Freaking Out Over Identity

At the airport Katherine spots Sweezus, carrying what looks like a baby.

Sweezus! calls Katherine.

Sweezus comes over.

Hi Katherine! says Sweezus. What are you doing here? Who's your friend?

This is Kong Fu-Zi, also known as Confucius, says Katherine.

Dude! says Sweezus. You here for Ozasia?

Yes, says Kong Fu-Zi. We are just taking leave for the weekend. Is this your son?

It can't be, says Katherine.

It isn't, says Sweezus. It's me. Wake up Terence!

He pokes Terence, who won't wake up.

I heard that you and Arthur were held up in customs, says Katherine. Where is Arthur?

He's still back there, having tea and a donut, says Sweezus. And explaining the parrot. But they let us out, me and Terence.

Let me see him, says Katherine, peering into the face of the baby. What a dear little cherub. And what sweet little trousers. Are they lizards?

Has he hurt his knees? asks Kong Fu-Zi. They appear to be bleeding into those bandages.

Nope, says Sweezus. That's the blood of the parrot. Wake up, kid.

Terence opens one eye. Are we there yet?

Yep, says Sweezus. Excellent job, Terence.

Who are these people? asks Terence.

This man is Confucius, says Sweezus. So pay attention. This is awesome.

You are too kind, says Kong Fu-Zi. I am but a humble philosopher, raised in poverty.

Yeah, but famous, says Sweezus. And the really cool thing is that Terence will remember this meeting.

You sound like a proud father, says Katherine. Are you sure you're not....

No way, says Sweezus. This baby's been freaking me out. He's not growing up right. We have different memories. But this memory'll be exactly the same.....

Your baby is not growing upright? says Kong Fu-Zi. How unlucky

Rubbish, says Katherine, ignoring Confucius' confusion. How can it be identical, when one of you is a baby? And in any case, he's gone back to asleep.

Sheez! Has he? says Sweezus, shaking the baby.

Waah! says Terence. Where's my parrot?

In permanent detention, I hope, says Sweezus. You've got to let go of this habit of trusting in birds. Get me?

No, says Terence. One day you'll like birds.

Like that's going to happen, says Sweezus.

They glare at each other.

We must go to the gate now, says Katherine. We can't miss our flight. Bye bye, Terence. Don't be naughty for Sweezus. Do what he tells you.

She walks off.

Goodbye young man, says Kong Fu-Zi, perhaps we shall meet again when I come back from Sydney.

He walks off.

Guards emerge from a doorway, with sniffer dogs.

A young man with a donut appears at the top of the escalator.

A parrot flies through the airport, dropping feathers and brown and white faeces.

Trust is not really the issue.