Rusty. 

Two beetles or not two beetles, says the old oystercatcher.

That's still not a question! says Terence.

That IS the question, says the old oystercatcher. 

What's the answer? asks Rusty.

Think, says the old oystercatcher. What's always the answer?

Cannot but be, says Rusty.

That can't be the answer, says Terence.

Why? asks Rusty. It's always the answer.

Cannot but be is SCIENCE, says Terence. It's what Gaius says when he's right.

When he thinks he's right, says the old oystercatcher.

Do you know him? asks Terence.

No, says the old oystercatcher. Who is he?

A man, says Terence. He counts frogs and crabs and sea slugs and birds, and I help him count them.

Then Gaius would know that cannot but be is a perfectly good answer to two beetles or not two beetles, says the old oystercatcher.

Terence is sure he is wrong.

As soon as we get back to shore I'm going to ask him, says Terence.

Yes, says Rusty. We just have to wait for the wind to blow us back there.

Bad luck, says the old oystercatcher. There is no wind forecast until tomorrow morning.

A slight wind moves the sails.....fuuuuur......and subsides again.

Do we have a motor? asks Terence.

Ha ha, laughs Rusty. Did Napoleon have a motor?

This isn't his boat, says Terence.

No, its even older, says Rusty.

It's in good condition, says the old oystercatcher. Except for that leak in the side.

It Tends To Disintegrate

The lighthouse light flashes across the dark water.

Can you see something? asks Terence.

Everything, says Rusty.

What is it? asks Terence.

Water, says Rusty. 

And sky, says Terence. 

But no wind, says Rusty. 

You can't see wind, says Terence.

I said that, says Rusty.

I mean ever, says Terence.

If you say so, says Rusty.

But can you see that thing in the water? asks Terence. It's getting nearer.

Rusty leans over the side.

It's only a bird, says Rusty.

A parrot? asks Terence. If it's a parrot we're saved.

We're not saved, says Rusty. It's a bird like that other bird, only older.

Those are nearly like parrots, says Terence. You can train them.

The older bird floats closer.

Terence calls out to it.

Hey! 

Alloo! calls the old oystercatcher. Have you seen a bird resting on a piece of wet cardboard?

Yes, you, says Terence.

Apart from me, says the old oystercatcher.

No, says Terence. We're looking for Saint Roley's brother.

Snap, says the old oystercatcher. So am I.

Come aboard, says Rusty.

That's for me to say, says Terence. I'm the captain.

Then say it, says Rusty.

Come aboard, says Terence. Bring your wet cardboard.

The old oystercatcher clambers over the model ship's side.

His cardboard remains in the water.

Rusty retrieves it, in a soggy condition.

Do you always look for Saint Roley's brother? asks Terence.

I do, says the old oystercatcher. Ever since I retired.

On the same piece of cardboard? asks Rusty.

No. It tends to disintegrate, says the old oystercatcher.

No one says anything for a while.

But all three are thinking.

If it tends to disintegrate, what does that mean for Saint Roley's brother?

Perhaps I'm wasting my time, says the old oystercatcher.

Me too, says Terence. Hey, want to play cannot but be?

Watch out, says Rusty. You might lose your job.

No fear of that, says the oystercatcher. I'm an old hand at cannot but be.

Go on then, ask a question, says Terence.

What would it be? asks the old oystercatcher.

Up to you, says Terence.

That's the question, says the old oystercatcher.

Cannot but be! cries Rusty.

Terence is rattled.

Cannot But Be

The last push Bertille gave was a powerful one.

The model ship zoomed away with a whoosh.

She is now eating a Paris-Brest pastry, facing the rocks.

The saints are still looking skywards, savouring cream.

Gaius is wondering if it is too dark to keep looking for sea slugs.

Time to leave the beach now, Bertille, says her mother. Teeth and bed.

Okay, says Bertille. 

That reminds me, says Gaius. Where is Terence? He had better come in.

I'll get him, says Bertille. She runs down to where she last saw him.

She runs back.

They've drifted out, says Bertille. Someone do something!

Gaius wades into the sea.

I can't see them, says Gaius. Where are those binoculars?

Here, says Bertille's mother.

What is happening? asks Saint Arnoc.

Terence and Rusty have drifted out to sea, says Gaius. And it's dark, adding a further complication.

Dear me, says Saint Arnoc. The lighthouse light should come on any minute.

What use will that be? asks Gaius.

They will see it, says Saint Arnoc. And be comforted.

.......

