The Pitfalls Of Scientific Reporting

What did happen to the portable saltwater aquarium? Perhaps Arthur knows.

Arthur? says Gaius. Do you remember what happened to the portable saltwater aquarium?

Arthur thinks back. No, he doesn't remember.

Any more questions? says Gaius.

Anyone? says the Mayor.

I have a question, says Brenda. Did you not feed the Twitcher?

Meaning? says Gaius.

He had to eat snails, says Brenda.

It was a choice that he made, says Gaius.

He must have been out of his portable saltwater aquarium, says Beverley. To eat snails on a plane.

Good thinking, Beverley, says the Mayor.

He was out of our hands, in the sick bay, says Gaius.

This is not going anywhere. The real question is, did Wallaroo get value for money? At this stage it would appear not.

It's not all bad news, says Dan Monceaux. There's no evidence of progeny, to damage our case.

Exactly, says Gaius. That's just what I was thinking.

Wait on, says Tony Bramley. We're not letting him get away with this are we? Let him explain why he departed from Turkey to pursue his own interests, instead of waiting the week out in Dubai.

Everyone waits to hear the answer to this pertinent question.

A misunderstanding, says Gaius, nudging Arthur. Perhaps I should let my young colleague here explain.

Arthur looks up from the cool bag, which he has just opened.

Has anyone seen a large cuttlefish? says Arthur. Houdini's escaped.

Changing the subject are we? says Tony Bramley. He knows these city types.

No, really, says Arthur. He could be anywhere.

Houdini, says Dan Monceaux. Did you say Houdini?

Yes, says Arthur. Houdini. He was in the bag. I was trying to kill him humanely.

Ah, that's nice, says Brenda. Humanely. What with, ice?

Yes, says Arthur. We didn't have one of those steel rods with a hook to jam through him.

Brenda shudders. I should hope not! And now he's gone missing. Look around, everyone!

Everyone in the room immediately looks under their table.

Houdini is nowhere to be seen.

Where did you take him? says the Mayor. Just as a matter of interest. I hope you were south of the jetty.

Yes, pipes up Bandy. We were south of the jetty.

You! says the Mayor. I wouldn't trust you to be truthful.

We were south of the jetty, says Jazzman.

This is better. You would trust a man with an MBA to be truthful.

All right says the Mayor. Everyone keep looking.

Is the meeting still open, or closed? says Gaius.

Closed, says the Mayor.

Gaius folds up his two page report, and shoves it into his backpack.

That went quite well, in the circumstances.

Gaius walks out of the Wallaroo Hotel, his mind on the pitfalls of scientific reporting, not noticing that his backpack is damp, and much heavier than usual.