Thinking Better Of Bento

I heard that! says Wittgenstein. So you disagree that a word's use is its meaning?

Bento, says Vello.

Pardon? says Wittgenstein.

He said bento, says Sweezus. Maybe he's hungry.

I meant that to mean yes, I disagree with you, says Vello, coming out of the kitchen, with the Express Post bag.

Now that I know that, says Wittgenstein, your word has acquired a new meaning.

How very useful, says Vello. However, I'm not here to quibble.

But you were quibbling, says Wittgenstein. Or should we say performing a bento?

Do you guys even know what bento is? asks Sweezus.

Of course, says Vello.

I imagine it's some type of food,  says Wittgenstein. Since you suggested that Vello was hungry.

I'm not hungry, says Vello. I was just making a point.

You need to read my Philosophical Investigations, says Wittgenstein.

I shouldn't have to, says Vello. Sweezus will already have done it.

Yeah boss, says Sweezus. Already done it.

What type of food is it? asks Wittgenstein, who is now feeling hungry.

It's, like, Japanese, says Sweezus. Rice or noodles, fish or meat, and pickled vegetables packed in a box, in separate sections.

I like that, says Wittgenstein. It's neat and logical.

Want some? asks Sweezus. I'll head out and pick up a couple of boxes.

If you're going past an Express Post box, says Vello, you might drop this in.

Sure, boss, says Sweezus. 

He takes the Express Post bag from Vello and exits the office.

Roo-kai looks concerned.

What is it? asks Vello.

Now he knows, says Roo-kai.

Knows what? asks Vello.

You know what, says Roo-kai. That we're sending something to the French President.

But he doesn't know what, says Vello.

He saw the camera, says Roo-kai.

He doesn't know what's on it, says Vello.

President? says Wittgenstein. I thought you said it was for the Presbyterians.

I used the word to mean President, says Vello. As you see, I'm as adept at word games as you are.

Wittgenstein thinks about saying Bento, but in the end, doesn't.

Which Parts Of Surfing Are Not Facts?

Sweezus produces a pen and some scissors.

Thank you, says Vello. Now I'll keep out of your hair.

He takes the Express Post bag, scissors and pen into the kitchen 

Roo-kai follows him.

Vello begins to slit the bag open.

He can hear Sweezus, continuing the interview.

So, yeah, says Sweezus. You reckon that facts are the world?

I did, says Wittgenstein. But I don't now.

Okay, says Sweezus. Wind back a bit to when that was what you reckoned.

All right, says Wittgenstein. I was a younger man then. I thought I had the answer.

Yeah, and what was it? asks Sweezus.

It seemed to be logical, says Wittgenstein. What else could there be?

Other stuff, says Sweezus. But this is your interview. 

No, go ahead, says Wittgenstein. 

Okay like, when you're surfing says Sweezus. That's not all facts.

Which parts of surfing are not facts? asks Wittgenstein.

The euphoria, says Sweezus. And the gravel rash.

I think you'll find gravel rash is a fact, says Wittgenstein. And so is euphoria, even though it's a feeling.

Gravel rash is a feeling, says Sweezus. 

I wouldn't know about that, says Wittgenstein.

You should come surfing with me and Arthur, says Sweezus. We're heading up to Queensland in a couple of days. If they don't close the border.

Surfing? says Wittgenstein. I've never done it.

Get on with the interview! says Vello, from the kitchen. 

How's it going? asks Wittgenstein. Got it open?

Of course I've got it open, says Vello. I've taken out the camera, and I'm about to write the address on the post bag.

The Presbyterians, says Wittgenstein. Are you sending it to a particular congregation?

None of your business! snaps Vello. Oh, curses!

He has written Presby... before Roo-kai can stop him.

The b and the y will have to be crossed out. 

And how will that look to the French president?

Perhaps you could cover it with a sticker? suggests Roo-kai.

Do we have any stickers? calls Vello.

Sweezus finds an old roll of white stickers at the back of the lower drawer of the desk he is sitting at.

Lucky.

Roo-kai comes out to get it.

So anyhow, says Sweezus, continuing the interview. What do you think now that's different? 

In a nutshell, says Wittgenstein. A word's use is its meaning.

That makes sense, says Sweezus.

Not to me, mutters Vello.

The Totality Of Facts

Vello cycles back to the city. 

Roo-kai flies above him.

When Vello stops at the traffic lights, Roo-kai hovers.

Where is your office? asks Roo-kai. 

Just round the corner, says Vello. And up a few stairs. 

If you'd given me the address, says Roo-kai, I could have got there before you.

That's why I didn't, says Vello. I couldn't have you barging into the office.

I would have waited downstairs, says Roo-kai. I'm not lacking in manners.

Vello cycles round the corner, dismounts and waits for Roo-kai.

I have a guest in the office, says Vello. You may come up, but don't mention the camera.

I have no intention of mentioning the camera, says Roo-kai. But I wish to see it safely into an Express Post bag, and marked for the attention of the French President.

You call that not mentioning the camera! says Vello. 

Not another word shall  pass my beak, says Roo-kai.

Vello drags his bike up the stairs, and enters the office, where Sweezus is interviewing the guest, Ludwig Wittgenstein.

Yeah but, are you actually saying facts aren't things? Sweezus is in the middle of asking.

Wittgenstein is about to explain that the world is the totality of facts, not of things, when he notices Vello has come in with a parrot.

Of course he knows the bird he is seeing is an oystercatcher, not a parrot, but the fact is, the bird looks just like Saint Roley, whom he remembers.

Saint Roley? asks Wittgenstein.

Alas no, says Roo-kai. I am Terence's new parrot. But I have great regard for Saint Roley.

Where is he now? asks Wittgenstein.

Never mind that, says Vello. Could you just shift a bit. I need one of those Express Post bags. There might be one in the drawer.

Wittgenstein shifts. Vello opens the drawer and pulls out an Express Post bag.

He takes the tiny camera out of his pocket. Drops it in. Seals the Express Post bag.

You should've written the address on it first, boss, says Sweezus. It's heaps harder to write on when there's something in it.

Too late, says Vello. I've sealed it up now.

Allow me, says Wittgenstein. I'm always putting things in Express Post bags before I've addressed them

You mean facts, says Sweezus.

Wittgenstein looks vague for a moment.

Philosophy is one fact, says Wittgenstein. Post is another.

Sweezus writes that down in his notebook. 

The thing is, says Vello, or the fact, if you prefer, is that I can't allow you to write the address on this Express Post Bag, for security reasons.

I'll do it, says Sweezus.

Nor you, says Vello.

Slit the top, and take the camera out, says Roo-kai. You can stick it up after.

How will that look to the Pres.....oops, I mean...... ( he thinks quickly).....Presbyterians? says Vello.

Presbyterians! says Wittgenstein. Are you converting?

Never mind, says Vello. Sweezus, find me a pen and some scissors. And some sticky tape.

He seems flustered. 

Roo-kai is worried. 

President of France is one thing, Presbyterians are another.

The Natural Spy

It's not easy getting lizard blood off a sheet of paper.

Particularly if there are multiple choice questions on the paper.

Luckily, the answer boxes have not been filled in yet.

Gaius goes to the sink, and picks up his blue dish cloth. 

Vello sniffs. 

I wouldn't use that cloth, says Vello.

A clean one would leave no traces, says Roo-kai. 

You are a natural spy, says Vello.

Am I a natural spy? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. But Roo-kai is your parrot. Be happy with that.

Gaius takes a clean dish cloth from a drawer, wets it lightly, and wipes it over the paper.

