The VeloDrone sticks the four boxes of blackberries under his hat. This has the effect of enabling him to see, but also of raising the hat. The four friends walk to the bus stop, to catch the bus back to the city. The bus arrives. Le Bon David, Marie and Belle et Bonne get on. The VeloDrone sets one foot on the step.
Bus Driver: Excuse me sir, you'll need to remove your hat before boarding the bus.
The VeloDrone: Nonsense! There is no law against wearing a hat on the bus.
Bus Driver: True. But you will not be able to get on the bus because your hat is too high.
The VeloDrone: I don't believe it. I shall get on and see.
Bus Driver: Then be it on your own head.
The VeloDrone: Ha! Very funny!
He steps up gingerly. His hat hits the roof of the bus, the tasselled point bends and is crushed. A trickle of deep red liquid rolls past his nose and into his mouth.
Bus Driver: Blood rule! Blood rule! Get off the bus.
The VeloDrone: That isn't blood, you ignoramus, it's blackberry juice. (He licks his lips.)
Bus Driver: Assistance! Assistance! We have an emergency!
Belle et Bonne gets up and comes to the front of the bus.
Belle et Bonne: What's the trouble, papa?
Bus Driver: Is this gentleman with you?
Belle et Bonne: Yes he is. What's the matter!
Bus driver: He's bleeding.
Belle et Bonne: Oh dear. Are you bleeding papa?
The VeloDrone: No, of course not! It's these cursed blackberries.
Belle et Bonne: It's only blackberry juice, driver. I'll help him to wipe it off.
Bus Driver: Alright then, miss, but he'll have to sit up here in the disabled section where I can keep an eye on him.
The VeloDrone: I refuse to sit here! There are no proper seats.
Belle et Bonne: It's alright, papa. Look, you pull the seats down like this. I'll sit next to you. And I'll find you a hankie.
The VeloDrone: (glaring at the bus driver): Thank you, my dear. And perhaps you could straighten my hat.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
High Hat
Le Bon David, Marie and Belle et Bonne are sitting in front of Cafe Tranquilo in Stirling, drinking coffee under a shady tree.
Belle et Bonne: How beautiful it is! Lucky people, who live here.
Marie: Yes, what lovely liquidamber trees. Imagine how glorious they must look in autumn. And what a delightful village atmosphere!
Le Bon David: And yet it seems to be a little difficult to cross the road.
Belle et Bonne: Mmm, there is rather a constant stream of traffic. Look at that man over there trying to cross. He's been waiting for ages.
Marie: Look at his funny hat. No wonder he can't get across. He can't see properly.
Le Bon David: I've never seen such a hat.
Belle et Bonne: Neither have I. He looks like some sort of a hippie.
The man in the hat finally begins to cross the road. It is indeed a strange hat he is wearing. It is made of stiff bands of brightly coloured materials stitched together. It is wide at the bottom tapering upwards into a point with a tassel that is at least half a metre above his head.
He approaches the table under the tree at Cafe Tranquilo.
The Man in the Hat: Hello everyone! Did you find any blackberries?
Belle et Bonne: Papa! It's you!
Marie: What a shock you gave us. We thought you were a local.
Le Bon David: Yes, Vello! We thought you were a hippie! Where did you get that hat?
The VeloDrone: Oh, I bought it in Druids Lane, just round the corner. There's a craft fair going on. You can buy organic coffee, jars of jam, beads, vegetables in pots....
Le Bon David: And peculiar hats.
The VeloDrone: It's a Hilltribe hat, that's what it is. It only cost eighteen dollars.
Belle et Bonne: I think it's very nice papa, now that I've got used to it. But can you see in it?
The VeloDrone: Not really, I was wondering if you could think of a way I could raise it a little?
Marie: Yes we can. Here are four boxes of blackberries that we have spent all afternoon gathering. You can stick them under your hat.
Belle et Bonne: How beautiful it is! Lucky people, who live here.
Marie: Yes, what lovely liquidamber trees. Imagine how glorious they must look in autumn. And what a delightful village atmosphere!
Le Bon David: And yet it seems to be a little difficult to cross the road.
Belle et Bonne: Mmm, there is rather a constant stream of traffic. Look at that man over there trying to cross. He's been waiting for ages.
Marie: Look at his funny hat. No wonder he can't get across. He can't see properly.
Le Bon David: I've never seen such a hat.
Belle et Bonne: Neither have I. He looks like some sort of a hippie.
The man in the hat finally begins to cross the road. It is indeed a strange hat he is wearing. It is made of stiff bands of brightly coloured materials stitched together. It is wide at the bottom tapering upwards into a point with a tassel that is at least half a metre above his head.
He approaches the table under the tree at Cafe Tranquilo.
The Man in the Hat: Hello everyone! Did you find any blackberries?
Belle et Bonne: Papa! It's you!
Marie: What a shock you gave us. We thought you were a local.
Le Bon David: Yes, Vello! We thought you were a hippie! Where did you get that hat?
The VeloDrone: Oh, I bought it in Druids Lane, just round the corner. There's a craft fair going on. You can buy organic coffee, jars of jam, beads, vegetables in pots....
Le Bon David: And peculiar hats.
The VeloDrone: It's a Hilltribe hat, that's what it is. It only cost eighteen dollars.
Belle et Bonne: I think it's very nice papa, now that I've got used to it. But can you see in it?
The VeloDrone: Not really, I was wondering if you could think of a way I could raise it a little?
Marie: Yes we can. Here are four boxes of blackberries that we have spent all afternoon gathering. You can stick them under your hat.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Grumpy Vello
Our friends are having dinner at the Bay of Bengal.
The VeloDrone: Where's our food?
Marie: Stop grumbling. It's sure to be here soon. Have another mango lassi.
The VeloDrone: I don't want another mango lassi. I want my Machchi Tamatar Ki Kiri .
Belle et Bonne: Here it comes. Doesn't it look nice papa!
The VeloDrone: I suppose so.
Le Bon David: It does look rather nice. I wish I'd ordered it instead of the Butter Chicken.
Marie: Don't be silly. You always order Butter Chicken. Nothing else agrees with your digestion.
Belle et Bonne: Wasn't it fun at the beach this afternoon. I've still got sand between my toes.
The VeloDrone: So have I. And I don't know why you think it was fun, Belle et Bonne. It was cloudy with big spots of rain. There were smelly old pipes draped over the rocks and concrete blocks in the water.
Marie: She probably means that other beach we went to later. It was nice there. Is that the one you meant, Belle et Bonne?
Belle et Bon: No, I meant the smelly one. Remember the pretty line of pebbles someone had made?
The VeloDrone: Some fool! I nearly stubbed my toe.
Le Bon David: I liked the other one. Brighton I think it was. Did you see the wonderful effect of the sun pouring down through the clouds out to sea, looking like a big white fringe?
Belle et Bonne: Yes. It was lovely.
Marie: I did too! Magnificent!
The VeloDrone: I suppose it was. I say, this fish curry is hot! Now, what are we doing tomorrow?
Marie: We haven't any shows to go to, so how about we take a trip up to the hills and go blackberrying?
The VeloDrone: I hate blackberries! Count me out!
The VeloDrone: Where's our food?
Marie: Stop grumbling. It's sure to be here soon. Have another mango lassi.
The VeloDrone: I don't want another mango lassi. I want my Machchi Tamatar Ki Kiri .
Belle et Bonne: Here it comes. Doesn't it look nice papa!
The VeloDrone: I suppose so.
Le Bon David: It does look rather nice. I wish I'd ordered it instead of the Butter Chicken.
Marie: Don't be silly. You always order Butter Chicken. Nothing else agrees with your digestion.
Belle et Bonne: Wasn't it fun at the beach this afternoon. I've still got sand between my toes.
The VeloDrone: So have I. And I don't know why you think it was fun, Belle et Bonne. It was cloudy with big spots of rain. There were smelly old pipes draped over the rocks and concrete blocks in the water.
Marie: She probably means that other beach we went to later. It was nice there. Is that the one you meant, Belle et Bonne?
Belle et Bon: No, I meant the smelly one. Remember the pretty line of pebbles someone had made?
The VeloDrone: Some fool! I nearly stubbed my toe.
Le Bon David: I liked the other one. Brighton I think it was. Did you see the wonderful effect of the sun pouring down through the clouds out to sea, looking like a big white fringe?
Belle et Bonne: Yes. It was lovely.
Marie: I did too! Magnificent!
The VeloDrone: I suppose it was. I say, this fish curry is hot! Now, what are we doing tomorrow?
Marie: We haven't any shows to go to, so how about we take a trip up to the hills and go blackberrying?
The VeloDrone: I hate blackberries! Count me out!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Shakespeare Dot Com
The play is ended. The crowd pours out of the Bakehouse Theatre into the hot Adelaide night. The philosophers head off for a drink at the edge of town.
Le Bon David: Well!
The VeloDrone: What do you mean, "Well!" ?
Le Bon David: I always found Shakespeare lamentably lacking in taste. But this took the cake! Robots! Computer games! Changing the endings at will!
The VeloDrone: Bollywoodstyle dancing. Everyone talking at once. Indecipherable acronyms. ROFLMAO, I ask you!
Marie: Oh dear, perhaps it's a generational thing. Don't you know what ROFLMAO means?
The VeloDrone: I do now. Rolling on the floor laughing and so on. The rest is rude and barbarous.
Belle et Bonne: Laughing my arse off, papa. But remember, you once accused Shakespeare of being rude and barbarous.
The VeloDrone: But I admitted he was a genius as well. I even adapted some of his plays.
