Creepy On The Train

Nicolo looks for a seat that has just been vacated.

There's one, says the Kroombit tinker.

Best if you don't say anything, says Nicolo.

Arthur would let me, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Point taken, says Nicolo.

He sits down in the seat that has just been vacated,

Hey! says the woman in the next seat. That seat is taken.

It need not trouble us, says Nicolo. 

Now you're being creepy, says the woman. And what's that you're holding? A frog?

Yes, says the Kroombit tinker. And he told me not to say anything. But if you think he's creepy, I must.

You don't look like a French frog, says the woman.

I am not a French frog, says the Kroombit tinker. I came to France to take part in the famous bike race.

As did I, says Nicolo.

The woman ignores him.

And how did you do? asks the woman.

I came first in the second of the time trials, says the tinker. But nobody timed me.

Oh, bad luck, says the woman. So where next?

Florence, says the Kroombit tinker. Then home to Queensland.

Florence is lovely, says the woman. 

I know, says the tinker, but we're only going there on an errand.

An errand? says the woman.

To return Sweetpea to his mother, says the Kinker. 

Another frog? asks the woman.

No, says Nicolo. This has gone far enough. Madam, do you have an empty container?

No I don't, says the woman. Why do you want one?

For the frog, says Nicolo. The ticket inspector insists that I keep her contained.

Ask them, says the woman pointing across the aisle at a young couple munching crisps from a tube of Pringles.

Nicolo stands up to ask the young couple if he can have the tube when they have finished eating their Pringles.

The woman's husband returns from the toilet, and sits down in the seat Nicolo has vacated.

Well.

That part went seamlessly.

But it remains to be seen whether Nicolo will be given the tube.

Be More Like You

Bonjour messieurs, says the ticket inspector.

Bongiorno, inspectore, says Nicolo.

Tickets, please, says the ticket inspector.

I have two, says Nicolo. One for me, and one for ....

He stops, having been elbowed by Arthur.

...him, says Nicolo. I have them somewhere.

He feels in his pocket.

While he is waiting, the ticket inspector's eye is drawn to the seat behind them.

Putain! says the ticket inspector. Un grenouille sur the train! et un petit enfant Jésu!

That's our petit enfant Jésu, says Arthur. 

Et le grenouille? asks the ticket inspector.

A specimen, says Nicolo.

Scientific, says Arthur

It must be contained, says the ticket inspector.

Certainly, says Nicolo. Will you bring us a container?

That is not my job, says the ticket inspector. I shall continue inspecting tickets, and when I return, if your grenouille is not contained, it will be removed.

That's fair, says Nicolo.

The inspector moves on.

Arthur looks back at Sweetpea. 

It was good you kept quiet, says Arthur. 

I was scared, says Sweetpea. 

YOU were scared? says the Kroombit tinker. I have to go in a container.

No you don't, says Arthur. We'll move seats.

Can I move seats with you? asks Sweetpea.

No says Arthur. You stay with Nicolo. He's got your ticket.

I take it you don't have a ticket? says Nicolo.

I never buy a ticket, says Arthur. I just seat hop.

What if there are no empty seats? asks Nicolo.

There are always empty seats, says Arthur. People have to go to the toilet.

That's a brief window, says Nicolo. And what if they are travelling with someone who doesn't need to go to the toilet? And that someone objects to you sitting down beside them.

You think too much, says Arthur.

I suppose I do, says Nicolo. 

It rarely happens, says Arthur. But say it did. I'd ask them if they had a container.

For your frog, says Nicolo.

For my frog, says Arthur. And they'd have to start searching.

They may not like frogs, says Nicolo.

All the more reason for them to find a container, says Arthur.

I should be more like you, says Nicolo.

Go on then, says Arthur.

Is that a challenge? asks Nicolo. Va bene. I'm up for it.

So Nicolo gets out of his seat. Arthur moves into it.

Sweetpea sits beside Arthur, feeling less scared.

Nicolo picks up the Kroombit tinker and heads up the carriage to find someone whose travelling companion has gone to the toilet.

Mother's Face

Arthur hands the confession to Nicolo.

Nicolo reads it and laughs.

Will you sign it? asks the Kroombit tinker.

I will, says Nicolo. Can I have my pen back?

Arthur returns the pen.

Nicolo signs the confession.

Who'll be seeing it? asks Nicolo.

The pobblebonks at Kroombit Tops, says the tinker.

Is that all? asks Nicolo.

Yes, says the Kroombit tinker. I don't want them to blame me for the deaths of their heroes. Not to mention how it must have affected their father. They were his three best children.

I had no idea, says Nicolo. Would you like me to add a condolence?

No thank you, says the tinker. The confession will do.

Seems a pity only frogs get to see it, says Nicolo.

Why? asks Arthur. 

I'm quite proud of it, says Nicolo. 

I wrote it, says Arthur.

In my name, says Nicolo.

Three best children? says Sweetpea,

What? asks Nicolo.

You killed three best children, says Sweetpea.