How does it look? asks Vello.

A consistent beige, says Gaius. That's a lot better.

I suppose it will have to do, says Vello. 

Are you going to post it? asks Arthur.

The less you know the better, says Vello. However, I could take a photo, and send that.

You can always turn up the brightness, says Arthur. 

Which means I have wasted a dish cloth, says Gaius. 

First things first, snaps Vello. Roo-kai must fill in the answers.

Roo-kai gets to work.

A, B, A, B, A, C, D

and so on.

Until finally the form is completed.

Vello takes a photo. Checks it. Turns up the brightness. You'd never guess that it wasn't white paper.

Why did you use your own phone? asks Gaius. Wouldn't it be more efficient to use the spy camera that Roo-kai was issued? It has the submarine photos and other evidence on it.

Who's in charge here! says Vello. 

Nevertheless he picks up the tiny camera, and photographs the paper. Tclick!

Good, says Vello. That was more efficient.

My thoughts exactly, says Gaius. 

Do you have one of those Express Post bags? asks Vello. 

No, says Gaius. 

Then I'll have to go back to the office, says Vello.

I'll go with you, says Roo-kai.

No need, says Vello.

This is my future at stake, says Roo-kai. 

Come on then, says Vello. 

Off they go together, Vello shoving the tiny camera in his pocket.

Do you have a bad feeling about this? says Arthur.

I didn't, says Gaius. 

But he does now.

Upside-Down Code

Who else is here? asks Vello.

Just Arthur, Terence and Roo-kai, says Gaius. They're having blueberries and cheese in the kitchen.

Good, says Vello. 

They go through to the kitchen.

Vello is here, says Gaius.

Where are the blueberries? asks Vello.

I ate them, says Arthur. Try the cheese.

Vello cuts a thin slither.

Now what's this about W? asks Vello.

It's what we do next, says Terence, but we don't know what it is, so we can't do it.

Show me the Instructions, says Vello.

Gaius shows him the torn paper.

It's been torn, says Gaius, but the W is the last letter on the line, and the paper was torn horizontally..

Code, says Vello. 

You think so? says Gaius.

I don't think, I know, says Vello.

Then explain it, says Gaius. We need to get this mission over and done with. 

What is a W if not an upside-down M? asks Vello.

What? asks Terence.

An upside-down M, repeats Vello.

You asked what it is if it isn't, says Terence.

Ask Arthur, says Vello. I've no time for this sort of nonsense. It's an upside-down M. Trust me. 

That explains nothing, says Gaius.

In the world of spying, says Vello, nothing is straightforward. One must assemble the facts, then put two and two together.

These are the facts, says Gaius. The information that Roo-kai has gathered must be passed on to someone. We now learn that the someone goes by the code name of upside-down W.

Upside-down M, says Vello. The W is the right way up. Get your facts right.

I'm not used to spying, says Gaius.

Think top banana, says Vello.

Macron! says Roo-kai. 

Hush, says Vello. But yes, you have cracked it. The information is to be sent directly to him.

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. How do we do that?

Leave it to me, says Vello. Where is the camera? And the papers? Have you completed the multiple choice questions?

Not yet, says Roo-kai. Some of them have lizard blood on them.

We must get that off! says Vello.

Front Gardens Have Ears.

W? says Gaius. Is that all?

It's torn here, says Arthur. There might be more to it.

When the mission is completed, w, says Roo-kai. Is it in English?

Yes, says Arthur, it's in English.

The rest of the instructions were in French, says Roo-kai.

Maybe w is in French, says Terence.

That's a good point, says Gaius. In fact, it is likely.

Terence is proud. He has made a good point that is likely.

Why? asks Roo-kai.

Not many French words start with w, says Gaius. Think. Do you know of any?

Le week-end, says Arthur. Le Wifi. Le whisky. Le water polo. Le wok.

Le willy, says Terence. 

But no one acknowledges this as another good point.

It's a dead end, says Gaius. W may after all be in English.

Most likely a verb, says Arthur. W meaning wait for further instructions.

That's it, says Roo-kai. I'll wait for further instructions.

Why don't we eat while we wait, suggests Gaius. Tuck in, Arthur.

Thanks, says Arthur, taking a handful of blueberries.

As soon as this wretched quarantine period is over, says Gaius, I plan to go to Queensland, but first, I'd like to stop off at Taree.

Is Taree inland? asks Arthur.

He wants to go surfing, says Terence.

I believe so, says Gaius. I won't stay there long. I wish to observe the Screaming Tree Frog otherwise known as litoria quiritatus, as it has lately been discovered that they are a separate species from the Slender Bleating Tree Frog  or litoria balatus.

Arthur takes another handful of blueberries.

He does not like the sound of Taree.

The doorbell rings.

Who can it be? Baby Pierre? No, he can't reach the buzzer.

I'll go, says Gaius.

He goes to the front door. It's Vello.

Greetings, says Gaius. We were just remarking the dearth of words starting with w in the French language.

In relation to the famous Instructions? asks Vello. 

How did you know? asks Gaius.

Let me in first, says Vello. Front gardens have ears.

Hard Duck

Baby Pierre has cycled all the way down to Brighton, and stopped at the Espy.

He has dismounted, leaned his bicycle against a post, and strolled across the road to the jetty.

He has then strolled back to the Espy.

Victor is watching, from way down the road.

( It's hard to find a parking spot near the Espy)

Baby Pierre has then performed the actions one performs when one loses one's wallet. Patting his sides, looking panicky, finally shrugging.

He has then got on his bike, and cycled slowly towards the police van.

Victor has noticed it all ( through police issue binoculars).

Baby Pierre passes the police van.

Victor is satisfied.

He has done all he can.

If spying occurred, it was elsewhere, concludes Victor.

He looks at his watch. Yes! At last! He's off duty. 

He may as well go to the Espy.

If the kitchen's not closed.

.......

Meanwhile, back at Gaius's house:

What's a decoy? asks Terence.

A type of hard duck, says Roo-kai.

Baby Pierre's pretending to be one, says Terence.

There are other types of decoys, says Roo-kai.

What type is Baby Pierre? asks Terence.

A cunning one, says Roo-kai. He drew Victor away.

Before he went? asks Terence. Where's the drawing?

Not that kind of drawing, says Roo-kai. The point is, Victor is out of the picture.

Is that why I can't see it? asks Terence. Give me a pencil. I'll draw Victor.

Not necessary, says Roo-kai. What is necessary is to get the photos and papers to the French government.

Okay, says Terence. 

And I don't know how to do that, says Roo-kai.

Maybe it was in the Instructions, says Terence.

We ripped them in half, says Roo-kai.

And we put the dead lizard in the envelope, says Terence. 

Only one half is spoiled, says Roo-kai. You're right. We must check the other half of the Instructions.

They go to the kitchen, where Gaius is placing blueberries and cheese on the table.

Arthur is sitting at the table, fiddling with a ripped envelope.

Is there anything in that? asks Roo-kai.

Yes, says Arthur, pulling out a half sheet of paper.

What does it say? asks Roo-kai.

"When the mission is complete, w" says Arthur.

W? says Roo-kai.

Decoy Shoots Out And Turns Left

Victor has removed Terence's ankle bracelet.

Now I can go where I like, says Terence.

I suggest you go back to Gaius's place, says Victor.

Are you SPYING? asks Terence.

We police don't call it spying, says Victor. We call it surveillance.

Look! says Terence. Someone's coming!

Where? asks Victor.

Arthur walks by.

