All Roads Lead To Leeds

Why David Is Late.

Schopenhauer turns up at the Velosophy office just as David is leaving for the airport.

Stop right there! says Schopenhauer. You have some explaining to do.

I'm in a hurry, says David. The Tour de France starts on Saturday.

So it does, says Schopenhauer. You don't happen to need a spare rider?

Are you any good? asks David, because I don't mind telling you I'm getting too old for this lark.

I'm fit and fast, says Schopenhauer. I'm good in the mountains. And I have an excellent bicycle. I'd be an asset to Team Philosophe.

He notices David is grinning.

Why are you grinning? asks Schopenhauer. What's so funny?

Your famous change of philosophy, says David. The pessimist becomes an optimist. It's all over the internet. You're famous all over again.

Balderdash! cries Schopenhauer. That's just what I'm here for. There has been no change of philosophy. I am still pessimistic at bottom. Always will be. The world is still full of suffering. Will has not overcome reason.....

My goodness! says David. I thought Sweezus had your approval when he ghosted your article!

No! says Schopenhauer. This is shocking. Do you mean to say it's all over the philosophical world that I've become a ........a Pollyanna?

Ha ha! a Pollyanna, no, it's not quite that bad, says David.

Stop laughing says Schopenhauer. I shall sue!

Calm down old chap, says David. Perhaps we can come to some arrangement.

...........

Negotiations At The Airport.

Luckily the flight is delayed forty minutes.

Gaius has turned up, but not David. Vello is tapping his foot.

Here comes David, with Schopenhauer, both of them beaming.

David, you fool, says Vello, you almost missed .....what's the matter?

Schopenhauer is taking my place in Team Philosophe, says David, and I shall content myself with being team manager. That is if no one objects.

I object, says Vello. You couldn't manage a game of beach cricket.

If it was a game of beach cricket, says Gaius, I too would object.

Vello, Schopenhauer and David look enquiringly at Gaius. Is he going to explain his objection?

No, he isn't. That was his whole contribution.

Hello all! says a Freudian voice, belonging to Professor Freud. All ready for Leeds?

Sigmund! says Vello. Didn't know you were going!

A last minute decision, says Freud. A team that had gone down the gurgler has been resurrected, and I'm to be manager.

Manager? says David.  Who's your team?

Team Crustacean, says Freud, thereby raising several eyebrows.

.........

Three Lobsters In A Suitcase

In a large brown suitcase, labelled S. F.( Prof. ), with a green ribbon tied round the handle, are Ageless Lobster, Captain Louttit and Louis-Claude de Freycinet, of the new Team Crustacean. They are talking tactics.

Go out hard, says Ageless. That's what I do. Form a breakaway. Don't be afraid to use your legs.

This sounds like good tactics to Captain Louttit. Use your legs. Who needs strapping?

Louis-Claude de Freycinet nods in agreement. But he's thinking, it's all right for them.

They can both ride a bicycle. He is not sure that he can.

Perhaps that nice Unni will help him.