Creepy On The Train

Nicolo looks for a seat that has just been vacated.

There's one, says the Kroombit tinker.

Best if you don't say anything, says Nicolo.

Arthur would let me, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Point taken, says Nicolo.

He sits down in the seat that has just been vacated,

Hey! says the woman in the next seat. That seat is taken.

It need not trouble us, says Nicolo. 

Now you're being creepy, says the woman. And what's that you're holding? A frog?

Yes, says the Kroombit tinker. And he told me not to say anything. But if you think he's creepy, I must.

You don't look like a French frog, says the woman.

I am not a French frog, says the Kroombit tinker. I came to France to take part in the famous bike race.

As did I, says Nicolo.

The woman ignores him.

And how did you do? asks the woman.

I came first in the second of the time trials, says the tinker. But nobody timed me.

Oh, bad luck, says the woman. So where next?

Florence, says the Kroombit tinker. Then home to Queensland.

Florence is lovely, says the woman. 

I know, says the tinker, but we're only going there on an errand.

An errand? says the woman.

To return Sweetpea to his mother, says the Kinker. 

Another frog? asks the woman.

No, says Nicolo. This has gone far enough. Madam, do you have an empty container?

No I don't, says the woman. Why do you want one?

For the frog, says Nicolo. The ticket inspector insists that I keep her contained.

Ask them, says the woman pointing across the aisle at a young couple munching crisps from a tube of Pringles.

Nicolo stands up to ask the young couple if he can have the tube when they have finished eating their Pringles.

The woman's husband returns from the toilet, and sits down in the seat Nicolo has vacated.

Well.

That part went seamlessly.

But it remains to be seen whether Nicolo will be given the tube.

Be More Like You

Bonjour messieurs, says the ticket inspector.

Bongiorno, inspectore, says Nicolo.

Tickets, please, says the ticket inspector.

I have two, says Nicolo. One for me, and one for ....

He stops, having been elbowed by Arthur.

...him, says Nicolo. I have them somewhere.

He feels in his pocket.

While he is waiting, the ticket inspector's eye is drawn to the seat behind them.

Putain! says the ticket inspector. Un grenouille sur the train! et un petit enfant Jésu!

That's our petit enfant Jésu, says Arthur. 

Et le grenouille? asks the ticket inspector.

A specimen, says Nicolo.

Scientific, says Arthur

It must be contained, says the ticket inspector.

Certainly, says Nicolo. Will you bring us a container?

That is not my job, says the ticket inspector. I shall continue inspecting tickets, and when I return, if your grenouille is not contained, it will be removed.

That's fair, says Nicolo.

The inspector moves on.

Arthur looks back at Sweetpea. 

It was good you kept quiet, says Arthur. 

I was scared, says Sweetpea. 

YOU were scared? says the Kroombit tinker. I have to go in a container.

No you don't, says Arthur. We'll move seats.

Can I move seats with you? asks Sweetpea.

No says Arthur. You stay with Nicolo. He's got your ticket.

I take it you don't have a ticket? says Nicolo.

I never buy a ticket, says Arthur. I just seat hop.

What if there are no empty seats? asks Nicolo.

There are always empty seats, says Arthur. People have to go to the toilet.

That's a brief window, says Nicolo. And what if they are travelling with someone who doesn't need to go to the toilet? And that someone objects to you sitting down beside them.

You think too much, says Arthur.

I suppose I do, says Nicolo. 

It rarely happens, says Arthur. But say it did. I'd ask them if they had a container.

For your frog, says Nicolo.

For my frog, says Arthur. And they'd have to start searching.

They may not like frogs, says Nicolo.

All the more reason for them to find a container, says Arthur.

I should be more like you, says Nicolo.

Go on then, says Arthur.

Is that a challenge? asks Nicolo. Va bene. I'm up for it.

So Nicolo gets out of his seat. Arthur moves into it.

Sweetpea sits beside Arthur, feeling less scared.

Nicolo picks up the Kroombit tinker and heads up the carriage to find someone whose travelling companion has gone to the toilet.

Mother's Face

Arthur hands the confession to Nicolo.

Nicolo reads it and laughs.

Will you sign it? asks the Kroombit tinker.

I will, says Nicolo. Can I have my pen back?

Arthur returns the pen.

Nicolo signs the confession.

Who'll be seeing it? asks Nicolo.

The pobblebonks at Kroombit Tops, says the tinker.

Is that all? asks Nicolo.

Yes, says the Kroombit tinker. I don't want them to blame me for the deaths of their heroes. Not to mention how it must have affected their father. They were his three best children.

I had no idea, says Nicolo. Would you like me to add a condolence?

No thank you, says the tinker. The confession will do.

Seems a pity only frogs get to see it, says Nicolo.

Why? asks Arthur. 

I'm quite proud of it, says Nicolo. 

I wrote it, says Arthur.

In my name, says Nicolo.

Three best children? says Sweetpea,

What? asks Nicolo.

You killed three best children, says Sweetpea.

Frog children, says Nicolo. So what? Now you don't want to come with me? 

What if you kill me? asks Sweetpea.

He won't kill you, says Arthur. At worst he could make you turn red.

I'm already red, says Sweetpea.

Only in parts. He could make you turn redder, says Arthur. 

I won't do that, says Nicolo. Imagine your mother's face when she saw you.

It's always the same, says Sweetpea. Stoney.

Imagine what she'd say then, says Nicolo.

She'll say Where have you been? says Sweetpea,

She knows where you've been, says Nicolo. I was there when you asked her.

I've never been away for such a long time, says Sweetpea.

She'll have enjoyed the break, says Nicolo. Won't she, Arthur.

Yes, says Arthur. And you can always say you were kidnapped.

Of course I'll deny it, says Nicolo.

Don't listen to them Sweetpea, says the Kroombit tinker. Its obvious these two have no idea how alarming their words are.

 Can I sit with you? asks Sweetpea.

Okay, says the tinker. Come and sit with me in Arthur's seat, and he can have yours.

Arthur is happy to swap seats with Sweetpea.

Especially as he's noticed a ticket inspector approaching....

Accidental Frogslaughter

Looks like you've been drinking red drinks, says Arthur.

How do you know? asks Sweetpea.

Red lips, says Arthur.

Sweetpea licks his red lips.

And red nose, says Arthur. 

Sweetpea rubs his red nose with his little stone finger.

His little stone finger now has a red tint as well.

Nicolo looks at Arthur.

Arthur looks back at him.

All right, says Nicolo. No more red drinks for Sweetpea. 

So what CAN I have? asks Sweetpea.

Water, says Arthur.

Good thinking, says Nicolo. Water. I should have known better. 

But Terence said.... begins Sweetpea.

Terence doesn't turn bright red, says Arthur.

Everyone is different, says the Kroombit tinker. Take me for example. Is there any red drink left?

No, says Sweetpea.

Pity, says the tinker. Then we could see.

See what? asks Sweetpea. 

Who I was like, says the tinker.

If you went red, says Sweetpea, you'd be like me.

And if I didn't, I'd be like Terence, says the tinker.

Who do you want to be like? asks Sweetpea.

No one, now I come to think of it, says the tinker. What I'm really here for is the confession.

She hops onto the back of Nicolo's seat.

Looks like you have to write that confession, says Arthur.

She can write it, says Nicolo. I said I'd sign it.

Okay, says Arthur. I'll help her.

Thanks, says the tinker. Have you got any paper?

Not on me, says Arthur.

I've got paper, says Nicolo. 

He whips out a notepad, of creamy thick paper, with a fancy 'N M' at the top of each page.

Impressive, says Arthur. Got a pen?

Nicolo hands him a pen.

The Kroombit tinker hops down beside Arthur.

Arthur starts writing: I Nicolo Machiavelli confess to the ....

He stops.

Accidental killing? asks Arthur.

Accidental frogslaughter, says the tinker.

