Thrust And Plunge!

Kierkegaard goes off to the Central Market, to look for a coconut.

He thinks about what has just happened.

Part of him wants Gaius to go to New Zealand. A natural wish for a stand-in.

But part of him wants to go to New Zealand as well.

However, we shall leave him to search for the coconut.

And return to the rehearsal.

Right, says Vello. If we're going to do this we need someone to play Don Issachar.

I will, says David. My part as Pangloss is finished.

And someone to play the Grand Inquisitor, says Vello. Where is Arthur?

Gone to help Kierko look for a coconut, says Sweezus.

It doesn't take two to look for a coconut, says Vello.

It might, says David. They are quite unobtrusive.

Ha ha, laughs Vello. Right then. Who's doing nothing?

ME! says Terence.

It won't do for you to play the Grand Inquisitor, says Vello.

No! says Belle. You wouldn't like it. Candide has to run you through with a sword.

We could just pretend, says Terence.

We would pretend anyway, says Vello.

Okay, says Terence.

All right, just until Arthur comes back, says Vello. But stay where you are. You don't get killed first.

I do, says David. Now, to get things straight before I enter. Am I Jewish?

I suppose so, says Vello. Why not?

Modern sensibilities, says David. 

Phoo! to modern sensibilities, says Vello. You will be Jewish. 

I won't make a big thing of it, says David.

You already have, says Vello. Now enter, say your piece and meet your maker.

Wait, says Captain Baudin. Let me introduce him:

Issachar was the most excitable Hebrew that had been seen in Israel since the Babylonian captivity, announces Captain Baudin.

There, that should defuse the situation, says Vello. Cue David!

David enters looking excitable.

You Galilean bitch! shouts David. Not satisfied with me and the Grand Inquisitor, this rogue must be given a share as well!

He draws a long pretend dagger. 

Sweezus leaps up, and draws a long pretend sword.

Thrust and plunge!

Don Issachar is as dead as a doornail.