Before the start, there are rumours.
Team Philosophe has a secret weapon.
Geraint Thomas: It's something in a lunch box, that kid's got.
Chris Froome: Something like what?
Geraint Thomas: Dunno. Someone said....mini potatoes?
Chris Froome: Nah. I've tried those mini potatoes.
Geraint Thomas: How were they?
Chris Froome: Euh....I'm no foodie.
Geraint Thomas: Go on, try.
Chris Froome: You eat them with the skins on.
Geraint Thomas: Earthy?
Chris Froome: Yep. That's exactly right. But it's not the potatoes.
Richie Porte (passing): It's actually sea salt.
Chris Froome: Yes, I guess they were salty. Have you tried them?
Richie Porte: No! The secret weapon. It's Sea Salt. Everyone knows that.
He heads off, towards the warm up room.
Chris Froome: I wouldn't believe anything Porte says.
Geraint Thomas: I know. He was seen heads together with Pablo Neruda.
Chris Froome: Neruda. Don't know him. What team?
Geraint Thomas: Team Condor. All poets. Except for the captain.
Chris Froome: Hah! Sweezus. I'd never trust him.
The time trials begin. Team Michelton Scott rides out first.
Terence is watching, with Vello.
Yay! cries Terence, waving the lunch box.
Stop that! says Vello. You'll mess up the predictions.
Terence puts the lunch box down.
Belle comes by, with a bag (of potatoes).
A few heads turn. What's in the bag?
Give them here, says Vello. People are looking.
Belle gives him the potatoes. He stuffs them down the front of his jumper, which is stretchy.
Next team to start is Team Sky.
Chris Froome speeds past with the others.
From the corner of his eye he sees Vello, Team Director of Team Philosophe, stuff something down his jumper.
He resolves to investigate further, after the time trials.
Team BMC is on next. They line up.
There is Richie, at the far end.
Potatoes are far from his mind. Salt is closer.
What is the salt saying?
No one has told Richie about the leg hairs.
Greg van Avermaet has heard a rumour about leg hairs.
But they are Peter Sagan's. Today's yellow jersey.
And the rumour is wrong.
The truth is, and there is only one truth that matters....
The true truth, which is....
That the team that rides the fastest will win today's time trials.
Nevertheless we could look inside the lunch box.
It will be purely academic.
There it is on the ground in front of Terence.
Terence keeps kicking it.
Vello keeps telling him not to.
The Sea Salt and the leg hairs are sick if it. SICK OF IT!
We open the lunch box. Look inside.
Bs and Ms and Cs are so mangled together, only an expert could read them
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