Victor rolls down the window of the police van.

Afternoon, Arthur, says Victor. Not thinking of visiting Gaius are we?

Yes, says Arthur. I'm not. 

You always were a slippery customer, says Victor. I suppose by that you mean you're intending to visit Gaius.

Probably, says Arthur. Is he at home?

He's in quarantine, says Victor. He has an app on his phone.

So why are you sitting here spying? asks Arthur.

It's in regard to another matter, says Victor.

He thinks WE'RE spying, says Terence.

And are you? asks Arthur.

Not me, says Terence. I wasn't allowed. But Baby Pierre was.

Ho ho! says Victor. This is interesting. Allowed to do what, exactly?

Nothing, says Terence, remembering.

Is Terence in custody? asks Arthur.

No he isn't, says Victor.

Then can we go and see Gaius? asks Arthur.

I suppose so, says Victor. 

Terence gets out of the police van, and starts walking back to Gaius's, with Arthur.

Good disguise, says Arthur. Did he know who you were?

No, says Terence. Not till I told him. Why are you here?

I heard Gaius was going to Queensland, says Arthur. Looking for dead frogs or whatever. I'm going to go with him.

Yay! says Terence. Will Sweezus come too?

Probably, says Arthur.

I LOVE Sweezus! says Terence.

Right, says Arthur. But he and me'll be surfing.

I've got a new parrot, says Terence.

Good, says Arthur.

They are now at Gaius's front door.

The door is open.

Baby Pierre shoots out, on his tiny bicycle, and turns left at the road.

A police van immediately follows.

Gaius appears in the passageway. 

Arthur! Wonderful to see you!

Victor's chasing Baby Pierre in his police van! cries Terence.

Don't worry, says Gaius. We have the spy material. Baby Pierre is a decoy.

What's a....? begins Terence.

But Gaius has ushered Arthur into the kitchen, to offer him blueberries, cheese and coffee.

Terence will have to ask Roo-kai what is meant by a decoy.

Moustache and Towel

Victor leaves, still feeling suspicious.

He gets into his police van and drives a short way down the road. 

He stops under a street jacaranda.

And makes a call to police headquarters.

Then he settles down for a spot of surveillance.

.....

Baby Pierre is not back yet.

Should I go and look for him? asks Roo-kai.

No, says Gaius. I have a feeling Victor is suspicious. 

So what? says Roo-kai. I would only be looking.

He might follow you, says Gaius.

He's gone, says Roo-kai.

Can we be sure of that? asks Gaius.

NO! says Terence. He might have just driven his police van down the road and stopped! And now he's spying on us!

Shall I fly up to the roof and see? asks Roo-kai.

Risky, says Gaius.

He could wear a disguise, says Terence. 

What disguise? asks Roo-kai.

A moustache and a towel, says Terence.

I'm not flying up to the roof in a moustache and towel, says Roo-kai.

I'll go! says Terence.

One problem, says Gaius.

No problem, says Terence. I'll wear a disguise and walk out to the footpath and look up and down the street to see if Victor is spying.

What about the bracelet? says Gaius. 

I can take it off, says Terence. Victor said I didn't really need it.

But he has to do it, says Gaius.

That's even better, says Terence.

He runs to the bathroom and pulls down a towel. A red one.

Now for the moustache.

.....

Victor is sitting in his police van, watching for comings and goings in Gaius's vicinity.

A red figure swishes out of the gate.

The red figure comes towards him. 

Could it be a neighbour?

Could it be Roo-kai?

But no. It's that rascally Terence.

Terence approaches.

Victor rolls down the window.

What is it?

Who am I? asks Terence. 

You look like Terence in a red towel, says Victor. But what's that on your face?

My moustache, says Terence. How did you know it was me?

It's not straight, says Victor. One side is higher than the other.

I couldn't see in the mirror, says Terence.

Why are you here? asks Victor.

Can you take my ankle bracelet off? asks Terence.

I suppose so, says Victor. Get in.

He opens the passenger door of the police van.

Terence climbs in.

Victor fiddles with the locking device on the bracelet.

As he has his head down, he fails to see Baby Pierre pedal past and turn in to Gaius's driveway.

What good timing.

Suspicious Successes

Roo-kai gets back first.

He lands in the back garden where Terence is kicking a ball at a tree.

Guess what? says Terence. This ball glows in the dark. But it has to be dark though.

And how did my mission go? asks Roo-kai.

What mission? asks Terence.

My SPYING mission, says Roo-kai. 

So why did you ask me? asks Terence.

I wasn't asking you what it was, says Roo-kai. 

So what did you ask me? asks Terence.

How did it GO? says Roo-kai.

How would I know? asks Terence. You went on it.

And I have returned, so what might you ask me? says Roo-kai.

How did it go? asks Terence.

At last, says Roo-kai. I'm pleased to report it was successful. We collected a great deal of evidence, both photographic and on paper.

Where is it? asks Terence. 

I don't have it, says Roo-kai. Baby Pierre has it. He'll be here shortly.

Lucky him, says Terence. I wish I went spying.

Maybe next time, says Roo-kai. You can't go spying with a quarantine bracelet on your ankle.

I can take it off when I like, says Terence.

Don't you have to wait for Victor? asks Roo-kai.

He's inside, says Terence. Giving Gaius an AP.

The back door opens, and Gaius comes out, He is no longer wearing the ankle bracelet.

Hello Roo-kai, says Gaius. How went the mission?

Is Victor still here? asks Roo-kai.

Yes, says Gaius. He's having a cup of tea in the kitchen. I see your point. We won't mention the spying.

I see you're no longer wearing the ankle bracelet, says Roo-kai.

Indeed, Victor has put an app on my phone, says Gaius. It's an improvement.

Hello-ello! says Victor sticking his head out. 

Greetings, says Roo-kai.

Did you find the Espy? asks Victor.

What Espy? asks Roo-kai. Oh, the Espy....not yet....

I'm going to have to search you, Roo-kai, says Victor.

WHY! asks Terence. He hasn't got any photos or papers.

What has he got? asks Victor.

Nothing! says Terence.

We'll see, says Victor. 

He pats Roo-kai down.

Nothing.

But this whole Espy thing is suspicious.

The Spying Went Smoothly

Baby Pierre moves to a position from which to take the photo.

He is now facing outward, and can see if anyone comes in.

Ready? asks Baby Pierre.

Roo-kai is facing inward towards the office.

He can see if anyone comes out.

No one will come out though.

There is only one door.

Tclik! Tclik!

Got it? asks Rookai.

Got it, says Baby Pierre

We should go now before anything else happens, says Roo-kai.

Nothing has happened, says Baby Pierre. Our spying went smoothly.

You got captured and escaped, says Roo-kai. Have you forgotten?

They tiptoe towards the construction shed exit.

Two men in overalls are just coming in.

Yeah, says one. I'm all for it.

What about personal freedom? asks the other.

Roo-kai and Baby Pierre look at one another. 

And duck out of the shed.

Where's your bike? asks Roo-kai. 

Here, says Baby Pierre.

He retrieves it. 

Are we keeping that paper?

Roo-kai had not intended to keep the paper, with the French instructions for drilling a hole in which to insert a periscope. But he can't go back now.

Yes, says Roo-kai. At least we have a photo to verify where it was found.

And now they can't destroy it, says Baby Pierre. Here, I'll fold it up small and put it in my back pack.

He takes the paper, and folds it up small.

To the fence! says Roo-kai.

They head to the fence. Roo-kai flies over it. 