Terence and Rusty are drifting towards the horizon.

Can I be the captain? asks Terence.

No, I'm the captain, says Rusty.

Why? asks Terence.

Because the captain is always the captain, says Rusty.

Hey, want to play cannot but be? asks Terence.

I don't know how to, says Rusty.

One person asks a question, says Terence. And the answer is cannot but be.

You go first, says Rusty.

What if  I was the captain? says Terence.

Cannot but be? says Rusty. 

YES! says Terence. I'm the captain.

It is apparent that Terence's ability to play the game has improved.

Okay, says Rusty. You're the captain. Make us change direction.

YOU couldn't, says Terence.

No I couldn't, says Rusty. 

The wind'll blow us back soon, says Terence. I don't have to do it.

Aye aye, captain, says Rusty.

The vessel floats further towards the horizon.

A flash of light from the Phare du Portzic illuminates a thin stretch of water.

On the thin stretch of water floats a wet piece of cardboard.

On the wet piece of cardboard, an ancient oystercatcher feels some degree of comfort.

What's Like A Cake?

Of course, the ship floats.

And it is not dark yet.

I'll just step on board, says Rusty. I won't go anywhere.

Can I go on board too? asks Terence.

All right, says Gaius. Seeing it's not dark yet. 

I'll watch them, says Bertille.

I've brought cakes, says Bertille's mother. In case you were all tired of potatoes.

What a treat, says Saint Arnoc. 

Let's sit on a rock and eat them, says Saint Ténénan. 

The saints sit on a rock near Bertille's mother.

Bertille remains by the water. 

Push us out, says Rusty.

Not too far, says Gaius.

He is poking about in the sand.

He has not given up on finding the right sort of sea slug.

Like a cake? calls Bertille's mother.

What is? asks Gaius.

Would you care for one? asks Bertille's mother.

If I found one, says Gaius. But I don't expect it to look like a cake. More like a .....

You are speaking at cross purposes, says Saint Arnoc. Mathilde is offering you a cake.

Oh! my mistake, apologies, says Gaius. I should love one.

He does feel like a cake.

He walks the few steps to the rocks to select a cake from Mathilde's offering.

There are three cakes left.

Elaborate cakes, says Gaius. You have gone to a great deal of trouble.

I bought them, says Mathilde. These are called Paris-Brest. Choux pastry filled with whipped cream and sprinkled with powdered sugar and flaked almonds. They're supposed to resemble a bicycle wheel. Hence the hole in the middle.

Delightful, says Gaius. And what is this red one?

A rubis, says Mathilde. Almond and lime base with creamy raspberry filling, a layer of white chocolate mousse and a raspberry glaze.

Too large for my appetite, says Gaius. But I should like to try it.

I'll cut it in half, says Mathilde. I'll just go up to the cottage, for a knife.

All this takes some time. It grows darker. 

The saints look skywards, and try to retain the sweet taste of whipped cream by not talking.

Bertille is tired of watching the sailors.

I'm going to get a cake, says Bertille.

Give us a last push, says Rusty.

She gives them a big one.

Dumb Cluck

Rusty looks around.

Where's my ship? asks Rusty.

Mum took it up to the cottage to fix it, says Bertille.

We thought you'd drowned, says Terence.

So why fix it? asks Rusty.

So I could use it, says Terence.

Okay, says Rusty. Anyway, I wasn't drowned. Who's happy?

We all are, says Gaius. 

We named you Rusty, says Saint Arnoc. 

Why? asks Rusty.

To remember you in a positive way, says Saint Arnoc. 

Yes, says Terence. I even made up a poem. Here lies Rusty.

You dumb-cluck, says Rusty. Where did I lie?

 At the bottom of the ocean, says Terence. 

Never mind, says Gaius. There has been a joyous ending. Although, I suppose we should return Rusty to the museum.

I'm not going back there, says Rusty.

Yippee! says Terence. As soon as the ship's fixed, we'll set sail to look for Saint Roley's brother.

No you won't, says Gaius. Not you, anyway.

And there may be no need, says the oystercatcher.

Everyone freezes.

Does this mean he has news of Saint Roley's brother?

There are a few older birds who remember Saint Roley's brother, says the oystercatcher. They watched him take a different path from his brother. They observed him with interest.

Why didn't they SAVE him! asks Terence.

They too believed in the pointing finger, says the oystercatcher. I'm not saying they were right.

They were not right, says Gaius. The pointing finger was a This Way Up direction on a man-made cardboard container.