....accidental frogslaughter of Insect-bonk, Worm-bonk and Spider-bonk, valued members of Baby Pierre's cycling team, when they failed to get out of my way. In the Tour de France, these things happen. No blame attaches to their house mother the Kroombit tinker, who was not at the scene at the time.

How's that sound? asks Arthur.

You tell me, says the Kroombit tinker.

It lets him off and it lets you off, says Arthur.

So he'll probably sign it, says  the tinker.

He'll sign it, says Arthur.

Bright Red Nose

Arthur follows Nicolo and Sweetpea to the station.

The Kroombit tinker is not far behind.

At the station, Nicolo buys two tickets to Florence.

Then he leads Sweetpea to a kiosk.

They come out with red drinks.

The Kroombit tinker has caught up with Arthur.

Why did you come? asks Arthur.

I want that confession, says the Kroombit tinker.

Doesn't look like you'll get it, says Arthur.

I'll get it, says the Kroombit tinker. I'm going to get on the train.

And do what? asks Arthur.

Pester him until he writes it, says the tinker.

Gaius won't like you going off on your own, says Arthur. 

He won't know, says the tinker.

He will know, says Arthur. I'll tell him.

Okay, says the tinker. Call him and tell him.

Tell him what ? asks Arthur.

I'll be back, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Arthur calls Gaius, who is at his hotel, already thinking of packing.

Arthur, says Gaius. Terrible news! I've lost the Kroombit tinker.

She's here at the station, says Arthur. She wants to get Nicolo's confession, but then she'll be back.

The station! says Gaius. Is she thinking of boarding the train?

Yes, says Arthur.

 Put her on, says Gaius.

The train? asks Arthur.

The phone! says Gaius.

Arthur looks around for the tinker, but she's already boarded a train.

She's gone, says Arthur.

Find her, says Gaius. And bring her back. This can't be allowed to happen. She's endangered

I know, says Arthur. Leave it to me.

Arthur is glad to have something like this to do.

He boards the train for Florence.

He does not have a ticket, but since when did someone who leads a charmed life need a ticket?

He looks up and down the carriage.

Is that Nicolo's head? And Sweetpea's little stone elbow sticking out from the aisle seat beside him?

He moves closer.

Yes it is Nicolo. That is his head. And Sweetpea's elbow.

The train starts to move.

Arthur has not yet spotted the tinker.

But she must be on board.

He sees an empty seat, behind Nicolo and Sweetpea.

He moves to it, and sits.

Merde! What has he sat on?

Arthur! Get off me! squeaks the tinker.

Arthur moves, just enough to let the tinker squirm out from under his bottom.

Didn't you see me? asks the tinker.

No, says Arthur, but it's good that I've found you.

Nicolo looks over the back of his seat. What's all the commotion?

Me and the tinker, says Arthur. 

You followed us! says Nicolo.

Hello, says Sweetpea, standing up in his seat and looking over the back of it.

His little stone lips are bright red. And so is his nose.

One Weird Guy

Nicolo picks up the half eaten frog leg.

What's that? asks Terence.

It was stuck in my teeth, says Nicolo. I spat it into my handkerchief.

Now we all know, says Belle. Thank you Terence.

I was just asking, says Terence. 

It's all right, says Nicolo. 

The waiter arrives with the coffees.

Would you mind getting rid of this for me? asks Nicolo. 

Certainly monsieur, says the waiter.

He takes the half eaten frog leg from Nicolo.

Stuck in your teeth was it?

Si, says Nicolo.

The waiter takes it away.

What a rude waiter, says Vello. 

And he used his bare fingers, says David.

What would you have done? asks Sweezus.

Used a serviette, says Belle.

Yeah I guess so, says Sweezus. 

They start drinking their coffees.

So who's going where next? asks Vello. David and I are taking the fast train to Paris.

I might join you, says Belle. I love the Olympics.

Good thing we're missingthe opening ceremony, says David. 

Why is that? asks Gaius.

It's pelting with rain, says David. 

What about you Nicolo? asks Gaius. 

I'll be taking the train home to Florence, says Nicolo. With the bambino.

He means me, says Sweetpea. 

I do mean you, says Nicolo. And I shall treat you well, since you made me a poem.

Ask him for red drinks, says Terence.

There will be plenty of red drinks, says Nicolo.

Excuse me, Nicolo, says the Kroombit tinker. Did you mean it about the confession?

No, says Nicolo. It was an ironic remark.

That's cruel, says Belle. The Kroombit tinker could use your confession.

All right, says Nicolo. If she writes it, I'll sign it.

Now? asks the tinker.

Not now, says Nicolo.

He finishes his coffee. Coming, Sweetpea?

Now? asks Sweetpea.

Yes now, says Nicolo.

He stands up, takes Sweetpea's little stone hand, and leads him out of Le Frog before anyone can say anything.

He's one weird guy, says Sweezus.

Want me to follow them? asks Arthur.

Yeah why not, says Sweezus. 

Arthur gets up and goes out.

The Kroombit tinker hops quietly down from the table and follows.

Black Handkerchief

The waiter has brought the icecreams to the table.

Thank you waiter, says Vello.

And now monsieur, may I ask you what you have done with the frog? asks the waiter.

I have her, says Gaius. She has eaten a fly and will no longer cause any trouble.

We shall of course pay for the fly, says Vello. Since it was found on your window.

Alors! says the waiter. You will not be charged for the fly. Just keep the frog at your table. And the infants as well. They could have broken a window.

But they didn't, says Belle. By the way, I asked for a mini vanilla.

Desolé, says the waiter. It was a complicated order.

Doesn't matter, says Belle. I'll only eat half.

Can I have the rest? asks Sweetpea.

Can we share it? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. It's the wrong colour.

Mine's the right colour, says Sweezus. But I've eaten it.

Do you wish to order another? asks the waiter.

No, thanks, says Sweezus.

The waiter goes away.

Honestly, says Belle. All that fuss over a frog eating a fly on a window.

They have to think of their reputation, says David.

Is everyone finished? asks Vello. 

How about a coffee, says David. 

Vello tries to get the attention of the waiter, who seems suddenly busy.

No hurry, says David.

Are you planning to stay on in Nice, Gaius? asks Belle.

No, says Gaius. I must return the Kroombit tinker to her home in Kroombit Tops.

Does she want to go? asks Belle. After all this excitement?

It's not up to her, says Gaius. 

I don't see why not, says Belle. Have you asked her?

I'm right here, says the Kroombit tinker.

Do you want to go home? asks Belle.

No, says the Kroombit tinker. There is nothing for me at home.

What about all your friends? asks Terence. And the pobblebonks?

I can't face the pobblebonks, says the Kroombit tinker. I shall have to tell them what happened to the pobblebonk team.

It wasn't your fault, says Terence. It was Nicolo's.

Would you like me to write a confession? asks Nicolo.

Everyone looks at Nicolo.

He has mango icecream in his beard.

You have mango icecream in your beard, says Belle.

Nicolo takes out his black handkerchief.

A half-eaten frog leg drops out.

The Frog Is Their Frog

There are several flies on the window.

The Kroombit tinker leaps up to catch one.

The fly buzzes away.

Then it comes back, and keeps buzzing.

I'll help you, says Milly.

She picks up an empty water glass from a side table.

Catch it in that!

She gives it to Terence.

Terence stands ready,

A fly settles on the window.

Crash! Terence has trapped it.

Now what? asks Terence.

You slip a piece of cardboard behind it, says Milly. Then you can carry it anywhere.

Where's the cardboard? asks Terence.

I'll go and get a menu, says Sweetpea.

He runs off.

Don't worry about that, says the Kroombit tinker. Just lift the edge of the glass and I'll slip under.

The fly will fly out, says Milly.

It won't, says the tinker.

Terence tilts the water glass, and the Kroombit tinker slips under.

She is fast, as we know. She swallows the fly.

A waiter comes over.

What was that crash? What are you young people doing?

Nothing, says Terence.

It does not look like nothing, says the waiter. It looks like you tried to break our front window with a water glass.

