Tour de France Jitters

Two days to the start of the Tour.

Alejandro Valverde is in his pyjamas, watching television. It's Peppa Pig. The one where Daddy Pig tries to put up a picture and knocks a big hole in the wall.

Ha ha! laughs Alejandro Valverde. He looks at his watch. It's too early to head off to Leeds.

.......

Alberto Contador is also in his pyjamas. He is watching a video. It is a video of the road between Leeds and Harrogate, somewhat blurry. Alberto has not been to Leeds. He has not been to Harrogate. Madre de dios! How it looks ordinary!

Every half hour, he gets up and goes out to the shed to check on his bicycle. El Pistolero is that kind of guy.

..........

Ageless lobster is in the State Library in Adelaide. He has been sleeping there under a table.

A foot kicks him, accidentally.

The foot's owner looks under the table.

Ageless! says Professor Freud. Why aren't you in Leeds?

Ageless sighs, and tells Professor Freud everything. It's all gone cactus. He hasn't a team. But last night he had a strange dream. He was cycling under water...........

.........

Captain Louttit has obtained a deluxe suite on  the Spirit of Tasmania, thanks to his connections, and everyone has slept well. Now they are docking in Melbourne.

First, says Unni, I'm off to see mum. I'll meet you on Saturday in Leeds.

Goodbye Unni, says Gaius. I hope you've enjoyed Tasmania.

Oh yes, says Unni. I have just one regret. We didn't make it to Dismal Swamp.

Dismal Swamp! says Schopenhauer. Why didn't we go there? It was decided!

By you, says Gaius. We didn't have time.

And it's closed for the winter, says Unni. But I'm going there one day.

Arthur thinks he would like to go there with Sweezus. Dismal Swamp. The name is like an elixir. Sweeter than Leeds.

.......

Sweezus is packing. Belle et Bonne is helping.

No, says Belle. You don't need those.

Yes I do, says Sweezus. This is more than a Tour. It's a marketing exercise.

He stuffs bundles of fliers and petitions into his backpack.

On top of them, he shoves the Team Outfits. One for him, one for Arthur, one for Unni. The outfits are red yellow, brown and black, with iridescent green leg bands. Team Get Up will look like a team of cycling cuttlefish, in the right light conditions.

........

Vello is packed. He is ready. He is at the airport. He is waiting for David.

It's time for boarding. And David is late.