Baby Pierre squeezes his bike through the gap he came in by.

Meet you at Gaius's, says Roo-kai. 

For a de-briefing, says Baby Pierre.

Yes, says Roo-kai. We should have a de-briefing. We made several errors.

Roo-kai flutters up and flies back towards Adelaide.

Baby Pierre checks that the camera and folded up French instructions are in his back pack.

Then he cycles away.

An alarm is going off, somewhere behind him.

A security guard, in his vehicle, approaches the gate. 

But there's nothing to see there.

Foresight Versus Hindsight

This is the situation.

Roo-kai has come out of the office, with (as he suspects) the incriminating paper.

He has asked Baby Pierre to take a photo of him with it, as evidence.

For evidence of location, Roo-kai needs a submarine in the back ground.

To accomplish this, Baby Pierre has asked him to turn round.

Roo-kai has turned around immediately.

Now the submarine is behind him. 

But so is Baby Pierre.

Baby Pierre must now make a decision.

Should he move round Roo-kai and take the photo from the doorway of the office?

Or ask Roo-kai to move back a bit?

Suddenly....

Tclik!

The signal that someone is coming! 

Did you..? asks Roo-kai.

No, whispers Baby Pierre. I didn't.

Quick, says Roo-kai. They both scramble back into the office, and hide under the desk.

Nothing happens. No one comes in. 

Are you SURE it wasn't you? asks Roo-kai.

Maybe it was me, says Baby Pierre. Did it sound like a camera?

Yes, says Roo-kai. But your tongue click signal also sounds like a camera.

That's why I chose it, says Baby Pierre.

Do you regret that now? asks Roo-kai.

We don't even know it WAS the camera, says Baby Pierre. What if it was someone else's camera?

Another spy? says Rookai.

Spying on us, says Baby Pierre. With their own camera.

If it was, where are they? asks Roo-kai. Wouldn't you have seen them?

I would have, says Baby Pierre, until you asked me to take a photo, and I had to turn round. After that, if anyone came into the shed, I wouldn't have seen them.

Check the camera, says Roo-kai. If you took a photo, that will explain the Tclik sound.

Baby Pierre checks the camera.

Photos of the half submarine, from above, indicating no periscope; and one last photo, the back end of Roo-kai.

It WAS me, says Baby Pierre. This is you from behind. 

So it is, says Roo-kai. It's not my best angle. 

Baby Pierre, wisely, remains silent.

Warning! (Tclik)

The two men in overalls walk out of the construction shed.

Now what? asks Baby Pierre.

We should check for French instructions, says Roo-kai. 

Where? asks Baby Pierre.

Drawers, says Roo-kai. We'll check over there in the office.

They head for the office. The door of the office is open. No one is in there.

You stand guard, says Roo-kai. 

Okay, says Baby Pierre. If anyone comes into the shed and starts walking this way, I'll signal.

What will it be? asks Roo-kai. 

A tongue click, says Baby Pierre. Like this. Tclik!

Good, says Roo-kai. I'm going in now.

He goes into the office.

He approaches the desk. He opens some drawers, with his beak.

The top drawer contains diagrams of Collins Class Type 471 subs, and dates when repairs were completed.

Dents on the outside, broken propellers, lost antennae, split stern planes, rusty rudders, faulty toilets etc.

None of which interests Roo-kai.

The second drawer contains a torn piece of paper, with French words on it.

The words read: Instructions de percer un trou pour insérer un périscope.

Under the words, a diagram. A hump, like the back of a whale, with a box slightly forward of centre, various measurements, an arrow.

Yes! says Roo-kai. Bring the camera!

Can't! I'm on guard! hisses Baby Pierre.

Roo-kai assesses the situation. Should he just take the paper?

But that would prove nothing.

He picks up the paper (in his beak), closes the drawer (with his head) and hurries to the door.

Take a photo of me holding this, says Roo-kai. Make sure you get that old submarine in the background.

Turn around then, says Baby Pierre.

Roo-kai turns around, and poses.

Tclik!

Which Is Why It's Not There

Roo-kai and Baby Pierre walk to the end of the half submarine.

Baby Pierre climbs onto Roo-kai's back.

Baby Pierre holds the camera.

Roo-kai rises, and flies slowly over the submarine to the middle.

No periscope. No hole. No half hole.

Baby Pierre takes several pictures.

Roo-kai flies back, and lands.

This must be the back half, says Roo-kai.

That's what I was thinking, says Baby Pierre. They wouldn't put the periscope in the back half. 

Which is why it's not there, says Roo-kai.

The French will be pleased, says Baby Pierre.

They will, says Roo-kai. And we have the photos.

There's a propeller, says Baby Pierre, and a couple of wing things. Shall I snap them?

Yes, says Roo-kai. 

Baby Pierre has no trouble snapping things with his very strong fingers.

Now what? asks Baby Pierre.

Papers, says Roo-kai. French instructions for submarine building.

Where will we find them? asks Baby Pierre.

In the construction shed, says Roo-kai. But there shouldn't be any.

I get it, says Baby Pierre. When the Australian government cancelled the contract, they were meant to give back the instructions.

Yes, says Roo-kai. Our job is to find them, if they didn't.

I LOVE spying, says Baby Pierre.

They head for a large construction shed, Baby Pierre wheeling his bicycle. 

They approach it with caution. 

Luckily. The two guards are just coming out.

False alarm, says one security guard to the other.

Yeah, says the other. Thought it would be. Reckon it's the weather.

Yeah, funny weather, says the first one.

(It's not that funny, but guards must come up with a reason).

Roo-kai and Baby Pierre tiptoe in.

A large Collins class submarine looms before them.

Should this be here? asks Baby Pierre. 

It doesn't look like the one we've just photographed, says Roo-kai.

It's longer, says Baby Pierre, and look! It's dented!

Hide! says Roo-kai Someone's coming!

They hide behind a box of propeller parts and antennae.

Two men in overalls walk by.

Dunno how this old tub's gunna go another twenty years, says one.

Least it's a job, says the other. And they're not bad old tubs. Swedish design.

Yeah, Kockums, says the first one. 

They both laugh. 

Even though they've been working on these subs since 1987, the names Kockums is still pretty funny.

Half A Periscope

 Baby Pierre skids to a halt, in front of the half submarine.

You escaped! says Roo-kai. How did you do it?

There was an alarm. The guards ran out. I took off, says Baby Pierre.

It was me who set off the alarm, says Roo-kai. 

On purpose? asks Baby Pierre.

Yes, says Roo-kai. It was to save you.

Thanks, says Baby Pierre. But now the alarm's been set off.

Don't worry, says Roo-kai. I set it off in a different location. They'll be searching the buildings. Not here.

You are a good spy, says Baby Pierre. Have you had lots of practice?

None, says Roo-kai. 

Me either, says Baby Pierre. What do we do now?

Take photos, says Roo-kai. Where's the camera?

Here, says Baby Pierre. Do you want me to help you?

Yes, please, says Roo-kai. Wing tips are awkward things for pressing buttons. But when I think about it, I've not seen your hands.

Retractable, says Baby Pierre, extending his skinny arms proudly.

Fingers? asks Roo-kai. 

And fingers, says Baby Pierre. The strongest fingers in the universe.

You are a boaster, says Roo-kai.

Wait till you see me press buttons, says Baby Pierre. Shall we get started?

All right, says Roo-kai. 

He looks around in case the guards have stopped searching the buildings.

No, they are nowhere in sight.

An aerial shot would be nice, says Roo-kai. We might capture the periscope.