There's a frog in it, says Milly.

The waiter looks closely. 

Mais oui! There is a live frog in the glass!

A few of the restaurant guests are now watching.

Sweetpea returns with a menu.

You're too late, says Terence. We've already got into trouble.

Where are your parents? asks the waiter.

Barcelona says Terence.

Florence, says Sweetpea.

Over there, says Milly.

The waiter escorts them back to Milly's table.

He is carrying the water glass with the Kroombit tinker still sitting inside.

Madame, monsieur, says the waiter, we do not encourage frog-catching activities in Le Frog's front window.

I should think not, says Milly's father.

But your children have caught one, says the waiter. 

These two lads are not our children, says Milly's mother. And the frog is their frog. And their party is sitting over there.

Desolé, says the waiter. I shall speak to their party.

He carries the Kroombit tinker to Vello's table.

Ah, waiter! says Vello. More boules de glace all round, s'il vous plait.

Certainly monsieur, says the waiter, but first....

Citron for me, says Vello.

Papa, says Belle. The waiter has the Kroombit tinker in a water glass!

Whatever for? asks Vello.

I'll take her, says Gaius. Thankyou, waiter. Chocolat for me.

Double frais for me, says Sweezus.

Citron vert, says Arthur. Make it a triple.

Chocolat and mango, says Nicolo.

Double mango, says David, patting his tummy.

Vanille, says Belle. But make it a mini.

It's a complicated order. The waiter does not have his pencil.

He goes off to put in the order before it goes out of his head.

My Question Exactly

Hey! There's a live frog on your table, says a man, coming over.

We know, says Gaius. 

Did it escape from the kitchen? asks the man.

No, says Gaius. No need for a fuss.

You should report it, says the man.

It's our frog, says Terence. 

A pet frog? says the man. That's nice. 

He returns to his table to tell his wife and Milly, their eight year old daughter. 

Then all three come over.

Now what? asks Vello. 

Just wanted to show my family, says the man.

Terence stares at the family rudely.

Sweetpea stares too.

Milly stares back.

Have you got a frog? asks Terence.

No, says Milly. And I don't eat them.

We don't eat them, says Terence.

Why have you got frogs' legs on your plates? asks Milly.

My question exactly, says the Kroombit tinker.

The family is startled. The frog talks!

They return to their table.

Did you think it had an accent? asks the man

Yes, says the woman. And it did look familiar.

Maybe it was the one we saw racing in the time trial, says Milly.

I doubt it, says her mother.

I'll go and ask, says Milly.

She goes back to ask the tinker.

Did you race in the time trial? asks Milly.

Yes, says the Kroombit tinker. And I beat everyone. But nobody timed me.

So how do you know? asks Milly.

Stop talking to my frog, says Terence. 

But it's interesting, says Milly. She thinks she won it.

She had a fast bike, says Sweetpea.

Hah! says the Kroombit tinker. Fast legs AND a fast bike.

Milly laughs and goes back to her parents.

It was her, says Milly. And she says she won it.

Go back and find out a bit more, says her father.

She goes back again. 

The desserts have arrived.

Boules de glace of various colours and pavlova aux fruits exotiques.

Any flies? asks the Kroombit tinker.

Come with me, says Terence. I bet there'll be flies on the window.

He gets down from the table.

So do Sweetpea and the Kroombit tinker

Milly follows them to the window, and watches them try to catch flies.

Hard Hairy Cheese Legs

The next day, in Nice.

Team Philosophe and Team Condor have met for lunch at Le Frog.

Marcel is also invited.

He is not dressed as a chicken today.

I have a soft spot for Le Frog, says Marcel, sitting down next to Terence.

Where is it? asks Terence.

Here, says Marcel placing a hand on his heart.

Do you come often? asks Belle.

I do, says Marcel. I like to watch les Anglaises trying the buttered garlic snails and the frogs' legs, which they have chosen to order for the sole purpose of being able to tell their friends they have done so....

I think I'll order the lobster risotto, says Gaius.

Duck leg with raspberry sauce, says Vello.

Chicken wok, says Sweezus. 

I'll have the frogs' legs, says Arthur

Me too, says Nicolo.

I'll try the snails, says Belle.

So will I, says Marcel. 

They order.

The frogs' legs and snails arrive first.

Try a snail, says Belle, to Sweezus.

No way! says Sweezus. Remember that day you put snails in our musettes?

I know. You didn't eat yours, says Belle. That was silly.

Yeah, right, says Sweezus.

Protein, says Belle.

Terence and Sweetpea are inspecting Arthur's frogs' legs.

These look like pobblebonk legs, says Terence.

Yes, says Sweetpea. Big and powerful from riding their bikes.

These two are Insect-bonk's legs, says Terence.

A faint squeal arises from where Gaius is sitting.

Was that your lobster squealing? asks Marcel.

Of course not, says Gaius. The lobster is shredded. No. I fear the Kroombit tinker is upset.

Where is she? asks Belle.

In my pocket, says Gaius. She wanted to come.

Get her out, says Belle. Show her the frog's legs.

Is that wise? asks Vello. 

She'll see that they're French frogs, says Belle.

Gaius takes the Kroombit tinker out of his pocket and places her on the table.

She looks around. 

At one end of Le Frog is a plant wall decorated with green foliage and frogs.

That's nice.

But on the table are plates of disembodied legs of French frogs.

She looks at them closely.

Nicolo picks one up with his fingers and takes a bite.

A bit like chicken, says Nicolo, but softer and more oily.

The Kroombit tinker wonders what Nicolo's legs would taste like.

Soft and oily? No, probably more like hard hairy cheese.

She is laughing to herself when someone nearby cries out that they can see a live frog sitting on the next table.

 

Stage 21: Monaco to Nice - Thoughts

The final stage. 

More individual time trials.

And a finish in Nice.

Team Philosophe go down the chute early.

One by one.

Go papa! shouts Belle.

Vello goes, but not overly quickly.

Will he win? asks Terence.

No, says Belle. No chance. But if he doesn't fall off he will finish.

This is also the case with Mark Cavendish who went down the chute before Vello.

Imagine the thoughts of Mark Cavendish.

I made it! 

Or something like that. 

Sweezus goes next. He has been torn between trying and not trying.

Go go go! shouts Terence.

Sweezus goes. And he looks like he's trying.

The Kroombit tinker goes next.

What on earth is she doing?

It can't be her turn.

She soon passes Sweezus.

Maybe Terence was shouting for her, thinks Sweezus. 

Too bad, I'll show him.

He speeds up but he can't pass the tinker.

Imagine her thoughts.

I've got this! Tink-tink!.

Or something like that.

Fast forward (not literally), to Nice, and later.

Everyone who is not elsewhere is waiting at the finish.

Ooh! Evenepoel has made really good time.

Imagine his thoughts.

I've nailed it!

Ah! Vingegaard has done even better.

Imagine his thoughts.

Have I nailed it?

Woo-hoo! Tadej Pogacar has beaten Vingegaard's time by one minute and four seconds. 

Imagine his thoughts.

No need. He'll be super-happy.

Or something like that.

Stage 20: Nice to Col de la Couillole - Yellow

Another mountain stage. The last one.

Many riders have high hopes today.

Will Tadej be trying?

Last chance, says Sweezus. Back me up guys.

Sure, says Arthur. 

Si, says Nicolo. 

He rides in front of Sweezus, who stays on his wheel.

We should've done more of this, says Sweezus.

It takes trust, says Nicolo.

I find it hard, says Sweezus. 

You trust Arthur, says Nicolo.

Yeah, well, says Sweezus. Insofar as I can.

I heard that, says Arthur, who is right behind him.

You sometimes disappear, says Sweezus.

It takes two, says Arthur.

He's right, says Nicolo over his shoulder. If two riders can't see each other, they have both disappeared from one another.

Arthur drops back.

Arthur's dropped back, says Nicolo.

 

Probably gone to get ice, says Sweezus.

