Subversive Swallowings

Terence is now playing Candide, and Ray Doctor Pangloss.

It's no problem for Terence. He knows all of the parts.

And he is inventive. He picks on an audience member.

Someone who looks friendly. Not Sweezus.

Not Loretta, who is still eyeing the cheese knife.

He picks Merle.

Lift me, says Terence. I need to be taller.

Sure, says Merle, standing up quickly, and stooping to lift the cherubic baby.

Agh! says Merle. What are you made of?

YOU don't talk, says Terence. I talk. Take me behind the screen.

Merle does as requested.

The lovely Cunégonde is behind the screen.

Smooch! says Terence. Everyone hears it. It means they are kissing.

Why did he need lifting for that? Denise whispers.

He's a pro, whispers Denis.

........

Penultimate scene.

Ray takes off the costume. Drops it. Terence slides in.

Now Ray is Candide, bloodshot, red, scaly.

The lovely Cunégonde recoils, then advances. The audience cheers.

She still wants to marry him. How lovely.

........

Final scene. Candide's farm.

David (as the Old Lady): I have a question.

Ray (as Candide): What is it?

David (as the Old Lady): Which is the worst? To be ravaged by pirates, have one buttock cut off, be whipped and hanged at an auto da fé, to be dissected, be a slave in the galleys... or just to stay here with nothing to do?

Ray (as Candide): That's a difficult question.

Ha ha, laughs Denis, out loud.

Terence (as Doctor Pangloss): It's not funny.

Denis Diderot (as himself): I can't believe that's not meant to be funny. It certainly made me laugh.

Terence (as Doctor Pangloss) : This is funny. I'm an OTTER!

Denis: That's not funny. That's merely ridiculous.

Terence: A Japanese otter. Throw me gold coins!

The audience is by now in a mood to comply with any silliness.

They reach into their pockets, and shower Terence with coins.

Terence picks up a handful.

Belle et Bonne: Doctor Pangloss! Don't you dare swallow them!

Too late. Terence has tried.

Luckily Terence can't swallow anything.

.......

It's over.

The audience files out.

They are heard laughing and saying things like: Wow! That was brilliantly subversive.

Vello is pleased.