The Totality Of Facts

Vello cycles back to the city. 

Roo-kai flies above him.

When Vello stops at the traffic lights, Roo-kai hovers.

Where is your office? asks Roo-kai. 

Just round the corner, says Vello. And up a few stairs. 

If you'd given me the address, says Roo-kai, I could have got there before you.

That's why I didn't, says Vello. I couldn't have you barging into the office.

I would have waited downstairs, says Roo-kai. I'm not lacking in manners.

Vello cycles round the corner, dismounts and waits for Roo-kai.

I have a guest in the office, says Vello. You may come up, but don't mention the camera.

I have no intention of mentioning the camera, says Roo-kai. But I wish to see it safely into an Express Post bag, and marked for the attention of the French President.

You call that not mentioning the camera! says Vello. 

Not another word shall  pass my beak, says Roo-kai.

Vello drags his bike up the stairs, and enters the office, where Sweezus is interviewing the guest, Ludwig Wittgenstein.

Yeah but, are you actually saying facts aren't things? Sweezus is in the middle of asking.

Wittgenstein is about to explain that the world is the totality of facts, not of things, when he notices Vello has come in with a parrot.

Of course he knows the bird he is seeing is an oystercatcher, not a parrot, but the fact is, the bird looks just like Saint Roley, whom he remembers.

Saint Roley? asks Wittgenstein.

Alas no, says Roo-kai. I am Terence's new parrot. But I have great regard for Saint Roley.

Where is he now? asks Wittgenstein.

Never mind that, says Vello. Could you just shift a bit. I need one of those Express Post bags. There might be one in the drawer.

Wittgenstein shifts. Vello opens the drawer and pulls out an Express Post bag.

He takes the tiny camera out of his pocket. Drops it in. Seals the Express Post bag.

You should've written the address on it first, boss, says Sweezus. It's heaps harder to write on when there's something in it.

Too late, says Vello. I've sealed it up now.

Allow me, says Wittgenstein. I'm always putting things in Express Post bags before I've addressed them

You mean facts, says Sweezus.

Wittgenstein looks vague for a moment.

Philosophy is one fact, says Wittgenstein. Post is another.

Sweezus writes that down in his notebook. 

The thing is, says Vello, or the fact, if you prefer, is that I can't allow you to write the address on this Express Post Bag, for security reasons.

I'll do it, says Sweezus.

Nor you, says Vello.

Slit the top, and take the camera out, says Roo-kai. You can stick it up after.

How will that look to the Pres.....oops, I mean...... ( he thinks quickly).....Presbyterians? says Vello.

Presbyterians! says Wittgenstein. Are you converting?

Never mind, says Vello. Sweezus, find me a pen and some scissors. And some sticky tape.

He seems flustered. 

Roo-kai is worried. 

President of France is one thing, Presbyterians are another.