Marie: So you did. You changed them out of all recognition. Hamlet, Macbeth, Julius Caesar. You gave them a rationalist twist.
Le Bon David: So you did, Vello. I remember. Rather like the young cast of Shakespeare Dot Com were trying to do here tonight, wouldn't you say? Give Shakespeare a modern technological twist.
The VeloDrone: Well, they succeeded in that.
Belle et Bonne: But did you enjoy it, papa and Uncle David? I did. The PUC robot reminded me of a friend of mine. And it was fun when the cast called us on our mobile phones.
Le Bon David: Pity I didn't have a mobile phone. But yes, I suppose I did enjoy it.
Marie: I liked it when Juliet died.
Belle et Bonne: And Romeo went internet dating to find a new girlfiend.
Marie: So funny! ROFLMAO!
Le Bon David: Well!
The VeloDrone: What do you mean, "Well!" ?
Le Bon David: I always found Shakespeare lamentably lacking in taste. But this took the cake! Robots! Computer games! Changing the endings at will!
The VeloDrone: Bollywoodstyle dancing. Everyone talking at once. Indecipherable acronyms. ROFLMAO, I ask you!
Marie: Oh dear, perhaps it's a generational thing. Don't you know what ROFLMAO means?
The VeloDrone: I do now. Rolling on the floor laughing and so on. The rest is rude and barbarous.
Belle et Bonne: Laughing my arse off, papa. But remember, you once accused Shakespeare of being rude and barbarous.
The VeloDrone: But I admitted he was a genius as well. I even adapted some of his plays.
Marie: So you did. You changed them out of all recognition. Hamlet, Macbeth, Julius Caesar. You gave them a rationalist twist.
Le Bon David: So you did, Vello. I remember. Rather like the young cast of Shakespeare Dot Com were trying to do here tonight, wouldn't you say? Give Shakespeare a modern technological twist.
The VeloDrone: Well, they succeeded in that.
Belle et Bonne: But did you enjoy it, papa and Uncle David? I did. The PUC robot reminded me of a friend of mine. And it was fun when the cast called us on our mobile phones.
Le Bon David: Pity I didn't have a mobile phone. But yes, I suppose I did enjoy it.
Marie: I liked it when Juliet died.
Belle et Bonne: And Romeo went internet dating to find a new girlfiend.
Marie: So funny! ROFLMAO!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Nothing is Really Difficult
The VeloDrone, Marie and Belle et Bonne are in the Garden of Unearthly Delights, lounging in deckchairs in front of a large wooden box.
Marie: What an intriguing box.
Belle et Bonne: "Niets Is Echt Moeilijk". What does that mean?
The VeloDrone: It means Nothing is Really Difficult. It's Dutch.
Belle et Bonne: Clever papa!
Marie: Where's David got to? It's way past lunch time.
The VeloDrone: He went to a concert in the Elder Hall. Oh, here he is now!
Le Bon David: Here I am!
The VEloDrone: How was the concert?
Le Bon David: Awful! I don't like these modern nineteenth century composers. Always galloping. Have you ever heard Schumann's Davidsbundlertanze?
Marie: David's Group Dances! That sounds like something you'd enjoy.
Le Bn David: Well it wasn't. It was eighteen short character pieces on the piano, all of a jumble. They went by the names of Lively, Heartfelt, Humorous, Impatient, Simple, Very Quick, Not Fast and Fresh Laid.
The VeloDrone: That's only nine.
Le Bon David: He went through them twice.
Belle et Bonne: Could you tell which was which?
Le Bon David: No, that was the thing. Whenever I thought I'd worked out where we were up to, the next piece would prove I was wrong. I tried cheating by following an old lady's finger but she was bamboozled as well. She got to the end of the program a long time before the pianist did.
Belle et Bon: Poor Uncle David! Never mind. Let's go and get some lunch. And tonight we're all going to the Bakehouse to see @Shakespeare.com.
Le Bon David (groaning) : Shakespeare!
The VeloDrone: Dot com, David. Dot com.
Marie: What an intriguing box.
Belle et Bonne: "Niets Is Echt Moeilijk". What does that mean?
The VeloDrone: It means Nothing is Really Difficult. It's Dutch.
Belle et Bonne: Clever papa!
Marie: Where's David got to? It's way past lunch time.
The VeloDrone: He went to a concert in the Elder Hall. Oh, here he is now!
Le Bon David: Here I am!
The VEloDrone: How was the concert?
Le Bon David: Awful! I don't like these modern nineteenth century composers. Always galloping. Have you ever heard Schumann's Davidsbundlertanze?
Marie: David's Group Dances! That sounds like something you'd enjoy.
Le Bn David: Well it wasn't. It was eighteen short character pieces on the piano, all of a jumble. They went by the names of Lively, Heartfelt, Humorous, Impatient, Simple, Very Quick, Not Fast and Fresh Laid.
The VeloDrone: That's only nine.
Le Bon David: He went through them twice.
Belle et Bonne: Could you tell which was which?
Le Bon David: No, that was the thing. Whenever I thought I'd worked out where we were up to, the next piece would prove I was wrong. I tried cheating by following an old lady's finger but she was bamboozled as well. She got to the end of the program a long time before the pianist did.
Belle et Bon: Poor Uncle David! Never mind. Let's go and get some lunch. And tonight we're all going to the Bakehouse to see @Shakespeare.com.
Le Bon David (groaning) : Shakespeare!
The VeloDrone: Dot com, David. Dot com.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Yum Cha at Star House
The philosophers are having Yum Cha at the Star House Chinese Restaurant on Gouger Street.
Le Bon David: Phew! It's hot today. This is more like the Adelaide I remember.
Belle et Bonne: Oh yes, you and papa came last year, didn't you.
The VeloDrone: Indeed we did. As I recall, we had got up a little act together, Philosophers on Bicycles or some such thing, and it didn't go down too well.
Le Bon David: We ended up having to write reviews to get some cash.
Marie: We should do that this year. Then we could move into a nice hotel. Here comes our food. What's this?
The VeloDrone: That would be the.....umm
Belle et Bonne: Peanut Combination Dumpling? ( She takes a bite) No, it's Five Spicy Rolls.
Le Bon David: It can't be. There are only three of them.
Belle et Bonne: Five Spices, though. And very sticky. Tea, anyone?
Marie: Yes, please. Hey, who ordered this one?
The VeloDrone: Why, is something wrong with it?
Marie: Look ! It's massive!
Le Bon David: That would be mine. What is it again? Oh yes, Steamed Chinese Donut Rice Pastry. Share, anyone?
The VeloDrone: Mmmm. A donut wrapped in a noodle, with chopped onion on the top. I don't think so. Where are my King Prawn Balls?
Belle et Bonne: Here they come. Ooh!
The VeloDrone: Eat up everyone! Then we'll go shopping!
Le Bon David: Phew! It's hot today. This is more like the Adelaide I remember.
Belle et Bonne: Oh yes, you and papa came last year, didn't you.
The VeloDrone: Indeed we did. As I recall, we had got up a little act together, Philosophers on Bicycles or some such thing, and it didn't go down too well.
Le Bon David: We ended up having to write reviews to get some cash.
Marie: We should do that this year. Then we could move into a nice hotel. Here comes our food. What's this?
The VeloDrone: That would be the.....umm
Belle et Bonne: Peanut Combination Dumpling? ( She takes a bite) No, it's Five Spicy Rolls.
Le Bon David: It can't be. There are only three of them.
Belle et Bonne: Five Spices, though. And very sticky. Tea, anyone?
Marie: Yes, please. Hey, who ordered this one?
The VeloDrone: Why, is something wrong with it?
Marie: Look ! It's massive!
Le Bon David: That would be mine. What is it again? Oh yes, Steamed Chinese Donut Rice Pastry. Share, anyone?
The VeloDrone: Mmmm. A donut wrapped in a noodle, with chopped onion on the top. I don't think so. Where are my King Prawn Balls?
Belle et Bonne: Here they come. Ooh!
The VeloDrone: Eat up everyone! Then we'll go shopping!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Adolf
The philosophers are walking back to their hostel after seeing Adolf.
The VeloDrone: Well now, what did you think of that, girls? I trust you thought it was brilliant and thought-provoking and relevant?
Belle et Bonne: It was lovely, and sad.
The VeloDrone: Lovely and sad? How was it lovely and sad?
Belle et Bonne: He wanted to marry Eva.
Le Bon David: That was Hitler, you do know that don't you, my dear?
Belle et Bonne: I though he was Adolf.
Le Bon David: Belle et Bonne, either you are being deliberately obtuse, or you weren't listening to the other half of what he said.
Marie: She's right. Adolf was alright. But when the actor took off his wig and started being himself, I was totally shocked by some of his racist remarks. Those silly accents. Outrageous.
The VeloDrone: You girls are hopeless! That was HITLER! It was HITLER!
Marie: It was just an actor.
Le Bon David: But he was saying the things that Hitler said, about ridding the world of Jews and Gypsies, and doing it for the good of the German people.
Belle et Bonne ( giggling ): We're only pulling your legs, papa and Uncle David.
Marie: Yes. Of course we thought it was brilliant. What more is there to say? I wish everyone in the world could see it. Not that it would have an effect on SOME people.
Belle et Bonne: Like that awful man in the front row. The big man with the cap. He kept coughing and sneezing.
Le Bon David: Yes, he should have stayed at home. I hope we don't catch anything.
The VeloDrone: I agree, he should have been thrown out.
Marie: I felt like wringing his neck!
The VeloDrone: Well now, what did you think of that, girls? I trust you thought it was brilliant and thought-provoking and relevant?