Frog children, says Nicolo. So what? Now you don't want to come with me? 

What if you kill me? asks Sweetpea.

He won't kill you, says Arthur. At worst he could make you turn red.

I'm already red, says Sweetpea.

Only in parts. He could make you turn redder, says Arthur. 

I won't do that, says Nicolo. Imagine your mother's face when she saw you.

It's always the same, says Sweetpea. Stoney.

Imagine what she'd say then, says Nicolo.

She'll say Where have you been? says Sweetpea,

She knows where you've been, says Nicolo. I was there when you asked her.

I've never been away for such a long time, says Sweetpea.

She'll have enjoyed the break, says Nicolo. Won't she, Arthur.

Yes, says Arthur. And you can always say you were kidnapped.

Of course I'll deny it, says Nicolo.

Don't listen to them Sweetpea, says the Kroombit tinker. Its obvious these two have no idea how alarming their words are.

 Can I sit with you? asks Sweetpea.

Okay, says the tinker. Come and sit with me in Arthur's seat, and he can have yours.

Arthur is happy to swap seats with Sweetpea.

Especially as he's noticed a ticket inspector approaching....

Accidental Frogslaughter

Looks like you've been drinking red drinks, says Arthur.

How do you know? asks Sweetpea.

Red lips, says Arthur.

Sweetpea licks his red lips.

And red nose, says Arthur. 

Sweetpea rubs his red nose with his little stone finger.

His little stone finger now has a red tint as well.

Nicolo looks at Arthur.

Arthur looks back at him.

All right, says Nicolo. No more red drinks for Sweetpea. 

So what CAN I have? asks Sweetpea.

Water, says Arthur.

Good thinking, says Nicolo. Water. I should have known better. 

But Terence said.... begins Sweetpea.

Terence doesn't turn bright red, says Arthur.

Everyone is different, says the Kroombit tinker. Take me for example. Is there any red drink left?

No, says Sweetpea.

Pity, says the tinker. Then we could see.

See what? asks Sweetpea. 

Who I was like, says the tinker.

If you went red, says Sweetpea, you'd be like me.

And if I didn't, I'd be like Terence, says the tinker.

Who do you want to be like? asks Sweetpea.

No one, now I come to think of it, says the tinker. What I'm really here for is the confession.

She hops onto the back of Nicolo's seat.

Looks like you have to write that confession, says Arthur.

She can write it, says Nicolo. I said I'd sign it.

Okay, says Arthur. I'll help her.

Thanks, says the tinker. Have you got any paper?

Not on me, says Arthur.

I've got paper, says Nicolo. 

He whips out a notepad, of creamy thick paper, with a fancy 'N M' at the top of each page.

Impressive, says Arthur. Got a pen?

Nicolo hands him a pen.

The Kroombit tinker hops down beside Arthur.

Arthur starts writing: I Nicolo Machiavelli confess to the ....

He stops.

Accidental killing? asks Arthur.

Accidental frogslaughter, says the tinker.

....accidental frogslaughter of Insect-bonk, Worm-bonk and Spider-bonk, valued members of Baby Pierre's cycling team, when they failed to get out of my way. In the Tour de France, these things happen. No blame attaches to their house mother the Kroombit tinker, who was not at the scene at the time.

How's that sound? asks Arthur.

You tell me, says the Kroombit tinker.

It lets him off and it lets you off, says Arthur.

So he'll probably sign it, says  the tinker.

He'll sign it, says Arthur.

Bright Red Nose

Arthur follows Nicolo and Sweetpea to the station.

The Kroombit tinker is not far behind.

At the station, Nicolo buys two tickets to Florence.

Then he leads Sweetpea to a kiosk.

They come out with red drinks.

The Kroombit tinker has caught up with Arthur.

Why did you come? asks Arthur.

I want that confession, says the Kroombit tinker.

Doesn't look like you'll get it, says Arthur.

I'll get it, says the Kroombit tinker. I'm going to get on the train.

And do what? asks Arthur.

Pester him until he writes it, says the tinker.

Gaius won't like you going off on your own, says Arthur. 

He won't know, says the tinker.

He will know, says Arthur. I'll tell him.

Okay, says the tinker. Call him and tell him.

Tell him what ? asks Arthur.

I'll be back, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Arthur calls Gaius, who is at his hotel, already thinking of packing.

Arthur, says Gaius. Terrible news! I've lost the Kroombit tinker.

She's here at the station, says Arthur. She wants to get Nicolo's confession, but then she'll be back.

The station! says Gaius. Is she thinking of boarding the train?

Yes, says Arthur.

 Put her on, says Gaius.

The train? asks Arthur.

The phone! says Gaius.

Arthur looks around for the tinker, but she's already boarded a train.

She's gone, says Arthur.

Find her, says Gaius. And bring her back. This can't be allowed to happen. She's endangered

I know, says Arthur. Leave it to me.

Arthur is glad to have something like this to do.

He boards the train for Florence.

He does not have a ticket, but since when did someone who leads a charmed life need a ticket?

He looks up and down the carriage.

