Something Nobody Knows

Gaius takes out his report. Two pages, written by Arthur.

He stands up. Then he sits down.

I'd like a drink first, says Gaius.

Of course, says the Mayor. What'll you have?

Iced water, says Gaius.

Iced water! the Mayor shouts to the barman.

The barman brings over a jug.

And a glass! says the Mayor.

The barman goes back for a glass.

Gaius pours himself some iced water, takes a sip, stands up and begins his report:

A Report on the Fate of the Twitcher.

An expedition undertaken by Gaius Plinius Secundus to deliver a specimen of Sepia Apama (aka Twitcher) to the Turkish seaport of Kas.

Team members: Gaius Plinius Secundus (team leader), Mrs Katherine Hume, Arthur Rimbaud, Bunny Moon, Ageless Lobster.

(A low muttering ripples through the room as some of those present remember Ageless Lobster).

Team members left Adelaide for Dubai on May 9th 2013, with the Twitcher in a portable saltwater aquarium. On the plane to Dubai several land snails were inadvertently let loose by another passenger, Dr Moussalli. Two of the snails were subsequently eaten by the Twitcher. This left Dr Moussalli short of two snails for the Dubai Aquarium. A compromise was found, Bunny Moon acting as negotiator. Dr Moussalli was given custody of the Twitcher for a week, during which time the Twitcher was on loan to the Dubai Aquarium. Either by accident or design the Twitcher was placed in an aquarium occupied by two female Mediterranean cuttlefish.

Gaius stops, and reaches for his jug of iced water. It is empty! How can this be?

Nothing for it. He will have to continue.

The audience is rapt. What will happen?

But Gaius has reached the conclusion.

Conclusion. The team members having already departed for Turkey to pursue their own interests, it is not known what happened to the Twitcher, but by the end of the week it was evident he had not been forwarded to Kas.

Gaius is sweating. This is not what he would have written.

He looks up, to see how it has been received.

The Mayor looks thunderous.

Beverley and Brenda are whispering, heads together.

Tony Bramley and Dan Monceaux look unaccountably pleased.

Sweezus is grinning.

Arthur has his head under the table.

What is that young monkey up to now?

Arthur sticks his head up above the level of the table, having poured the iced water from the jug into the Red Bull cool bag occupied by Houdini.

Gaius! says Brenda. You have failed your loyal fund raisers and supporters. You untrustworthy bounder!

Yes! says Beverley.  Gaius, how could you?

May I ask, says the Mayor, (with a steely determination to get to the bottom of things), what happened to the portable salt water aquarium?

Now there's something nobody knows.