Belle et Bonne: It was lovely, and sad.
The VeloDrone: Lovely and sad? How was it lovely and sad?
Belle et Bonne: He wanted to marry Eva.
Le Bon David: That was Hitler, you do know that don't you, my dear?
Belle et Bonne: I though he was Adolf.
Le Bon David: Belle et Bonne, either you are being deliberately obtuse, or you weren't listening to the other half of what he said.
Marie: She's right. Adolf was alright. But when the actor took off his wig and started being himself, I was totally shocked by some of his racist remarks. Those silly accents. Outrageous.
The VeloDrone: You girls are hopeless! That was HITLER! It was HITLER!
Marie: It was just an actor.
Le Bon David: But he was saying the things that Hitler said, about ridding the world of Jews and Gypsies, and doing it for the good of the German people.
Belle et Bonne ( giggling ): We're only pulling your legs, papa and Uncle David.
Marie: Yes. Of course we thought it was brilliant. What more is there to say? I wish everyone in the world could see it. Not that it would have an effect on SOME people.
Belle et Bonne: Like that awful man in the front row. The big man with the cap. He kept coughing and sneezing.
Le Bon David: Yes, he should have stayed at home. I hope we don't catch anything.
The VeloDrone: I agree, he should have been thrown out.
Marie: I felt like wringing his neck!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Older Persons
The VeloDrone went over to the bar to buy another round of drinks. When he returned, Marie and Belle et Bonne were standing up and Le Bon David was on the floor with his head under the settee.
The VeloDrone: What's happening? Why is David down there?
Marie: An old lady asked us to stand up so she could look for her purse. She thought she might have lost it down the back of the couch.
Belle et Bonne: It wasn't there.
The VeloDrone: So what's David up to?
Marie: He thought it might have fallen underneath.
Le Bon David ( emerging from under the settee ): No, nothing there.
The VeloDrone: That old lady has made a fool of you!
Le Bon David: What! A fool of me! How?
The VeloDrone: I heard her talking to her friend over at the bar. They were rolling a die. The first one to throw a six had to persuade a random gentleman to stick his bottom in the air.
Le Bon David: I say! How mean!
The VeloDrone: Yes, but at least it proves my point that older persons are not averse to abandoning themselves to the vagaries of fortune once in a while. You see, girls?
Belle et Bonne: Well, I'm stunned.
Marie: If you believe him.
Le Bon David: This is all too much. Time to go. Where's the toilet?
The VeloDrone: There's only one. And there's a queue.
Le Bon David: What a place! I'm not coming here again. Where's our next show and what is it?
Marie: It's Adolf, at the Royalty Theatre.
The VeloDrone: What's happening? Why is David down there?
Marie: An old lady asked us to stand up so she could look for her purse. She thought she might have lost it down the back of the couch.
Belle et Bonne: It wasn't there.
The VeloDrone: So what's David up to?
Marie: He thought it might have fallen underneath.
Le Bon David ( emerging from under the settee ): No, nothing there.
The VeloDrone: That old lady has made a fool of you!
Le Bon David: What! A fool of me! How?
The VeloDrone: I heard her talking to her friend over at the bar. They were rolling a die. The first one to throw a six had to persuade a random gentleman to stick his bottom in the air.
Le Bon David: I say! How mean!
The VeloDrone: Yes, but at least it proves my point that older persons are not averse to abandoning themselves to the vagaries of fortune once in a while. You see, girls?
Belle et Bonne: Well, I'm stunned.
Marie: If you believe him.
Le Bon David: This is all too much. Time to go. Where's the toilet?
The VeloDrone: There's only one. And there's a queue.
Le Bon David: What a place! I'm not coming here again. Where's our next show and what is it?
Marie: It's Adolf, at the Royalty Theatre.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Six Sided Man
The philosophers are having a drink in the Higher Ground bar after catching a late night performance of The Six Sided Man.
Le Bon David: Well, well, that was excellent. Thought provoking. What did you think, Vello?
The VeloDrone: Yes, very good. The actors were superb. Hee hee! Imagine basing all your decisions on the fall of the dice. Did you like it, my dears?
Belle et Bonne: The actors were too old and fat for my liking.
Marie: Hear hear! I would have liked to see them performing it thirty years ago.
Belle et Bonne: I agree. It's a young man's play. An older person wouldn't want to abandon his life to chance like that. Life's chancey enough when you're old, don't you think, Uncle David?
Le Bon David: Old? Hum, hum.
The VeloDrone: Old? You girls are being ridiculous. A mature person might very well think his life was dull and want to spice it up a bit by the throwing of a dice. Or die.
Marie: Or die?
The VeloDrone: One die.
Le Bon David: My prince will come!
Marie: Now who's being ridiculous? Anyway, I knew you two would like it.
Le Bon David: Because we're old and fat?
The VeloDrone: I'm not fat!
Belle et Bonne: Because you like everything. That's why we love you.
Le Bon David: Oh.
The VeloDrone: Well said, dear Belle et Bonne. Now would anyone like another drink?
Le Bon David: Well, well, that was excellent. Thought provoking. What did you think, Vello?
The VeloDrone: Yes, very good. The actors were superb. Hee hee! Imagine basing all your decisions on the fall of the dice. Did you like it, my dears?
Belle et Bonne: The actors were too old and fat for my liking.
Marie: Hear hear! I would have liked to see them performing it thirty years ago.
Belle et Bonne: I agree. It's a young man's play. An older person wouldn't want to abandon his life to chance like that. Life's chancey enough when you're old, don't you think, Uncle David?
Le Bon David: Old? Hum, hum.
The VeloDrone: Old? You girls are being ridiculous. A mature person might very well think his life was dull and want to spice it up a bit by the throwing of a dice. Or die.
Marie: Or die?
The VeloDrone: One die.
Le Bon David: My prince will come!
Marie: Now who's being ridiculous? Anyway, I knew you two would like it.
Le Bon David: Because we're old and fat?
The VeloDrone: I'm not fat!
Belle et Bonne: Because you like everything. That's why we love you.
Le Bon David: Oh.
The VeloDrone: Well said, dear Belle et Bonne. Now would anyone like another drink?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The Twittering Machine
The philosophers are in Adelaide, for the Fringe. Marie and Belle et Bonne are waiting for The VeloDrone and Le Bon David at the backpacker hostel where the four of them are staying.
The VeloDrone and Le Bon David enter the common room.
The VeloDrone: Hello my dears! We've just seen a wonderful show. It had a bicycle in it!
Le Bon David: And it was free!
Marie: What was it called?
The VeloDrone: The Twittering Machine. A man sat on a bicycle, a bell rang, a birdcage came down over his head and he began tweeting like a bird.
Belle et Bonne: That sounds very silly.
Le Bon David: Oh, that was only the beginning. He got off the bicycle and set up an elaborate machine. Then he put his finger into a mousetrap.....
Marie: Why would anybody put their finger into a mousetrap?
The VeloDrone: In the interests of science, my dear. The snapping of the mousetrap set off a series of events involving a mechanical duck, a bow and arrow, a boxing glove, a basketball, a mop and other things too numerous to mention. The series of events ended with four eggs dropping simultaneously into four glasses of water.
Le Bon David: A brilliant demonstration!
Belle et Bonne: Of what? You two are easily pleased. But you did better than us. We went looking for the installation on level two, 50 Rundle Mall.
The VeloDrone: Isn't that Spotlight?
Marie: Yes, how do you know? Oh, is that where you two bought the material for your costumes?
Le Bon David: The ill-fated costumes.
The VeloDrone: Who knew it would rain in Adelaide on Fringe Opening night ? Anyway, how was your installation?
Belle et Bonne: Almost indistinguishable from the other bolts of cloth and dummies. Basically that was what it was.
Marie: Yes, disappointing.
The VeloDrone: Perhaps you have the wrong attitude my dears. You need to enter into the spirit of things, at the Fringe. Everything is fun, fun, fun. And now I think we should all put on our raincoats and go and visit the Garden of Unearthly Delights.
The VeloDrone and Le Bon David enter the common room.
The VeloDrone: Hello my dears! We've just seen a wonderful show. It had a bicycle in it!
Le Bon David: And it was free!
Marie: What was it called?
The VeloDrone: The Twittering Machine. A man sat on a bicycle, a bell rang, a birdcage came down over his head and he began tweeting like a bird.
Belle et Bonne: That sounds very silly.
Le Bon David: Oh, that was only the beginning. He got off the bicycle and set up an elaborate machine. Then he put his finger into a mousetrap.....
Marie: Why would anybody put their finger into a mousetrap?
The VeloDrone: In the interests of science, my dear. The snapping of the mousetrap set off a series of events involving a mechanical duck, a bow and arrow, a boxing glove, a basketball, a mop and other things too numerous to mention. The series of events ended with four eggs dropping simultaneously into four glasses of water.
Le Bon David: A brilliant demonstration!
Belle et Bonne: Of what? You two are easily pleased. But you did better than us. We went looking for the installation on level two, 50 Rundle Mall.
The VeloDrone: Isn't that Spotlight?
Marie: Yes, how do you know? Oh, is that where you two bought the material for your costumes?
Le Bon David: The ill-fated costumes.
The VeloDrone: Who knew it would rain in Adelaide on Fringe Opening night ? Anyway, how was your installation?
Belle et Bonne: Almost indistinguishable from the other bolts of cloth and dummies. Basically that was what it was.
Marie: Yes, disappointing.
The VeloDrone: Perhaps you have the wrong attitude my dears. You need to enter into the spirit of things, at the Fringe. Everything is fun, fun, fun. And now I think we should all put on our raincoats and go and visit the Garden of Unearthly Delights.
