Spontaneous Fungus

Vello rolls the jellybean in the palm of his hand.

He examines its smooth exterior.

Will you answer one question? says Vello.

No, says the jellybean.

He answered it! says Terence. Ask ME a question.

How does it see? asks Vello. Assuming of course that it does.

Eyes, says Terence. And guess where they are?

Enlighten me,  says Vello.

Here, says Terence, pointing to the top of his head.

Those are Smarties, says Vello.

What's he pointing at? asks the jellybean.

The Smarties on top of his head. says Vello.

My fellow Smarties? asks the jellybean.

YES! says Terence. They were the eyes on the Funny Face.

Those are fake eyes, says the jellybean. A biscuit can't see.

I know, says Terence. They're not there to see.

Not where? asks Vello.

Anywhere, says Terence. They're there to make kids look.

I thought so, says Vello.

What's my fate now? asks the jellybean.

You are coming with us to the campsite, where you will be put in a saucer, says Vello.

Then what? asks the jellybean.

Gaius, Kierkegaard and I will examine you, says Vello.

Like a test, asks the jellybean. What's the capital of Italy?

Not like that, says Vello. There will be questions.

Can I bone up on the answers? asks the jellybean.

What's bone up? asks Terence.

Study, says Vello. No you can't. We'll want spontaneous answers.

What's spontaneous? asks Terence.

A type of fungus, says the jellybean.

So it doesn't know everything. That's one less question the philosophers will need to ask.