It Only Half Pleases

Gaius calls Arthur again.

Arthur, says Gaius. When are you coming?

I'm on my way, says Arthur.

Excellent. says Gaius. Is it too late to ask you to stop by my house and pick up a few things?

No, says Arthur. I'm at your house now.

Good, says Gaius. Clean undershorts, and a geology hammer.

Okay, says Arthur.

And could you go round the back and check on my turnips? asks Gaius.

How do you check on turnips? asks Arthur.

Bend down and part the leafage, says Gaius. Knock off any caterpillars. The turnips should be plump and a fine shade of purple.

Sure, says Arthur. I'll see you later. Wait, Belle wants to know if Terence is there?

Of course he is, says Gaius. He is being more helpful than usual. Even found me a pencil. It was blunt, but Kierkegaard's lady friend provided a pencil sharpener. Three in fact. Very humorous. One was...

That's good, says Arthur. Belle wants to know if Terence is going with you?

Is there a choice? asks Gaius.

No, says Arthur. Belle wants to know if Terence has a new parrot.

Can't she ask me herself? asks Gaius.

Okay, says Arthur. Here she is now.

Hello Gaius, says Belle. I suppose you're wondering why we're at your house.

No, says Gaius. I'm wondering why you want to know if Terence has a new parrot.

Because, says Belle, an old parrot of his has turned up.

Wonderful, says Gaius. Which one? Surely not Saint Roley?

Yes, Saint Roley, says Belle. That's why we're at your house. Saint Roley wanted to catch up with Ageless.

And did he? asks Gaius.

No, Ageless isn't here, says Belle. But Saint Roley would like to see Terence.

Then he must come to Mount Compass with Arthur, says Gaius. And then on to Kangaroo Island. Terence will be delighted.

Great, says Belle. Anything else you'd like Arthur to bring?

No, says Gaius. Or yes, maybe a knife.

He always has a knife, says Belle. Well, enjoy yourself, Gaius. Has papa left yet?

He's about to, says Gaius.

Oops. I'd better warn Sweezie, says Belle. Bye now.

Terence! says Gaius. Come here!

What? says Terence.

With which of your parrots would you most like to be reunited? asks Gaius.

My balloon parrot, says Terence. No, Celia.

What about Saint Roley? asks Gaius.

I LOVE Saint Roley, says Terence. But he went away.

Arthur will be bringing him, says Gaius. Does that please you?

It half does, says Terence.

Only half? says Gaius. Why is that?

But Terence won't say.