Friday, February 18, 2011
POER FOREVR ended
We finished lunch and went to brush mum's teeth. There were quite a few ladies in the ladies' washrooms but most of them were behind closed doors. Mum cleaned her teeth so discreetly that nobody noticed.
Back in the mall she bared her teeth. Can you see any lettuce? she asked. No, I replied, I can't. Was there any point mentioning the chunk of white pastry lodged between two of her teeth? The dentist could poke that out later, with a prong.
We had more than an hour to look at the shops. We went into Laura Ashley and Esprit. We looked at the two Sydney Streets. One Sydney Street is more dressy, the other more sporty. In the sporty one we saw a bargain. An unstructured jacket knitted in dark green silk string. It once cost four hundred dollars but now you could have it for fifty.
Try it on, said my mum. I want to see what it looks like. I tried it on. I turned sideways to look at myself in a mirror. I looked like a disconsolate pine.
Back in the mall she bared her teeth. Can you see any lettuce? she asked. No, I replied, I can't. Was there any point mentioning the chunk of white pastry lodged between two of her teeth? The dentist could poke that out later, with a prong.
We had more than an hour to look at the shops. We went into Laura Ashley and Esprit. We looked at the two Sydney Streets. One Sydney Street is more dressy, the other more sporty. In the sporty one we saw a bargain. An unstructured jacket knitted in dark green silk string. It once cost four hundred dollars but now you could have it for fifty.
Try it on, said my mum. I want to see what it looks like. I tried it on. I turned sideways to look at myself in a mirror. I looked like a disconsolate pine.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
POER FOREVR continued
Where was I? Oh yes, under the clock in Burnside Village. It was only half past eleven, and mum wanted lunch.
It wasn't her fault. She had a dental appointment at two o'clock and I suppose she wanted to get lunch out of the way and brush her teeth in the ladies' washrooms before large numbers of ladies began to flood them. I say washrooms, because I don't like to say toilets in this context, but of course, I mean toilets. And of course, I don't literally mean flood them.
Now I was determined to delay a little because I don't like to eat lunch at half past eleven. But I agreed to start looking around. We looked at Jardines on the Square, VP's, and Ushi Sushi, and the Village Bakery. We chose the Bakery. Then we looked at quiches and muffins and pies, cakes and smallgoods and cheeses until quarter to twelve. Oh, let's eat now, said mum. Alright I said. I said it because I am and have always been perfectly willing to eat lunch at quarter to twelve.
The Village Bakery is small and almost entirely filled by the counter. Customers have to sit at a long table half in and half out of the shop. Mum sat in the shop and I sat jutting into the mall. I was eating a vegetarian sandwich with squashy vegetables inside the bread. Mum was eating a quiche and salad, with brown stuff drizzled over the top. Two seats down from mum in the corner was wedged an old lady drinking coffee and slowly eating a scone. It was obvious she didn't think it was lunchtime.
To be continued.....
It wasn't her fault. She had a dental appointment at two o'clock and I suppose she wanted to get lunch out of the way and brush her teeth in the ladies' washrooms before large numbers of ladies began to flood them. I say washrooms, because I don't like to say toilets in this context, but of course, I mean toilets. And of course, I don't literally mean flood them.
Now I was determined to delay a little because I don't like to eat lunch at half past eleven. But I agreed to start looking around. We looked at Jardines on the Square, VP's, and Ushi Sushi, and the Village Bakery. We chose the Bakery. Then we looked at quiches and muffins and pies, cakes and smallgoods and cheeses until quarter to twelve. Oh, let's eat now, said mum. Alright I said. I said it because I am and have always been perfectly willing to eat lunch at quarter to twelve.
The Village Bakery is small and almost entirely filled by the counter. Customers have to sit at a long table half in and half out of the shop. Mum sat in the shop and I sat jutting into the mall. I was eating a vegetarian sandwich with squashy vegetables inside the bread. Mum was eating a quiche and salad, with brown stuff drizzled over the top. Two seats down from mum in the corner was wedged an old lady drinking coffee and slowly eating a scone. It was obvious she didn't think it was lunchtime.
To be continued.....
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
POER FOREVR
Fortunately Pliny stopped choking of his own accord.
Are you alright? I asked, as soon as it looked as though the answer might be yes.
Yes, said Pliny. But perhaps we should not continue our conversation. I need to be quiet.
You be quiet then, I said. I'm going out.
It was true. I was going out. I was going to meet my mum at Burnside Village. First I had to decide what to wear. Burnside Village is not like Norwood. So I put on a teeshirt that had quite recently belonged to my daughter, until she realised she did not like it. On the teeshirt was a barely recognisable picture of a helicopter and some thumbprints, and the graffiti-like words : FOREUR, POER, FOREVR. That should work. With the baggy cargo pants.
I met my mum under the clock in the mall. She was sitting in an armchair looking at a screen flashing expensive things that you could buy in Burnside Village. Two old men were sitting there as well, reading newspapers.
Where shall we eat? said mum, standing up as soon as she saw me.
It was only half past eleven.
to be continued.....
Are you alright? I asked, as soon as it looked as though the answer might be yes.
Yes, said Pliny. But perhaps we should not continue our conversation. I need to be quiet.
You be quiet then, I said. I'm going out.
It was true. I was going out. I was going to meet my mum at Burnside Village. First I had to decide what to wear. Burnside Village is not like Norwood. So I put on a teeshirt that had quite recently belonged to my daughter, until she realised she did not like it. On the teeshirt was a barely recognisable picture of a helicopter and some thumbprints, and the graffiti-like words : FOREUR, POER, FOREVR. That should work. With the baggy cargo pants.
I met my mum under the clock in the mall. She was sitting in an armchair looking at a screen flashing expensive things that you could buy in Burnside Village. Two old men were sitting there as well, reading newspapers.
Where shall we eat? said mum, standing up as soon as she saw me.
It was only half past eleven.
to be continued.....
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Goby Fish
I sometimes think, I said to Pliny the Elder, that you know the things you say are funny.
What things? asked Pliny, chewing on his breakfast toast and jam.
The claims you make for remedies and cures for example. "If you have some bread stuck in your throat pieces from the same loaf should be placed inside both ears."
Yes, I knew that one was funny, said Pliny. But not everyone did.
What about your story of the Goby Fish? I asked. Did you seriously believe a tiny fish could hold back a warship?
It is well recorded, said Pliny. A Goby Fish held back Anthony's ship at the battle of Actium. He had to change ships. This delay gave Octavian's fleet the chance to make their attack.
Couldn't that have just been an excuse? I said, sceptically
Nonsense, said Pliny. Romans do not make excuses. In my own time a Goby held back the Emperor Gaius's ship on his voyage back to Antium. His was the only ship in the fleet that stopped. His men dived under the water and soon discovered the cause. A Goby Fish was attached to the rudder, preventing his 400 rowers from moving forward.
I know all this, I said. I just read it this morning. And Emperor Gaius was furious, especially when he realised the fish didn't have the same power when it was brought on board. But my question is, Pliny, when you wrote it down, did you really believe it?
That is for me to know, said Pliny, and you to wonder.
I thought we were friends, I said. You can tell me.
Alright, said Pliny. I.....och....cough cough...choke.....aagh......
He appeared to be choking on his piece of toast. I ran to fetch the loaf from whence it came.
What things? asked Pliny, chewing on his breakfast toast and jam.
The claims you make for remedies and cures for example. "If you have some bread stuck in your throat pieces from the same loaf should be placed inside both ears."
Yes, I knew that one was funny, said Pliny. But not everyone did.
What about your story of the Goby Fish? I asked. Did you seriously believe a tiny fish could hold back a warship?
It is well recorded, said Pliny. A Goby Fish held back Anthony's ship at the battle of Actium. He had to change ships. This delay gave Octavian's fleet the chance to make their attack.
Couldn't that have just been an excuse? I said, sceptically
Nonsense, said Pliny. Romans do not make excuses. In my own time a Goby held back the Emperor Gaius's ship on his voyage back to Antium. His was the only ship in the fleet that stopped. His men dived under the water and soon discovered the cause. A Goby Fish was attached to the rudder, preventing his 400 rowers from moving forward.
I know all this, I said. I just read it this morning. And Emperor Gaius was furious, especially when he realised the fish didn't have the same power when it was brought on board. But my question is, Pliny, when you wrote it down, did you really believe it?
That is for me to know, said Pliny, and you to wonder.
I thought we were friends, I said. You can tell me.
Alright, said Pliny. I.....och....cough cough...choke.....aagh......
He appeared to be choking on his piece of toast. I ran to fetch the loaf from whence it came.
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Man in the Street
You should be pleased, I said. I made you look as though you understood the meaning right away.
What are you talking about? said Pliny.
I made it seem as though you quickly got the pun, I said.
The pun being? asked Pliny.
The pun being a Chinese sort of pun, I said. The words painted on the wall were words meaning bright, and they were on a wall in Brighton, facing out to sea.
It wasn't all that good a pun, said Pliny.
It probably was in Chinese, I said. Anyway, in the poem, you got it. I thought you were into puns?
What makes you think that? asked Pliny.
I'm reading your Natural History at the moment, I said, and just this morning you made a frivolous pun.
Remind me, said Pliny.
"Cato thought that eating hare induced sleep", I quoted, " and the man in the street believes it gives a person charm for nine days".
Oh yes, laughed Pliny. It is a frivolous pun. Of course it only works in Latin.
Yes lucky Professor Healy put in footnotes I said. Lepos means hare, lepus means charm. Was that Cato's pun or yours?
