The Female Socrates

David comes in.

What are we up to? asks David.

We're skipping some of the more boring parts, says Rosamunda, looking sideways at the author.

But Vello is scanning his letter.

Perhaps you'd like to play Martin, the philosopher? asks Rosamunda.

I would, but I only popped in to pick up some tickets, says David. Perhaps Gaius. .....

I wouldn't feel comfortable playing a philosopher, says Gaius.

Don't be silly, says Ray. I don't feel comfortable playing a naive young man. But I do it. It's called acting.

Well said, Ray! says David. Naive you may be, but not young, certainly.

David, says Katherine. That was uncalled for. Ray is about to become Margaret's new tenant.

Yes, yes, says David. Naive is no longer the word. I'd forgotten.

I meant the crack about Ray's age, says Katherine. I'm sure Ray is still.......vigorous.

God's balls! cries Vello, having finally finished reading the letter. Denis Diderot is coming!

Oh yes, sorry, says David. I mislaid the letter.

You put it in a drawer! says Vello.

Did I? says David. Oh yes! I was looking for a knife.

Did you by any chance find one? asks Gaius.

I don't remember, says David.

Dear old Denis Diderot! cries Vello. And he's arriving tomorrow.

Lovely, says Katherine, Is he bringing his sister, Denise?

Denise Diderot? says Margaret, failing to keep a straight face.

It's not funny, Margaret, says Katherine. We women should not laugh at one another.

I wasn't, says Margaret. Is that really her name?

Yes, says Katherine. And she's extremely clever. Denis always used to call her the female Socrates.

Well, says Ray, Time to knock off here I reckon. Coming Margaret?

Yes, says Gaius. That'll do for today.

Funny, says Katherine, how they all melt away when the subject is women's cleverness.

I'm not melting away, mother, says David. At least I wouldn't be. But I have to go out. Where the hell are those tickets?

He opens another drawer. Then a cupboard. Then he opens a window.

Hurrah! A yellow and red Fringe-Tix envelope floats to the floor.

What it it you're going to? asks Vello.

David opens the envelope.

Stand-up, says David. The Homicidal Pacifist. Sameera Zehra. A clever woman no doubt. There, mother!

There mother? says Katherine. Am I going? Thank you. I'd love to. And I suppose you'll be buying me dinner?

David sighs.

There are times when you think that you've made a good point but you haven't.

And he had been planning to ask Rosamunda.

Why not say so?

Actually, I was thinking of asking Rosamunda, says David.

Oh David! I'd love to, says Rosamunda. But do you have enough tickets?

I suppose I can always get another one, mutters David.