Up ahead the peloton has stretched out, round the corkscrews.

Marcel is standing at a bend with Terence's box, and a tooter.

It's his second to last day as a clown. 

He has painted a rabbit on the side of the box facing the riders.

He points to the rabbit each time a rider passes.

Bravo clown! says a random bystander. That is an encouraging message. Who do you go for?

Team Philosophe, says Marcel. But I have also a soft spot for the Kroombit tinker.

 The Australian froggie? asks the bystander. I also love her. But she has not appeared today.

Marcel starts to open the box.

She's not inside? asks the bystander.

No, no, says Marcel. Musettes only. These are for Team Philosophe. Guess what's in them?

The bystander sniffs. Yum! Pissaladiéres!

You guessed right, says Marcel. 

Here come Team Philosophe now, unaware of the treat ahead of them.

Pissaladiéres (which are little French pizzas, topped with onions, anchovies and olives)

But enough of this sideshow.

What is happening up on the Col de la Couillole?

Carapaz has another stage victory in his sights.

Vingegaard is there, keeping up with Tadej.

Carapaz is passed.

Now Tadej and Vingo are in front together,

But then.

Tadej bursts forth to the finish, leaving Vingo behind.

The sun shines on the bright yellow jersey.

Stage 19: Embrum to Isola - Thin Air

Daunting mountains today.

Stay upright, says Vello. Watch out for the edges.

Useful tactics, says Gaius. But what are our objectives?

To keep breathing, says Vello.

They pedal on, up the Cime de la Bonette.

Team Condor is hopeful of claiming KOM points today.

Belle has crammed their musettes with nutritious food.

What is this? asks Nicolo, pulling a cooked fish out of his feed bag.

A trout, says Sweezus. I hope she deboned it.

Arthur doesn't mind if she didn't debone it. He's not eating it. He rummages deeper.

Yes! Three fruit jam tarts.

They eat their nutritious food and pedal harder.

A tiny rider zooms past them.

Was that Baby Pierre? asks Sweezus.

No, the Kroombit tinker, says Arthur.

She's fast, says Sweezus.

I never could catch her, says Nicolo.

Does that mean you've tried? asks Sweezus.

Of course not, says Nicolo. I've given up on those plans.

Whatever they were, says Sweezus.

Harnessing chaos, says Nicolo. But I should have known better.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Hey, did Sweetpea and Terence finish that poem?

They did, says Nicolo. It's quite complimentary. And it has an unusual rhyme scheme.

Yeah like how? asks Sweezus.

Nicolo recites it. 

Home and poem, says Sweezus.

Not just that, says Nicolo. Eyes and lies. But also the order.

I know what a rhyme scheme is, says Sweezus.

They must've had help, says Arthur. 

Marcel, says Sweezus. I bet he helped.

Marcel Proust? The chicken clown? He's a prose chap, says Nicolo.

And a long-winded one, says Arthur. But he's also a magician.

Yeah, says Sweezus. I saw him standing at the feed station with a box.

Probably got a rabbit in it, says Nicolo,

The other two laugh, but not much, as the air is quite thin.

Down the mountain goes everyone, and up the next one, which is the last.

Not, of course, all together.

Tadej Pogacar attacks, with 8 k to go.

He powers away from his main rivals, who fail to go with him.

He passes Yates, up the road.  He passes Jorgensen. 

And wins spectacularly, at Isola.

 

Stage 18: Gap to Barcelonnette - Victor!

A hilly stage with five hills to go over.

A big breakaway forms early.

Team Philosophe has not joined it.

Little point in expending our energy today, says Vello.

It'll be a harder day tomorrow, says David.

Belle has promised us tourtons in our feed bags, says Vello.

There's an incentive, says Gaius.

Indeed, says Vello. Something delicious upon which to focus.

Team Condor seems to have lost focus, says David.

They're disappointed in Nicolo, says Vello.

As they should be, says Gaius. It was careless of him, running over three frogs.

If it was carelessness, says Vello.

Do you think it wasn't? asks David.

They are approaching the feeding station.

Terence and Sweetpea have their musettes at the ready.

Enjoy the tourtons! shouts Belle.

Woo! says Terence. Gaius nearly fell off then!

That's because you're so low, says Belle. Where's the box I gave you to stand on?

Marcel took it, says Terence. For a trick he was doing.

Not the disappearing egg trick? says Belle.

Ha ha! laughs Sweetpea. Eggs disappear into sleeves, not boxes.

Must be for something else then, says Belle.

He's helping us with our poem for Nicolo, says Sweetpea.

How's that going? asks Belle.

Finished, says Terence. Want to hear it?

Okay says Belle.

Sweetpea recites:

O Nicolo, his beard is pointy

He has very sharp eyes

And he doesn't tell lies.

O Nicolo, if you're taking me home

Be nice to me. 

I made you this poem.

Bravo! He'll love the rhyme scheme, says Belle. 

The peloton speeds by.

Another three hills to go.

So...

Let's fast forward to the finish, at Barcelonnette. 

It's three guys in the breakaway, sprinting madly.

Victor Campanaerts, Matteo Vercher, and Michel Kwiatkowski.

First this one is in front, then that one, then this one....

Which one is it?

Victor Campanaerts is the victor!

Stage 17: Saint-Paul-Trois-Chateaux to SuperDévoluy - Hero

A mountain stage.

Stay near the front of the peloton, says Sweezus. If there's a breakaway, join it.

Me? asks Nicolo.

Yes, you, says Sweezus.

Nicolo surges forward.

His heart isn't in it, says Sweezus.

Uh-huh, says Arthur.

Nor is yours, says Sweezus. What's up?

Nothing, says Arthur. Terence asked me to help him and Sweetpea with their poem.

What poem? asks Sweezus.

To get in Nicolo's good books, says Arthur. Nicolo'll be taking Sweetpea back to Florence.

Since when did those little guys care about being in anyone's good books? asks Sweezus.

Since the the frog team died, says Arthur.  

Oh yeah? says Sweezus. 

Mm, says Arthur.

Okay, says Sweezus. 

They pedal on. Sweezus is thinking of rhymes. ( Nicolo-piccolo etc) 

Arthur isn't. He doesn't do rhymes.

Belle is at the feeding station, handing out musettes filled with Tricastin black truffles.

They grab them. Truffles! What was she thinking? 

The intermediate sprint approaches and is won by Binian Girmay, in spite of his stitches.

Well done Binian Girmay.

Nicolo has joined a breakaway, and quickly been dropped.

Curses. If only the pobblebonks had not been so easily run over, and ruined his plan....

At the finish, in SuperDévoluy, Terence and Sweetpea are waiting.

Belle has allowed them to wait there with Marcel the clown.

Cheer up, boys, says Marcel. Shall I do my diasappearing egg trick? 

No, says Terence. We're busy.

You don't look busy, says Marcel. See this egg?

We're making a poem, says Terence.

A poem! says Marcel. Let me help you. I have a large vocabulary.

We don't need it, says Sweetpea. We've already got words.

Ho ho! says Marcel. What are they?

But before they can answer Richard Carapaz rides past them, solo. 

The crowd goes crazy.

Richard Carapaz! Ecuadorian hero.

Hooray!

Stage 16: Gruissan to Nimes - No Good Reason

 A flat stage. A hot day.

The teams ride along in a leisurely fashion.

Belle waits at the intermediate sprint finish.

Maybe Sweezus will win it. He said he had good legs today

Terence and Sweetpea wait with her.

Woo! says Terence. There goes Baby Pierre!

Where? asks Sweetpea.

Too late! says Terence. And he won it!

I wasn't looking, says Sweetpea. 

Why not? asks Terence.

I was sad, says Sweetpea.

Why? asks Terence.

I don't know how I'll get home, says Sweetpea.

Ask Belle, says Terence.

It's a good question, says Belle. But don't worry. Someone will take you.

And I know who, probably, says Sweetpea.

Who? asks Terence.