I believe it was the man in the street's, said Pliny.
Oh well, I said, you follow it up with a joke of your own. Do you remember what it is?
Yes, said Pliny, I say that a cast-off horse shoe can be a cure for hiccups, for those who remember where they have put it!
So funny, I said.
Thank you, said Pliny. I try my best.
What are you talking about? said Pliny.
I made it seem as though you quickly got the pun, I said.
The pun being? asked Pliny.
The pun being a Chinese sort of pun, I said. The words painted on the wall were words meaning bright, and they were on a wall in Brighton, facing out to sea.
It wasn't all that good a pun, said Pliny.
It probably was in Chinese, I said. Anyway, in the poem, you got it. I thought you were into puns?
What makes you think that? asked Pliny.
I'm reading your Natural History at the moment, I said, and just this morning you made a frivolous pun.
Remind me, said Pliny.
"Cato thought that eating hare induced sleep", I quoted, " and the man in the street believes it gives a person charm for nine days".
Oh yes, laughed Pliny. It is a frivolous pun. Of course it only works in Latin.
Yes lucky Professor Healy put in footnotes I said. Lepos means hare, lepus means charm. Was that Cato's pun or yours?
I believe it was the man in the street's, said Pliny.
Oh well, I said, you follow it up with a joke of your own. Do you remember what it is?
Yes, said Pliny, I say that a cast-off horse shoe can be a cure for hiccups, for those who remember where they have put it!
So funny, I said.
Thank you, said Pliny. I try my best.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Yang Ming at Brighton
Now I'll tell you a story, I said to Pliny. It will be in the form of a poem.
Good. I like poems, said Pliny.
You'll love this one, I said confidently, and began to recite :
YANG MING AT BRIGHTON
it was yesterday at brighton and the weather was very nice
the sun was out the sky was blue the sea was sporting stripes
of emerald and sapphire ochre aqua green and olive, and
a colour that has no more descriptive name than this one: sand
That is terrible, said Pliny.
I'm making it up as I go along, I said.
That's quite obvious, said Pliny. But go on..
i walked along the waters edge i had my camera on
and took some random photos walking rapidly along
the jetty, the palm, the yellow tent, the wall painted with words in red
i don't know what the words meant but yang ming was what they said.
This is execrable! groaned Pliny. But go on...
sadly when i got home and uploaded my photos on
to where they get uploaded i saw one of them looked wrong
the red words were unreadable, i forgot to use the zoom thing
but i remembered what they were the words were these words : yang ming
what does yang ming mean? why was it on the wall?
google has the answer, google answers all
yang means the bright side of the hill, i thought it might
mean something else but no it didn't, google would be right
and ming is a chinese name that has the meaning BRIGHT.
What a wonderful poem, said pliny, and now i see the light.
Hey! said Pliny. Leave me out of it!
Good. I like poems, said Pliny.
You'll love this one, I said confidently, and began to recite :
YANG MING AT BRIGHTON
it was yesterday at brighton and the weather was very nice
the sun was out the sky was blue the sea was sporting stripes
of emerald and sapphire ochre aqua green and olive, and
a colour that has no more descriptive name than this one: sand
That is terrible, said Pliny.
I'm making it up as I go along, I said.
That's quite obvious, said Pliny. But go on..
i walked along the waters edge i had my camera on
and took some random photos walking rapidly along
the jetty, the palm, the yellow tent, the wall painted with words in red
i don't know what the words meant but yang ming was what they said.
This is execrable! groaned Pliny. But go on...
sadly when i got home and uploaded my photos on
to where they get uploaded i saw one of them looked wrong
the red words were unreadable, i forgot to use the zoom thing
but i remembered what they were the words were these words : yang ming
what does yang ming mean? why was it on the wall?
google has the answer, google answers all
yang means the bright side of the hill, i thought it might
mean something else but no it didn't, google would be right
and ming is a chinese name that has the meaning BRIGHT.
What a wonderful poem, said pliny, and now i see the light.
Hey! said Pliny. Leave me out of it!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Neighbours
What do you find so shocking ? asked Pliny the Elder.
That the freshness of a fig persuaded the Roman senate to go to war, I replied. And that they didn't already know how far it was to Carthage.
Of course they knew, said Pliny. It was the Third Punic War, remember. But shipping had improved.
Oh, I see, I said. Was that why Cato was a hero of yours? Because he started the Third Punic War?
No, said Pliny, that is not the reason. He also wrote on many subjects, including agriculture, giving very sensible advice on how to choose a farm.
What was it? I asked.
Before you buy a farm, you should pay attention to the water supply, the road and the neighbour.
The neighbour? Why the neighbour?
Cato says that in a good district the people have an air of prosperity.
That's pretty obvious, I said. What else does he say?
He says that the land should be fertile and the farm buildings sound. And it is best to purchase a farm from a good owner.
Anybody could have written that, I said. I could have written that myself.
You are difficult to please, said Pliny. But here's a story that I think you'll like. A freed slave, Gaius Furius Chresimus, obtained such good returns fron his small holding that his neighbours suspected him of witchcraft.
So much for Cato's advice about neighbours, I observed.
Very amusing, said Pliny. But to continue: He had to go to court. He turned up with his well-made agricultural tools, his healthy, well-fed farm labourers and his well-fed oxen. These are my magic spells, citizens, he said, but I am unable to bring as witnesses my midnight labours, early risings and my sweat and toil. This so impressed the jury that he was acquitted by unanimous vote.
I do like it, I said.
That the freshness of a fig persuaded the Roman senate to go to war, I replied. And that they didn't already know how far it was to Carthage.
Of course they knew, said Pliny. It was the Third Punic War, remember. But shipping had improved.
Oh, I see, I said. Was that why Cato was a hero of yours? Because he started the Third Punic War?
No, said Pliny, that is not the reason. He also wrote on many subjects, including agriculture, giving very sensible advice on how to choose a farm.
What was it? I asked.
Before you buy a farm, you should pay attention to the water supply, the road and the neighbour.
The neighbour? Why the neighbour?
Cato says that in a good district the people have an air of prosperity.
That's pretty obvious, I said. What else does he say?
He says that the land should be fertile and the farm buildings sound. And it is best to purchase a farm from a good owner.
Anybody could have written that, I said. I could have written that myself.
You are difficult to please, said Pliny. But here's a story that I think you'll like. A freed slave, Gaius Furius Chresimus, obtained such good returns fron his small holding that his neighbours suspected him of witchcraft.
So much for Cato's advice about neighbours, I observed.
Very amusing, said Pliny. But to continue: He had to go to court. He turned up with his well-made agricultural tools, his healthy, well-fed farm labourers and his well-fed oxen. These are my magic spells, citizens, he said, but I am unable to bring as witnesses my midnight labours, early risings and my sweat and toil. This so impressed the jury that he was acquitted by unanimous vote.
I do like it, I said.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Blackberries and a Fig
Blackberries! said Pliny he Elder. Where did you get those?
We got them from the hills, I said. Picked only half an hour ago. They're really fresh.
That reminds me of a story, said Pliny.
Is it about blackberries? I asked.
No, he said. It's about Cato the Elder, and a fig.
I am intrigued, I said. Go on.
Cato, said Pliny, is a hero of mine. He was a soldier farmer, and he rose to become a consul, and a censor, although he was a plebeian. He represented the old Roman values of simplicity and hard work.
And cruelty, I said. I've heard of him.
Nonsense, said Pliny. He was not cruel. But he was somewhat obsessed with the necessity of destroying Carthage.
Carthago Delenda Est! I cried, happily remembering my Latin.
Yes. He used to say it at the end of every speech he made.
Like pollies do today. Stop the Boats!
Something like that. But Cato did succeed in persuading the Romans to embark upon the third Punic War. And he did it by means of a fig.
A fig?
A fig. He brought a fresh fig into the forum one day and showed it around. How old do you think this fig is? he asked. Everyone agreed it looked very fresh. It was picked two days ago, said Cato. IN CARTHAGE!
So? I said, not getting it.
So, said Pliny, That put the wind up the senators, well and truly. To think that the Carthaginians were only as far away from Rome as that! So they agreed to go to war.
Is that true? I asked.
Yes, it is recorded, said Pliny.
That's shocking on so many levels, I said.
We got them from the hills, I said. Picked only half an hour ago. They're really fresh.
That reminds me of a story, said Pliny.
Is it about blackberries? I asked.
No, he said. It's about Cato the Elder, and a fig.
I am intrigued, I said. Go on.
Cato, said Pliny, is a hero of mine. He was a soldier farmer, and he rose to become a consul, and a censor, although he was a plebeian. He represented the old Roman values of simplicity and hard work.
And cruelty, I said. I've heard of him.
Nonsense, said Pliny. He was not cruel. But he was somewhat obsessed with the necessity of destroying Carthage.
Carthago Delenda Est! I cried, happily remembering my Latin.
Yes. He used to say it at the end of every speech he made.
Like pollies do today. Stop the Boats!
Something like that. But Cato did succeed in persuading the Romans to embark upon the third Punic War. And he did it by means of a fig.
A fig?
A fig. He brought a fresh fig into the forum one day and showed it around. How old do you think this fig is? he asked. Everyone agreed it looked very fresh. It was picked two days ago, said Cato. IN CARTHAGE!
So? I said, not getting it.
So, said Pliny, That put the wind up the senators, well and truly. To think that the Carthaginians were only as far away from Rome as that! So they agreed to go to war.
Is that true? I asked.
Yes, it is recorded, said Pliny.
That's shocking on so many levels, I said.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Ribbon
I miss Ageless too, said Pliny. And all his little stories.