That doesn't necessarily mean it had no higher meaning, says Saint Arnoc.

Quite, says the oystercatcher. This has long been a coast where miracles happen.

Very well. But not in this case, says Gaius. The brother was not seen again.

That's the interesting thing, says the oystercatcher. There have been recent sightings.

Confirmed sightings? asks Gaius.

No, says the oystercatcher. Nothing like that.

Bertille's mother comes back down the steps with the model ship in her arms.

Wow! says Bertille. That was fast! How did dad fix it?

Cork, says Bertille's mother. Now let's see if it floats.

She sets it down in the shallows.

Everyone watches to see if it floats.

Gaius hopes it doesn't.

Here Lies Rusty

The picnickers gather round the model ship, which the oystercatcher has rescued.

There's a hole in its side, says the oystercatcher. 

Let me see, says Bertille's mother. I think Jean-Claude could fix it.

She picks up the ship. Seawater drips from it.

She heads off up the steps.

What about my friend? asks Terence. He was in it. 

I guess he fell out, says Bertille. We should've asked mum to leave the binoculars.

Go after her! cries Terence.

No need. Bertille's mother has remembered. 

She comes back down the steps.

You might want to use these! says Bertille's mother.

I do! says Terence. He seizes the binoculars and closes one eye.

He looks through the binoculars, for any sign of any part of a golden cherub.

Gaius, the saints and Bertille scan the waves too.

Are you looking for the captain? asks the oystercatcher.

Of course we are! says Saint Arnoc. He was in the vessel. He waved. We all saw him.

He must have been small, says the oystercatcher.

He was my size, says Terence. We had a plan to steal the model boat together.

And he tried on his own and he perished, says Bertille. Let's have a ceremony.

Yes, let's, says Terence. I'll say a poem. 

Do you know what his name was? asks Gaius.

No, says Terence.

Cherubs don't have names, says Saint Ténénan.

We must give him one, says Saint Arnoc. How about Rusty?

He was GOLD! says Bertille. He won't ever get rusty.

The name will remind us of that, says Saint Arnoc.

Yes! says Terence.

Here lies Rusty, who died.

He'll never get rusty. He tried.

A fitting memorial, says Gaius.

It sounds like he tried to get rusty, says Bertille.

No it doesn't, says Terence. He tried not to.

But you don't say he tried not to, says Bertille.

Because he didn't! says Terence.

You just said he did, says Bertille.

Terence's looks uncertain.

He has need of a parrot at this point. 

The oystercatcher, although not a parrot, steps in.

He's not drowned, says the oystercatcher. He's coming ashore now, if I'm not mistaken.

Yay! cries Terence. 

Rusty emerges from the sea, his golden curls in disarray, his body sporting one or two scratches.

The Many Ways Of Saying

The model ship tosses on the waves.

The cherubic captain tries to deal with the sails.

Flap flap! It's not easy.

He almost wishes he was back on his sea horse with its powerful tail.

Look! cries Terence. It's the kid from the museum! He's done it!

Stolen a model! says Gaius. This cannot end well.

Terence starts waving. 

Bertille's mother comes down the cliff steps, carrying binoculars.

Can you believe it? asks Bertille's mother. It's that cherub! In a stolen vessel! Jean-Claude and I feel it's partly our fault.

How is that? asks Gaius.

Bertille and Terence encouraged the cherub to come down from the sea horse, says Bertille's mother.

I didn't, says Bertille.

I only said 'nice sea horse', says Terence.

There are many ways of saying 'nice sea horse', says Bertille's mother. 

What are they? asks Terence. 

Jean-Claude and I were listening to the audio, says Bertille's mother. We did not hear you. 

So you can't blame Terence, says Bertille.

What's that you're eating, Bertille? asks Bertille's mother.

Potato soup, says Bertille. It's pink, but not because of dead beetles.

What then? Not food colour E124? asks Bertille's mother. 

Yes, says Saint Arnoc. Is there a problem? 

Coal tar and azo dye are the problem, says Bertille's mother. 

Dear me, says Saint Arnoc. 

Are they poisons? asks Bertille.

Azo dye is mildly toxic, says Bertille's mother. If  I were choosing between E124 and cochineal,  I'd choose cochineal, except for the cruelty. Seventy thousand tiny red insects swept off their cacti and boiled. All to make one pound of red powder.

Wah! says Terence. 

No need to be upset, says Gaius. We're ingesting the E124.

But the ship's sinking! cries Terence. 

The model ship appears to be have hit a snag, and is foundering.

