The Best Hole

It keeps disappearing, says Terence.

What does? asks Gaius.

My parrot, says Terence.

There are plenty of parrots, says Gaius. They come and go.

MY one, says Terence.

His emu-wren, says Kierkegaard. It does keep disappearing.

Birds don't disappear, says Vello. You lose sight of them.

I've lost sight of my parrot, says Terence.

Stay in the bird hide, says Gaius. And keep your eyes open.

They're always open, says Terence. This is boring. Can I have Ronnie?

I suppose so, says Gaius. But don't lose him. Kierkegaard's lady friend is bringing a pencil sharpener.

Three pencil sharpeners, says Terence. I know.

Kierkegaard looks anxious.

No need to be anxious, says Vello. She wanted to come.

But she's planning to test me, says Kierkegaard.

All teachers do that, says Vello. At least she's being open about it.

Three sharpeners, says Kierkegaard.

Novelty ones, says Gaius.

Sweezus had a novelty pen, says Vello. A frog one with boxing gloves. In the end I had to get Belle to hide it. It was distracting everyone in the office.

I remember, says Gaius. And what about that crucifix pen someone gave him?

Ditto, says Vello.

These anecdotes cheer Kierkegaard up a little.

She's HERE! cries Terence.

Angelina appears at the back of the bird hide.

It's not a great bird hide, says Angelina. I could see you.

On the other hand, says Vello. It has allowed you to find us.

True, says Angelina, but I had detailed instructions.

Where are the sharpeners? asks Terence. Can I see? Can Ronnie choose one?

Who is Ronnie? asks Angelina, looking at Vello.

Not me, says Vello. I'm François. But you can call me Vello.

And I'm Gaius, says Gaius. Call me Gaius.

I believe I'm on your contact list, says Angelina.

Through no action of mine I assure you, says Gaius. I assume I am also on yours.

Yes, says Angelina. Time will tell if you remain there.

How will it tell? asks Terence.

So who is Ronnie? asks Angelina, ignoring Terence's legitimate question, because it's the school holidays.

This is him, says Terence, thrusting forward the pencil.

He can't choose his own sharpener, says Angelina.

He can choose the best hole, says Terence.

This is prescient.

Angelina opens her floppy cotton shoulder bag and rummages.

She brings out three pencil sharpeners.

Kierkegaard steps forward. This is the test.

Number one pencil sharpener is in the shape of a one-legged pirate. The pencil fits in the hole for his missing peg leg.

Number two pencil is in the shape of a dog, with the hole for the pencil at the back end of the dog, representing its anus.

Number three pencil sharpener is shaped like a large nose. The pencil goes into a nostril.

Which one do you like best, Sören? asks Angelina.

Pffff!

Kierkegaard needs to think fast.