Does this half have a periscope? asks Baby Pierre. Aren't they usually in the middle?

I suppose this is one of the things the French government want to know, says Roo-kai. How far have they got? That was one of the questions.

Half a periscope? says Baby Pierre. 

Or nothing, says Roo-kai. Maybe a hole for the periscope to go in.

Or half a hole, says Baby Piere.

It might not be EXACTLY in the middle, says Roo-kai.

There might be no hole or anything, says Baby Pierre.

Even that would be valuable information, says Roo-kai. Right. Let's walk to the end of the submarine, then you climb on my back, holding the camera. I'll fly up and then slowly flap my way to the middle. When I get there, you take a photo. No, take a few. Then I'll descend. Don't drop the camera.

Strongest fingers in the universe never drop cameras, says Baby Pierre.

Good, says Roo-kai. I'm glad I've got you.

Not Faith, Not Skill, Lightness

The security guard drives away, with Baby Pierre and the tiny bike in his pocket. 

He stops at a low building. Gets out of his car and goes in.

Sits down at a desk, and glances at a screen.

Another security guard enters the office.

Nothing?

Nothing. But look what I found. I'm taking it home for the kids.

The security guard takes Baby Pierre out of his pocket. And the tiny bicycle.

Hey, says the second security guard. What's that mark? And why is it wearing a back pack?

Dunno. Must be that new City Lego. 

Yeah. My kids are into Lego Friends. Anything in the back pack?

Haven't looked. Let's see. Whoa! A miniature camera!

He places the camera on the desk.

Baby Pierre wonders if he should say something.

But what would he say?

Admit that he's Lego? Protest that he isn't?

He is weighing up the options when an alarm goes off in the office, and the security guards run outside.

Baby Pierre quickly picks up his camera, stuffs it back in his back pack, unfolds his tiny bicycle, mounts, and cycles full tilt to the edge of the desk, after which it is a matter of .....

Not faith, Baby Pierre is an atheist. 

Not skill, Baby Pierre is not great at jumps.

Lightness. It's a matter of lightness.

Baby Pierre flies through the air on his bicycle and lands on the floorboards. 

He then continues, towards the door. 

Does he slow, in order to check where the guards are?

Not he. 

He exits and zooms towards the gate of the Techport facility.

Will Roo-kai still be there?

No. Roo-kai has vanished. Has he left a message?

Baby Pierre checks the dirt, for a scratched message. 

There is no scratched message.

But there is a snail.

Are you Baby Pierre? asks the snail. 

Depends who's asking, says Baby Pierre.

Roo-kai, says the snail.

I am, say Baby Pierre. Has he given up and gone home?

No, he hasn't, says the snail. He flew towards that half-submarine over there. He said if you turn up, bring the camera.

Did he say what to do if I don't? asks Baby Pierre.

Like what? asks the snail.

Never mind, says Baby Pierre. That was a dumb question. Thanks for the message. 

Happy for a bit of excitement, says the snail.

Me too, says Baby Pierre, heading towards the half-submarine, on his trusty bike, with the miniature camera.

You Can Never Trust Birds

Baby Pierre rides away from Gaius's house in a northerly direction.

The tiny camera is safe in his back pack.

How he loves the open road!

He weaves in and out of the traffic.

He disobeys traffic lights. 

He is being quite reckless.

Roo-kai, flying above him, wonders if he should intervene.

By landing in front of Baby Pierre and saying.  Slow down! You must get there in one piece and so must my camera.

But it is a race, and Baby Pierre is a pebble.

So Roo-kai flies on.

This time he has a better idea of where he is going. 

No need to turn right at the marina, he will fly to Osborne directly, thereby cutting a corner.

Ha-HAH! 

Baby Pierre speeds under heavy vehicles, and through restricted speed zones.

He cuts through a grave yard.

Boo!

Bad idea. But no time is lost, he speeds even faster.

Now he is in Port Adelaide. Zoom!

It looks as it always looks. Bridges!

He zooms over a bridge. Whee!

He looks up, in case Roo-kai is above him.

Caramba! He is! He must have taken a short cut!

You can never trust birds.

Victoria Road, turn right at Veitch Road.

They arrive at the Techport Facility at the same moment.

Well done, says Roo-kai. 

You too, says Baby Pierre.

You took many risks, says Roo-kai. I like that.

Now what? asks Baby Pierre.

Yes, how do we do this? says Roo-kai. I have questions to answer, as well as take photos.

You fly over the gate, says Baby Pierre. I'll squeeze through this opening.

With your bike? asks Roo-kai.

It folds up, says Baby Pierre.

Now they are inside the grounds of the facility.

A security guard drives up to the gate in a vehicle.

Just a bird, says the security guard into his walkie talkie. And something else. Guess I'd better check it.

He gets out of his vehicle.

Sees the folded tiny bicycle with green wheels, lying next to a pebble.

Will he pick up the bicycle?

Will he pick up the pebble, aka Baby Pierre?

Yes! he picks them both up, and slides them into his pocket.

Sweet! The kids'll love these!

Beyond French With Green Wheels

I suppose I shall have to go back to Osborne, says Roo-kai. But how will I carry the camera?

In a back pack, says Terence.

But I need to be able to use it while in the air, says Roo-kai. 

Fly upside down, says Terence.

You haven't thought that through, says Baby Pierre.

No he hasn't, says Gaius. Perhaps the Instructions say something about it.

He goes back inside, and comes out with the Instructions.

Here, at the bottom, says Gaius. 

Si vous ne....da da da......pour apporter le camera.... on peut recruter un petit assistant francais. 

What does that mean? asks Terence.

If he can't manage the camera he may recruit a small French assistant, says Gaius. What a pity, there is no one here who fits that description. 

What about me? says Baby Pierre.

Are you French? asks Roo-kai.

I am beyond French, says Baby Pierre. When I was formed, there were no such nations.

Me too, says Terence.

It is not true in your case, says Gaius. You were formed in Barcelona.  But it is true in the case of Baby Pierre, who was formed many eons ago.

That's all very well, says Roo-kai. But does being beyond French qualify him for the mission?

Look at me, says Baby Pierre. See this mark? It's the Mark of the Claw.

Or a tulip, says Terence.

Shut up! says Baby Pierre. It's the Mark of the Claw and it qualifies me for any mission.

Okay, says Roo-kai. It's not like I have much choice. At least you have a French name.

Baby! says Terence. 

He means Pierre, says Baby Pierre. 

Just one thing, says Roo-kai. You're a pebble. How will you carry a camera?

I'll take my bike, says Baby Pierre.

What! You expect me to carry you and a bike and a camera? squawks Roo-kai.

I'll cycle there, says Baby Pierre, and meet you at the front gate of the Techport Facility.

How long will it take you to get there? asks Roo-kai.

Less time than you! says Baby Pierre.

He is fast, says Gaius. His bike has wheels made from fluoroelastane.

Roo-kai doubts that Baby Pierre can get there faster.

But Baby Pierre has ducked into the shed and come out with a tiny bicycle.

It has strange green wheels.

They do look like wheels made from fluoroelastane.

Gaius hands him the camera.

The Third Eye Won't See You

Gaius has dug a hole in the back garden.

Not too deep. The dead lizard is flat.

Would you like to say a few words? asks Gaius.

Pizza, says Terence.

That's not very nice, says Gaius. A few words about what sort of lizard he was.

A blue tongue, says Baby Pierre. 

With no sense of direction, says Roo-kai.

