One Time Director Of Crime

You must bring your bicycles, says Professor Freud. Does the Great Sage have one?

I believe he has Schopenhauer's, says Gaius. The famous Platonic Ideal.

I do, says Kong Fu-Zi. Perhaps I should opt out of Paintball. It would be wrong to get paint on it.

Don't worry, says Freud. Paint comes off.

They follow Freud through the city.

Gaius, on his bicycle.

Kong Fu-Zi, on the Platonic Ideal.

Terence, travelling in the vintage retro basket.

The parrot, fluttering overhead, looking a lot like a pigeon.

They stop in Victoria Square, in front of a multi-coloured caravan, painted with exploding coloured balls.

Victoria Square! says Gaius.  You can't be serious.

We pop up anywhere, says Freud. Popup Paintball and Pedal. No rules.

He opens the door of the caravan.

They all crowd inside.

Green Flash! calls Freud. We have visitors!

Of course! It's Baby Pierre!

Baby Pierre is dressed in green lycra, lying on a couch, watching a video.

He looks up. Uh, it's just Gaius.

But no, there's another man, carrying a baby. And some sort of boring grey bird.

The man puts the baby down on the couch beside Baby Pierre.

Are you the Green Flash? says the baby.

Yar, says Baby Pierre.

We have something in common, says the baby.

What? says Baby Pierre.

Are you stupid? says the baby. What are you really?

A pebble, says Baby Pierre. A pebble with the Mark Of The Claw.

He whips off his helmet.

Woo! says the baby. You have a flaw!

Claw! says Baby Pierre. A Claw.

See that Chinese man, says the baby. He is Wisdom, he is. He says we should not have a flaw.

Baby Pierre turns up the sound on the video.

Pow! Pow! Splatt! Arghhh!

Meanwhile the grownups are talking.

Tea first? says Freud.

Do you have teabags? asks Kong Fu-Zi. I believe tea bags are quicker.

Are you in a hurry? says Freud.

He puts on the kettle.

Well, Sigmund, says Gaius, you must tell us. How does this Popup thing work? Is it legal?

Let's say that it is untested, says Freud. Speed is the essence.

Kong Fu-Zi looks alarmed.

I should not like to get into trouble with the authorities, says Kong Fu-Zi.

Why not? says Freud. Is it something to do with your childhood?

Not my childhood, says Kong Fu-Zi. But I was once the Director of Crime.

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius.

That was when I came up with my famous opposition to the use of fines and punishment, says Kong Fu-Zi.

Fine sentiments, says Professor Freud, approvingly.

Yes but..... says Gaius. Were you actually a criminal?

Of course not, says Kong Fu-Zi. It was a government appointment.

There is no polite answer to this.

No worries, says Freud. We'll be in and out before you can say popup. Drink your tea. I'll find the paint guns.