Fortunately it is close to the shore.

Even more fortunately, the oystercatcher is making his evening appearance.

He grabs a loose rope with his long pointed beak, and drags the ship to the sand.

A good outcome, except that the cherub is no longer in it.

Blood Of Beetles

The potato soup is ready. 

Potato soup doesn't take long.

Basically, as long as it takes to boil the potatoes.

Saint Arnoc pours the hot soup into a thermos.

All mod cons, says Gaius.

A modest investment, says Saint Arnoc.

Will my soup be red? asks Terence.

It could be made so, says Saint Arnoc.

Saint Tenenan goes to the dark corner of the cellar and returns with a bottle.

This will do it.

Gaius wonders if he should ask what's in the bottle.

But one ought to trust saints.

Can Bertille come to the picnic? asks Terence.

She is always welcome, says Saint Arnoc.

Terence runs up the steps and round the side of the cottage to the front door, knocks on it, and invites Bertille to the picnic.

Is it potato soup again? asks Bertille.

Good guess, says Terence. Mine will  be red though.

Beetles' blood, says Bertille.

Yurk! says Terence.

Ten minutes later, Gaius, Terence, Bertille and the saints are heading down the steps to the shore.

Eleven minutes later, they are sitting on the sand between rocks.

It's a long time since we've had a picnic, says Saint Ténénan.

Not that long, says Gaius. Remember Belle's Tour de France picnics?

I do, says Saint Ténénan. Our little picnic seems poor in comparison.

But more noble, says Gaius. Potatoes are both simple and nourishing.

Saint Arnoc opens the thermos.

Saint Ténénan sets out the cups.

Saint Arnoc starts pouring.

Wait before you do mine! says Terence. Are you going to put beetles' blood in it?

No, says Saint Ténénan. Of course not. This is red food colouring.

But isn't it made from the blood of crushed beetles? asks Gaius.

Not this one, says Saint Arnoc. This is made from water and food colour 124.

Okay, says Terence. I'll have it.

Gaius wonders if he should look into the details of food colour 124. 

But the soup is cooling in the cups, and to do so he would need to go back up the steps and search for his phone.

Can I have some? asks Bertille.

Oh, says Saint Ténénan. I don't know.

One drop won't hurt, says Saint Arnoc. I'm sure she'll have had it before.

In pink cakes, says Bertille.

Why don't we all have it? asks Gaius.

Why not indeed? All in together.

They sit slurping their pink and red soup, keeping their eyes peeled for the oystercatcher, who had agreed to come back.

Imagine their surprise when instead of the oystercatcher, a small model ship floats into view, captained by a small golden sailor.

Mean Neptune

Gaius is in the cellar, helping the saints peel potatoes, when Terence returns.

Guess what? says Terence.

You saw Napoleon's barge, says Gaius. How was it?

No good, says Terence.

Not what you expected? asks Gaius.

Napoleon wasn't there, says Terence. Only a mean Neptune. And he used to be an eagle, but that was before, when the crown wasn't on it. 

Dear me, says Saint Arnoc. Did they give you faulty headphones?

No, says Terence. They worked. And also, there was a sea horse that wasn't a sea horse, and a kid that was riding him got off and we hid behind a model ship and then Bertille's dad grabbed me and made me leave him behind.

It doesn't sound all that educational, says Gaius. 

It was! says Terence. The kid had fork holes in his bottom.

Ha ha, laughs Saint Ténénan. Then he stops laughing.

No, it does not sound all that educational.

I have something to tell you, says Gaius. 

What? asks Terence. 

About Saint Roley's brother, says Gaius.

Yay! says Terence. Where is he?

We still don't know, says Gaius. Don't get your hopes up.

What then? asks Terence. 

I met an oystercatcher on the shore, says Gaius. He came to consume the dead sea slug.

What does that mean? says Terence. Which sea slug?

The chocolate box one, says Gaius. The sea hare rescued him, but it was too late. The sea slug was dead.

There goes that plan, says Terence.

That plan had long gone, says Gaius. But the good news is, the oystercatcher will ask around and report to us later this evening.

Before or after dinner? asks Saint Arnoc.

He did not specify, says Gaius.

Never mind, says Saint Arnoc. We'll eat on the beach.

Potato soup? says Gaius, surprised.

We have a large thermos, and plastic cups, says Saint Ténénan. 

What fun! I'll get them out, says Saint Arnoc

Terence is not the only one who is excited.

Instead Of The Head

Terence is in the museum, at the Château de Brest, with Bertille and her parents.

