Stage Two: Unley to Stirling - Chaos

Unley, Wednesday morning. Phil Liggett and Robbie McEwen are talking.

Robbie: Well Phil, what do you make of the rumours?

Phil: Let me be clear, I don't believe in the supernatural. Not where cycling's concerned.

Robbie: And neither do I, Phil. But it's affecting the riders. There are calls for an investigation

Phil: I blame it on this newfangled Mindfulness everyone talks about. Riders have far too much on their minds these days.

Robbie: That's a controversial view, Phil.

Phil: It stands to reason, Robbie. Mind this! Mind that! Riders are bound to start minding things that are totally irrelevant.

Robbie: A cherub flitting in and out of the peloton on a scooter and affecting the placings is hardly irrelevant.

Phil: We'll see. Meanwhile, what about Team Philosophe's new rider, Victor?

Robbie: The policeman? He was lucky to qualify.

Phil: He didn't. But Team Philosophe pulled some strings. Vello and David are cycling icons. But Victor... I don't know. Jack Bobridge isn't happy. Victor rides just off his wheel.....

Robbie: Police mindfulness, perhaps.

Phil: But Bobridge hasn't done anything.

Robbie: True. Then there's Team Condor. I hear they're in trouble this morning. Pablo Neruda's gone missing.

Phil: Aha. I can shed some light on that, Robbie. He was seen last night having an intimate dinner with one of the Marilyns. The prettiest one. Ahem! Perhaps I shouldn't say that.

Robbie: Say what?

Phil: The prettiest one. And I'm sure he'll turn up soon. That Sikong Shu chappie has them all under his thumb.

Robbie: Ssü-K'ung Shu, Phil.

Phil: It sounds exactly the same, Robbie

.........

Bang! The race starts. The riders stream out of Unley.

Team Condor has the usual four riders.

But there is a strangeness about Pablo Neruda.

.......

The teams climb Glen Osmond Road, and wind through Crafers.

A cherub on a scooter zooms into the roadside bushes and out again, and skids to a halt in front of Sweezus.

Out of the WAY ! says Sweezus.

Arthur's in the bushes, says Terence, speeding off to catch up with Daryl Impey.

Sweezus speeds up too. In the bushes?

He tries to catch up with Terence,who has caught up with Daryl Impey and Simon Gerrans.

Out of the WAY! cries Daryl Impey.

Out of the way! shouts Simon Gerrans.

By now they are in Bridgewater.

Jay McCarthy is pedalling along nicely.

He passes Vello and David who are gossiping about Pablo Neruda.

One of the Marilyn's, says Vello. The prettiest.

Then at least it wasn't my mother, says David.

Vello explodes with delight at the one in ten thousand possibility of the Marilyn being David's mother.

Phaha ha ha!

What's so funny, asks Jay McCarthy.

Remember the Marilyns? says Vello.

What Marilyns? asks Jay, who didn't even know they were plural.

Terence turns back. He has remembered something. He scoots back to Sweezus, upsetting Simon Gerrans and Daryl Impey, who crash almost in sight of the finish.

Leaving Jay McCarthy to win Stage Two, ending in Stirling.

Well done Jay McCarthy, of Team Tinkoff!

It is just one of ten thousand things that could have happened.

This is another one: Terence is telling it now.........