Allow me, says Gaius. Today we bury a lizard who had taken refuge in our back garden. Probably thinking it was safe. And it was safe, until I returned home and mowed the grass, which alarmed him. He lay low for a while, then made a decision. He would run across the road. Unfortunately....

Terence has been staring at the dead lizard, whose body is flat and whose head is flat also.

Wah! says Terence. What's that on the top of his HEAD!

A third eye, says Gaius. Most lizards have them. It is called the parietal eye, and is photoreceptive. By this means they can work out if it's day or night, and regulate body temperature.

Do I have one? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. It's just a hole leading down to the brain.

You could get one, says Baby Pierre. Ask Gaius to drill it.

No way! says Terence. I don't even want one.

Ready? asks Gaius. Any more things to say?

Yes, says Terence. I'll make up a poem.

Go on then, says Gaius.

Goodbye lizard, you won't see us again, says Terence.

Is that all? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Terence.

That was good, says Baby Pierre. Short but effective.

And accurate, says Roo-kai. 

But not very moving, says Gaius. However, if that's it, I shall now cover him with dirt.

He covers the lizard with dirt, and spreads dried grass cuttings on top.

Dead Mini Wrap

Roo-kai flies back to Gaius's house, and lands in the back garden.

Terence and Baby Pierre are on the back step, looking sad.

Roo-kai, cries Terence. You're back early!

Don't get too excited, says Roo-kai.

You forgot your camera, says Baby Pierre. We were just thinking about how you wouldn't be able to complete your mission.

Guess how we know! says Terence

How do you know? asks Roo-kai.

Did you think we looked sad when you landed? asks Terence.

A bit, says Roo-kai. 

Remember the lizard? says Terence.

The one that doesn't know north from south? asks Roo-kai. Yes, I remember the lizard.

It DIED! says Terence. The postman found it.

In the back garden? Roo-kai is surprised.

On the ROAD! says Terence. Flat as a mini-wrap. With legs. And blood coming out at the sides.

The worst ever mini-wrap, says Baby Pierre.

What was it doing on the road? asks Roo-kai.

Being DEAD, says Terence. Gaius said we should bury it.

And did you? asks Roo-kai.

First we had to find something to put it in, says Terence. And Gaius said we could use the ripped packet.

With my instructions, says Roo-kai.

They weren't in it, says Terence. We took them out, remember.

I remember, says Roo-kai.

And so Gaius gave us the packet, says Terence.

And we sneaked out, says Baby Pierre. 

Aren't you in quarantine? asks Roo-kai.

Not me, says Baby Pierre.

Only me, says Terence. 

That was illegal, says Roo-kai.

No one saw me, says Terence. Anyway, we scraped the lizard into the packet and ran home.

And buried the lizard in the back garden, says Roo-kai. Where exactly?

We didn't do it yet, says Terence. Because guess what happened?

I can't guess, says Roo-kai.

When Gaius tipped out the dead lizard, a tiny CAMERA fell out of the packet! Your spy camera. It's really small. And you didn't take it. That's why we were sad.

I've come back for it, says Roo-kai. Where is it?

Inside, says Terence. This is a happy ending. NOW we can bury the lizard.

A Prescient What-if

No camera? asks the gull whose name is not Crark.

No camera, says Roo-kai.

A spy needs a camera, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

I realise that, says Roo-kai. 

You're stuffed then, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

Stuffed? says Roo-kai.

In the poo, says the gull.

Unless, says Roo-kai, I can borrow one. Is there a chip shop?

Chip shop? There's the Sailmaster Tavern, nearby.

Tavern, even better, says Roo-kai.

You're going to steal someone's camera, says the gull.

Or smart phone, says Roo-kai.

Phone won't work, says the gull. People have passwords.

I can crack the password, says Roo-kai.

Come on then, says the gull.

The gull whose name is not Crark shows Roo-kai the way to the Sailmaster Tavern, which is open for lunch.

People are sitting at outdoor tables under umbrellas, watching the boats, and waiting for their chips to arrive.

Some have placed their phones on the table.

All Roo-kai has to do is....swoop in and fly off with one of them.

Distract them! says Roo-kai.

Okay, says the gull.

He hops down onto the walkway, and loudly says CRARK!

Oh look! It wants chippies, says a woman. Sorry fella, our chips aren't here yet.

Roo-kai swoops in.

Shit! says the woman. Did you SEE that! Bird took my phone!

There is chaos amongst the tables. Everyone stands up, and heads for the railing. 

It flew that way! cries someone.

What if it drops it in the water? wails the woman.

A prescient what-if.

Roo-kai has not got a good grip on the phone.

He drops it in the water.

He is totally embarrassed. He wheels in the sky.

His only course now is to go back to Gaius's place and obtain a suitable camera.

Mission Omission

Roo-kai is now flying north.

He flies over the airport, and continues, eyes peeled for the marina.

Ah! He spots it. This is where he turns right.

But he needs a rest, so he lands near a rocky breakwater.

And looks at the sea.

A silver gull lands beside him.

Crark!

Roo-kai, says Roo-kai.

That wasn't my name, says the silver gull.

No, it is mine, says Roo-kai.

I meant Crark wasn't my name, says the silver gull.

Oh, says Ro-kai. Forgive me. My mind was elsewhere.

Where was it? asks the gull whose name is not Crark.

In two places, says Roo-kai. Or three, to be honest.

And none of them here, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

None of them here, says Roo-kai. Although I am aware of my surroundings 

They do good chips here, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

Chips are bad for you, says Roo-kai. 

Do I look unhealthy? asks the gull whose name is not Crark.

No, says Roo-kai. It's just that I prefer fresh molluscs.

Tell me about the three places, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

Where I came from, where I've been, and where I'm going, says Roo-kai. And where I'm returning to after.

That's four, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

The more I think, the more places my thoughts go, says Roo-kai.

You need to focus, says the gull whose name is not Crark.

That is good advice, says Roo-kai. My current task is to take a right turn here and fly over the submarine building facility.

Not much doing there at the moment, says the gull.

That is one of the things I must report on, says Roo-kai.

So you are a spy, says the gull. I thought so. Where is your camera?

Roo-kai is taken aback. 

He has not brought a camera.

We Don't Fly Much These Days

Roo-kai flies high above the southern suburbs.

He is looking for a marina, to turn right at.

He sees no marina. 

But he does see the sea.

He heads for it. Lands on the sand.

What luck. There is an oystercatcher over there, poking about in the shallows

He goes over.

Hello.

Hello.

Any good molluscs?

A few.

Is there a marina anywhere in this vicinity?

No. But there is one up north.

Which way is north, if you don't mind me asking? I'm not from here.

I can tell by your accent. French is it?

I've come over from Brittany, as a parrot.

Did you have one of those parrot passports?

You know about them?

We all do. Only some of us have them. We don't fly much these days.

I assume you mean, in an aircraft.

Ha ha, yes. Brittany you say? Do you know Saint Roley?

Mon dieu! We all know Saint Roley. In Brittany, we constantly search for his brother.

Do you really? That is comforting to know.

How do you know Saint Roley?

I don't know him personally. I only know of him. He was recently spotted on Kangaroo Island, where he set up with a female called Porntip, but the egg they produced was destroyed by a four wheel drive vehicle, and they broke up soon after.

Tragic. Where is he now?

Not been seen for a while. Perhaps you'll encounter him on your travels. 

Perhaps. Which way is north?

That way.

Then I have been flying in the wrong direction

Keep your eye on the sun. It sets over the ocean. So you know that is west.

Thanks, brother.

Good luck. I hope you find the marina.

