Another flat day. Perhaps a bit windy.
The teams ride out of La Baule, each with their plan.
Team Philosophe's plan is straightforward.
Talk loudly about mini potatoes when passing another rider.
Vello came up with this plan.
The night before, he caught someone prowling near his folded-up jumper.
Someone from Team Sky, he suspects.
Let's see how his plan is working.
Near the back of the main peloton:
David: I like Vello's plan. It means we can stay at the back here.
Humboldt: Is that in the spirit of the plan?
Gaius: I'm sure David didn't mean we would remain in this position.
Humboldt: What did he mean then?
David: I meant that there are more riders ahead of us to put the wind up about the potatoes.
Gaius: That requires effort.
Humboldt: It does. The plan only works if the other riders think we're passing them because of the special potatoes. Our first task is to pass them. Shall I go out first?
David: Go ahead. Don't forget to be cagey.
Humboldt speeds up. He passes Mark Cavendish, who is in a ditch retrieving his radio.
Humboldt: To you I shall say nothing!
Cavendish: Piss off, whoever you are.
Humboldt: Ingrate.
He passes Chris Froome.
Humboldt: Geraint Thomas!
Chris Froome: I'm Chris Froome.
Humboldt: Sorry. I'm new at this. Just passing you rapidly, thanks to eating .....ahem... probably shouldn't tell you...
Chris Froome: Mini potatoes with their skins on. Don't think that's helped you. I just stopped for a nature break.
Humboldt: Would you mind not telling anyone?
Chris Froome: About what? Hey! Is this part of your plan?
Humboldt: Would we be so cunning?
Froome zooms off to rejoin his team mates.
Humboldt has done all he can.
Vello waits at the feeding station, with Terence and Belle.
The potatoes are under his jumper.
Give me a few, says Belle. I want them for the musettes.
Cooked, are they? asks Vello.
Course they are, says Belle. Steamed fresh this morning. And there's duck rillettes to go with them.
Sweezus arrives at the feeding station. Grabs his musette.
Terence cheers, waving the lunch box, holding it tight.
Arthur and Pablo grab their musettes and keep riding.
Potatoes and duck rillettes. Yum.
The finish:
A straight 4 km finish.
Fernando Gaviria of Quickstep Floors beats Sagan and Greipel.
I neglected to mention that plan.
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