Filial Piety and Female Oppression

They sniff the air slightly. No, the hat smells all right.

It was after my time, says Kong Fu-Zi. My hat was never defiled by an emperor's urine. But what do you think of my Analect?

What was the last part? says David. Something about living longer. A popular ambition these days.

'The wise are joyful, the virtuous long lived', says Kong Fu-Zi. I may change it.

Yes, change it, says Ageless. I am long-lived.

That settles it, says Kong Fu-Zi. I will.

Can you do that? asks Vello.

I expect so, says Kong Fu-Zi.

Then I advise you not to take questions, says Vello. There is always a smart-arse in the audience who's read up on the subject.

Not to worry, says Kong Fu-Zi. Things that are done it is needless to talk about, things that are past it is needless to blame.

Is that another of your Analects? asks Schopenhauer. Because I'm detecting a trend here.

Surely not, says Kong Fu-Zi. What is it?

You seem to be speaking of opposites, which turn out to be the same, says Schopenhauer. Viz, the wise and the virtuous. Where is the contrast?

I'll give you a contrast, says Kong Fu-Zi. 'Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without'.

A snort of derision is heard from the doorway. It's Katherine Hume, David's mother.

Mother! says David. What are you doing here?

Looking for a diamond with a flaw, dear, says Katherine. In other words, Arthur. Where is he?

Don't even ask, says David. Will I do? Your pebble without?

Ha ha! laughs Katherine. Not unless you want to come with me to Sydney. And I know you won't. You're a terrible uncle.

Kong Fu-Zi clucks his tongue. It is doubly unworthy to be thought a terrible uncle by your own mother.

Hello, says Katherine. Are you here for Ozasia?

He is, says Vello. This is Kong Fu-Zi, otherwise known as Confucius.

O! says Katherine. Very pleased to meet you, Master Kong. I can't tell you how much I admire the saying, 'Women hold up half the sky'.

That is not my saying, says Kong Fu-Zi.

I know that, says Katherine. It was Chairman Mao. You on the other hand are responsible for centuries of female oppression.

No no, madam, says Kong Fu-Zi. You are quite wrong. The female oppression you speak of  is the result of a fatal synthesis of Confucianism with Taoist cosmology. For that you may thank Master Dong.

Female oppression. Master Dong.

Regrettable to report, everyone who isn't Chinese thinks this is funny.