Double Bumhole!

Knock. Knock.

A knock at the door.

Gaius hurries down the passage to open it.

Am I early? asks David. 

Not at all, says Gaius. Come in. We can chat while I stir the carrots.

They go into the kitchen.

Hello Terence, says David. Busy, I see?

Terence puts down the knife he was using.

Perhaps you'd like to help him, says Gaius.

What is he doing? asks David.

Covering a few small holes in the table cloth with carrot circles, says Gaius.

I've got too many, says Terence. So I'm making more holes.

What? says Gaius. 

He hasn't succeeded, says David. The knife he's using is blunt.

More holes is not the solution, says Gaius.

I'll talk him out of it, says David.

Go on, says Terence.

We must think of alternative solutions, says David. Can you think of any?

No, says Terence. Only more holes.

Think outside the box, says David.

There's no box, says Terence. And carrot circles are flat.

True, says Gaius. The carrot solution is clever. The only problem is, there are eight leftover circles.

Nine, says David.

Yes, I meant to say nine, says Gaius. 

How about throwing them into the kitchen compost, says David.

No! says Terence. See their sad faces.

All right, says David. How about placing them in an interesting pattern? A star shape for example.

Yes! says Terence. And no one would know which ones had holes under!

Not the observers, says David. Of course the carrot circles would have an inkling.

What's an inkling? asks Terence.

A feeling, says David. Imagine you're sitting on a table cloth. Now imagine you're sitting on a hole in a table cloth. Would it feel the same, or different?

Woo! Double bumhole! says Terence. Different!

Ha ha! laughs David.

You are talking him out of a perfectly satisfactory solution, says Gaius.

Sorry, says David. But really, why do you feel you need a table cloth?

The occasion demands it, says Gaius. I have not met Pierre-Louis Maupertuis before. 

He's too busy sucking up to Vello and me to notice a table cloth, says David.

You don't say? says Gaius.

I want to do the star shape, says Terence. And the carrot circles can have turns on the bumholes.

Excellent , says Gaius. That can be your job, revolving the carrots.

Yay! says Terence.

Sucking up? For what reason? asks Gaius.

He wants to join team Philosophe in the Tour Down Under, says David.

Oh does he? says Gaius. I was rather hoping.....

You would be my choice, says David. But Vello is susceptible to flattery. By the way, I think your carrots are burning. Or are you sweating badly?

They're supposed to smell like this, says Gaius, removing his Ancient Roman Stewed Carrots from the heat just in time.