Nicolo, says Sweetpea. Because he lives in Florence.

So he does! says Belle. You'd better start getting on his good side.

How? asks Sweetpea.

You'll think of something, says Belle.

Terence looks at Sweetpea.

Make him a poem, says Terence. I'll help you.

Great idea, says Belle. Oh look, Sweezus hasn't won the intermediate sprint. Someone else has.

This is so. It was Bryan Coquard.

Drat, says Belle. Here we are for no good reason and now we won't see the finish.

Boo! says Terence. And we can't give out food!

That's not a problem, says Belle. I asked Marcel to do it.

Down the road, Marcel the Chicken is waiting to give drinks, green olives and strawberries to Teams Philosophe and Condor.

For which they will no doubt be grateful.

Excitement builds up near the finish. The main contenders whizz round a roundabout in Nimes.

Clunk! Arrgh!

 Binian Girmay is down! Is he injured? Yes. 

He gets back on his bike

Who saw that tiny cyclist, on green wheels, speeding away?

No time for that now. Who is winning?

Yes... no... yes, Jacob Philipsen! just pipping Bauhaus and Kristoff.

For them, it has been a good day.

Rest day: Gruissan - Spitting Competition

A rest day, in Gruissan.

A weird sort of place.

Belle has organised a picnic on a rocky outcrop, overlooking the sea.

Fishing boats bob up and down in the water.

Nice view, says Vello, sitting down on a rock. O-ow!

Here, have this cushion, says Belle.

Is there one for me? asks David.

Sorry, says Belle. If I packed two cushions there'd be no room for food.

So you packed food? asks Vello.

I did, says Belle. Delicious food. Black pork, Tarbes beans, onions and spit cake. And red and white wines. Madiran and Pacherenc du Vic Bilh. 

Can I have some spit cake? asks Terence.

What will you do with it? asks Belle.

Spit with it! says Terence. Me and Sweetpea can have a spitting competition.

Yes! says Sweetpea. I can spit a long way. I bet I could spit my spit cake right into that fishing boat.

I bet you couldn't, says Terence.

Spit cakes aren't for spitting, says Belle. 

No, says Sweezus. They're cooked on a spit. That's why theyre called spit cakes.

I'm enjoying these onions, says Gaius.

He has eaten two already.

Have a glass of Pacherenc, to go with them, says Belle.

Nicolo appears, late as usual.

Sit down there, next to Sweetpea, says Belle. Have a cold black pork cutlet.

Thank you, says Nicolo. He takes it, with a glass of red wine.

Can I try your wine? asks Sweetpea.

No he can't. says Belle. Don't give him any.

Bad luck, bambino, says Nicolo.

Sweetpea begins to cry.

Or he may be pretending.

Give the child some spit cake, says Vello.

Me too, says Terence.

Terence and Sweetpea run to the edge of the rocky outcrop. with large chunks of spit cake.

I'll keep an eye on them, says Nicolo.

No, says Belle . Not you. Not after what happened to the pobblebonks.

Yeah, says Sweezus. 

I feel bad about the pobblebonks, says Nicolo. It was not my intention to harm them. 

Sure it wasn't. says Belle.

Nicolo is a philosopher, says Vello. No doubt he had his reasons.

More than that, I had a plan, says Nicolo. 

Are there any more onions? asks David.

Sorry, I ate the last one, says Gaius. Have some Tarbes beans, they're delicious.

The plan? says Arthur. What was it?

It no longer matters, says Nicolo. It was devious and thus inappropriate.

Yeah, why? asks Sweezus, looking at the spit cake which Gaius eyeing.

You people are not devious types, says Nicolo. 

I object to that label, says Vello.

Ha ha! laughs David, pouring himself another glass of red Madiran wine.

The picnic dissolves into tipsy good humour.

The spit cake is eaten (and spitten). 

By the end of the picnic, Terence and Sweetpea have scored a few bullseyes.

And not fallen into the sea.

Stage 15: Loudenvielle to Plateau de Beille - Explosive

Today will be a hard one, with five mountains.

Ready, men? asks Vello.

They go up the first one.

And down it. Up another. And so on.

Team Visma is controlling the peloton. 

Baby Pierre does not care to remain in the peloton.

He whizzes past Terence who is at the side of the road telling Sweetpea to watch out for clowns.

What are clowns? asks Sweetpea.

Scary people with red mouths and bright orange hair, says Terence

What do they do? asks Sweetpea,

Stare at you, says Terence. 

I'm used to that, says Sweetpea.

I mean, kidnap you, says Terence. And take you away.

Let's go and stand next to Belle, says Sweetpea.

They go and find Belle who is talking to....a clown!

There you are, kids, says Belle. Look who's here! Marcel, in his new clown suit.

The clown suit is yellow, like a chicken.

Like it? asks Marcel. 

He plucks at the yellow front part with his chicken gloves.

See my big tummy?

That's not funny, says Terence.

Here, Terence, says Belle. Hold these musettes. And these are for you, Sweetpea.

She turns back to Marcel the Chicken.

Keep your eyes peeled, says Belle.

I'm known to be highly observant, says Marcel. But what does she look like?

A small warty brown frog, says Belle. And we don't want to lose her.

Understood, says Marcel the Chicken.

He keeps his eyes peeled.

Sweezus and Arthur ride by.

Terence hands Sweezus a musette.

Thanks, buddy,  says Sweezus. What's in it?

A cold black pork cutlet! shouts Belle. 

 Sweezus does not feel like a cold black pork cutlet. These are the mountains. He needs ice and a gel.

Arthur takes his musette from Sweetpea.

Another cold black pork cutlet.

But in the bottom of the musette are a couple of gels.

Have a gel, says Arthur. 

Bro, you're a life saver, says Sweezus.

The Kroombit tinker zooms past.

Was that your frog? asks Marcel.

Yes, says Belle. Good spotting.

Now what? asks Marcel the Chicken.

At least we know Nicolo hasn't got her, says Belle.

But here he comes now.

Watch this, says Marcel, sticking his chicken foot out.

Don't do that! says Belle.

Nicolo avoids the chicken foot.

But misses out on a cold black pork cutlet.

He won't be much of a contender today.

Meanwhile, up ahead, there are riders who have had everything done for them, by their teams.

They are Tadej Pogacar, and Vingo. They are both 5 kilometres from the Plateau de Beille.

Tadej attacks explosively at this point.

Can Vingegaard go with him?

Not today.

Stage 14: Pau to St-Lary-Soulan - O road!

A mountain stage.

Now for some excitement.

But first, the teams ride through Lourdes.

Make a wish, says Baby Pierre to the Kroombit tinker.

I wish the pobblebonk team was here with us, says the Kroombit tinker.

That's unselfish, says Baby Pierre.

Why, what do you wish? asks the tinker.

Nothing! cries Baby Pierre. I'm an atheist and free thinker.

So you say, says the Kroombit tinker. But has anyone ever told you.....?

Yes, says Baby Pierre. That I can't be both. But I can. I'm also a poet.

Arthur's a poet, says the tinker.

So what? So am I, says Baby Pierre. O road O road O moon O moon.....

What moon? asks the tinker.

It's clear you're no poet, says Baby Pierre. How did you like your prune yesterday?

It made me go faster, says the tinker.

Prunes do that, says Baby Pierre. Unfortunately I can't digest anything.

You should make a wish, says the tinker.

Now they have reached the bottom of the formidable Col du Tourmalet.

Baby Pierre shoots up the steep slopes and winds through the zigzags.

But he can't beat Lazcano, and Gaudu.

Because he has lost focus, trying to remember the rest of his poem.

On the next mountain, it's Gaudu and Lazcano again. In that order.

Baby Pierre is now determined to win on the third mountain, the Saint-Lary.

He zooms past Adam Yates who is leading out Tadej Pogacar, seven k from the finish.

See you, losers! cries Baby Pierre, as he slides off the road and comes a  cropper.

O cruel road.

