The Zen Tree

In the camper, under the table, Gaius stirs.

He has heard something moving outside.

He is awake now, and thinking.

Gaius's thoughts:

I wonder what that was? A bandicoot, sniffing at the bananas? Where's my phone?  Drat. Now I need to... but what if it was the ladies? I'll wait a few minutes, then go.

He lies awake, listening.

Boobook!

A boobook calls.

That must mean the ladies have returned to their tent.

If it was the ladies.

Gaius stands up, avoiding bumping his head on the table.

He tiptoes outside.

He moves gingerly, in the dark.

The bandicoot is waiting.

Hahem!

I heard the call of a boobook, says Gaius. But before that, I thought I heard you. Not you in particular, but one of your species.

The bandicoot says nothing.

And then, says Gaius, I thought it might be the ladies.

Right both times, says the bandicoot. It was me. I was here for the bananas. I slipped. Then out of the tent came an infant and a girl, not a lady. We spoke for a while. I offended the girl. I do sometimes say things....

Dear me, says Gaius. Would you mind holding the conversation while I relieve myself. I'll just be two seconds.

People say this. I'll just be two seconds.

We all know it takes longer to pee.

The bandicoot doesn't mind waiting, however.

Gaius comes back from behind a low tree.

Continue, says Gaius. You offended young Lily?

About her pyjamas, says the bandicoot.

I'm sure she'll have forgotten all about it in the morning, says Gaius.

Mm, says the bandicoot. I came back to apologise. But perhaps I don't need to.

I'll pass it on, says Gaius. It was nice of you to come back though. Wait. So, there were other ladies?

Yes, says the bandicoot. A human and a crab.

Gaius wonders if he should ask what the ladies had been doing.

He decides against it.

They came out for a piddle, says the bandicoot. It's a bit late to tell you this now, but they used the same tree that you did.

Of all the trees, slaty sheoaks, beaked hakea, tea trees, prickly and silky, small bulloaks, and so on, it would have to be that one.

Here the philosophy of Zen can be helpful.