Is that Nicolo's head? And Sweetpea's little stone elbow sticking out from the aisle seat beside him?

He moves closer.

Yes it is Nicolo. That is his head. And Sweetpea's elbow.

The train starts to move.

Arthur has not yet spotted the tinker.

But she must be on board.

He sees an empty seat, behind Nicolo and Sweetpea.

He moves to it, and sits.

Merde! What has he sat on?

Arthur! Get off me! squeaks the tinker.

Arthur moves, just enough to let the tinker squirm out from under his bottom.

Didn't you see me? asks the tinker.

No, says Arthur, but it's good that I've found you.

Nicolo looks over the back of his seat. What's all the commotion?

Me and the tinker, says Arthur. 

You followed us! says Nicolo.

Hello, says Sweetpea, standing up in his seat and looking over the back of it.

His little stone lips are bright red. And so is his nose.

One Weird Guy

Nicolo picks up the half eaten frog leg.

What's that? asks Terence.

It was stuck in my teeth, says Nicolo. I spat it into my handkerchief.

Now we all know, says Belle. Thank you Terence.

I was just asking, says Terence. 

It's all right, says Nicolo. 

The waiter arrives with the coffees.

Would you mind getting rid of this for me? asks Nicolo. 

Certainly monsieur, says the waiter.

He takes the half eaten frog leg from Nicolo.

Stuck in your teeth was it?

Si, says Nicolo.

The waiter takes it away.

What a rude waiter, says Vello. 

And he used his bare fingers, says David.

What would you have done? asks Sweezus.

Used a serviette, says Belle.

Yeah I guess so, says Sweezus. 

They start drinking their coffees.

So who's going where next? asks Vello. David and I are taking the fast train to Paris.

I might join you, says Belle. I love the Olympics.

Good thing we're missingthe opening ceremony, says David. 

Why is that? asks Gaius.

It's pelting with rain, says David. 

What about you Nicolo? asks Gaius. 

I'll be taking the train home to Florence, says Nicolo. With the bambino.

He means me, says Sweetpea. 

I do mean you, says Nicolo. And I shall treat you well, since you made me a poem.

Ask him for red drinks, says Terence.

There will be plenty of red drinks, says Nicolo.

Excuse me, Nicolo, says the Kroombit tinker. Did you mean it about the confession?

No, says Nicolo. It was an ironic remark.

That's cruel, says Belle. The Kroombit tinker could use your confession.

All right, says Nicolo. If she writes it, I'll sign it.

Now? asks the tinker.

Not now, says Nicolo.

He finishes his coffee. Coming, Sweetpea?

Now? asks Sweetpea.

Yes now, says Nicolo.

He stands up, takes Sweetpea's little stone hand, and leads him out of Le Frog before anyone can say anything.

He's one weird guy, says Sweezus.

Want me to follow them? asks Arthur.

Yeah why not, says Sweezus. 

Arthur gets up and goes out.

The Kroombit tinker hops quietly down from the table and follows.

Black Handkerchief

The waiter has brought the icecreams to the table.

Thank you waiter, says Vello.

And now monsieur, may I ask you what you have done with the frog? asks the waiter.

I have her, says Gaius. She has eaten a fly and will no longer cause any trouble.

We shall of course pay for the fly, says Vello. Since it was found on your window.

Alors! says the waiter. You will not be charged for the fly. Just keep the frog at your table. And the infants as well. They could have broken a window.

But they didn't, says Belle. By the way, I asked for a mini vanilla.

Desolé, says the waiter. It was a complicated order.

Doesn't matter, says Belle. I'll only eat half.

Can I have the rest? asks Sweetpea.

Can we share it? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. It's the wrong colour.

Mine's the right colour, says Sweezus. But I've eaten it.

Do you wish to order another? asks the waiter.

No, thanks, says Sweezus.

The waiter goes away.

Honestly, says Belle. All that fuss over a frog eating a fly on a window.

They have to think of their reputation, says David.

Is everyone finished? asks Vello. 

How about a coffee, says David. 

Vello tries to get the attention of the waiter, who seems suddenly busy.

No hurry, says David.

Are you planning to stay on in Nice, Gaius? asks Belle.

No, says Gaius. I must return the Kroombit tinker to her home in Kroombit Tops.

Does she want to go? asks Belle. After all this excitement?

It's not up to her, says Gaius. 

I don't see why not, says Belle. Have you asked her?

I'm right here, says the Kroombit tinker.

Do you want to go home? asks Belle.

No, says the Kroombit tinker. There is nothing for me at home.

What about all your friends? asks Terence. And the pobblebonks?

I can't face the pobblebonks, says the Kroombit tinker. I shall have to tell them what happened to the pobblebonk team.

It wasn't your fault, says Terence. It was Nicolo's.

Would you like me to write a confession? asks Nicolo.

Everyone looks at Nicolo.

He has mango icecream in his beard.

You have mango icecream in your beard, says Belle.

Nicolo takes out his black handkerchief.

A half-eaten frog leg drops out.