Is It Karma?

The irritating person, having purchased a lager, waits under the illuminated tree.

A lobster approaches.

I'm not the captain, says Ageless. In case you were wondering.

Where is he? asks the irritating person. We're supposed to be meeting.

Coming, says Ageless. And I'm not staying. 

He's just dropping me off, says Kobo. 

You! says the irritating person. The original left buttock!

One and the same, says Kobo. As you see, I'm a separate entity.

Nice to meet you, says the irritating person. I'm Ivan.

Kobo, says Kobo. Ageless, lift me onto the table.

Ageless has no hope of lifting her onto the table.

Allow me, says Ivan.

He lifts Kobo onto the table.

Ageless departs to assist with packing up the props.

Call me when you're done, beloved! says Ageless, over his shoulder.

Beloved? says Ivan. You and him?

He likes to think so, says Kobo.

Ivan takes a large sip of his lager.

Captain Baudin approaches.

Bonsoir, personne irritante, says Captain Baudin.

His name's Ivan, says Kobo.

Pourquoi? says Captain Baudin.

He asks why? says Kobo.

My parents liked the name, says Ivan.

I was not asking YOU, says Captain Baudin. I was asking Kobo.

Why am I here? asks Kobo.

Oui, says Captain Baudin.

When you two have finished, says Ivan. I have a question.

First I shall answer Nicolas's question, says Kobo. I'm hear to observe your interaction.

I have no secrets, says Captain Baudin.

Good, says Ivan. Explain Mary Beckwith.

Aha, says Captain Baudin. Which Mary Beckwith? La mère or la fille?

The one you made off with, says Kobo. The so-called fille publique, who absconded from Port Jackson and shipped with you, in your cabin, all the way to Ile de France, and whom you tried to offload in Koepang, which was no place for a woman, in those days.

Where does this information come from? asks Captain Baudin. I've been misrepresented!

Woah! says Ivan. Did she keep a diary? 

No, says Kobo. No diary was found. And there is no existing record of Captain Baudin's five month stay in Sydney, although he DID keep a diary.

What do you say to that? asks Ivan. Here you are, living the good life, and where is poor Mary Beckwith?

Sir, says Captain Baudin. As you see, I am now a lobster.

True, says Ivan. Is it some kind of karma?

If it is, all sea captains are guilty, says Captain Baudin.

You're not telling me all lobsters were once sea captains? asks Ivan.

I'm not telling you anything, says Captain Baudin. Interview over.

Suit yourself, says Ivan.

Captain Baudin strides away, leaving Kobo with Ivan.

I'd better call Ageless, says Kobo. AGELESS!

Was Ageless once a sea captain? asks Ivan.

Not that I know of, says Kobo.