No One Is Immortal

It is Arthur. Katherine opens the door.

Arthur! cries Janice. I thought you weren't coming!

I wasn't, says Arthur. But then I felt hungry, and no shops are open..

Come in dear, says Katherine, giving Arthur a kiss on the cheek. Merry Christmas!

Arthur looks at the table.

Oysters. He takes one.

Don't eat it? cries Katherine. It has worms!

That shows how fresh it is, says Arthur, swallowing his oyster.

I was just going to say that, says Big Janis.

This is my dad, says Janice. Dad this is Arthur.

Big Janis looks at Arthur. Another cyclist by the look of his knees.

Pleased to meet you, says Big Janis. I hear you took care of my daughter.

No, he didn't, says Janice. It was Belle et Bonne. Arthur says you should do what you like. That's what he does. He's my mentor.

Big Janis looks confused.

Arthur pulls a long red package out of his pocket and gives it to Sweezus.

Present for you, says Arthur.

I haven't got you one, says Sweezus.

It's not my birthday, says Arthur.

Everyone suddenly realises it's Sweezus's birthday.

Damn! Christmas! Of course it's his birthday.

Sweezus unwraps his present. A spatula.

A spatula, says Sweezus. Freakin' awesome. Thanks Arthur. That's one less thing to buy.

Ah yes, for your pop up enterprise, says Vello. A spatula. Good thinking, Arthur.

Where did you buy it? asks Katherine. Wheel and Barrow? It looks like a good one.

I didn't buy it, says Arthur.

Janice looks adoringly at Arthur. He didn't buy it.

Dinner! says Katherine. Sit down at the table everyone.

They sit at the table, and pull crackers. David pours Sparkling Apple, and Blue Cabbage Water with wedges of lemon.

Gaius sits next to Big Janis. They start up a conversation about worms.

Vello is whispering to David about something he has learned recently,

Immortal! splutters David. No one is immortal!

Shh! hisses Vello.

Anyone for a pickle ? says Belle et Bonne.

Paper hats ON, everyone! says Katherine.