Well, we're having a break, I said firmly. If you want a little story I'll tell you one.
What is it about? he asked suspiciously.
It's about me buying a ribbon, I said.
I won't like it, said Pliny.
Wait and see. Here it is: The Ribbon. I was in Spotlight yesterday buying a ribbon. I wanted a ribbon to wear with a dress that was pink and white and grey. I looked at the ribbons. Should I buy an orange ribbon? Or a purple or a green?
Why would you buy an orange ribbon? asked Pliny. It would clash.
That is the fun of shopping for ribbons, I replied. You can dream. Anyway I chose grey ribbon. I took the roll of ribbon to the counter. There was a young man serving. He was tall and thin and wore a silver earring. I needed to ask him a question.
Excuse me I said. I want to buy enough ribbon to go around here and tie in a bow. Do you think one and a half metres would be enough?
Where was here? asked Pliny.
Under the bust line, I said primly.
Good gracious! said Pliny. Were you flirting with the young man?
Certainly not! I replied. He was half my age! I will measure it out, he said. And then you can decide. He spoke rather posh English.
He measured out a metre and a half of grey ribbon. There, he said, that's one and a half.
I think I'll have two metres, I said, to be on the safe side. If it's too long I can always cut some off.
Yes, agreed the young man. He measured out the ribbon, cut it and turned to the cash register. He keyed in some numbers. He looked confused. He asked another assistant a technical cash register question. She answered his question. He continued to key. That's one ninety five he said finally.
The ribbon was one twenty nine a metre. It should have been two sixty for two. I gave him three dollars. Several seconds elapsed. You gave me too much, he said, handing over my change.
I was about to say, didn't you give me two metres?
But I decided not to say anything, because I didn't want to embarrass him.
Is that it? asked Pliny.
Yes, I said. That's it.
That is shocking on so many levels, said Pliny.
Well, we're having a break, I said firmly. If you want a little story I'll tell you one.
What is it about? he asked suspiciously.
It's about me buying a ribbon, I said.
I won't like it, said Pliny.
Wait and see. Here it is: The Ribbon. I was in Spotlight yesterday buying a ribbon. I wanted a ribbon to wear with a dress that was pink and white and grey. I looked at the ribbons. Should I buy an orange ribbon? Or a purple or a green?
Why would you buy an orange ribbon? asked Pliny. It would clash.
That is the fun of shopping for ribbons, I replied. You can dream. Anyway I chose grey ribbon. I took the roll of ribbon to the counter. There was a young man serving. He was tall and thin and wore a silver earring. I needed to ask him a question.
Excuse me I said. I want to buy enough ribbon to go around here and tie in a bow. Do you think one and a half metres would be enough?
Where was here? asked Pliny.
Under the bust line, I said primly.
Good gracious! said Pliny. Were you flirting with the young man?
Certainly not! I replied. He was half my age! I will measure it out, he said. And then you can decide. He spoke rather posh English.
He measured out a metre and a half of grey ribbon. There, he said, that's one and a half.
I think I'll have two metres, I said, to be on the safe side. If it's too long I can always cut some off.
Yes, agreed the young man. He measured out the ribbon, cut it and turned to the cash register. He keyed in some numbers. He looked confused. He asked another assistant a technical cash register question. She answered his question. He continued to key. That's one ninety five he said finally.
The ribbon was one twenty nine a metre. It should have been two sixty for two. I gave him three dollars. Several seconds elapsed. You gave me too much, he said, handing over my change.
I was about to say, didn't you give me two metres?
But I decided not to say anything, because I didn't want to embarrass him.
Is that it? asked Pliny.
Yes, I said. That's it.
That is shocking on so many levels, said Pliny.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
That Tricky Pierre
Alas! said Pliny the Elder. Kobo is dead! She was my favorite. Why did you kill her off?
What makes you think she's dead? I asked.
It is here in black and white, said Pliny. Defunct. And she hadn't even finished Humboldt's Gift, he added.
It wasn't me who said she was dead, I replied. It was that tricky Pierre.
Oh, said Pliny. You mean...?
Think about it, Pliny. Kobo is a fossilised clam. How could she die? And you should know the dimensions of the Horrid Hole in our kitchen sink. Would Kobo fit down it? I think not.
Aha, said Pliny. Pierre was lying. Will Ageless find out?
You'll have to wait and see, I said. But I thought it was time for a break.
What about Humboldt's Gift? said Pliny. By the time we come back to these characters Kobo will be reading something else!
Are you interested? I asked. Then you're in luck because I've been reading it too.
I know that, said Pliny. But I'm sure you won't mind me saying that Kobo's opinion of the novels she reads is always far more interesting than yours.
But Kobo didn't understand it, I said. It wasn't just about the Gift. Or rather it was but the gift was more than just the film script. The gift was a lesson in what is important in life besides money. And Humboldt didn't even know he was giving that gift. That's why the book won the Pulitzer Prize. Americans are suckers for that sort of thing. Especially if it's funny at the same time.
It was funny? said Pliny. Kobo never said it was funny.
Well, there you are, I said. She can be quite thick.
What makes you think she's dead? I asked.
It is here in black and white, said Pliny. Defunct. And she hadn't even finished Humboldt's Gift, he added.
It wasn't me who said she was dead, I replied. It was that tricky Pierre.
Oh, said Pliny. You mean...?
Think about it, Pliny. Kobo is a fossilised clam. How could she die? And you should know the dimensions of the Horrid Hole in our kitchen sink. Would Kobo fit down it? I think not.
Aha, said Pliny. Pierre was lying. Will Ageless find out?
You'll have to wait and see, I said. But I thought it was time for a break.
What about Humboldt's Gift? said Pliny. By the time we come back to these characters Kobo will be reading something else!
Are you interested? I asked. Then you're in luck because I've been reading it too.
I know that, said Pliny. But I'm sure you won't mind me saying that Kobo's opinion of the novels she reads is always far more interesting than yours.
But Kobo didn't understand it, I said. It wasn't just about the Gift. Or rather it was but the gift was more than just the film script. The gift was a lesson in what is important in life besides money. And Humboldt didn't even know he was giving that gift. That's why the book won the Pulitzer Prize. Americans are suckers for that sort of thing. Especially if it's funny at the same time.
It was funny? said Pliny. Kobo never said it was funny.
Well, there you are, I said. She can be quite thick.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Truth Sets us Free
Dear Mister Ageless,
Allow me to introduce myself; we have a Mutual Friend. Our Mutual Friend is Kobo the Fossilised Clam, and I am sorry to have to tell you I have Bad News to impart.
Now I know from Kobo that you are quite Emotional, and that you and she are Fond of one another, so Brace yourself Mister Ageless, she is Dead.
Perhaps I have given you this News too Suddenly, but I think it Best to tell the Truth.
For Truth sets us Free as we learn from the Teachings of the Manifest Stone.
Let me tell you how it Happened.
I Believe you knew that Kobo and I had both ended up ( I don't mean Ended Up, for I have certainly not Ended Up) in the Metal Sink under the Window Sill. You also knew that she had arrived there as a result of ill-considered Laughing, while I myself had fallen in during a Failed Attempt to Pull her Out.
We were thus Together in the Sink.
I Prayed, as any Stone Worshipper would Pray in these Circumstances, and Kobo joined me although I must say I was unconvinced as to the Sincerity of her Prayers.
But then Something happened to her Mind, Mister Ageless, in the Sink. Without warning she dived into the Horrid Hole, which up to that moment had been the Object of our Mutual Fear. She disappeared leaving nothing but a Gaseous Drainy Smell. Not her Smell, you understand, but Air she had Displaced.
If only she had waited a Moment longer; Rescue was very Near at Hand.
The Manifest Stone answered our Prayers, ( well, mine). I was Lifted Bodily and replaced upon the Window Sill. I was placed even closer to the Manifest Stone than I had been before. This brought me Joy, Mister Agelesss! Great Joy!
But your dear Kobo is Defunct. There is no Point Trying to Find her. You should Make a New Friend. If you are Interested I would be Most Happy to enlighten you in the Revealed Teachings of the Manifest Stone. In fact you may have Lesson One right now: Life is Hard.
A Simple Lesson, Mister Ageless, but a Deep One. The Wisdom of a Stone.
Best Wishes,
Pierre ( F.)
Allow me to introduce myself; we have a Mutual Friend. Our Mutual Friend is Kobo the Fossilised Clam, and I am sorry to have to tell you I have Bad News to impart.
Now I know from Kobo that you are quite Emotional, and that you and she are Fond of one another, so Brace yourself Mister Ageless, she is Dead.
Perhaps I have given you this News too Suddenly, but I think it Best to tell the Truth.
For Truth sets us Free as we learn from the Teachings of the Manifest Stone.
Let me tell you how it Happened.
I Believe you knew that Kobo and I had both ended up ( I don't mean Ended Up, for I have certainly not Ended Up) in the Metal Sink under the Window Sill. You also knew that she had arrived there as a result of ill-considered Laughing, while I myself had fallen in during a Failed Attempt to Pull her Out.
We were thus Together in the Sink.
I Prayed, as any Stone Worshipper would Pray in these Circumstances, and Kobo joined me although I must say I was unconvinced as to the Sincerity of her Prayers.
But then Something happened to her Mind, Mister Ageless, in the Sink. Without warning she dived into the Horrid Hole, which up to that moment had been the Object of our Mutual Fear. She disappeared leaving nothing but a Gaseous Drainy Smell. Not her Smell, you understand, but Air she had Displaced.
If only she had waited a Moment longer; Rescue was very Near at Hand.