Pogacar passes Baby Pierre. Does not even see him.

He powers on to the finish, 39 seconds ahead of Vingegaard his rival.

Stage 13: Agen to Pau - Prunes

Can it be another flat stage?

It can.

One hundred and sixty riders pedal out of Agen.

Plus Baby Pierre, and the Kroombit tinker.

Wait till you see what I've got you, says Baby Pierre.

A fat beetle? asks the tinker.

She would love a fat beetle.

No, says Baby Pierre. But it's round.

When can I have it? asks the Kroombit tinker.

At the feeding station, says Baby Pierre.

That's conventional, says the Kroombit tinker.

I can be conventional, says Baby Pierre.

He zooms off to join the large breakaway which has formed.

It is reeled in, but it won't be the last of the breakaways.

Team Philosophe is stuck between echelons.

I blame the cross winds, says Vello. Do we drop back or forge on?

Forge on, says Gaius.

They forge on, and pass several riders who don't look too well.

They catch up with Sweezus and Arthur, who are trying to catch up with Nicolo.

Mind if we slip in behind you? asks Vello.

Slackers, says Sweezus. 

At last the feeding station is in sight.

Belle hands out the musettes, which are loaded with fat juicy ceps.

Mushrooms! says David. He eats several of the soft fat brown fungi.

Delicious! 

These are not ceps! says Vello, pulling a sticky brown prune from his feed bag. These are prunes!

Belle must have thought you needed them, says David.

Gaius wonders what he's been given. Ceps or prunes.

The Kroombit tinker has beaten Baby Pierre to the feeding station. She waits there, for him to turn up with her food.

Will it be a fat beetle?

Here he is now. He pulls a prune out from under his jersey.

A prune! Frogs don't eat prunes! 

Thanks, says the tinker, nibbling the prune anyway.

It's not bad, as prunes go.

Agen is famous for them.

In fact the prune gives her a super boost of energy and at the same time, helps her focus.

She shoots forward, to show Baby Pierre what she's made of.

All the way to almost the finish where, alas! she causes a spill. Six riders come down.

But not Jacob Philipsen, not Wout van Aert, not Pascal Ackerman.

First, second and third in a bunch finish.

No prunes were involved in the victory.

Stage 12: Aurillac to Villeneuve-sur-Lot - Bini!

Another flat stage? 

Yes, but through beautiful landscapes.

(which the riders don't notice)

They juggle for positions.

You much of a sprinter? asks Sweezus.

Not too bad, says Nicolo.

Shall we give it a go? asks Sweezus.

Sure, says Nicolo. 

A breakaway? says Arthur.

Yeah, says Sweezus. A breakaway.

Nicolo speeds forward.

He's still got that trowel, says Sweezus.

Must be stalking the Kroombit tinker, says Arthur.

Gaius'll be livid if Nicolo runs over the tinker, says Sweezus.

True, says Arthur. But she can look after herself.

This is so.

The Kroombit tinker has hooked up with Baby Pierre, who now admires her.

She has ridden all this way on a sliver of pancake!

I sometimes take risks and cause crashes, says Baby Pierre.

On purpose? asks the Kroombit tinker.

Not on purpose, says Baby Pierre. But they ought to watch out.

I agree, says the tinker,.

Let's hope Alex Lutsenko is watching out.

Let's hope that, if he crashes, Primo Roglic will not be involved.

And lose six seconds in the general classification.

Which would be a pity.

But let us go forward to the finish in Villeneuve-sur-Lot.

Nicolo is nowhere to be seen.

Binian Girmay is surging past Wout van Aert, Arnaud Demare and Pascal Ackerman

Yes! It's a third win for Bini!

Stage 11: Evaux-les-bains to Le Lioran - Battle

At last a mountain stage.

Now for a battle.

But this stage is a long one, and the mountains are all at the end.

Never mind. There is plenty to talk about.

Did anyone else find their pancake had been nibbled, yesterday? asks Vello.

No, says Gaius. My pancake was intact.

Mine too, says David. Are you sure it was nibbled?

More like, torn, says Vello.

That's not as bad, says David.

I suppose not, says Vello. But it meant I ingested less calories, all the same.

It didn't appear to affect you, says Gaius.

These things show up later, says Vello. And we're climbing four mountains today.

Did you mention it to Belle? asks David.

I did, says Vello. And she promised today she would give me something substantial. 

But she didn't explain it? says David.

No, says Vello.

They are dropping back in the peloton.

They can't see the front, where the top teams are riding.

Tadej Pogacar is being protected by some of his men.

Jonas Vingegaard is being protected by his.

Will there be a titanic battle?

It's looking that way.

Baby Pierre is streaking backwards and forwards as usual.

Weeee! Urrrrrch! Weeeooo!

A sudden thought strikes him. He has not seen his frog team for ages.

Perhaps they have died. He has not made an effort to feed them.

He stops and watches.

He spots the Kroombit tinker, labouring uphill, and takes off to catch her.

Hello, captain, says the tinker. Where have you been?

Sorry, says Baby Pierre. Have you been eating?

Pancake, yesterday, says the tinker. 

Good, says Baby Pierre.

But I'm the only one left in your frog team, says the Kroombit tinker, pedalling away.

Baby Pierre feels remorseful. But hey!

He zooms away towards the finish, in Le Lioran.

And is there to watch the titanic battle.

Vingegaard has kept up with Tadej.

It's wheel and wheel at the finish....

But Vingo's wheel crosses first.

Stage 10: Orléans to Saint-Amand-Montrond - Pancake

Another flat stage! 

How many more can there be?

The teams ride out of Orléans, where they spent their rest day.

There may be crosswinds, says Vello. Plan to stay near the front of the peloton.

Good forward thinking, says David. 

Indeed, says Gaius.

Sweezus and Nicolo pass them, talking.

Did anyone hear what they were saying? asks Vello.

Not me, says David. 

Nor me, says Gaius.

Probably about those damn frogs, says Vello.

Arthur rolls up and draws level.

Any news of Terence's frog team? asks Vello.

Missing, says Arthur. Except for the tinker.

Thank goodness, says Gaius. The Kroombit tinker goes back to Kroombit Tops at the end of the Tour.

The flat race continues.

No crosswinds of note, yet.

Terence is waiting at the feeding station with Belle and Sweetpea.

The Kroombit tinker zooms by.

Stop! cries Terence.

She stops suddenly, but no other riders are toppled.

She comes back.

Hello dear, says Belle. Have you eaten?

No, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Fancy a tiny piece of pancake? asks Belle.

Um, okay, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Belle rips an edge off the apple-filled pancake in Vello's musette.

He won't mind, surely.

Stop stuffing your face, Kroomy, says Terence.

The Kroombit tinker has been stuffing her face with the pancake.

I've stopped, says the tinker.

Where are Spider-bonk and Worm-bonk? asks Terence. Did Nicolo kill them?

Maybe, says the Kroombit tinker. But he didn't mean to.

He DID mean to, says Terence. 

He only meant to kidnap them, says the Kroombit tinker, but he knocked them senseless, and then he had to pick them up off the road with a trowel. 

Wah! says Terence.

This is bad news.

Sweetpea looks sympathetic.

....

Meanwhile, up the road, in Saint-Amand-Montrond, a bunch sprint is occurring.

Who's in it?

Philipsen, Van der Poel, Girmay, Ackerman...

Van der Poel drops away, leaving an opening for Philipsen, his team mate.

Philipsen takes it! Hooray!

Rest Day: Orléans - Dangerous

A rest day, in Orléans. 

Team Philosophe and Team Condor meet in the Parc Floral de la Source.

Belle has organised a picnic.

She spreads a picnic blanket down on the grass and opens a hamper.

I wonder what delights you have provided, my dear, says Vello.

It's a bit dessert heavy, says Belle. I had to cut short my shopping.

Dessert heavy? says Sweezus. Short on savouries?

Andouillettes, says Belle, and cheese, but the rest is all sweet stuff.

