Ill Nut Monkeys

Sweezus is out on the water, when his phone rings.

Humboldt, not versed in phone etiquette, answers his phone.

Humboldt, says Humboldt. First up, though, this isn't my phone.

I know it isn't, says Gaius. You don't have one. If you had, I'd have called you.

Then this is fortuitous, says Humboldt.

They both agree that it is.

Where are you? asks Gaius. On your way back to Guayaquil?

No, still here at Salinas, says Humboldt. Sweezus and Arthur are out on the ocean. I've tried it. I must say...

Never mind that, says Gaius No need to tell me how good you are at surfing.

 How did you know? asks Humboldt. I just found out myself.

You seem to find yourself good at everything, says Gaius. Now, when Sweezus and Arthur come in, flag them down, and tell them that Terence, Saint Roley and I are on our way to the airport. Team Philosophe arrives in Nantes tomorrow.

Our team? asks Humboldt. You mean David Hume?

And Vello, Team Director, says Gaius. Also Belle, our nutritionist.

This all sounds very well organised, says Humboldt. And will my bicycle be arriving?

Guaranteed to, says Gaius. Just make sure you and the boys are arriving. And remember to send the bicycles you borrowed back to Riobamba on the train.

I shall, says Humboldt. They're surfing in now, I'll remind them.

Tomorrow then, says Gaius.

Brrp.

Best surf ever, says Sweezus, shaking the drops off.

I fear we must go at once, says Humboldt.

We could stay till tomorrow, says Arthur. Tour's not till Saturday.

And it's Thursday, says Humboldt.

Shit, is it? says Sweezus. Let me think.

He thinks, and realises:

If they head back to Guayaquil pronto, best case scenario is they get to Nantes tomorrow, and holy shit-for-brains! they only have Friday in Nantes to organise new racing bikes and new team outfits and then fuck-a-breeze block! still gotta ride out to freaking where is it? ill-nut-monkeys...

He explains this to Arthur and Humboldt.

Ile de Noirmoutier, says Humboldt.

Yeah that's it, says Sweezus. We're not gonna make it.

We are if we leave right away, says Humboldt. This is where Romantic philosophy can help us. Element six, in particular.

What's element six? asks Arthur, jamming the lid on Leanne's lunch box.

Faith in inner experience and the power of the imagination, says Humboldt.

Exactly. They are the only things left.