If You're Feeling Immortal

Gaius's front door is open.

Arthur goes in.

Gaius is busy trying to fit three sharp new HB pencils into a cake tin.

They are just slightly too long.

Arthur! There you are! Have you booked the tickets? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Arthur. Tickets for me, you and Sweezus on the Sealink ferry. Plus three bikes and two surfboards.

Well done, How much did that cost? asks Gaius.

Three hundred and ninety two dollars, says Arthur.

Jupiter's testicles! Daylight robbery! says Gaius.

Arthur looks down at his shoe.

I'm not paying that, says Gaius. Surely you could get some sort of science research-based discount.

Give me a minute, says Arthur.

He takes out his phone.

Sealink? says Arthur loudly.

No it's me, Sweezus, says Sweezus.

I've just booked three returns on the Sealink from Cape Jervis for tomorrow, says Arthur. I now realise I ought to have asked for a discount.

What the fuck for? says Sweezus. We're not geriatrics.

Yes, says Arthur. One of our party is a well known ecologist, doing important research. Gaius Plinius Secundus.

I know, you idiot, says Sweezus.

Thank you, so he travels free, does he? says Arthur. So that's ninety four dollars off. Will you do the adjustment? Thanks very much.

I don't get it, says Sweezus.

You don't need to, says Arthur, ending the call.

Well done, Arthur, says Gaius. Free travel for being an ecologist. Lucky you thought of it. You should have said you were one too.

No, that's all right, says Arthur. Honesty is the best policy. So you owe me three hundred and ninety two dollars less ninety four. Whatever that is.

Two ninety eight, says Gaius. I shall round it up to three hundred. You deserve it. I'll give it to you when I've been to the ATM. Now could you please help me get these pesky pencils into this cake tin.

They're too long, says Arthur.

He breaks them in half.

Now they fit the tin nicely. Six short pencils with splintery ends.

.........

Next day, at the Sealink terminal, Cape Jervis.

Here we are, says Midge. Everyone out.

Thanks for the lift, Midge, says Sweezus.

No worries says Midge. Wish I was coming with you. Surfing's meant to be awesome over there. Try Stokes Bay. And if there's not enough swell try Hansen Bay, but only if you're feeling immortal.

Thanks for the heads up, says Sweezus.

He and Arthur unload the surfboards and bikes and join Gaius at the Terminal.

Wait here. I'll pick up the tickets, says Arthur.

He heads over to the ticket office.

Tickets for Gaius Plinius Secundus and party, says Arthur.

Yes, here you are, says the ticket lady. Three free tickets. Is that him over there? And that chap with him, is that David Suzuki? He looks taller than I expected. And not all that Asian. Oops, ha ha, shouldn't say things like that! And so you must be Jacques Cousteau. Wow! You look so young! That's what sea water does for you. What a coup for the Sealink, and Kangaroo Island. Have a good trip, you and your colleagues.

Thanks, says Arthur. We will.

He rejoins Gaius and Sweezus in time to overhear Gaius say:

...so reliable. Which reminds me, I still owe him three hundred dollars.....