Thank you. But the marina is not my destination. I turn right when I get there.

Heading where? 

The Techport facility at Osborne.

I hope you are not a French spy.

Of course not. 

Look! A mollusc. Why don't you have it.

Thanks. (Chomp chomp). Nice to meet you. Goodbye.

When Blinking Means Yes

I know where the lizard will be, says Baby Pierre.

Where? asks Terence.

Where the sun is, says Baby Pierre.

Terence looks up at the sky.

On the ground, enjoying warm sunny patches, says Baby Pierre. Don't you know anything?

I was looking for Roo-kai, says Terence. He might come back for directions.

Not yet. Help me look for the lizard, says Baby Pierre. Stand still and watch for eyes staring straight at you.

Terence stands still. This reminds him of mean old Saint Joseph, always on the lookout....

A head pokes out from a pile of dead weeds.

There he is, says Terence.

Ask him, says Baby Pierre.

You ask him, says Terence.

Yes, that's best, says Baby Pierre.

Baby Pierre rolls slowly towards the lizard. It flicks out its blue tongue, and retracts it.

Nice one, says Baby Pierre. Are you busy?

The lizard does not appear to be busy.

Did you see a parrot, a little while ago? asks Baby Pierre.

The lizard knows it was an oystercatcher, not a parrot. But says nothing.

Did it ask you which way was north? asks Baby Pierre.

The lizard knows it did. But pretends not to remember.

Yes, says Terence. 

YOU don't know! says Baby Pierre.

Well, he isn't saying, says Terence. If it's yes, he might blink, and then we can ask the next question.

What will he do if it's no, says Baby Pierre.

Keep staring, says Terence.

That's what he's doing, says Baby Pierre. But we don't know if it's because no is the answer.

The lizard blinks. 

He blinked, says Terence.

I just did that to prove something, says the lizard.

FINALLY! says Terence. What?

Blinking doesn't mean yes unless I consent to yes being it's meaning, says the lizard.

Does it mean no? asks Terence.

No, says the lizard. 

Is that a trick answer? asks Terence.

Stop this, says Baby Pierre. We want to know if you gave Roo-kai misleading directions. He has recently arrived here from France, and may not have his bearings.

Oh dear, says the lizard. Yes I did send him south. But don't worry, he will soon realise. What was he looking for?

The submarine building facility, says Baby Pierre. Instead of which  you have sent him towards the desalination plant.

I didn't know he was French, says the lizard.

North Is The Top Of The Map

 Roo-kai flies south.

We can't blame him, nor the lizard.

Let us leave him to realise his mistake.

Back at Gaius's house, the doorbell rings. It's Vello, who has returned with the shopping.

Welcome! says Gaius. Come in!

We've got a lizard, says Terence.

Where is it? asks Vello.

Out the back, says Terence. Want to see it?

No thank you, says Vello. I'll drop off the shopping and get going. I'm meeting someone at the office.

Gaius unpacks the shopping. Apples, oranges, blueberries, pasta, cheese, teabags, instant coffee.

You can help me put these away, Terence, says Gaius.

Okay, says Terence. Blueberries first.

No, the pasta, says Gaius. Put it in the pantry.

Terence carries the pasta into the pantry.

Hello, says a voice from the top shelf of the pantry.

It's Baby Pierre!

What are you doing up there? asks Terence.

Looking for something, says Baby Pierre.

Come down, says Terence.

A photo, says Baby Pierre.

I didn't ask you what for, says Terence. Guess what, I've got a new parrot!

I heard, says Baby Pierre. I can hear everything from up here. He's called Roo-kai, and he's gone off on a spying mission.

Yes, says Terence. Flying north.

But wait, says Baby Pierre. Where is he from, your new parrot?

France, says Terence.

Does he know which way is north? asks Baby Pierre.

The top of the map, says Terence.

Which door did he go out of? asks Baby Pierre.

The back door, says Terence. He talked to the lizard.

You'd better hope he didn't ask that lizard for directions, says Baby Pierre.

WHY? asks Terence.

It doesn't CARE, says Baby Pierre. It would point anywhere.

Let's go and ask it, says Terence.

I'm still looking for the photo, says Baby Pierre. It was of me and a spider.

This is more important, says Terence.

All right, watch out, says Baby Pierre. I'm coming.

He rolls off the shelf and drops on the floor next to Terence.

Good dropping, says Terence.

Thank you, says Baby Pierre.

They come out of the pantry.

You took your time, says Gaius. And where are you taking the pasta?

Nowhere! says Terence. We have a problem!

Give it to me, says Gaius. I suppose you had trouble locating the pasta jar.

He enters the pantry, with the pasta, quickly locating the jar.

Hum. And where was Terence going in such a hurry, with Baby Pierre?

Out through the back door. They are looking for the lizard, who is hiding. 

It doesn't trust Baby Pierre.

A Discontinuity

Vello has left, to do Gaius's shopping.

Gaius goes into the back garden.

A blue tongue lizard retreats under a sage bush.

The grass needs cutting, thinks Gaius. And there are weeds. Also the apricot tree could do with netting.

There will be plenty to do while he's home quarantining.

He goes back inside.

Terence and Roo-kai have spread the spying Instructions on the kitchen table.

This goes with that, says Terence.

No it doesn't, says Roo-kai. A map should be continuous.

It is continuous, says Terence.

No it isn't, says Roo-kai. And I'll never find the submarine building facility if I'm flying along following this map and suddenly. Blerk! A discontinuity!

Let's ask Gaius, says Terence.

What is it? asks Gaius.

This map got torn in half accidentally, says Terence.

Prematurely, says Roo-kai.

I see, says Gaius. And you'd like me to stick it back together.

Not permanently, says Roo-kai. 

Nothing is permanent, says Gaius. Why just now I noticed a blue tongue lizard in the back garden. I've  not seen one in my back garden before. But show me this map.

It's on the table, in two parts.

This lines up with that, says Gaius. This is the Port River and this is Torrens Island. And this is the Techport Naval and Defence Hub in Osborne. Put simply, you fly north and turn east at the North Haven Marina. Shall I glue it?

No, says Roo-kai. It does look simple. I'll commit it to memory, and get going.

What about the boxes? asks Terence.

There are boxes? says Gaius. He lifts the two map parts under which there are two sets of pages with  multiple choice question and answer boxes.

An example: Est-ce qu' il ya un submarine ici a ce moment?

A: Oui

B: Non

Another example: Est-ce complet?

A : Oui

B: Non

A further example: Est-ce qu' il ya un bureau ouvert?

A: Oui

B: Oui, un bureau, mais ce n'est pas ouvert.

C: Non.

And so on.

These are simple questions, says Gaius. You are right Roo-kai. Best to leave the papers here and fill in in the answers on your return.

Goodbye then, says Roo-kai.

He goes into the back garden, where the blue tongue lizard eyes him beadily.

Which way is north? he asks the lizard.

The lizard indicates a southerly direction.

Roo-kai ascends, and flies south.

First Destroy Your Instructions

By the way, here is your packet, says Vello.

He hands Gaius the packet.

How did you persuade Victor to return it? asks Gaius.

I told him what the French words meant, says Vello. 

Directives Pour Espionner, says Gaius. Surely that only increased his suspicions?

Directions for the Brighton Hotel, says Vello. Also known as The Espy.

And he believed you? says Gaius.

Why not? says Vello. He knows I am French.

Can I have the Instructions? asks Terence.

Here, says Gaius. You're lucky Victor returned them so soon.

He hands Terence the packet.