They are all wearing headphones, in front of Napoleon's barge.

It is a large barge, set above glass bays so you can see the bottom.

There is also a mirror above it, so you can see what's inside.

A gold Neptune and four cherubs adorn the prow. 

One cherub rides a gold sea horse.

Terence takes off his head phones.

Nice sea horse, says Terence.

I don't like it, says the cherub. 

It's not a real sea horse, says Terence.

I know that, says the cherub. It has a real horse's head instead of the head of a sea horse.

And a fish tail, instead of a sea horse tail, says Terence.

Does it? asks the cherub. I can't see that.

Look up. There's a mirror, says Terence.

The cherub looks up.

Sees what's behind him.

This explains a lot.

That does it, says the cherub. I'm dismounting.

Before you do that, boy, booms Neptune, understand you can never come back!

Woop-de-doo! says the cherub. I never want to!

It dismounts from the sea horse to the astonishment of Bertille's parents.

They both take off their headphones.

Merde! says Bertille's mother. I did not expect this. Should we alert the authorities?

Non! says Bertille's father. Let us move on. Allez vite, Bertille and Terence!

The party moves on, followed by the cherub.

He can't come, says Bertille.

But he's not allowed back, says Terence. His dad said so.

That wasn't my dad, says the cherub. That was Neptune, the sea god.

Does he have a weapon? asks Terence.

A pointy fork, says the cherub. Want to see the holes in my bottom?

Yuck! says Bertille.

Her parents are leaving the castle, in a hurry.

Bertille follows her parents. Terence and the cherub do not.

They hide in a gallery, behind a model of a ship from the old days. 

I need this. We should steal it, says Terence. 

An alarm will go off, says the cherub.

Then we'll wait, says Terence.

What for? asks the cherub. 

A plan to occur to us, says Terence.

He creeps out from behind the model. 

What if....?

Bertille's dad runs in, sees Terence and grabs him by the shoulder.

Marches him out to the car.

Bundles him into the back seat with Bertille.

It's not fair.

Never mind, says Bertille. It wasn't your fault.

I know, says Terence. Alas. It was everyone else's.

The Finger Of Whom

 Stop! says Gaius, to the oystercatcher.

The oystercatcher stops in mid gulp.

No, no, says Gaius. Continue eating. 

The oystercatcher swallows the dead sea slug, and turns to the live sea hare, its cousin.

Not me, please, says the sea hare. I'm on a mission.

Aren't we all? says the oystercatcher.

This mission may interest you, says Gaius. Do you remember an oystercatcher by the name of Saint Roley?

Saint Roley....Saint Roley.... says the oystercatcher, as though a bell may be ringing.

A few years ago now, says Gaius. He lost his brother, in sad circumstances.

Sorry to hear that, says the oystercatcher. 

Perhaps you've heard something? asks Gaius.

What were the circumstances? asks the oystercatcher.

Long story, says Gaius. But the short of it is that he put his trust in the pointing finger.

Of whom? asks the oystercatcher.

Of what, says Gaius. There was a hand printed on the piece of cardboard he floated away on. A hand with a pointing finger. He took it to mean he should float in the direction it pointed.

How do you know this? asks the oystercatcher.

It was at this point that the two brothers parted, says Gaius. Saint Roley knew what his brother was thinking. They differed. Saint Roley, on a separate piece of cardboard, drifted towards the rocks and was rescued.

You can't trust those pointing fingers, says the oystercatcher.

A wise aphorism, says Gaius. Could it be that these days all oystercatchers believe it?

Come to think of it, says the oystercatcher, it is a common piece of wisdom, among us.

Then some good has come of it, says Gaius.

I'll ask around, says the oystercatcher. If I learn anything, I'll come back this evening.

It stalks off.

Rather him than me, says the sea hare.

Gaius does not ask to what he is referring.

Forgotten Potatoes

Where is Terence? asks the sea hare.

Gone to see Naploeon's barge at the Musée National de Maritime, says Gaius.

I'll wait here, says the sea hare. Did I hear you say 'dead one'?

Indeed, says Gaius. The sea slug on your back is a dead one.

The sea hare rolls sideways to remove his dead cousin.

Dead, says the sea hare. That's a pity.

You have gone to a great deal of trouble, says Gaius. And your cousin has died in a chocolate box. Is there anything I can do to assist you?

No, says the sea hare. Thank you. 

Terence often gets funny ideas, says Gaius.

Is one of them 'tato box bleuh'? asks the sea hare.