Sounds good to me, says Arthur. What's the sweet stuff?

A beautiful almond cake, says Belle, and a tarte tatin, and some Sologne honey, and Cotingnac d'Orléans quince jelly.

Bread? asks Sweezus.

Lots of baguettes, says Belle. Why don't you start with a sausage?

Are andouillettes the ones made of pigs' intestines and stomachs? asks Sweezus.

Yes they are, says Belle. Have a glass of champagne first.

At last the picnic gets going. After one or two glasses of champagne andouillettes seem less disgusting.

Can Sweetpea and me go to the adventure playground? asks Terence.

No, says Gaius. Stay with us. What happened yesterday to your frog team? I've heard nothing.

We think Nicolo killed them, says Terence.

That sounds bad, says Sweezus. 

Where is Nicolo? asks Belle. He's supposed to be coming.

Shall we start on the tarte tatin? asks Vello. Anyone brought a knife?

I have, says Arthur, producing a knife.

Is it clean? asks Belle.

Reasonably, says Arthur

Nicolo arrives.

Sorry I'm late, says Nicolo. I had something to deal with.

Have a glass of champagne! says Vello. And some of this fine Cotignac d'Orléans jelly on a chunk of baguette.

Thank you, says Nicolo.

How are you finding the Tour? asks Vello.

Yesterday was difficult, says Nicolo. That gravel was artificial and not properly pressed down.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Dangerous. 

Dangerous, says Terence. Like YOU, Nicolo!

Yes dangerous like YOU! says Sweetpea. Why have you got a gardening trowel in your pocket?

To bury dead frogs! says Terence.

Not at all, says Nicolo. I thought being here in the Parc Floral I might dig up a seedling.

Ha ha! laughs David, who has had more champagne than anyone. 

But he is right to laugh. Why would Nicolo want to dig up a seedling?

Stage 9: Troyes to Troyes - Gravel

A stage with fourteen sections of gravel.

A challenging day.

Belle has left Terence and Sweetpea in the Cathedral of Saint Peter and Saint Paul.

A fancy Cathedral.

You can visit your cousin, while I do some last minute shopping, says Belle.

Yay! says Terence. He runs down the central aisle followed by Sweetpea.

Grumpy! says Terence. Guess what? We're here!

Grumpy looks grumpy.

Say hello to your cousins, says the Madonna, who is tall and pretty.

Hello, says Grumpy.

He's had a tummy upset, says the Madonna. 

So I have to wear THIS! says Grumpy.

It's a short Roman tunic.

Ha ha! laughs Terence.

Guess what? says Sweetpea. Terence has a frog team.

In the Tour? asks the Madonna. How lovely!

One died, says Terence.

How sad, says the Madonna. 

It doesn't matter, says Sweetpea. Terence had a spare.

She's a girl frog, says Terence. She's probably scared because today it's on the gravel.

Nonsense! Girls are brave, says the Madonna. 

Can Grumpy come with us to watch the finish? asks Terence,

Certainly, says the Madonna.

Grumpy gets down from his podium. 

That tunic's too short, says Sweetpea. I saw your bottom.

Who cares? says Grumpy.

The three infants go outside and follow the cheers.

Here come the first bunch of riders covered in white gravel road dust,

Woo! Anthony Turgis, a French guy, comes first, just pipping Tom Pidcock, and Derek Gee.

Where is Terence's frog team?

Not here yet.

Other riders roll past, also covered in white gravel road dust.

Terence spots Nicolo.

Hey! calls Terence. Have you seen my frog team?

Nicolo, who has seen the frog team, pretends not to hear.

Stage 8: Semur to Colombay - Pungent

Another flat stage. 

Another chance for the sprinters.

This time I will not come second, thinks Jasper Philipsen.

Yes, you will, thinks Binian Girmay.

Jonas Abrahamson is also thinking: today I will go far out in front and get maximum points. If my legs are good enough I might even win it.

Meanwhile it is raining.

Vello is struggling to put on his rain jacket.

Here, let me hold onto your sleeve, says David.

Careful! says Gaius.

Vello manages to do it himself.

A woman in the crowd calls out Bravo, Vello !

Vello wobbles, attempting a bow.

Who was that lady? asks Gaius.

Emilie du Chatelet, says Vello, an old acquaintance.

From the old days? asks Gaius.

Yes, the old days, says Vello. At that time, she was nearly as famous as me.

For what? asks Gaius.

Oh, science, mathematics and physics, says Vello. The usual things.

A crosswind blows crossways.

The feeding station appears in the distance.

Not snails again, I hope, says Gaius. They gave me indigestion.

Me too, says David. 

They grab their musettes from Belle, and look inside.

A pungent cheesy smell wafts out.

Epoisses! says Vello. My favourite cheese!

Sweezus and Arthur, up near the front of the peloton, have already got their epoisses.

Cheese! says Sweezus. Guess it's better than snails. What kind is it?

Epoisses, says Arthur. They wash the rind to encourage bacteria.

I did NOT need to know that, says Sweezus.

They speed off, with their pungent epoisses.

It's a fast day, thanks to Abrahamson being way out in front for so long.

He slacks off 14k from the finish.

A tough uphill finish.

It's a close one. 

Jasper Philipsen almost beats Binian Girmay.

But... he doesn't.

Stage 7: Nuits-Saint-Georges to Gevray - Indisposition.

Individual time trials.

Lowest ranked riders in the general classification go first.

Lowest is Cavendish.

But what does he care?

Team Philosophe are not far from the lowest.

Me first, says Vello. Then you, David.

I'll catch up, says David.

You won't, says Vello moving off.

Good motivation, says Gaius. 

One minute later, David moves off.

A few more riders post good times.

Sweezus is edgy.

You shouldnt've eaten thoses snails yesterday, says Nicolo.

I didn't, says Sweezus. I threw them away. Belle reckons the frogs ate them.

Is that why they're not competing today? asks Nicolo.

How should I know? says Sweezus. You're up next, mate.

Nicolo shoots down the ramp.

At the half way mark, the frog team is waiting, concealed in the crowd.

They do not look well.

It doesn't matter, says the Kroombit tinker. They wouldn't time us anyway.

Yuuh! says Spider-bonk, emitting a blast of yesterday's garlic.

Yurk! agrees Worm-bonk. I vow never again to eat snails.

Frogs can eat snails, says the Kroombit tinker. Just not with garlic and butter.

You should have warned us, says Spider-bonk.

I'm a team member, not your house mother, says the Kroombit tinker. 

Worse luck, says Worm-bonk. Brrpp!

Lenny Martinez flies past.

What was that sound? A puncture?

Hopefully nothing.

He thought he'd had a puncture, says Worm-bonk. And it was just me burping garlic.

What a hoot! laughs Spider-bonk. Let's move closer to the finish and scare everyone.

Yes let's, says Worm-bonk.

You guys! says the Kroombit tinker. I don't think we....

But she feels obliged to go with them

The afternoon wears on.

Sweezus has performed averagely. So has Nicolo.

Arthur has done slightly better

David has caught up with Vello.

Brrop! 

Was that a puncture?

They slow down and lose a few seconds, until they determine it wasn't.

Remco Evenepoel thunders towards the finish.

Guurk!

What? Did that sound like a puncture?

He is distracted for a split second.

Which hardly affects his winning time of 28 minutes and 52 seconds.

Twelve seconds better than Tadej Pogacar

Stage 6: Mâcon to Dijon - Snails

Another flat stage.

The riders stream out of Mâcon.

Baby Pierre has shot out in front.

Of course no one has noticed. 

He decides to turn back and check on his frog team.

Alors! Who is that riding one of his tiny bicycles?

He skids to a halt in front of the Kroombit tinker.

There you are! says the Kroombit tinker. You need to catch up.

I don't need to catch up, says Baby Pierre, and why are you here?

Insect-bonk is no more, says the Kroombit tinker. I am taking his place.

Merde! cries Baby Pierre. You are a girl frog!