The Manifest Stone answered our Prayers, ( well, mine). I was Lifted Bodily and replaced upon the Window Sill. I was placed even closer to the Manifest Stone than I had been before. This brought me Joy, Mister Agelesss! Great Joy!
But your dear Kobo is Defunct. There is no Point Trying to Find her. You should Make a New Friend. If you are Interested I would be Most Happy to enlighten you in the Revealed Teachings of the Manifest Stone. In fact you may have Lesson One right now: Life is Hard.
A Simple Lesson, Mister Ageless, but a Deep One. The Wisdom of a Stone.
Best Wishes,
Pierre ( F.)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Recklessness
oh ageless what a lovely story of the search and rescue, yes ageless i ammm cheered up now
but i ammm still down here dangerously, and i know you do not like pierre ( or do you? ) but she is down here dangerously as well.
this is how, it is not a long story. she tried to help mmme and she tummbled down into the mmmetal bowl, now we are both waiting for a search and rescue.
pierre is pinning all her hopes on the mmmmanifest stone, but i do not believe in it, she is annoying mmme by saying all the timmme ommmmmm.
ommmmm is not the thing to say, if the stone hears it the stone will think she is alright, i think she should say help!
not that i think the stone can hear it, it's a stone. you and mmme agelesss we believe in different things but we are agreed that what pierre believes is stupid.
i know we are. however she is mmy bosommm friend so i ammm praying too but insincerely. ommmmmmm. and in between the ommmmms i'm thinking about going down the hole.
i hear water gurgling down the hole agelesss, water,
you live in the water mmaybe i would find a way to you.
i have not told pierre what i ammm thinking what do you think ageless shall i take a plunge?? i think i will...
your reckless friend,
kobo
but i ammm still down here dangerously, and i know you do not like pierre ( or do you? ) but she is down here dangerously as well.
this is how, it is not a long story. she tried to help mmme and she tummbled down into the mmmetal bowl, now we are both waiting for a search and rescue.
pierre is pinning all her hopes on the mmmmanifest stone, but i do not believe in it, she is annoying mmme by saying all the timmme ommmmmm.
ommmmm is not the thing to say, if the stone hears it the stone will think she is alright, i think she should say help!
not that i think the stone can hear it, it's a stone. you and mmme agelesss we believe in different things but we are agreed that what pierre believes is stupid.
i know we are. however she is mmy bosommm friend so i ammm praying too but insincerely. ommmmmmm. and in between the ommmmms i'm thinking about going down the hole.
i hear water gurgling down the hole agelesss, water,
you live in the water mmaybe i would find a way to you.
i have not told pierre what i ammm thinking what do you think ageless shall i take a plunge?? i think i will...
your reckless friend,
kobo
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Search and Rescue or The Noble Claw
oh no kobo i am not laughing!! distraught is what i am,,,, oh kobo,,,, are you rescued yet?
pierre is just a stone what can she do pray? i mean what can she do? pray?,,,,you know what i mean,,,, oh kobo i wish that i could find you i have not given up,,,,,
the creative lobsterian force that made you laugh and fall into the metallic trough so near the horrid hole,,, it might help you,,,,,,,,let me tell you how creative forces work,,,,,,they do a bad thing followed by a good thing,,, unless they forget to do the good thing,,,,but it could be worse,,,, you have not fallen down the hole,,,,,, how lucky!!!! unless oh no !! you have?
are you cheered up kobo,,,,, are you cheered up now???
i will tell you a story in case you are still frightened,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, or was it bored you said you were????,,,,,,,,either way you will like this story,,,,,,,,it is about a search and rescue kobo,,,,,,,,,
i was at the beach at brighton it was a special day,,,,,swimming races for the humans and food and fun,,,,,, there was a stage and loud music in front of the surf life saving club and stalls and young humans in shorts drinking yellow bubbling drinks from plastic cups,,,,, red and yellow flags and sausages,,,,, and rusty metal sculptures,,,,,,,you could walk around and look at them in the sun and wind,,,
one of the sculptures was called search and rescue,,,,,, it was made of two different kinds of metal,,,,, a tall rusty spanner in the middle and shining metal waves curling round the outside,,,,,but you could not be certain,,,,,the rusty spanner might have been a hand and the shining waves tinsnips,,,,,, or the tinsnips a claw and the hand a sinking clam,,,,,,,,,,you see,,,, it moved me kobo,,,,,,
do you like it kobo? if only it were true,,,,,, if only you could be rescued by the noble lobsterian claw of your true and loyal friend (unlike pierre),,,,,,
ageless
pierre is just a stone what can she do pray? i mean what can she do? pray?,,,,you know what i mean,,,, oh kobo i wish that i could find you i have not given up,,,,,
the creative lobsterian force that made you laugh and fall into the metallic trough so near the horrid hole,,, it might help you,,,,,,,,let me tell you how creative forces work,,,,,,they do a bad thing followed by a good thing,,, unless they forget to do the good thing,,,,but it could be worse,,,, you have not fallen down the hole,,,,,, how lucky!!!! unless oh no !! you have?
are you cheered up kobo,,,,, are you cheered up now???
i will tell you a story in case you are still frightened,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, or was it bored you said you were????,,,,,,,,either way you will like this story,,,,,,,,it is about a search and rescue kobo,,,,,,,,,
i was at the beach at brighton it was a special day,,,,,swimming races for the humans and food and fun,,,,,, there was a stage and loud music in front of the surf life saving club and stalls and young humans in shorts drinking yellow bubbling drinks from plastic cups,,,,, red and yellow flags and sausages,,,,, and rusty metal sculptures,,,,,,,you could walk around and look at them in the sun and wind,,,
one of the sculptures was called search and rescue,,,,,, it was made of two different kinds of metal,,,,, a tall rusty spanner in the middle and shining metal waves curling round the outside,,,,,but you could not be certain,,,,,the rusty spanner might have been a hand and the shining waves tinsnips,,,,,, or the tinsnips a claw and the hand a sinking clam,,,,,,,,,,you see,,,, it moved me kobo,,,,,,
do you like it kobo? if only it were true,,,,,, if only you could be rescued by the noble lobsterian claw of your true and loyal friend (unlike pierre),,,,,,
ageless
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Near the Hole
ageless!! surely you aren't so thick as to believe god is a lobster! or pardon mmme a Creative Lobsterian Force!! ha ha, i amm laughing so much i amm falling off mmmy window sill.
ooh i have fallen off i will have to call pierre mmy bosommmmm friend
pierre! pierre! help mme i have fallen off the window sill!
ohh ageless she is not commming it is sunday
never mmind now i can explore the lower regions, mmm, there is a mmmetallic echo and i think i ammm very near the hole. o! i ammm afraid.
yes it is sunday pierre will be at church it is not far away. in fact she does not go anywhere she just commmmunes with the big stone at the end of the window sill but you have fat chance of getting her attention when she's doing it.
she worships a stone you are right but it is no ordinary stone, it is a stone made up of stones and all stones are manifest in its aspect at least so says pierre.
as for mme i don't believe in god, i have been around too long, eons and eons both as a living clammmmm and as a fossil, and believe mme, i have seen no sign of anything supernatural in all that timmmme, i wish i had it mmight be useful it mmight save mmme fromm this hole as it seemmms pierre isn't going to do it any timmme soon.
oh guess what ageless. hummboldt's gift turns out to be an idea for a film script, which hummboldt left his good friend charlie in his will. and it isn't any good. can you believe it ageless but the story is not over yet, perhaps.
sorry for laughing at you ageless and see where it has got mme, now mmaybe you are laughing.
tell mmme another story ageless to lift the boredommmm fromm the mmind of your friend
kobo
ooh i have fallen off i will have to call pierre mmy bosommmmm friend
pierre! pierre! help mme i have fallen off the window sill!
ohh ageless she is not commming it is sunday
never mmind now i can explore the lower regions, mmm, there is a mmmetallic echo and i think i ammm very near the hole. o! i ammm afraid.
yes it is sunday pierre will be at church it is not far away. in fact she does not go anywhere she just commmmunes with the big stone at the end of the window sill but you have fat chance of getting her attention when she's doing it.
she worships a stone you are right but it is no ordinary stone, it is a stone made up of stones and all stones are manifest in its aspect at least so says pierre.
as for mme i don't believe in god, i have been around too long, eons and eons both as a living clammmmm and as a fossil, and believe mme, i have seen no sign of anything supernatural in all that timmmme, i wish i had it mmight be useful it mmight save mmme fromm this hole as it seemmms pierre isn't going to do it any timmme soon.
oh guess what ageless. hummboldt's gift turns out to be an idea for a film script, which hummboldt left his good friend charlie in his will. and it isn't any good. can you believe it ageless but the story is not over yet, perhaps.
sorry for laughing at you ageless and see where it has got mme, now mmaybe you are laughing.
tell mmme another story ageless to lift the boredommmm fromm the mmind of your friend
kobo
Friday, February 4, 2011
Lower Things
sorry kobo sorry sorry,,,,,i do want to know about humboldt's gift i do,,,,,,,,what is it?? do you know yet,,,,,i am anxious,,,,,you said humboldt has died? ,,,,perhaps it will be a book of poems,,,,or cash in an envelope,,,,
forgive me,,, pierre is not my beloved it is you kobo,,,,,clikclik,,,
you say she is religious,,,,hmmm,,,how fascinating,,,,sorry kobo,,,i mean how,,,, not exactly fascinating but nevertheless,,,,,,,
is her god a stone god????,,,,,,,,,,,does she worship a STONE?,,,,you can't tell me a stone would have the intelligence to worship a LOBSTER!
