Wrong On So Many Levels

Early next morning, the final rehearsal.

Where's Ray? asks Rosamunda. There's no show without Punch.

Ha! says Vello. Wasn't he sleeping at Margaret's?

That may explain why he's late, says David.

Surely not, says Gaius. It's wise to leave Margaret's early. She makes such inedible breakfasts.

I didn't realise, you and Margaret..... says Katherine. My goodness. Are you a tiny bit jealous?

Jealous, says Gaius. Of course not. What of?

There is a knock on the door.

Aha, says Vello. This'll be Denis!

He opens the door.

In walk Denis and Denise Diderot, a handsome brother and sister, two peas in a pod.

Denis! cries Vello. How delightful to see you. And you too, Denise. Still a female Socrates?

Don't patronise me, Vello, snaps Denise Diderot. Hello, Katherine.

Hello, Denise, says Katherine. You've come at just the right time.

Why is that? asks Denise Diderot.

It's Mad March, says Katherine. There's so much going on.

So we gather, says Denis, I believe you're performing Candide?

Yes, says Vello. Tonight. You've just caught our final rehearsal.

It looks rather sparse, says Denise. Have you done away with some of the characters?

No, some of the cast are just late, says Rosamunda. I'm the director, Rosamunda Secunda. And you two must be Denise and Denis Diderot. I've heard so much about you.

What? asks Denise. The female Socrates chestnut? I hope not.

No, says Rosamunda. Not about you actually. About Denis. About his album of Tubular Bells. And how he knows all the different pedals.

Humph, says Denise. Denis! What's this about pedals?

Beats me, says Denis. Can't we just have a pleasant visit without being prickly?

Belle et Bonne enters with a tray of nutty biscuits, and bone china teacups.

Belle! says Denise. How are you?

Wonderful, says Belle et Bonne. How are you Denise?

So-so, says Denise. Keeping busy. Lecturing and writing. Someone has to. Are you part of this rehearsal? When is it starting?

There would be another knock on the door now, if Sweezus had remembered his manners.

Instead, he walks straight in with Terence.

Oh! cries Denise Diderot. A man in charge of a baby. Well done, young man. Hello little one, is mummy at work this morning?

Lady, that's wrong on so many levels, says Sweezus. Terence isn't my baby.

He's an actor, says Rosamunda.

No he isn't, says Sweezus.

In denial, says Denise Diderot loudly. A lot of young men are.