If tato box means potato box, says Gaius. Then yes, I believe it was his.

Potato box? says the sea hare. Are you saying my cousin could have gone to sea in a potato box?

Yes and no, says Gaius. 

Why yes? asks the sea hare.

Terence wished it, says Gaius. He brought it down to the shore and left it on the last step.  At some point in the proceedings it vanished.

Which explains the no, says the sea hare.

That and the fact that your cousin didn't want to get in it, says Gaius.

But why not? asks the sea hare. Surely it would have smelled of potatoes?

Rotten potatoes, says Gaius. The bishops had been away a long time.

The sea hare does not know the bishops.

So does not ask where they have been.

Had he known them, and asked, he would have learned of their unexpected and illegal participation in the Tour de France 2021. 

Instead he asks: How long does it take for potatoes to go rotten?

Gaius is about to give a long winded reply when an oystercatcher marches up boldly and spears the dead cousin.

Potatoes are forgotten.

I Noo

The chocolate box is not far away.

The sea hare can see it. It speeds up.

The sea slug lies in its chocolate box nest.

It hears a whoosh and a tapping.

Rescue at last! 

Hello! says the sea hare. 

Whirr? says the sea slug. 

Here, says the sea hare. Other side.

The sea slug peers over.

I have a message, says the sea hare.

I noo, says the sea slug.

It may not be the same message, says the sea hare. What is it?

Tato box, says the sea slug. Bleuh.

The hot sun has affected you, cousin, says the sea hare.

Nurr, says the sea slug. 

The sea hare climbs aboard. 

No wonder the sea slug was affected. The smell of chocolate is overwhelming.

The sea hare holds its breath. Helps the sea slug onto its mantle, slides overboard, and starts flap-swimming back to the shore.

As it flaps it plans what to do next.

It will deliver the sea slug to Terence, and then set out again with the message.

It remembers the message.

Look out for Saint Roley's brother, who may have grown a new head.

Was that it?

But the sea slug had claimed that the message was tato box bleuh. 

He will need to check the message with Terence, before setting out again.

Nearly there.

There. 

Where is Terence?

The sea hare can only see Gaius, pottering about in the sand.

The sea hare heads towards Gaius. 

Hello! says Gaius. You again. What is this on your back? A dead one. This is strange behaviour on your part.

If he had his notebook and a pencil he would record it.

Under A Crown Behind Golden Statues

I told it to wait here! says Terence.

But it hasn't, says Bertille. Perhaps it was hungry.

I'll find it, says Terence. You write the message.

In yellow? asks Bertille.

You can go over it with ink when I find the sea hare, says Terence.

He starts looking.

Bertille sits on a rock.

Saint Arnoc comes up, and sits beside her.

Need some help with the message? asks Saint Arnoc.

I'm just thinking, says Bertille. We don't need the sea hare. 

No you don't, says Saint Arnoc. You could just launch the bottle.

But Terence has located the sea hare.

I was foraging, says the sea hare. In the area.

Okay, says Terence. You didn't lie. Are you ready for the mission? We got you a bottle.

I'm not going in a bottle, says the sea hare. 

Your message'll get wet, says Terence.

The medium is the message, says the sea hare. 

What does that mean? asks Terence.

Me, says the sea hare. I can swim. You should see me.

Okay, says Terence. He picks up the sea hare and wades into the sea.

He drops the sea hare in the water.

It swims around him, in an elaborate fashion.

No need to show off, says Terence.

I wasn't, says the sea hare. That's how we do it, by flapping our parapodia.

It shoots between Terence's legs and heads off towards the chocolate box which is nearing the horizon.

Bumhole! cries Terence.

He stomps back to shore, where Gaius is chatting to Bertille's parents, who have come down the steps.

Yes, indeed, Gaius is saying. I agree it would be be educational. Of course he must go.

It SWAM OFF! says Terence. 

Dear me, says Gaius. Did you watch it? Wonderful to see them flap their parapodia.

No it isn't, says Terence.

Now Terence, says Gaius, how would you like to go on an outing with Bertille and her parents?

Where to? asks Terence.

To the Musée National de la Marine, says Gaius. You will see models of ships, and various maritime objects of interest, including Napoleon's barge.

A beautiful barge, says Bertille's mother. I'm sure you would like it. It's adorned with a crown and golden statues.

Terence knows he should stay on the beach and find a new sea slug.

On the other hand, he sees himself sailing towards the horizon, under a crown, behind golden statues....

Although not how this might come about.