i myself am not religious kobo,,,,,,but i like to think about these lower things,,,, do you??? i can't believe god is a giant lobster in the deepest ocean with a long beard and all that sort of thing can you???? ,,,,,waiting for us mortal lobsters to die so we can join him there,,,,,why did he bother to make us ageless then???,,,,,that's what i'd like to know,,,,,but i do believe in some sort of Creative Universal Lobsterian Force,,,,,,,,
whether it loves us,,,that's another thing of course,,,,,
you didn't know i had a deep side did you kobo???? well now you do,,,,i hope you will still like me kobo,,,,,perhaps you will like me more,,,,,
dear kobo, i hope you will tell me soon what humboldt's gift is,,,,,,and more about pierre,,,,,,,no sorry,,,,,never mind,,
your devoted friend,,,,,,
ageless
forgive me,,, pierre is not my beloved it is you kobo,,,,,clikclik,,,
you say she is religious,,,,hmmm,,,how fascinating,,,,sorry kobo,,,i mean how,,,, not exactly fascinating but nevertheless,,,,,,,
is her god a stone god????,,,,,,,,,,,does she worship a STONE?,,,,you can't tell me a stone would have the intelligence to worship a LOBSTER!
i myself am not religious kobo,,,,,,but i like to think about these lower things,,,, do you??? i can't believe god is a giant lobster in the deepest ocean with a long beard and all that sort of thing can you???? ,,,,,waiting for us mortal lobsters to die so we can join him there,,,,,why did he bother to make us ageless then???,,,,,that's what i'd like to know,,,,,but i do believe in some sort of Creative Universal Lobsterian Force,,,,,,,,
whether it loves us,,,that's another thing of course,,,,,
you didn't know i had a deep side did you kobo???? well now you do,,,,i hope you will still like me kobo,,,,,perhaps you will like me more,,,,,
dear kobo, i hope you will tell me soon what humboldt's gift is,,,,,,and more about pierre,,,,,,,no sorry,,,,,never mind,,
your devoted friend,,,,,,
ageless
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Jealous of a Stone
jealous ageless! why should I be jealous although i do think you are trying to mmake mme jealous why should i a fossilised clammm be jealous of a stone???
her namme is pierre if you want to know. PIERRE!!!
i know what you are thinking ageless that's a boy's nammme ha! it is a stone's nammme. if you are so good at french you mmust know that.
she is quite religious, mmy sister pierre. you mmust be careful what you say to her don't mmention god it sets her off, not that you are going to commmunicate with her are you???
if you want to ask her anything ask mmme and i will tell her what you asked, it's better.
i amm very madd with you agelesss very mmmad indeed, and if you think about it you'll know why.
i'mmm reading hummmboldt's gift. do you seemmm to care? no.
and you would like it ageless but it is a puzzle to mmme. i amm up to page two hundred and thirty seven ageless, and i still don't know what hummmboldt's gift is. but i suspect i amm about to learn.
perhaps it is a necklace wrapped in red paper, yes i liked your story, but i don't think so.
hummboldt was a crazy poet he has died early on in the story. his friend has just received a letter from his wife kathleen. if it does not reveal the gift of hummboldt i will be temmpted to cheat and read ahead it is driving mmme insane not really.
i may as well tell you pierre did like your story.
you do not deserve to even know that agelesss. you are supposed to be MMMMMY FRIEND as i ammm yours
your spurned beloved kobo
her namme is pierre if you want to know. PIERRE!!!
i know what you are thinking ageless that's a boy's nammme ha! it is a stone's nammme. if you are so good at french you mmust know that.
she is quite religious, mmy sister pierre. you mmust be careful what you say to her don't mmention god it sets her off, not that you are going to commmunicate with her are you???
if you want to ask her anything ask mmme and i will tell her what you asked, it's better.
i amm very madd with you agelesss very mmmad indeed, and if you think about it you'll know why.
i'mmm reading hummmboldt's gift. do you seemmm to care? no.
and you would like it ageless but it is a puzzle to mmme. i amm up to page two hundred and thirty seven ageless, and i still don't know what hummmboldt's gift is. but i suspect i amm about to learn.
perhaps it is a necklace wrapped in red paper, yes i liked your story, but i don't think so.
hummboldt was a crazy poet he has died early on in the story. his friend has just received a letter from his wife kathleen. if it does not reveal the gift of hummboldt i will be temmpted to cheat and read ahead it is driving mmme insane not really.
i may as well tell you pierre did like your story.
you do not deserve to even know that agelesss. you are supposed to be MMMMMY FRIEND as i ammm yours
your spurned beloved kobo
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
The Necklace
haha french now kobo,,, you think it might be french,,,,,,?? i never heard of a tomato speaking french,,,,,besides the g in manger is a soft g ,,,that would not have sounded much like mango,,,
why don't you ask your sister what they say,,,, she has big ears,,,,,,,
your sister is she,,,her beauty spot,,,is she ,,,, is she pretty?? don't be jealous i'm just clikclik asking,,,,
i have a story for you kobo i was at the beach on tuesday it was windy,,,,oh ! windy,, the waves were tumbling in,,,,,,,there were two people standing in the surf ,,,,,they were wide people with wide pink backs,,,,,,only wide people could stand up in it without falling over,,,,,
i crawled up jetty road where all the humans were eating to get out of the wind,,,,,,,,,,,i watched the people eating under umbrellas,,,,,, eating caesar salads and baguettes,,,they had little bits of lettuce poking from the corners of their mouths,,,they stuck their paper napkins in between the table slats to stop them blowing away,,,,,,
it was an old woman's birthday she had a present wrapped up in red paper,,,,,, when she opened it it was a necklace,,,,,a long one,,,,,,,,,, it would go around her neck three times if she put it on,,,, she stared and stared,,,,as if she didn't know what it was,,,,,,her friends stared too and pointed,,,,,,,, oh,,,it's a necklace,,,,
do you like it kobo???
will your sister like it???
what is her name????
please hurry up and tell your good friend,,,,,,,,,,,
ageless
why don't you ask your sister what they say,,,, she has big ears,,,,,,,
your sister is she,,,her beauty spot,,,is she ,,,, is she pretty?? don't be jealous i'm just clikclik asking,,,,
i have a story for you kobo i was at the beach on tuesday it was windy,,,,oh ! windy,, the waves were tumbling in,,,,,,,there were two people standing in the surf ,,,,,they were wide people with wide pink backs,,,,,,only wide people could stand up in it without falling over,,,,,
i crawled up jetty road where all the humans were eating to get out of the wind,,,,,,,,,,,i watched the people eating under umbrellas,,,,,, eating caesar salads and baguettes,,,they had little bits of lettuce poking from the corners of their mouths,,,they stuck their paper napkins in between the table slats to stop them blowing away,,,,,,
it was an old woman's birthday she had a present wrapped up in red paper,,,,,, when she opened it it was a necklace,,,,,a long one,,,,,,,,,, it would go around her neck three times if she put it on,,,, she stared and stared,,,,as if she didn't know what it was,,,,,,her friends stared too and pointed,,,,,,,, oh,,,it's a necklace,,,,
do you like it kobo???
will your sister like it???
what is her name????
please hurry up and tell your good friend,,,,,,,,,,,
ageless
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Pulitzer Prize
really ageless?? mmango is the tammmmil word for mmango?
ageless, mmango is the ENGLISH word for mmango! the tammil word is maangai. you don't know tammil.
the old tommatoes are gone, and there are new ones. they all say mmango. i tried to converse with them. i said, mmango? they replied, mmango. i think i amm getting somewhere...it is something to do with eating, as in mmanger which is french.
i did like your story ageless, oh how i liked it. i immagined mmyself floating on an inflatable havaiana in the water a pink one with flowers like the girl had, floating that is my dreamm, being a stone you see i could not float unaided.
have you any mmore of these lovely seaside stories?
i have finished stephen fry i finished him this mmorning and gave himm to mmy sister. yes i have a sister it is not immpossible. did you think it was?
mmy sister lives beside mmme on the window sill she is not really mmy sister she is a stone, a real one. she has been here nearly as long as mme but not as long.
she is the same pale colour as mme she has black stone ears offset eyes and a beauty spot she looks like a crosseyed mmouse or from certain angles a frog. how do i know? i know because we are bosommm friends and she has told mme what she looks like.
she wants to read the stephen fry. now i can get on with reading hummboldt's gift. it is ammerican, do you think you would like it ageless? it won the pulitzer prize.
ageless, mmango is the ENGLISH word for mmango! the tammil word is maangai. you don't know tammil.
the old tommatoes are gone, and there are new ones. they all say mmango. i tried to converse with them. i said, mmango? they replied, mmango. i think i amm getting somewhere...it is something to do with eating, as in mmanger which is french.
i did like your story ageless, oh how i liked it. i immagined mmyself floating on an inflatable havaiana in the water a pink one with flowers like the girl had, floating that is my dreamm, being a stone you see i could not float unaided.
have you any mmore of these lovely seaside stories?
i have finished stephen fry i finished him this mmorning and gave himm to mmy sister. yes i have a sister it is not immpossible. did you think it was?
mmy sister lives beside mmme on the window sill she is not really mmy sister she is a stone, a real one. she has been here nearly as long as mme but not as long.
she is the same pale colour as mme she has black stone ears offset eyes and a beauty spot she looks like a crosseyed mmouse or from certain angles a frog. how do i know? i know because we are bosommm friends and she has told mme what she looks like.
she wants to read the stephen fry. now i can get on with reading hummboldt's gift. it is ammerican, do you think you would like it ageless? it won the pulitzer prize.
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