This bike is a good fit for me, says the Kroombit tinker.  And now that you're listening....

What now? asks Baby Pierre, seeing the peloton roll past him.

You need to ensure we are fed, says the Kroombit tinker.

No I don't, says Baby Pierre. I'm a free spirit.

A captain can't be a free spirit, says the Kroombit tinker.

Watch me! says Baby Pierre, zipping away, but feeling guilty. 

Sweezus and Arthur are discussing their chances.

Fuck all, says Sweezus. No mountains today.

It might rain, says Arthur.

So what? snaps Sweezus.

Not to mention the crosswinds, says Arthur.

And? says Sweezus.

So it won't be totally boring, says Arthur. And Belle mentioned snails.

Not to EAT? says Sweezus.

Did someone mention snails? asks Vello riding up behind them.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Not in a good way.

Belle has promised us snails today, says Vello.

Must be some kind of metaphor, says Sweezus.

You're in a bad mood, says Vello. 

They arrive at the feeding station, and grab their musettes from Belle.

Sweezus looks into his. Fuck-a-nooey! A bunch of cooked snails.

He tips them out on the road even though it's illegal.

Baby Pierre has again wound his way back through the peloton and sees them.

Snails! Is that something frogs eat?

It is starting to rain.

Belle has sent Terence to pick up the snails that Sweezus discarded.

Wait for a safe break! calls Belle.

Terence waits.

Along come the pobblebonks and the Kroombit tinker, in tight formation. They see the snails and stop for a much-needed snack.

Other riders skilfully avoid them.

Terence goes back to Belle empty-handed.

Never mind, says Belle. At least the snails are all gone.

Up ahead the peloton splits and quickly reforms, before heading into Dijon, home of mustard, where a bunch sprint thunders towards the finish.

Groenewegen, Philipsen, Girmay... who will it be?

Groenewegen.

That was exciting.

Stage 5: Saint Jean to Saint Vulbas - Super-Happy

 A flat stage, finishing in Saint Vulbas.

And what is there in Saint Vulbas?

The tomb of Saint Vulbas.

And not only that. 

The three fingers of Saint John the Baptist!

But let's not lose focus.

Bang! The teams roll out of Saint Jean-de-Maurienne.

If they don't appear to be trying, they do have their plans.

I will not win today, says Tadej. But I will not lose my yellow.

Good plan, say his team mates. Perhaps Cavendish will win it.

Ha ha! laughs Tadej. Cavendish would then be super-happy!

Sweezus is talking to Nicolo. 

Dead frog. Why? asks Sweezus.

It all went wrong, says Nicolo. I was merely trying to catch him.

Yeah, well, says Sweezus. Now Terence has only got two frogs in his frog team.

Actually no, says Arthur. The Kroombit tinker is taking the place of the dead one.

Shit, says Sweezus, isn't she a female?

I don't think it matters, says Arthur. They're not a registered team.

Sheez! says Sweezus. Okay, at least Terence'll be happy.

He is pragmatic, says Nicolo. Like me.

I'm pragmatic, says Sweezus. But I watch where I'm going.

It will turn out well in the end, says Nicolo.

Never has before, says Sweezus. 

He feels cross.

He shoots forward towards the feeding station.

Belle is waiting with Terence and Sweetpea.

Guess what? calls Terence.

I know! says Sweezus. He grabs his musette from Belle.

What's in it this time? Not another foul-smelling sausage?

No, cool, it's a potato cake with bacon.

He speeds off again.

He knew, says Terence.

He thought he knew, says Belle. What were you going to tell him?

About the three fingers, says Terence.

They are probably not John the Baptist's real fingers, says Belle.

Can we go and see them? asks Sweetpea.

If we have time, says Belle.

The race is nearly over. A hectic bunch sprint is occuring in the streets of Saint Vulbas.

Cavendish is well-positioned, about five riders back. 

He sees an opening, and goes like the clappers.

He ends up super-happy.

Stage 4: Pinerolo to Valloire - Peaking

A mountain stage.

Tadej wants to get back his yellow.

So the plan is...

But never mind that.

Here comes Team Philosophe, in the midst of a leisurely discussion.

The diots of Valloire are superior, due to the addition of cabbage, says Gaius

It's still just a sausage, says Vello. I wonder if Belle will have found away to add sauce.

Sauce on a sausage inside a musette? says David. Could be messy.

She said she would try, says Vello. She hinted at garlic and anchovy.

I look forward to it, says Gaius.

Here comes Richard Carapaz, in the yellow.

Good luck with keeping the yellow! calls Vello.

Thanks! says Carapaz.

He zooms off.

I hear Tadej plans to get it back, says David. Could he be peaking too early?

We are all peaking too early, says Vello.

They ride on towards the first feeding station.

Belle is there, with musettes. She hands one to Vello

Terence and Sweetpea are standing on boxes. They have one musette each, with strict instructions.

Terence must hand his to David.

Sweetpea must hand his to Gaius.

They do it sucessfully.

Good lads, says David.

Watch out, it stinks! says Sweetpea.

That is encouraging, says Gaius. 

Sure enough, his diot is smothered in garlic and anchovy sauce.

Sweezus and Arthur roll up. Belle passes them their musettes.

Diots! says Belle. Enjoy! Where's your guy, Nicolo?

In my bad books, says Sweezus. He ran over a frog.

Deliberately, says Arthur.

Terence is listening.

Which one? asks Terence.

Dunno, says Sweezus. They all look alike. Bad luck, little buddy.

He rides off, chewing his sausage. What the fuck is this sauce?

Tadej is in a group on the final mountain climb, the famous col de Galibrier.

He attacks boldly. Vingegaard attempts to follow, but fails.

Tadej rockets down into Valloire, to regain the yellow.

Is he peaking too early?

Do we know what the plan was?

Whatever. He's had good legs today.

Stage 3: Plaisance to Turin - Tiny Sun

A flat stage. 

Terence and Sweetpea can see a long way down the road.

Are they coming yet? asks Sweetpea.

No, says Terence. Let's stand on something.

They climb a low rock.

Baby Pierre shoots past them.

He stops suddenly and turns.

Hi! says Baby Pierre Seen my frog team?

No, says Terence. 

Oh, says Baby Pierre. If you see them, tell them I said they can stop and catch flies.

He speeds back in the direction he came from.

Here comes the peloton.

Sweezus spots Terence and Sweetpea.

On a low rock without Belle.

Shit, says Sweezus. Anything could happen.

Vello catches up with Sweezus.

We've been hearing a rumour, says Vello.

About what? asks Sweezus.

The frog team, says Vello. The rumour is, your team is using the frog team for illegal purposes.

As if, says Sweezus. 

Just thought I'd mention it, says Vello.

The peloton drifts towards the feeding station.

Belle is waiting there with some snacks.

Thanks dear! says Vello, grabbing his musette.

Oops! Something fell out of it.

Don't worry, there's plenty, says Belle.

Vello looks into the bag. There are lots of them. But what are they? Anolini. Tiny suns made of pasta.

Mm, they smell good.

Spider-bonk, is coming up behind him. He sees the dropped one and stops.

Terence has told him what Baby Pierre said.

This isn't a fly, but Baby Pierre also said 'think for yourself'.

Spider-bonk picks up the round yellow pasta, shaped like the sun.

Several riders wobble past him, but no one crashes. Not yet.

Spider-bonk waits at the side of the road for Insect-bonk and Worm-bonk, his team mates.

He will share this tiny round sun with them.

He waits, but only Worm-bonk turns up for the snack-feast.

So what else is going on?

All the sprinters are hoping to win today's flat stage.

They speed up near the finish.

Crash!. Twelve riders are down, including Jasper Philipsen, one of the favourites.

Uh! that means everyone gets the same time.

Binian Girmay wins, (first Eritrean ever!).

Fermando Gaviria comes second.

Arnaud de Lie third.

Richard Carapaz takes the yellow jersey from Tadej.

Insect-bonk is still missing.