The Invention of Nihilism

And what brings you out here, so far from the land? asked the first whale.

A fit of pique, said Sweezus. I was angry with my companions. Especially the policeman. He was going to arrest me.

What for? asked the second whale, blowing a spout of fine spray into the air.

Hey! said Sweezus. Don't wet me!

The whales looked surprised.

Yeah yeah, said Sweezus. I'm already wet, but nose spray is different.

Blow me! said the first whale to the second whale. He thinks it's nose spray!

It's not nose spray, said the second whale to Sweezus. But I quite understand your sensitivity. Sorry.

No, my fault entirely, Said Sweezus. I'm trying to cure myself of sensitivity. That's part of the reason I'm going to be arrested.

Do tell, said the first whale.

I've lied about eating a protected pie, I've escaped from the back of a police car, I've deserted my friend and I've upset Belle et Bonne by killing a fictional penguin with a hammer, said Sweezus.

Sounds like a bad case of nihilism, said the second whale.

What do you know about nihilism? asked Sweezus, astonished.

We whales invented it! said the first whale. Don't tell me you've not heard of beaching?