Ypres to Arenberg: Bump Bump Bump Bump

It's raining in Ypres. What a horrible day.

Professor Freud decides to stay in bed. Why not? His team is made up of lobsters, two of them sailors. They will cope very well on their own.

David too, has decided that riding is not what he feels like today.

But the others are on the wet road.

No one wants to go too fast. It's slippery. Schopenhauer finds it easy to catch up with Sweezus.

Schopenhauer: Ah Sweezus! A word, if I may.

Sweezus: Oh..errr... mmmm. Shocking weather conditions...

Schopenhauer: Indeed. I see you are coping quite well. Comes of being young, I suppose.

Sweezus: How can I help you?

Schopenhauer: Where did you get the idea I had changed my philosophy and become idiotically optimistic?

Sweezus: You mean, you haven't?

Schopenhauer: Of course I haven't. Why should I? Just look at this atrocious weather. And furthermore....

As if to confirm Schopenhauer's unchanged pessimistic outlook, right in front of their eyes, Chris Froome falls off his bike.

Schopenhauer: See that.

Sweezus: That'll be heaps good for Richie.

Arthur rides up and draws level.

Arthur : See that?

Sweezus: Yeah. That was Froomey. And we haven't even got to the cobbles.

Schopenhauer: Scheise! Are there going to be cobbles?

Arthur: Everyone knows there are going to be cobbles.

Schopenhauer drops back. He will have more to say to Sweezus later. After the cobbles.

He drops so far back he finds himself level with Louttit and Louis-Claude who are valiantly trying to protect Ageless.

Schopenhauer: Good men! That's teamwork. You must have an excellent manager

Louis-Claude: Merci! But we don't have an excellent manager. He has stayed in bed.

Louttit: We haven't had any breakfast.

Ageless (riding up to join them) : That's right. And last night he made us do a team building workshop.

Schopenhauer: I wish David would do that.

Ageless: No you don't. We had to play stupid games. Survival, Who am I? and....

Schopenhauer: Who am I?

Louttit: Exactly. Stupid concept. We already knew who we were. If it had been What Was My Late Wife's Name? that might have been useful.

Schopenhauer: You can't remember? Was it Caroline? I once nearly married a Caroline.

Louttit: Thank you, but no it wasn't.

Alberto Contador rides by with his team, not going as fast as they need to.

Splash! Schwaaash!

Schopenhauer: Damn! My trousers! See what I mean?

Ageless: Yes. To ride is to suffer.

Schopenhauer: That's good. I must write that down.

.......

Sweezus is riding up at the front, with Arthur. The rain beats into their faces. The cobbles are slippery and mean.

This is awesome, says Sweezus. I feel heaps alive.

Arthur is glad to be riding alongside his friend who feels heaps alive.

Even dressed as a cuttlefish. It's not such a bad look in the rain.

They are going quite well, but now it is close to the finish and Lars Boom of Team Belkin is gaining.

Lars Boom is used to the cobbles.

Lars Boom loves them. Never happier. Bump bump bump bump.