Imagine He Is Young And Not Scaly

And what of Vello's production? What of Candide?

Tonight is the one and only performance, and..... it's a sellout.

A large crowd gathers outside the Flabbergast tent.

Inside the tent the performers are nervous.

All right, Ray? says Rosamunda. Remember your lines?

Red lines, says Terence.

Shut up, Terence! says Ray.

Pity we couldn't get them off, says Belle et Bonne. Too late now.

Ray's face is covered with red lines made by Gaius's pencil. His arms are red and scaly as well.

The tent flaps open. The crowd streams in.

Merle and Loretta, Denis and Denise Diderot, Sweezus, Arthur, Pablo Neruda and Margaret sit on the front row.

Vello appears from a behind a black curtain.

Ladies and gentlemen, says Vello. Welcome to Candide.  Tonight Doctor Pangloss will be played by a mystery player.

That'll be the BABY! whispers Merle.

And the part of Candide will be played by Ray Moon, the recent victim of a too-vigorous red marking pencil. Ray asks that you try and imagine he is young, fresh and unmarked until the last scene. Will you all do that?

YES! roars the audience (except Margaret).

Then, ENJOY THE SHOW! cries Vello. He retires behind the black curtain again.

Ray comes out, followed by Terence, wriggling inside the sleeve of his Doctor Pangloss costume.

There is no effect without a cause, says the costume.

Very wise, Doctor Pangloss, says Ray.

Which is why you have red lines on your face, and red scaly arms, says the costume.

I don't, do I? says Ray, who was never good at improv.

Yes you do. Want to borrow my costume? says Doctor Pangloss.

Doctor Pangloss slides out of his costume.

Ahh! the crowd is surprised at the appearance of the mystery player.

The baby, whispers Loretta. Isn't he just the sweetest wee cherub!

Sweezus stands up and sits down again. Didn't he say strictly NO ACTING?

He gives Terence a meaningful glare. Terence ignores it.

Ray reluctantly works his way into the costume.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. It's full of sharp pins.

Belle et Bonne comes out from behind the black curtain. The lovely Cunégonde.

Seeing a large red upright Doctor Pangloss, and a wee cherub that must now be Candide, she drops her hankie in front of the cherub.

Terence picks up the hankie.

Vello comes out from behind the curtain as her father, Baron Thunder-Ten-Tronck.

Denis and Denise Diderot clap loudly. It's Vello!

The Baron kicks Terence in the backside, and in doing so, exposes his sword.

Is that my cheese knife? whispers Loretta. I swear it is. I lost it at the Writers Week picnic.

Pablo nudges Arthur.

But Arthur refuses to even acknowledge the cheese knife.