Come on, Roo-kai, says Terence. I've got the Instructions.

Let me open the packet, says Roo-kai. 

He tries to open the packet, with his beak. 

But of course he can't do it.

That's why they gave the Instructions to me, says Terence. I'll open it.

He rips open the packet.

You ripped it in HALF! says Roo-kai.

That's good, says Terence. Spies have to destroy their Instructions.

Not before they've read them, says Roo-kai.

I know, says Terence. They're only in two pieces. We can put them together, read them, remember them and then destroy them, and it'll be easy because I've already done it.

Get the pieces out, says Roo-kai.

Terence pulls out the two halves of Instructions.

I'll look at this one, you look at that one, says Terence.

Okay, says Roo-kai. But you can't read, can you?

We can swap, after, says Terence.

He examines his half of the Instructions.

Half a map. And some letters and numbers. A few boxes.

Roo-kai meanwhile looks at his.

Half a map, and what looks like a half a series of multiple choice questions.

Roo-kai is disappointed with the simplistic nature of the French Government's methods of spying.

Spy Hotel

Terence doesn't need a quarantine bracelet, says Gaius. He is made of cement.

But I want one, says Terence.

You're getting one, says Victor, attaching a small bracelet to Terence's ankle. 

What about me? asks Roo-kai.

Birds don't get them, says Victor. 

Roo-kai can share mine, says Terence.

Good luck getting it off, says Victor.

Cup of tea? asks Gaius. That's if there are any teabags.

No thanks, says Victor. I'll be off now. I'll be keeping in touch.

When can I get my instructions back? asks Terence.

In due course, says Victor.

He turns to go.

Ding dong! 

Gaius's doorbell.

Who can that be? says Gaius. Probably Arthur.

He opens the door.

No, it's Vello.

Hello, says Vello. I've just dropped by to see how things are going.

You can't go in, says Victor. Gaius is home quarantining.

He may need some shopping done, says Vello.

I do! says Gaius. Would you be so kind as to wait while I make a shopping list?

Anything for a fellow team member, says Vello.

It must be nice to to have friends in high places, says Victor.

No need to be sniffy, says Vello. What's that you have there?

Evidence, says Victor, A so-called packet of instructions with French words on the cover.

Les Directives Pour Espionner.

May I open it? asks Vello.

Certainly not, says Victor. But you might like to give me a heads-up. What does it say?

Nothing of importance, says Vello. These are directions to the Espy.

What is the Espy? asks Victor.

You must know, says Vello. That hotel at Brighton, they call it the Espy. The Esplanade Hotel.

Is that all? says Victor. I was wise to have asked you. Wouldn't want to look like a numpty. 

No, you wouldn't, says Vello. Shall I return it to Gaius?

Please do, says Victor. 

He heads for his police van. Gets in. Drives away.

Gaius returns with his shopping list.

Just a few necessities, says Gaius. Will you go now?

Not yet, says Vello. I have something for you. I'm coming inside.

What about the home quarantine regulations? asks Gaius.

Did it ever occur to you, says Vello, that long-lived historical figures such as you and I are never going to catch covid?

No it didn't, says Gaius. I often get headaches and toothaches. Don't you?

The flux, on occasion, says Vello. But not deadly viruses. 

Gaius is not entirely convinced, but Vello seems determined, so he is allowed to come in.

Compassionate Strings

Roo-kai flies out of the Aldi, and back to the police van.

They shooed me out! says Roo-kai.

That was really bad spying, says Terence.

But I learned something, says Roo-kai.

What? asks Terence. 

The layout, says Roo-kai. The fridges are located along the north and east sides, and the checkout is on the west side, near the entrance.

Well, says Gaius. I call that good spying.

Thank you, says Roo-kai.

What's all this about spying? asks Victor. I thought you went in to do shopping.

I had no time to shop, says Roo-kai. But I saw where they keep the red fruit drinks.

Yay! says Terence. Can we go back and get some?

No, says Victor.

Apples? asks Gaius.

No, says Victor. We must go. I've a report to write, after I've dropped you.

Dropped us where? asks Gaius. Surely you can tell us where we're going?

All right, says Victor. Since we're so close. Your place.

I knew it! says Gaius. That's most acceptable.

You can thank your friend Vello, says Victor. He has pulled strings on your behalf.

Has he pulled strings on my half? asks Terence.

Not particularly, says Victor. But as an infant you could hardly be parted from your guardian.

Observe, Terence, says Gaius. An example of compassionate policing.

Everything we police do is compassionate, says Victor.

I don't doubt it, says Gaius. How about letting me pop into the Aldi to buy a few apples?

Get into the police van, says Victor.

Gaius, Terence and Roo-kai pile in.

Victor locks the door, gets in the front and starts driving. 

Gaius's house is not far up the road. 

Victor pulls up outside it, gets out, walks round to the back of the police van and unlocks the door.

Gaius jumps out, followed by Terence, and Roo-kai.

Hey! says Terence. I forgot the instructions! 

I can't let you back in the police van, says Victor. Where are they?

In a packet, says Terence. 

Victor climbs into the back of the police van, feels around on the floor.

Ah! a packet.

He emerges from the police van with the packet.

I shall have to seize this, says Victor. 

But it's MINE! cries Terence.

No, it's mine, says Roo-kai.

It has French words on the cover, says Victor. 

We've been in France, says Gaius.

Nevertheless, says Victor. It's evidence. When it's been examined, you may get it back.

It's a child's game, says Gaius.

That remains to be seen, says Victor. Let's go inside. I need to fit your home quarantine ankle bracelet.

Do I get one? asks Terence.

You do, says Victor. 

Imagine Terence's excitement.

Police Stop At The Shop

Victor is driving the police van.

Gaius, Terence and Roo-kai are locked in the back.

Where are we going? asks Terence.

I know not, says Gaius. 

I'm going to look at my instructions, says Terence.

MY instructions, says Roo-kai.

I wouldn't open them yet, says Gaius. 

What CAN I do? asks Terence.

Look out of the back window, says Gaius. See if you can tell where we're going.

Ha ha, laughs Terence. I'll only see where we've been.

Yes, says Gaius, but from that information you may be able to intuit....no never mind, I'll look out of the window.

He shifts to the back of the police van.

There is a rap on the front grille.

Victor wants something, says Terence.

I wonder what it is, says Gaius.

Victor pulls over, gets out of the police van and walks round to the back. He opens the door of the police van.

Where the dickens are we? asks Gaius.

Half way, says Victor. Don't move about in the police van.

Is that why you were knocking? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Victor. 

I was merely attempting to establish where we were going, says Gaius.

By looking through the back window? says Victor. Pull the other one. You were planning to signal.

Victor, says Gaius, I have no wish to signal.

Good, says Victor. Would you like to know where we're going?  

I would, says Gaius. My hope is that you're driving me home, where I'm quite willing to undergo seven days of quarantine. It would be nice though, since I've been away for some time, if you would stop at the shops.

Gaius, says Victor. I am a policeman. I can't stop at the shops in the middle of an operation.

There's a shop! cries Terence. It's true. Victor has stopped near an Aldi.

Not an Aldi, says Gaius. I can never find anything. And when I do it looks strange.

Tell me about it, says Victor.

I'll go, says Roo-kai. It will be good practice.

For spying! says Terence.

Before Victor can say no, or ask what sort of spying, Roo-kai has taken off from the back of the police van and flown into the Aldi. 

Does he have money? asks Victor.

What do you think? says Gaius.

They sit on the back step of the police van, and wait for Roo-kai to come out.